Weekend Blues

This week has flown by. It has been in a busy week....more going on than usual for us. Also, Chris got back into town from France Sunday night and so we spent all week trying to catch up on the weekend that we missed together. Getting the new treadmill took 3 days really. One evening to go and look and pick it out, the next to assemble it after we picked it up and got it home, and the third evening to get all the wires all hidden and things all professional looking. Also, on Thursday night we had an invitation for a get together with some of Chris' coworkers. They are a super nice bunch of people and we had a really fantastic time with everyone. And so we blinked and it is Friday...which is usually Happy Day at our house, only not so much so today. Chris had to fly to Vancouver this weekend for a conference for work and won't be back until Monday night. So the kids and I are on our own for the weekend. It's not so bad I guess. We actually have several things to do this weekend so we won't be too terribly bored I suppose. Still, we miss seeing Chris a good bit. Tomorrow we are going to the park for a picnic with a couple of ladies that Chris works with. They both have children right around Clara's age. And Heather and Shauna are super nice people whom I have enjoyed getting to know...so that will be lots of fun. That is the only thing happening on Saturday. Then on Sunday, we are going to church and Sunday School in the morning and then Ben has a birthday party invitation for a pool party Sunday afternoon. Jackie is going to watch the other two rugrats while I go with Ben. That will last until after 4. Then we have to get it together and get everything that we need together for school on Monday and dinner and baths and what not. And before we know it we will be awaking to Monday and will hit the floor running for another exciting week. Next weekend, Chris' brother Todd will be visiting with Jackie from California. he usually tries to get home every Mother's Day....which by the way reminds me that I need to get cards in the mail for Cindy and my mom by Monday or Tuesday. I am excited about seeing Todd, but it will be another weekend that I either don't have or have to share Chris. I hate that. I am feeling PRETTY selfish with the hubby right now. Oh well. We shall make it and before we know it we will probably be sitting around staring at each other and wondering what we were thinking being all wishy washy about missing each other! Life is good here. I ran my first 4 miles on the treadmill this morning. It felt good. Though I did not sleep well AT ALL last night. I think I woke up about a hundred times. I think I might just have been really excited about my first treadmill workout and the plans that I made after that workout that I just didn't sleep. Needless to say...I was EXHAUSTED today and did not think that my coffee was EVER going to kick in this morning. It FINALLY did. After the 3rd cup! I laid down with Clara for a few short minutes this afternoon and got a bit of a second wind this evening. Though as I sit here I can feel myself winding down. And so...I am going to scoop up my little princess and throw her in the bed and head that way myself. Life is good in the desert. In the words of Martha Stewart...it's a good thing!

My desert crew in their Sunday best! 

Clara and Mommy just passing the day in the desert air conditioning! 

D is for Desert

I am learning lots of things about living here in the desert. For one....8:30 a.m. is WAY too late and too hot to go running with a 30 pound toddler in the jog stroller. Can you say HEAT STROKE??? All the water and sun visors in the world can't fix that one. Luckily I am a FAST learner and will not attempt that feat again for several months. That discovery actually led to my Mother's Day gift for this year....a brand new treadmill. It's a real beauty! It gets here tomorrow and I can't wait to have it here to use! It is a Nordic track with all sorts of bells and whistles. Chris also bought me a 15" flat panel t.v. to mount on the wall in front of it so I can be entertained while I crank out my 4 miles each morning. I think this is the most awesome Mother's Day gift I could have gotten....MUCH better than the scale I got for mother's day the year I was pregnant with Ben!

I saw my first rattlesnake of the season. It had tried to cross the road just up the street from our neighborhood, but luckily, someone ran over it! It was a big one! It was an eye opener. I know it is snake season...but yikes! There are no really good snakes in Arizona. If you encounter a snake, the chances are quite good that it is going to be one of 4 different types of rattlers. None of those little garden variety green grass snakes. I feel really happy that that rattler got run over. I know that there are still several thousand out there right in my general vicinity....however...that is one less that I have the chance to encounter...and I am WILDLY okay with that. I am NOT a snake lover. I am not a snake liker. The only snake I care to encounter in any shape, form, or fashion is a dead snake. PERIOD. I think that my most favorite months in the desert are going to be the cooler ones where there are less chances of encountering desert critters like rattlesnakes, scorpions, tarantulas and what not. Right now it is just getting hotter by the day and things get onery when it gets good and hot. Bring on October!

All else is good in the desert. I am going to a MOMS club meeting tomorrow morning at the park with Clara. I hope it goes well and we get to meet some people. I have been really lonely lately, but I really feel like that is all about to change. God is smiling on me...I just know it. I am happy, happy today. No real reason...life is just good I guess. God is good and is good to me.

Ben begins testing for the gifted program tomorrow. Not sure what to think of that. I think one gifted kid in this family is enough right now. But we'll at least see what they have to say about him.

I guess that is all for now. Incidentally...I am holding steady at 150 pounds this month. One morning I bounced up to 152...but have been hanging at 150 ever since. I think Chris is right. I gain all my water weight during ovulation. Hmmmmm. I hope the fact that I only hit 152 this month means I managed to knock off 2 pounds with all my hard work at the gym. Maybe it does...maybe it doesn't. We shall see soon enough! Buenas Noches!

Saturday Revisited

So today did not turn out quite the way that I thought it might. For starters...the birthday party we went to wasn't today after all. I had the day wrong. I ASSUMED that it would be on Saturday. Aren't most kid's parties on Saturday? They are back East. Not so here. The party is on SUNDAY at 12:15....not Saturday. So now, our church attendance will be a bit messed up as we have already told this family that we would be there. Had I known that it was on a Sunday I don't think that we would have accepted the invitation. Oh well. So instead of doing the party thing we decided to come on home and make the grocery list. But before heading off to Walmart, I thought that it would be nice to lay by the pool and soak up the sun a bit first. So I headed out there to relax for a few minutes and was quickly followed by Ben and then Max and then Clara. We got all changed into suits...sunscreened up and equipped with hats. I settled myself on my chair and we were out there....no kidding...5 minutes when a huge clap of thunder hit. Now, I have heard that Arizona lightning is very impressive, but I had no intentions of finding out about that with my kids in the pool. So out we all got and headed back inside to change clothes. We cleaned up and did some housekeeping stuff....Vacuuming, the usual. Then we headed to Walmart to take care of the grocery situation. After we got home we had a quick and nutritious meal of cold cereal and yogurt and then headed outside to play frisbee. This was made a bit difficult by the wind. But we played anyway until 7 p.m. when we headed inside for showers. As we came in the first major lightning began. And YES!!! Arizona lightning truly is impressive. It was a bright purple color...not white like I am used to seeing. Bright purple and it traveled horizontally instead of toward the ground. It was beautiful. And when it started it had just gotten dark, so it was really bright and obvious. I really enjoyed the show...Clara...not so much. She did not care for the big storm at all. Anyway...we sat in the dark, she and I for quite some time watching the storm blow through and then it was off for baths and finally....bed time! I DO SO LOVE bedtime. That hour when everyone is safely tucked in bed with heavy lids and the house gets this quiet over it...and things just slow down. Especially mommies! I have three great kids, but I would be lying if I said that I did not look forward to putting all three down for the night. I love them, I cherish them, and I thank God for them each and every day. But I love to put them to bed each and every night. Today was busy and not at all what I had planned. But it was a blessed day. I was reached out to and touched by a sweet and dear friend from Pensacola. It was just an e-mail...but it was nice to know that she thought of me and thought enough to tell me so. I am blessed to have such good friends. Admittedly, I have been very lonely since we moved here. And many of the people that I had counted as friends prior to our move have not since had the first e-mail or card or note for us to let us know that we are missed in any way. But my real friends still keep in touch. It does not seem to matter what my address is...they still reach out and I know that I am loved by these dear friends. And so in that arena...I was SO blessed today. And the nicest thing about those friends is that no matter how much time or distance there is between us....it's like we are still right there together when we talk. I love that about my friends. I am so blessed in my life. Life is good in the desert.

Saturday

Today is Saturday and we are off and running. We all slept in a little bit this morning...for a change. All the way until nearly 8 a.m. That is late for us. We have been hanging out around the house a bit doing dishes and what not and then in a little bit here we are off and running for the day. Ben has a birthday party to go to at noon and I have to drop Max and Clara off at Jackie's first. Then we head to the party. On the way back I am going to try to stop by WalMart to pick up a few things that we really need to get through the next few days. This is the time that our huge two week grocery run is due...but I don't know how I will get that done with the three kids and all we have going on. I HATE taking all three kids to the grocery store for anything more than a quick run in and out outing. Chris and I usually split them up when we shop so that it is easier on us. The next two weeks will be busy ones and it will be touch for us to work in a shopping trip together, so I am just going to have to do it in phases I think. Hating that idea because I HATE grocery shopping SOOOO much! But....oh well. The other option is to live off of peanut butter and jelly for two weeks...which I don't think Chris will really go for. So...we'll just have to get it done. All is good here. Life is looking up for whatever reason. Feeling happy today. Missing Chris and wishing he were around...but life is good just the same. Ben seems to be looking forward to his party...which is good. He tends to get really nervous about all of this stuff and doesn't want to go...but we are just over an hour away from party time and he still seems excited. Guess that is all for now. We're off to partyland. Life is good in the desert.

What Tomorrow Holds

It is funny how you never know what tomorrow will hold. I mean, we aren't even really guaranteed a tomorrow. Each and every day is a gift with no promises about any tomorrow. Oh sure...we make plans...but there is every likelihood we might not ever see it. I know that sounds depressing, but it is something that I am sitting here reflecting on right now. For example...Jennifer Holznecht, Ms. Sara Jo's daughter...here one day, happy, mother to four beautiful children, wife of a successful officer in the Navy, beautiful, friendly smile...then one day she drops suddenly in a seizure and within a way too short time she is gone. Had a brain aneurysm....and she NEVER saw it coming. Her life was over...just like that. And our friend Mike Weekly from our old church in Pensacola...great guy, so friendly, always smiling, trying to salvage a bad marriage, getting involved with mission trips at church, a real favorite among the children he always volunteered to work with. Mike was in a very serious auto accident last week and his life is changed forever. He is having his leg amputated tomorrow...another surgery in a long line thus far. His life has taken a very challenging turn and he will never walk another step the way he knew before the accident. He is fighting for his legs, fighting for his life. One day life was one way...and in a moment's time it is changed forever. We just don't know what life will hold. It is a lot to think about. Every day is a gift and I think that God really calls us to make the most of our time and talents. If we KNEW that tomorrow we might lose our legs....what might we do differently today? Or if we knew we would no longer be there to hug our children tomorrow...would we put them to bed differently tonight? Would we take long walks on our legs or run for miles? Would we give those babies extra hugs or read an extra story? Would we speak to them sweeter or hold them a little longer? Well friends...we have no promises about tomorrow....all we have for sure is RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. So as I reflect on the Jennifers and the Mikes of the world, I have to really ask myself...if there is no tomorrow, then what do I want TODAY to be? How do I want my kids and friends to remember me? What memories do I want left behind for others to treasure? Or not treasure so much? Each day is a gift and we are called to cherish it and live it to the fullest and to the glory of God. Each day is a gift....no promises beyond this very day, this evening, this moment. My prayer is that I embrace it and cherish it and live it in such a way that I'll have no regrets when I am called Home to live forever.

Lonliness

I am finding life in the desert, although very beautiful, to be very lonely. I miss my friends and my life I left behind to come here. I was never lacking for people to see or call and things to do and places to go. Here, life is different. I get my kids off to school in the morning and then find myself with just time. And no meaningful and good way to fill it. Oh, I go to the gym and my arms are shaping up nicely....but I am SO missing companionship. I miss morning phone calls from other stay at home moms....comparing days and husbands and adventures with our children. I miss running into people I know and play dates and church functions. It is partly my fault. I don't suppose I make friends all that easily. Something you forget when you are surrounded by friends that you have already made...but I do make good friends when I make them. My friends tend to be the very long term type. Not just here and there friends. I have a group of friends that I continue to keep in touch with ever since high school. 4 of them regularly. And we all live in different parts of the world and have completely different lives....yet we still stay in touch. I miss having someone to laugh with and pick up the phone and complain to and someone to suggest we go to dinner or lunch with. It isn't that I haven't run across some nice folks here....I have. But I have not clicked with anyone yet. And there is a huge void in my life where friends and activities used to be. I contacted the Mom's club representative this morning to get some information about that. She wasn't home....a sign? I did leave a message. I think it makes Chris crazy that I have no foundation and complain when he works impossibly long hours or is gone out of town for days at a time. He is the only person I have here that I know and can chat easily with and I miss him terribly when he is gone. It's like the void doubles then. So my new prayer is that God will send me a friend...not a fair weather occasional friend...but one who is there for the long haul. Someone who clicks with me. Someone who loves me and misses me and thinks of me through the day as different situations arise. I had some awesome people in my life in Pensacola...most of who I still keep up with and think about and pray for. Friends who will be dear to my heart forever and whom I still find my thoughts drawn to throughout the day....wandering what they are up to, what their kids are doing, etc. I just miss it so much. I don't have any regrets about moving here...I just miss my life I left behind. We have a nice life here...a beautiful home, family close by again, gorgeous scenery, good schools...but amidst all of that...a vast loneliness. I guess I am in a depressed place right now...but this too shall pass. Instead of focusing on what is missing, I will focus on what is not...on all the blessings that God has poured out on us in this place. I know that in time the friends will come...however...patience is not one of the blessings that God saw fit to pour out upon me yet!

148.8

I almost need say nothing else. That was the grand weigh in number this morning. I am so thrilled. Just hoping that I can hold my ground and stay there for the next couple of weeks while I see if Chris is right or not about me always gaining my weight,not during my period....but about 2 weeks later. So...game on. Wish me luck! Life is grand in the desert. The babysitter is minutes away and my husband and I are escaping or a nice, romantic dinner at The Melting Pot! Let you know how it goes later!

Sunday

Today was the Lord's day and we celebrated as a family, attending a church we recently began visiting. And I felt blessed as I sat there amongst the other worshipers and we raised our voices in song and praise. Blessed to sit there and feel at home, blessed to be hearing so many beautiful voices singing as one, blessed to be able to hear God's words, blessed to be here in Tucson. I often marvel at the circumstances under which we ended up here. I keep meaning to write down the story and so I am finally going to attempt to do so. Last May, Chris finished his MBA with Duke. He was doing well at Pall and we were quite happy with our lives in Pensacola. Since we were now equipped with his MBA and were surely destined for great things, we bought our dream house. A big beautiful, yellow, 2 story house with a huge front porch and a swing. As excited as I was about the new house (I picked it out after all), I had some anxiety and doubts about what we were doing. Would we be able to afford it? Would it be okay? Would we be able to make it? Nevertheless, we sold the house and moved to the dream house. It was in a beautiful neighborhood...The best neighborhood really. Big trees, beautifully kept houses seated on beautifully kept lawns. We had a pool and mounds of azaleas that would have been just fantastic in the spring. I don't know for sure because we were never there for it. See....A funny thing happened not too long after we bought the house. Chris went to a trade show (nothing too weird about that), but he forgot his business cards. He did however have a handful in his suitcase. Not ideal, but he handed out what he had and came on home. We got on with life. We had very lovely neighbors in that house. Fantastic really. My favorite was a dear southern lady that lived right across the street. Her name is Sara Jo and this lady will always hold a special place in my heart...forever. She is one of the wisest and most kind hearted people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I cannot begin to put into words how much I enjoyed this sweet lady's company. Over the summer we had the pleasure of meeting Sara Jo's daughter Jennifer and her lovely family. They were visiting from Turkey, where her husband Rich was stationed with the military. Jennifer was pregnant with their fourth child and in Turkey, the only option for giving birth is through c-section. Jennifer did not want this as her other three children had not been sections. So the whole family came to the states and stayed with Sara Jo and Bud (her husband) for about 10 weeks. We got the chance to know J a little bit and her sweet little boys Rich (5), Daniel (4) and Nate (2). J was as sweet and delightful as her lovely mother and I enjoyed all the coffee and chats that we shared. She was interested in homeschooling her children and I was able to pass on some information to her. At the beginning of September J and Rich welcomed their fourth child into the world and were overjoyed to be blessed with a baby girl....Savannah Jo. Jennifer was so thrilled to have a baby girl after 3 little boys. I remember that I took over the prettiest little pink dress for the baby when she was born and a little lacy gown with butterflies. She was just thrilled and said that the little dress was so pretty that she was planning to hang it on Savannah's wall as a decoration so she could see it all the time. Just two weeks after Savannah arrived, Hurricane Ivan arrived. Our family evacuated to Houston, Texas to my sister's house. The Clay family stayed there to ride out the storm. At the same time we were watching to see what path the hurricane would take, Chris got a phone call from a head hunter who told him that she wanted to talk to him about a position she had in Arizona. It turns out that she had picked up one of the handful of cards Chris had with him at the trade show where he had forgotten all of his business cards. Chris thanked her and told her that we were really not interested in moving...we had only been in our house for about 4 months...our dream house to be exact. She kept at him though and I told him to knock himself out....if he wanted to check it out then he should. I mean, I KNEW that we would never end up somewhere like Arizona. I wasn't worried. So if Chris wanted to see another part of the country so he could say he'd been there and possibly make a good contact for Pall...then great! So he finally agreed to fly out and at least talk to the folks...though neither of us really thought anything much about it. We did end up having to reschedule his flight to interview out of Houston instead of Pensacola because of the storm. But no big deal. Well, Ivan came and had his nasty way with us. He ripped off our roof and rain poured in. The ceilings upstairs collapsed and the carpet that we had just had put in upon moving into the house a few months before was now ruined. All of the ceilings downstairs took on water as well. Our pool was black (but we did find all of our missing shingles there). Coming home to that mess was tough. I could not believe what had become of our dream house. But alas, it IS only a house and we would just have to tough it out and fix it. And so we cleaned it all up and had the huge tree removed from the house and we got our blue tarp on the roof and just kept on living life. The insurance adjuster was very kind and generous to us and we resolved to just get it all done. . Well, time flew by and it was time to say goodbye to our new friend Jennifer and her little family. Rich had gone back to Turkey right after the hurricane, but J stayed on with the baby and the boys until little Savannah was old enough to fly. And when she was six weeks old we packed them up and said our goodbyes. Sara Jo was going back with her to help get all the little ones home....it is a 24 hour flight to Turkey from Pensacola. She was going to stay 2 weeks and then come back home....just in time for Halloween. The morning that they left I went over and said goodbye and I prayed with Jennifer and Sara Jo. We prayed for safe travel and thanked God for the opportunity that we had all had to get to know each other. I wished them well and hugged them goodbye and wondered how in the world I was going to get through two weeks without my wise and wonderful friend. In the midst of all of this Chris really liked Arizona and the company really liked him. They asked him out for a second interview and they wanted us both to come...so that I could see the area as well. I really liked the Oro Valley area...the mountains were beautiful. But more importantly, the look on Chris' face told me that he was absolutely in love with the place. He was totally happy in Oro Valley and so many of his interests were here. I decided that if he was that happy and had the opportunity to work at his dream job as it turned out to be....well than I would just have to follow him. Even if that meant leaving a life I loved back in Pensacola. The company made Chris an offer...which we had to turn down because it wasn't quite enough money to maintain our life at the level we had in Pensacola. We flew home and were home a couple of days when they made Chris another offer. We could not say no at that point. It was too good an opportunity. I was excited, but very nervous. On the same day that we committed to moving to Arizona we got some sad news. Jennifer, our neighbor's daughter over in Turkey had suffered a brain aneurysm and was not expected to live. And within 2 days she died. Just like that...a young mother of four precious little ones with her whole life ahead of her...gone. It was heartbreaking. I could not believe what had happened. At the same time I had been pondering on why we had bought a house and then were moving just a few short months later. And I was worrying about how in the world we would manage to sell a heavily damaged house without losing our shirts. It looked like a huge task and I had no idea how to sort it out. Sara Jo and Rich brought the children back from Turkey and their family prepared to bury Jennifer. I was so sad and hated to add the news that we were moving away to all the other news. And then...in the midst of all of the funeral and sadness....Rich approached us and told us he wanted to buy our house. Name the price....just like that. And then I knew why we bought that house and were only there such a short time. God used us to hold that home for Rich and his children. So that they could grow up with the comfort of having Jennifer's family right across the street. To be a part of their lives and a connection to her still, even though she was gone. The way God worked out all of those details is so amazing to me. So many things had to fall into place at just the exact time....there is no way that many coincidences could occur so accurately....this was God's work.....and then today I came across this verse that spells it out so clearly: Acts 17:26-27 says this: From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. (NIV)

See? God determined the TIMES SET FOR THEM and the EXACT PLACES THEY SHOULD LIVE. God's word is truth. He speaks to us and tells us his plans for us. I am so thankful that I serve such an awesome and powerful God...a God who works out all the details in such an amazing way. A God who in tragic and hard times can be so merciful and loving and amazing. I thank God for my new life here in the desert. I know that I am where He wants me to be.

April 1st

Today was a beautiful day here in the desert. The sun was bright and it was nearly 80 degrees. We spent the day relaxing and letting Jim and Jackie catch their breath after their long trip out here. We went over and walked through their new house and then we went to lunch. I took the kids after school and ran some errands so that they could rest a little bit and by this evening everyone was feeling much better. We look forward to a do nothing kind of weekend, just enjoying ourselves and relaxing a bit.

My daughter has a beautiful laugh and she is so generous with it. She laughs so easily and I find that to be such a refreshing and beautiful trait that she possesses. When she laughs, she throws her head back and her laughter just lights up a room. You cannot help but smile when she is laughing because she is so intoxicating. She is just beautiful when she is laughing. And I think that I try to keep her laughing because I love watching her so much. Of course, I am just a little bit biased...but I do so love to see her laugh.

Life is good in the desert. Very, very good. I am thankful to be here and grateful for the blessings. I am thankful for the laughter and smiles that seem so abundant here. I am thankful for family and friends and the special people that have been placed in our lives here. I am thankful for sheepish little boy grins and all the things that come with little boys...like arm farts and burps and messy hair and sleepy smiles and voracious appetites. I am thankful for the pile of laundry that comes with 3 little ones and for the prayers we say over each of them. I am just so thankful here in this beautiful desert.