Going, Going, Gone

I was sitting outside with my children tonight enjoying the cool evening air when Benjamin came and sat down on my lap. It has been quite a long time since my baby boy climbed up on my lap as he is nearly 8 years old now. I was struck by how huge he is now and noticed that he is too big now to be able to comfortably snuggle into me. As a matter of fact he really didn't seem to be able to get comfortable on my lap at all. And so as I sat thinking and pondering on that thought I walked down memory lane a bit and remembered how easily he used to fit there and how snuggly he used to be. And I tried to remember the last time I scooped him up in my arms and carried him with me or held him or just snuggled with him like that. And I couldn't remember when it was....which tells me that it was quite a long time ago. And then I looked at little Clara. She is already three and growing like a weed. I had just remarked to Jackie at how much she had grown in the very short time since she and I had purchased the little dress she was wearing today. It is already getting short on her and is now well above her little knees....when I bought it she had PLENTY of growing room in it...but now she doesn't! She is already quite heavy to carry and I find myself telling her no when she asks to be picked up or carried. And I found myself wondering when the last time will be with Clara. When will be my last scooping her up to snuggle or when will I last carry her to the car or her little warm, sleeping body to her bed? And will I know that it is my last time? Or will the last time come and go unnoticed and unacknowledged until way down the line when I one day look at her when she is nearly eight and I wonder how in the world that happened? I am trying so hard to cherish these days and hold them a little longer and snuggle them a little closer because I KNOW that these days are short and nearly gone. Sometimes I am SO frustrated with the phases and attitudes of childhood. But at other times I am struck absolutely and totally with a love and wonder for them that I NEVER in a million years could have imagined. The spectrum of feelings involved with child rearing is truly mind boggling. I carried my baby girl upstairs tonight after her bath. And I snuggled into her and inhaled the fresh, clean scent of freshly bathed baby...and it was heaven. And I enjoyed every single step up those stairs and every single breath that I inhaled. Because I know that ALL TOO SOON, the night will come when my 8 year old daughter tries to sit on my lap and finds it all too uncomfortable and I will think back on the days when she was my baby girl of three and smelled like Mango Paradise bubble bath and always wanted to sit on my lap and be carried. You see...these are the days to cherish...the ones when they are still little and sweet and though, not always angels...always our babies! Time is marching on and is taking our babies with him! And even as I type this tonight they are going, going, going. Life is good in the desert. I am so blessed to have 3 beautiful and healthy children. And my heart is lighter and I know without a doubt that when Clara asks me tomorrow, "Can you carry this baby girl, Mommy?", that my answer will be "Absolutely!"