Personal Training- Session #3

OUCH. That's pretty much the tune I am singing this morning. Yesterday, Jenny and I met with our personal trainer for session number three. Debra was set on "pushing us" more yesterday than on the other sessions. And so...game on. Jenny and I are always up for a good push session. We aren't afraid of a little sweat and muscle. Actually, I think Jenny's words when we hired the personal trainer were something like "I want to be worked so hard that I have to crawl out of that gym on my hands and knees." Well, friend Pooh...careful what you wish for. Because every now and then you just might get it! I'd say that yesterday was pretty much one of the toughest workouts I have personally ever encountered. For quite a bit of time I was pretty convinced that my butt muscles and hamstrings might be permanently seized up. I was thinking I might be having to seek some medical attention for them. Just so you know...they are NOT still seized up. They hurt like the dickens and I vastly prefer to A) sit and NOT get up or B) stand and NOT sit down. As long as I do one or the other it's all good. But if I actually engage those muscles in any way, then vivid memories of yesterday's workout come flooding into my behind and I want to sit down and cry. Or actually...just stand very still and cry without using my butt muscles to do it! So that's the muscle group that is singing the loudest tune to me this morning. For sure! Also present and accounted for are my chest muscles. Nothing else really hurts too badly. Thank goodness. These glutes are painful enough! So yesterday's workout was just grueling. And so naturally, Jenny and I signed on for ANOTHER four! Please Debra...we can still walk. Hit us with another one! All I can say is that I had BETTER be skinny after all of this.

Volunteering...because I have lots of time for that!

I came across a new charity tonight as I was trying to figure out why one of my main processing websites is down (24 hours now!). I was scoping their forum to see if anyone was mentioning the downed site, or if maybe the site just hates me in particular this past day. The organization is called The Littlest Hero Project. It's a charity that does free portrait sessions for children who are battling a life threatening disease and are the little heroes of their families. Looking at the pictures on the website had my heart just melting and before I could even think about it for a second, I volunteered my services. You can check out the organization by visiting http://www.thelittlestheroesproject.org. I cannot imagine being a parent of a child with cancer, or any other life threatening disease. And watching that process of treatment. Having ZERO guarantees that my child will walk away from it at all. Not knowing how many days are left with my baby. It hits me in a way that I cannot begin to convey here in words. But only in actions. And so I volunteered. I have come to the conclusion a good while ago, that I cannot change what life deals to people. I cannot change God's plans or what He has in store for families. But I CAN provide those families with tangible memories. With a way to remember their sweet babies faces, or their children's smiles. I can provide something to pull out when they just need a moment to remember because maybe the memory isn't as clear...isn't as etched on their brains as they thought it might stay forever. I cannot change anything for these families. But I can put pictures in their hands. And while it isn't much. And it certainly isn't a child. And is in NO WAY a substitute for that child. It's something to hold on to. And it's what I can do. I have said from the start that this photography talent is a total fluke. I did not grow up with cameras. At all. Never even had one of my own until I was in college. And it was a point and shoot. I've never had a class and noone to show me. It's been a total God thing from the start. Well...God, and a couple of really fantastic people pushing and believing in me. Anyway. This talent...it's bigger than me. It didn't come from me. It is NOT something that I have cultivated. I am often times SO amazed when I sit back and look at a photo shoot that I did and I marvel that ANY of those images came from me. And so I feel strongly that since it's not my talent, but God's, then it's not mine to keep for myself. But is a talent to be shared with others. With no gain for myself. I have found these sessions, in the past to be the most rewarding and the ones where I learn the most about God and who He is and His provision. It's those sessions where I am able to really be thankful on a level that I could never have before previously imagined. And it's those sessions that sometimes really mean the most to people. Tis better to give than to receive. I'm not the best businesswoman. Giving things away comes way too easy to me. But these portraits, I truly give from the heart. I am excited to meet the littlest heroes of Tucson. And let God work through my camera to preserve some amazing memories for them.

Moments With Clara

Clara came into the kitchen this morning, very discouraged and frustrated, seeking my help. She told me that she wanted to read all about the nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue, but could not locate it. And I'm thinking...WHAT? It was at about that time that I turned around and realized that she was holding the latest edition of Newsweek magazine. And the headlines read in big orange letters, "Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue". Hmmm. Only my kids, right?! I then had the task of explaining that Pennsylvania Avenue is where the White House is and that is where the president lives and that the nightmare they were referring to had to do with politics and the election. Clara listened to all of that...seemed to weigh what I had said. For a moment I think maybe she didn't believe me. That she thought maybe I was holding out on her. Keeping the "nightmare" article a big secret. Then she looked disappointed, because clearly, my girl was ready to dig in and explore this big nightmare that someone was having. She gave the magazine in her hand one long, last look, then tossed it aside and went skipping on out into her day.

Then this afternoon, we were out rollerskating. This is something Clara desperately wants to get good at. She is asking for roller skating lessons in fact. (Like we have time for another class in our schedule!) And while she was frustrated, she refused to give up. She just keeps on wobbling and swaying and rocking and fumbling right along. It's not a graceful dance to watch! That's for sure. Yesterday, when I tried to help her, I nearly lost a toe in the effort. Luckily, I have 9 others, and they will keep me going while this 10th one recovers from being totally rolled over time after time! While we were skating down the sidewalk, or at least, attempting to, Clara made the comment that she was determined to master this. That no matter how many times she fell down she was "going to persevere". Big words for little girls! Lately, it seems Clara is forever blowing me away with her ever expanding vocabulary. There have been several instances over the past few days where something she has said has totally caught me off guard by how complex or advanced it seemed for her age. I've been left standing there thinking "Wow! All my kids really are much smarter than I am...already!" You've got to love moments like that. Moments that just leave you humble and less than bright feeling. Yet overjoyed to know that you donated your very last brain cell in order that these little ones could, indeed be so very bright and precocious! Lots of that precocious stuff going on in our house these days!

I'm Cracking

Caving, giving in, crumbling under the pressure. My name is Tonya Roberts and I am a yesaholic! That's right. It's not even November yet and I have already given away TWO of my gym mornings to do pictures for people. One of those mornings is even my COMBAT morning, which I practically love more than life itself. I sat myself down way back a while ago and had a good long talk with myself. And myself and I sat some VERY clear boundaries as far as what I would and would NOT do this photography season. What sacrifices I would and would NOT make. Yessirree. I did that. And then...somehow. Over the course of the past week, I keep catching myself doing things schedulewise that are CLEARLY not within the terms I set forth! What is WRONG with me???!!!! Why can I not just say to someone, "I'm sorry, but the appointment time you suggested is simply not available."? And then suggest another time more convenient to ME?! WHY is that so hard for me? Oi vey! I have simply got to get a handle on this. LIke NOW! On average , right now I am scheduling 2 to 3 appointments each day. My weekend, canyon spots are nearly full. Only three of those left. And once those are gone, everyone else will have to filter into my weekdays! And I NEED to find some strength! I need to find my NO voice. The one that will stand up and protect my morning gym time. Because if I don't make it into the gym...I will go absolutely freaking nuts! My gym is my sanity link. It's the place I set things right in my head. It's the place I set goals and attempt to sweat them out. It's the place I see some of my dearest friends. It's my social connection. My sweat connection. My get in the groove connection. It's the place I walk in feeling blah and walk out feeling like I could TOTALLY kick some butt (at least on Combat days!). It' s my happy place. And so...this week, I am practicing "JUST SAY NO". It's my mantra. My motto. My goal. And so...I sit here before you today, and admit that I, Tonya Roberts, am a yesaholic. It is a sickness. A disease. But I pledge to stay on the wagon this week. I WILL say no. Thank you for listening!

Weekend Reflections

This weekend has just flown by! I think it was over before it ever really started! It was a really busy one. Friday night, the kids and I just enjoyed being at home for once. We seem to spend pretty much every afternoon and/or evening on the go, that it is just wonderful to lay around and not be rushing off anywhere. And so, that's exactly what we did! Chris was off in the woods of Northern Arizona hunting. So it was just me and wee crew. On Saturday morning I was up bright and early for an 8 a.m. photo shoot...which was terrific. Or at least I thought it was. Chris didn't really like some of my artistic creations...but what does he know? The pictures were cool and I liked them. After my photo couple left, I dashed off to the gym with Clara. I had to work extra hard and extra quick because I only had childcare until noon. So...no cardio for me. Just weights downstairs. Since Jenny and I started working with the personal trainer, I have this unbelievable guilt about not getting in to the gym to do my workout. I had hoped to squeeze in some cardio on my treadmill when I got home...but I was just too tired. AND I had another family coming at 4:00 for their pictures. That session was a riot. It was hilariously funny, extremely humbling, frustrating on every single front...yet managed to yield some VERY lovely pictures all the same. I was holding my breath when my friend Gillian came to look at them. I had no idea what she would think when she saw them. But she was pleasantly surprised and thrilled that she actually had a few to choose from. Honestly, when the session was over, none of us walked away with too high of hopes that anything awesome had been captured. I was acutely disappointed to tell you the truth, because her kids are just so darned cute! But when it was all said and done and I ran those pictures across the screen, there were some really, really nice ones. The thing Gillian was after the most was a great picture of her girls together for a photo necklace. And that was totally accomplished! The necklace was designed and ordered before she walked out the door! The session was indeed a success! Satuday night, once all the excitement of the day was done, I had one heck of a migraine brewing. Contrary to what Gillian thought, she and her lovely two year old did NOT bring it on. It had been threatening a good part of the day by the time the "great two year old encounter" happened. And so I ended up tucking myself into bed rather early last night in hopes of taming the migraine before it really , REALLY got away from me. I woke up feeling like a new person this morning. Clara and I headed off to the gym for the BodyCombat launch. SO fun this new one. And SO hard! WOW! I was totally exhausted when all of that was said and done. Then i quickly showered and dressed and we headed down to Jackie's house for lunch. We had some seriously yummy steaks on the grill. I mean YUMMY! And then it was time to come home for a short while...show Gillian her pictures...then take Clara down to a birthday party at Pump it up! While Clara was partying, Chris and I had a bit of a date. Short and sweet. We walked around the mall...scoped out some 15th anniversary bling. Boy is Chris a picky one! My goodness! And before we knew it, it was time to pick up our princess from her party. Then we headed home. Chris picked up some Quizno's subs for us for dinner and then we all watched Heroes together. And then...it was that wonderful time of night...when the house is totally quiet. And there is a peace over the home that is just golden. And it shall remain that way....at least for another 7 hours until Chris' alarm goes off! Well...there's the weekend all laid out!

Oh...and on another note. We took poor Oscar to the groomer last week. Let's just say that the clippers were not especially kind to him this time. I have no real idea what happened to him in there...but he did NOT come out cute this time. We usually just adore him at haircut time because he is so cute. But believe me when I tell you that there is NOTHING cute about Oscar this time! NOTHING. To top it all off, in addition to his ugly haircut, he is developing some odd black spots on his back. And the hair there is quite coarse. Much different from the rest of him! It's really not a pretty look he has going. Love his little heart. He's just a little bit ugly right now.

Shooting Something Amazing

Today's maternity shoot was...amazing. My mom to be was gorgeous. She was sweet. Her husband was so supportive and willing to jump right in there with her and make these portraits just beautiful. It was a fantastic session and their pictures just reflect so much love and anticipation. I am so happy with them. Thrilled really. I was hoping to shoot something amazing today...and I think there are a few really nice ones in her gallery!

On another note...my session involving a certain two year old...whom I happen to love and adore SO completely...not so amazing. My dear little two year old friend would have just NONE of it. She was SO not down with the whole photo shoot thing. AT ALL. She is here all the time, loves to be here (or at least she DID, before we did these photos), and is totally and completely comfortable here in our house. Which is exactly why when she was confined to one small room, without her favorite stroller or all the other things she adores...the red flag went up immediately and she was OUTTA there! It was a battle every step of the way. I was able to steal some heads and cut and paste and come up with some semblance of a family photo. Not sure if it's one they will adore or not. But it's the best I could do with my wee friend trying to ditch the shoot. It reminded me very much of another little two year friend by the name of Ellie who first came for her pictures around Christmas time. She also was just NOT buying the whole photo shoot experience. I worried for a time that she might be scarred for life and have some real therapy needing aversions to Christmas lights. In the end, Ellie came to enjoy having her picture made and was such a dreamy little model. A total cutie. I have high hopes that this little one, too, might one day actually look at me and my camera and smile instead of scream and run away.

Between my photo shoots today I ran to the gym to squeeze in my workout, then made a dash through Target for tomorrow's birthday party gift for one of Clara's friends and then another quick dash through Fry's because all of my crew was out of milk! It seemed like we weren't home but a few minutes when the next shoot was upon me. Now, as I sit here tonight...I am totally wiped out. And I have a huge headache. And I need some sleep. And so...another day done!

Calendars!

My calendar and I are GLUED together right now! It's crazy with all the phone calls and e-mails for pictures. I only have 4 weekend sunset in the desert family times left for the Christmas season! There are a few weeknight spots still open...but those are harder for families since the sun sets earlier than a lot of dads get off of work! Those spots have filled up faster than I ever imagined! I am so proud of myself because I am making sure to shedule things AROUND my life...instead of trying to squeeze in my life around my insane schedule! I learned a lesson on that one last year! Now...if I wanted to run totally insane schedules and shoot pictures until I drop...there is MUCH money to be made this season. However...anyone who knows me knows that the money side of it just isn't my thing. I give away as much as I make. It's generally a wash for me! I just love taking the pictures and seeing what new and fun things I can do. And the subject pool is rich with eager volunteers this time of year. And that is just exciting to me! And so...I have a maternity shoot due here any second! I am OFF now to shoot something amazing! Or at least...I'm hoping!

First Report Cards of the School Year

Well...the first grading period has ended and report cards have officially arrived. Can I just say...that it is a very frustrating thing to have my children. Two of them especially. Specifically the male ones. Here I have two boys who are wildly bright...both of them wildly gifted (and no...NOT my interpretation...God really did make them that way),yet...SO little reflection of that in their report cards. Ben's report card came home and he practically got straight C's! He got an A in science and an A in spelling (he gets that from his mother), but pretty much everything else is a C. SO FRUSTRATING. Because he is a totally smart kid. TOTALLY. And the work is NOT hard for him. He GETS it. He just absolutely refuses to put forth one ounce of effort more than he absolutely has to in order to scrape by. He just doesn't care.

And Max...his grades were surprisingly good. Mostly A's and B's. But C's in a couple of classes that I KNOW he should have done well in. And the comments from the teachers in those two classes? "Must turn in assignments on time." That's my Max. Do all the work... correctly at that. Then leave it on his desk. Or on the kitchen counter. Or anywhere...but in the teacher's basket where it belongs! Organization is NOT his strongpoint. AT ALL! He is definitely NOT one to plan ahead. My boy just flies by the seat of his pants pretty much always. None of this living day to day stuff. He's more like minute to minute. Every minute a new surprise! He struggles with remembering to put on his deodorant each day, with combing his hair, and even with the same chores and responsibilities that he has had every single day for the past 8 years! So part of me is surprised that he has managed to do as well as he has to this point in middle school, juggling 8 classes at a time. But he gets knocked over and over for the simplest things...like organization. GRRRRRRR. And of course...no amount of instruction, begging, pleading, threatening or punishment seems to curb the chaos.

Clara...well, she is still young enough to find school to be delightful and exciting. She enjoys the challenges of each new day, not to mention the social aspects. Lots of social aspects. She brought home her first yellow smiley face this week. She has always been perfectly green. I asked her why she was yellow and she looked at me so sweetly and declared "I was talking!" I looked at her ever so sweetly back and told her to SHUT HER MOUTH! That aside, Miss Mouth is doing quite well in first grade. At least ONE of my children is applying themselves! In all of her reading areas she has already met the end of the year grade level standards,scoring 3s across the board. As far as reading grade level materials, she has significantly exceeded the end of the year grade level standards, scoring a 4. Her spelling is advanced significantly as well. And in all other areas she is making the expected progress and doing just great!

It's frustrating to know that your children are capable of so very much, yet desire to achieve so very little. To know that they have been so gifted and talented and watch them just barely do enough to scrape by. It's hard to know just how easy it is for them when others struggle so much. And then see how little they apply themselves like they just don't care. When you know it would take very little effort on their part to just soar.

Oh well. This is the struggle with the gifted child. And I don't suppose it will go away. Though I do hope that it will eventually evolve into something positive for them. My mother in law tells me all the time that Chris was just like the boys. And he turned out quite nicely. A VERY high achiever. With a lot of drive and a lot of ambition. I hope my boys find that. That they eventually learn to harness all the amazing things they have been blessed with and that they will have the drive and ambition to do great things with it. That it won't go wasted. But in the meantime. They are scraping by. And not caring too much about it at all!

Last note of the Day

It is now 8:47 p.m. and I just have to say that my triceps are really, REALLY sore. AS are my biceps and forearms and my back is screaming at me too. I am so tired. There are not words to describe it. It has been a nonstop day for sure. But as I write this...I am literally about to just drop. Actually...I was too tired to walk into the bedroom...so I am using this post as an excuse to rest a moment while I gather the strength to head on into the bedroom to brush my teeth and actually go to bed. No one will need to rock me to sleep tonight. I will not need to read or chat...nor do I have any fears of just laying there tossing and turning. Nope. I am DONE! Stick a fork in me already. I do have some work that I should do. Should do. But I imagine my dear friend Abby would like her pictures to look somewhat decent when I am done and I am thinking that tonight is NOT the night to be trying to create anything for her...or anyone else for that matter. And so...on that note. I am off to sleep! Until tomorrow!

And on just one other quick side note....IF my husband were to come into the room after I go to sleep in the dark...and proceed to turn on the bedside lamp so he can read...I would definitely kill him. Just that little side note on his newest and most annoying habit that has woken me up twice in the past week. NOT FUNNY! And so...dear husband...if you are reading this...read on the couch until you drop the book. (that is a hint that you are too tired to read anymore!) Then come to bed with me. IN THE DARK. I love you!

Rattlesnakes Everywhere!

I saw ANOTHER rattlesnake this morning as I pulled into the parking lot to get our kids' flu shots. And it was a HUGE one! I mean HUGE! He probably had at least 7 or 8 rattles on his tail and he was LOOOOONNNGGG! There was a guy there who had pulled past it in his truck and was taking it's picture. Had he not been there, I assure you it would not have been a photo moment for the Roberts vehicle. Had I seen the evil serpent slithering across the direct path of my vehicle the way it was with NO enthralled onlookers...well...the world would be down one rattlesnake at this hour. And I might sleep a wee bit better tonight. I have to tell you that seeing TWO rattlesnakes in 3 days is more than a little bit unnerving. I have seen so few since we moved here nearly 4 years ago. Suddenly they seem to be looming on every corner. Now...if they will just move out into the roadways! Then I, in my weapon of choice, my vehicle, will gladly do my part to control the rattlesnake population of my part of the desert. Did I mention that I do NOT like snakes? Not even a little bit!

Today has been insanely busy to this point. First there was dropping Oscar off for his "day of beauty"...and I will add that it was a VERY much needed day for sure! He was a bit on the "crunchy" side. Then I was off to get my kids all flu vaccinated. This year they got to do the flumist. Clara was totally freaking out about it. To the point that she was even asking as we walked into the Dr.'s office if she could just have a shot instead. PLEASE could she have a shot?! (Geez! Only my kids would beg for a shot!) It would seem that Clara has some less than fond memories of saline drops in her nose and was not one bit excited about having anything else put up her nose today. She'd take a needle instead, thank you very much! But once we got there and they actually did the flu mist, she chilled out a bit and giggled all the way through the treatment. Thought it was all quite funny. The boys were their usual, trying to act too cool to care selves, though secretly I think they were pretty ecstatic about not being shot this year. Once they were all vaccinated, I had to get all three kids to their respective institutions of learning. Once that little mission was accomplished, I flew home and had a bonding session with my treadmill. 40 minutes later I hit the shower and got myself dressed. Within minutes of completing all of that, the groomer called to tell me that Oscar was all done and ready to be picked up. PERFECT timing! I had exactly enough time to pick him up, run him back home, get him in his kennel and then get to my 1:30 haircut. That was actually shorter than I had anticipated, which was lovely. I had a minute then to run into Fry's and pick up some chicken breasts for dinner. Once I was all checked out at the grocery I had exactly enough time to literally pull into the garage, set the cold things in the fridge in the garage, and hit the road again. Next destination...my own flu shot clinic. As usual, my doctor's office was running their flu shot clinic with amazing precision and I was in and out of there in less than 2 minutes. AWESOME! I then gassed up my car at Safeway, picked up Ben and Clara and am actually home for a whopping 45 minutes! I am leaving now again in 4 minutes to take Max to his guitar lesson. Then I will crawl back into the house sometime around 6:30 tonight. At which point I will grill some chicken and whip up some couscous and a green salad...feed the family, bathe them, and tuck them all into bed. And then...I think I will just collapse. Know...I don't think I will. I KNOW I will! Well...I'm off! AGAIN!

The Busy Season

The busy season has arrived with a bang as far as photography goes! WOW! Just when I was thinking how quiet things had been...BOOM! An appointment explosion. I have had no less than 9 appointment inquiries in the past 48 hours. That is exciting! It's also a bit overwhelming and I have felt like it is more than a little bit out of my control. So I had to sit down today and bond with my calendar(s) and get them all in synch and organized. I am making sure this year that I am able to breathe and have a little bit of a life outside of photography. Last year, things got so crazy that I did not know if I was coming or going! And I had a really hard time saying no to anyone. And if someone wanted an appointment I managed to find one for them, often times at the expense of my own life. And so. I am planning to make sure that I do not let it take over my life to the point that I can no longer function happily! I refuse to sacrifice my gym time to do pics this year. Last year I barely made it in to the gym. My choice, of course. But I don't want to go there again! This year, that will be a different story. I already know that there are exactly 8 weekend, outdoor, family picture appointment spots available. And that is assuming that at least two of those are shot over Thanksgiving weekend. It seems I have had the most inquiries about those. So I already figured out exactly how many are possible for the weekends so I will know when the appointment times are all gone. And with my own kids crazy schedules, there are only another 8 spots for weeknight family outside pics. So 16 spots total. Of course, inside pics are always an option in the evening for families...but even for those, I only have 3 evenings a week that those can be done. And so...it's crazy, crazy, crazy. And I am NOT complaining. It's a wonderful thing to happen. I am just having to keep a tight reign on myself because I know how I am and how quickly I cave and over schedule myself! November is definitely the month for pictures. Without a doubt! I need to do some research still on Christmas cards and have all of my options and prices ready and available. I have long since gotten this years Christmas props ordered. I do need to pick up some red and green metallic ribbon still. But other than that I am set.

On a non-holiday photo note, I get to do my first maternity session since my training seminar this Saturday. I am really excited and looking forward to that! I can't wait!

As for the rest of my life...well. It's BUSY! Tomorrow is insanely busy for us. I have to drop off Oscar bright and early at the groomer in the morning, and then all three kids have flu shot appoinments. THAT was a major ordeal in and of itself. Every year, it seems to be such an incredible hassle to get those crazy vaccines. But this year took me to new limits of frustration. It took 8 attempts to get them scheduled and more frustration than I can bear to revisit right now. I will say that in the end...I had to result to a total tearful breakdown with the nurse to score those three appointments. I feel kind of bad about that. I am SO not a tearful, crier kind of gal. Not one for the waterworks. And it drives me NUTS when my own little princess pulls the weepy drama tactic. So I'm not really proud of the tearful antics. But thrilled that they worked. REALLY thrilled! After the flu visit, then I have to get all three kids deposited into their respective schools, then I hope to be able to squeeze in a quick treadmill workout at the house (since I have to miss Body Combat to get these crazy flu shots!). Then I have to pick Oscar up again, then get a haircut. Then I have to get my OWN flu shot at 3:20. Pick up the kids from grandma's house, and then Max has guitar lessons. So tomorrow is NUTS. Busy, busy, busy!

And on my final note, Jenny and I met with the personal trainer today. She had a whole new workout for us. Every single exercise we did was new. We worked really hard today. Both of us moved a good bit more weight than we normally do. And I THINK I might be sore tomorrow. Maybe not. We shall see. I particularly loved all the abs today. Lots and lots of those. And they were all tough ones. I like those so much better than crunches on the floor! Who knows. Maybe they will work?! I am ever so hopeful! Jenny has much better balance than I do. That was very obvious today. Although...I had noticed that earlier when we did a different class. Jenny had NO wobbling going on. She's steady as a rock. Me...I'm more like a jello jiggler. Not so steady! So maybe...before it's all done I will get a bit better balanced like my dear friend and training partner. She makes it look so easy too! Only time will tell. We have a couple more sessions to go with the trainer. Maybe we will be skinny and totally buff by then?! Stay tuned!

And now...I got to get! The troops are yelling for their dinner and there is no daddy in the house! So it's all me in the kitchen tonight! Fun, fun, fun! I just LOVE the kitchen!

Saw a Snake Today

Yep. It was a big rattlesnake. Right on the sidewalk where I WOULD have been walking, had a nice, older gentleman not called Mr. Evil Rattlesnake to my attention. Nice. Very lovely. My heart rate just jumped right on up there. I was totally freaked out for the duration of my walk from that point on. Heck, it was only 9 a.m. and I was ready for a drink after that. A STRONG one. I was ready to MOVE out of state after that. Just put a big old "FOR SALE" sign right there in the yard. Just like that. There are really only three animals that totally strike terror and trembling in my heart. Alligators, Sharks and Snakes (especially snakes!). And so. The rest of this day will find me often on my knees ramping up my rattlesnake prayers. I encourage you to do the same (on my behalf of course!). That snake was most definitely closer than a two mile radius to my house! YIKES! I always pray a very specific barrier of protection. I see now that it's time to ramp that up a bit. God must love me a little bit though. Because even though that nasty snake was sitting right there just waiting to ambush poor Oscar and I, He did send that lovely Rattlesnake Angel to run interference and save me. And so...for THAT I am eternally grateful. SO very grateful. Well. I've had my heart attack for the day. It's time now to move on to other things!

Thinking About

I am seriously thinking about just kind of stepping away from coordinating Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep for Tucson. Actually. I am totally thinking about stepping away from all of it...at least for a while. I wouldn't really be leaving the area in a lurch, because I have a co-coordinator. She could just take it by herself and run with it. I just feel like maybe I am done with that right now. Maybe it's because the busy season is creeping up on me. Maybe it's because I have been doing it for nearly two years with just a handful of us photographers here. And maybe I just think I'm tired and I need to step away a little bit. So I'm thinking about that.

I'm thinking about how I skipped church this morning to go to Body Combat at the gym. God didn't like that one little bit and made sure that my favorite instructors were SO not there and my least favorite one was SO there all by herself. But I didn't want to go to church because quite simply...I was not up for a rock concert this morning. And I feel like that is all I find here in this city. One rock concert/boy band after another. With soft, fluffy messages of invitation. It makes me nuts. Normally I can...and do...just suck it up and get in there and do it. But today I was in NO mood for it! And so I didn't do it.

I am thinking about how there surely must be a weather system rolling in because my head is hurting mightily and has been all day long.

I am thinking about how bad my knees hurt after running sprints with Chris yesterday. NOT received well by the old body! That's for sure! NOT going to do that again!

I am thinking about how cute Clara and her friend Claire were when we took them to see High School Musical on Ice. I almost enjoyed watching their little expressions and smiles more than I enjoyed watching the show.

I am thinking about how nice it will be to get the kids all back to school tomorrow morning and get my house put back together.

I am thinking about Christmas and how I'm ready to ship the vast majority of our packages out in the next 2 weeks.

I am thinking about how much fun it will be to have Chris's sister and her two girls here for Christmas this year.

I am thinking about how glad I am that I have already "cooked" our Christmas dinner! (aka ordering the big meal from Honey Baked Ham...scheduled to be delivered the week of Christmas! Silly rabbit....you didn't actually think I was going to COOK it did ya?!)

I am thinking that I probably need to get off this computer and go and fold one more load of laundry before bed!

And so that's me...just thinking! It's dangerous...I know!

Fall Break

Our crew just returned from our Fall Break Extravaganza...2008! Such fun we have had over the past week. We headed out, not so bright and early on Monday morning after a fun and relaxing weekend at home. We arrived at our destination, San Diego...specifically, Carlsbad State Beach, Monday evening around 7 p.m. It was a delightful week frolicking and playing in the San Diego area. The kids had a great time with their boogie boards (or body boards or whatever the heck they are called) and actually stayed in the water a bit since they had wet suits this go round! The wetsuits were a bonus since the water temperature was a brisk 63 degrees this time! The kids spent all day Tuesday and Thursday jumping the waves, body boarding and building sand castles. And on Wednesday, we spent the day at the San Diego Zoo. Those are the highlights of the trip. Now I will fill you in on the details. Monday was pretty much a wash as it was a travel day and we definitely took our time getting there! We pretty much arrived just in time to crash out and call it a night! Then on Tuesday the kids took their wetsuits for a spin for the first time.
The boys jumped into the water immediately and had a blast! Clara, on the other hand...had to warm up to the idea a bit.

After all...that water was pretty chilly! She wasn't at all sure that that wet suit was going to do her one bit of good! After debating it for a good while, she too joined in the fun and a blast was had by all! On Tuesday night, my sister, Donna and her charming hubby, Grady, came over and joined us for a steak dinner and some wonderful sunset watching.
We had such a good time with them. And then, we all went the next day, to visit the San Diego Zoo. The hippos, flamingos and polar bears were my favorite subjects to photograph this go round!



WHAT is with this poor hippo's tail? I mean....geez?! Did God make it that way? Or did it get stuck in an electrical outlet somewhere?!
Then on Thursday, we were back out on the beach. Chris did some boogie boarding with the kids. I kicked back in a chair to take it all in. I had put my camera away when this nagging little voice started telling me to pick it back up again. I watched Chris and the kids and decided I had enough pictures of this excitement. But the voice refused to go away. Eventually, I decided it must be the voice of God. After all....I had JUST prayed for something dazzling to photograph, because, to this point...nothing had really moved me or gotten me too excited. It was just the same old, same old. I needed something dazzling. So I kind of challenged God on it. You know...come on...make my day, etc., etc. Well...the "voice" was very persistent, and so I finally picked up my camera and headed back down into the freezing water. My family wasn't doing anything too exciting, so I proceeded to take some pics of this bird and his reflection there on the beach.
When suddenly, I swung my viewfinder back over to my family in the water...just in time to capture.....THIS!
WOW! Talk about cool! Apparently God was up to my little challenge! And my three boys were swimming with the dolphins! Better the dolphins, than the sharks, if you know what I mean! It was so cool to see the dolphin swimming so close to them! The day ended all too soon and before we knew it Friday was upon us. We had a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs and pancakes and then proceeded to break camp. I asked Chris if he had gas in the truck. He said no...but assured me we had PLENTY. And so we set off. Chris is famous for wanting to get "out of town" before he stops for either food or gas. The unfortunate thing about this habit is that often, when you get "out of town" there is NEITHER food NOR gas! I have been on the disappointment end of this logic of his many a time before. And today was yet another adventure in the land of "I told you so!" . As we both watched the gas tank fall lower and lower, closer and closer to the big "E" as in EMPTY...Chris kept assuring me that we had plenty of gas and were absolutely going to make it to the destination that he had in mind. In the meantime, we are passing MANY gas stations. We were by NO MEANS in a desolate land, void of gas. No...we simply sailed right by them. And I just sat back and said "Fine...do it your way." Well. It wasn't very long before I caught the worried glances and heard Chris telling me that the gas station was "just over that hill by the big windmills". I said that that was all fine and good, but I didn't think for a second he was going to MAKE it to the windmills...that they were a good bit farther away than our gas tank indicated we could make it. (of course, by now...there are NO gas stations anywhere and we are traveling SO uphill. Of course!) No sooner does he tell me not to worry, than the truck begins to sputter and shake and buck and we come to a grinding hault along I-8. (Go ahead! Click on this picture to get the full picture of our gas guage! It's fantastic!)
Nice, high, noonday sun beating down on us. And there we are. Totally and completely out of gas. Just sitting there on the interstate. With a nice huge "I told you so" just teetering on the edge of my lips. After a call to roadside assistance, it was only a short hour and 10 minutes until we were on the road again. It was just delightful. The kids in particular loved the whole "out of gas", stranded on the side of the road thing. Big fun it was! Oh yes. It's quite sad when the hero of your day is no longer your husband, but a guy named Dennis in a blue Ace Tow truck uniform bearing a giant can of diesel gas!

Needless to say....after that whole experience, Chris seemed to have a lot less trouble just pulling the stupid truck into NORMAL, populated exits and gassing up. I think he knew better than to risk that whole experience twice! He kept telling me that at least now, the trip wasn't boring. That we now had a story to tell! And sooo...consider it told! We FINALLY rolled back into Tucson a bit after 8:00 p.m. on Friday night. Totally exhausted. Kids in full melt down mode! It was a week to remember for sure! And so...that's a wrap on Fall Break 2008!

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair

Yesterday I had to go and do a big shoot. I was so excited. I had it all in my mind how it was going to go. How it was all going to look in print. I had reviewed over and over in my head the exact shots the client was looking for. I had a plan! When I got there, the person I was to photograph had not arrived yet. I headed back out to my car to fetch my camera, etc and about that moment, a woman comes zooming in in her convertible, top down, wild curly hair a flying everywhere. Something in the first two second glance over had me praying "Dear God, don't let that be the one! Don't let that be the person I am to photograph!." As she stepped out of the car, I heard myself ask her "Are you________?" I'm praying all along that she will say NO. But she smiles and says YES. My heart plummets and I swallow very hard. And shift my prayers to prayers for great wisdom and creativity, for an eye that will be able to capture beauty...where there seems to be a great shortage. This one was a bit on the natural side she was. It didn't seem to bother her that her already wild and curly hair was even much more so now thanks to her ride with the top down. Didn't seem to be a point of concern. She had NO makeup. Not even a lip gloss. NOT EVEN a chapstick. And boy did she need one. She had on an ugly, manly suit, that did absolutely nothing to create even a hint of feminine softness. Her eyebrows were....well scary. And I have to say that for a few moments there, I struggled mightily. And I was NOT happy. I mean...why me? Why did I get stuck with this one? Why, when I finally get a really cool, big opportunity kind of event, do I have to end up photographing someone who just doesn't obviously give a crap? I mean...she KNEW we were taking her picture. Most women I know who KNOW they have to have their picture made will at least make a half hearted attempt to spruce up even a little bit. Not so much with this one. And so we trudged in there and I took those pictures. Lots of them. I took the liberty of running her pics through my portrait professional program. ALL of them. Just to try to soften and polish her a little bit. I finally got them all finished and I delivered them to the client this morning. I did all that I could do. But like my dad has always said...the camera can only take what it sees! Oh well. So much for my first huge opportunity!

On another note, yesterday was the first meeting at the gym with the personal trainer. Can you say OUCH? What was funny was that she really didn't do anything too new or crazy with Jenny and I. We are pretty familiar with the weight floor and nothing she showed us was really new or original. However, that said, somehow, the combination of what we did, coupled with just a couple of new tweaks, made for a very tiring and tough workout. At one point, while we were doing lunges, I was quite certain that my butt was seized up in a pretty permanent state and that I might be stuck there, just like that, forever. Jenny and I have done plenty of lunges in our workout lives. But NEVER and I do mean NEVER have I known lunges to be so tough or so very PAINFUL! And there were only two sets of 12 of them! All I can say, is that after all of THAT...I had better end up with some buns of steel! I was very exhausted when it was all over yesterday. And feeling like I was going to be very, very sore. I was afraid to wake up this morning quite honestly. But I woke up feeling just great. And so I think my body handled it all better than expected! I will be taking my weights to the beach with me next week and doing my workout as I look out over the crashing waves of the Pacific Ocean. Got to stay on track you know! And then when I get back, we get to meet with our trainer all over again for some new and improved moves! I can't wait!

It's finally Friday and I am just so tired today. It seems as though Friday's generally find me this way. The kids keep us all going on such a busy schedule this year. By the time Friday rolls around I am just cooked! I just want to chill out for the rest of the weekend. And I am so excited that my weekend of chilling is going to be followed next week by a full week of further chilling on the cool sandy beaches of San Diego. I so love our little ocean getaways. The kids are all excited as they have wetsuits this time around. Daddy has one too so he can play with the body boards also! Mommy will be observing from the beach. Because I assure you that there is NO wetsuit warm enough to keep the icy chill of the pacific waters from getting to me! I will be on beach patrol, camera in hand, capturing the smiles of my gorgeous family as they frolic and freeze! Ahhh! Paradise...here I come!

Goings On

I am restless tonight. There is much on my plate tomorrow and my mind is aswirl with all of it. First of all, tomorrow morning my friend Jenny and I have our first session with the personal trainer. I am filled with equal parts excitement and total dread over the matter. Jenny is hoping that the trainer works us so hard that we have to crawl out of the gym on our hands and knees. And while I DO hope she will help us to get some results...somehow I had envisioned new and challenging workouts, while at the same time walking out of the building under my own steam on my own two legs! So, I think that Jenny and I might have slightly different ideas about all of that...but I think we are both dreading the "nutrition" talk more than you can know. LUCKY for us, the trainer is also a nutritionist. Jenny and I are pretty sure that major chunks of our current intake will most likely no longer be "allowed". Bummer. As I type this, I am cherishing my last Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay Wave Runner. Pretty certain those will be on the no-no list! Right along with Jenny's donuts and late night milkshakes! To top it off, Mother Nature is due to come and get me any second now. I just hope that tomorrow there is no scale or tape measure involved. I can't even tell you how not funny I would find that! The thought of it makes me entirely queasy!

After I get my butt weighed, measured and kicked in the gym (not to mention knocking that old pride down a notch or two), I will be getting ready for one of the biggest jobs thus far of my short photography career. I got a call from a California firm last week asking me to do the photography for the upcoming opening of a new business. So I get to go over to the new place tomorrow afternoon, and do some photography there. No pressure! I am totally excited. But so totally nervous. The closer it gets, the more wound up I find myself getting. My photography has gotten SO much better over the past year. I have been thrilled beyond belief with my latest takings on. The pictures from my sister's house were AMAZING in every way. I am so glad that my friends Mandy and Jen pushed me to work on my outdoor photography skills. Of course...there is only ONE outdoor shot for the shoot. Anyway. I know I can do this and do a good job. Or at least, I think that I know it. This is the hour that the doubt starts creeping in. However...in the famous words of many a good man..."oh well!" I'm hired and the time is set and I'm just going to walk in there and get it done and get it done right. Period.

From that shoot I will head straight over to Cheerleading/tumbling for observation day. Clara is LOVING her cheer and tumble this year. FINALLY. She had a rough start this year for some reason. I don't know if she was just tired or what really her deal was. But she was really clingy and moody and cranky about it all when it came time to do the activity. But if I even breathed a word about maybe pulling out of it, she flipped out! Finally, she seems to have settled in and it is no longer a battle. She is loving her classes and loving learning all of her new skills. Which is good, because I am not a real fan of the clinging, whining, stay with me thing.

It will be 7 o'clock by the time tumbling is over and 7:15 before we get home. Then there will be dinner to cook and sore muscles to soak (assuming Jenny does not get her wish and I am actually able to walk into the house under my own steam, and not crawl in on my knees!). Not to mention all of those pictures to edit. It's going to be a LONG one tomorrow and all of the long is going to come on the backside of the day. Bummer!

On a totally different and unrelated note, I ate a nutrition bar today called "think 5". It supposedly has 3 cups of vegetables and 2 cups of fruit in it. All for just 300 calories. Delicious nutrition on the go it says. Can I just say that...I beg to differ! The think 5 bar is "chocolate covered red berry flavor". The chocolate did not cover up ANY flavor and the flavor that went pretty much entirely uncovered was certainly NOT red berry. This was hands down the nastiest, worst tasting, foul concoction I have ever choked down. When you bite into the bar it has a slightly greenish tinge to it...like mold or grass clippings. And did I mention that it was nasty? All sorts of scary vegetable powders in that one. If it's gross, and you can make it into a powder...they dumped it into this bar. So, should you find yourself in the power bar aisle and you see one of these "think 5" bars...and think that it seems like a good idea, getting all five servings of your fruits and vegetables in one hit...my personal opinion would be that you THINK AGAIN! Walk away. Just GO HUNGRY. You will be glad you did in the long run!

And that is what is going on in my world today!

Ahhh...there's a chill in the air!

Finally! Our first big break from the heat has come this weekend. It is LOVELY. The air is cool. The air seems nice and fresh and crisp. I was downright chilly this afternoon. I even put on some long sleeves as I sat out on the patio tonight enjoying the chilliness! It's 76 degrees right now, but it feels so much cooler to me. What a delightful change in the weather pattern! Summer was definitely getting WAY too long! It's just delightful! Such happy days these are!

A Quest for Home

A church home that is. Once again, Chris and I find ourselves searching for the right church home. This seems to be a never ending saga for us since we moved to Tucson. The problem is that we so LOVED the church that we came from and churches are so vastly different out here that we have not been able to fill the void so to speak. We really like the church we have attended most since we moved here, Catalina Foothills. The church is not perfect, but it's a good fit. Or at least, it has been until recently. One of the biggest reasons that we returned again and again to that church is because in so many ways we have felt like we have a family there. We connect well with so many other families there and it has been nice. However, what we now run into is that if we are there, connecting with and fellowshipping with those families we enjoy the most, then, during the time that that occurs, there is nothing for our middle schooler. No class meets for him. No group. Nothing. So we go to worship as a family, then Clara goes to her class, Ben to his...and poor Max has to come and sit through our class with us. And that really isn't working for any of us. Next year, I will have two middle schoolers. And so we have come to the conclusion that this is not a good fit for us. Now...we can give up our class and the people we love and adore being with. But then we have lost the main reason we kept being drawn to that church in the first place. I guess I want church to be more than just a once a week worship service for my kids. I want it to be a lifestyle. A group. A place they spend a lot of time, and get to know a lot of great Christian people. I grew up in the church. I was part of a fantastic youth group and the youth bible study totally packed out our youth minister's apartment each and every week. We looked forward to being there and being a part of the body of Christ and I hope my children will also be blessed with such an experience. And the older they get, the more important that is to me. And so today, we visited yet another church. This has been quite an adventure to date. Bouncing between disco balls and defibrillators, boring to bodacious, you name it, we've tried it. And that is pretty amazing for me, because I am really pretty set in my mind as far as what I am looking for in a worship experience. I've definitely been worn down a bit on that one now in the last 4 years. I am not nearly as surprised by things as I might once have been. I pretty much expect to find a group of men in every congregation leading music while simultaneously living out their "boy band" dreams. You find them up on stage, electric guitars in hand, the big drum set, the cool and funky hats. Rocking out under the guise of "praise music". Without fail, every congregation has one. Honestly, the ONLY two churches in all of Tucson that we have visited that have a real live, honest to goodness old fashioned piano are Casas and Catalina Foothills. It's a fact that I have come to expect. I don't love it, because I think the piano is a beautiful instrument and I think you CAN worship and praise God without 3 electric guitars and a drum set. But I have come to know it as the way of the West...and I just deal with it. It's not in my nature...but I'm pretty proud of myself for seeing past that a bit. Today's church visit was no different. It was the typical Tucson set up. Only this sanctuary had a garage door in it. Yep. It would just roll right up there onto the ceiling. That was interesting. Maybe they open it up for weddings? Who can say? The boy band was up there. The music selection was reasonable. And while it was loud, it was tolerable. The boy band had a decent male vocalist who led the singing. Decent. And he was, in turn, backed up by the doo-wop sisters. Two lovely ladies who ooohed and aaahhhhed right on tempo in perfect unison. The next thing that caught my eye, was that just a few moments into the sermon there was a "Virtual Pastor's Question of the Day", where the pastor threw out a question to the congregation. The one in front of him, as well as the various satellite congregations. He then instructed the various congregations to take out their cell phones and TEXT him their answers to the questions and put his blackberry # up on the screen big as a dollar. It felt like that moment at the end of American's Funniest Home Videos when all the different audiences grab their voter thingy and vote for their favorite video. Everyone snatches up their cell phones and proceeds to send in their thoughts on the matter. Hmmm. Very interesting. I have to say that that was a first for me. The whole invitation to text in the service. There were a lot of "repeat after me" moments. Let's all read the screen together moments. Those were a little annoying for sure. There was a little video, commercial-like blurb that talked about how God is not a vending machine and showed a guy getting his hand stuck inside the coke machine. There was a skit presentation done by a drama group. I'm not huge on skits as part of the every day worship service. It can be a fun thing from time to time...but I'm not a particularly huge fan of weekly theatrics in the church. The pastor's message was fine. Not deep and quite free of hell's fire and brimstone. It was gentle and invitational in sorts...but not calling only to those who are not in relationship with Christ, but an invitation to all of us to take the time to be more intimate in our walks. Once we were in the car, I began taking the poll to see what all the individual Roberts clan thought of the morning. I was surprised to hear that Ben liked it. Max was neutral, but not negative. Clara was concerned that she would not get to go to any kids activities (though we assured that if we went back we would find some for her) and Chris said he thought it was "interesting". All in all, there was nothing to make me run screaming away. The people seemed nice enough. There seemed to be tons of kids running around. I think that all of us would be okay going back again and running another test to see what we think. We jokingly discussed flying back home to Pensacola on the weekends to attend Olive Baptist again. And while Chris travels a lot, we just don't have that many frequent flyer miles! And so...next week is a new week. I took great comfort in the fact that there was no disco ball (I promise you that as I walked in that door I had my eyes lifted to the ceiling. From afar I am certain that it looked as though I was searching the heavens for God himself...a holy act of reverence. If only they knew!) At the end of the day, what matters is that we were able to worship as a family and it was a good experience for us. Who knows what adventures next week might hold for us?! I guess we shall find out!

Raising Maxwell

Of our three children, it is Maxwell that daily sends me to my knees in prayer and frustration. It is Maxwell that forever has me second guessing myself as a mother. Wondering where in the world I went wrong with him. What mistake it was that first put this perpetual ball of chaos into motion? It is Maxwell that makes me grapple with the very real possibility that he might not EVER pull it together enough to move out of our home and be independent. And it is most definitely Maxwell that has my blood pressure elevated to new heights here lately and that I am quite certain is hell bent on making me certifiably crazy. To say that Max and I are having a difference of opinion would be putting it mildly. For some time now Max has had quite a bit of difficulty grasping the concept of "clean up your room". And no matter how many times we go over it and show him what it's all supposed to look like, he just doesn't get it. Only, really, I think he so totally DOES get it. But he's a bit of a lazy boy, that one. And I think it's less taxing on him to hear me scream and yell and throw a fit than it is to actually pick up the room. He is a master of labor avoidance techniques. At twelve, one would think he is more than capable of making a bed, and hanging up his t-shirts in the closet. You would think. And you would think that it might dawn on him that if he is having to step over his clothes to get out of the bathroom he just showered in, that he should pick up those clothes off the floor and get them out of the way. You would think. You might also expect that a boy of twelve might be able to keep up with his sneakers. Yet every single day we have the "Great Sneaker Hunt" because Max can't find them. At some point, especially with it being suggested to him about a MILLION times, one might think he would make a habit of putting them in the same place each afternoon when he takes them off. But no. That would be entirely too logical. And besides, it's so much more fun to hunt for them and find them behind the bathroom sink in the powder room, or under the barstools in the kitchen, or back behind Oscar's kennel in the family room. ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE EXCEPT where they are supposed to be. Oh yes...so much more of an andrenaline rush knowing he is maybe just seconds from missing the bus and there are no shoes to be found. Whenever there are tasks to be done (like clearing the table or unloading the dishwasher) Max suddenly develops a great and uncontrollable urge to go poop. Go figure. It seems that helping out around the house has a bit of a laxative effect on the child. Quite frankly, I have grown a bit frustrated with him. Now...if you are sitting there and saying to yourself "Big deal...the kid's room is messy." Well...let me say that if Maxwell was able to contain his chaos to JUST HIS room, then I might be able to chill a little bit on it. But Maxwell is a whole lot like Pigpen from Charlie Brown. There is a bit of an aura that surrounds him. Everywhere he goes, he leaves a trail. I can walk in the kitchen and know that he had oatmeal as a snack. For one, the empty packets are still sitting on the counter. He tends to have bad aim and there is usually a nice little cloud of oatmeal dust and oats in the area. The bowl is usually still sitting there long after Max has gone while the remaining oatmeal remnants attempt to cement themselves for all eternity to the sides of the bowl. His backpack can usually be found deposited smack in the middle of the round foyer area. OUTSIDE of the closet where it belongs and most definitely NOT on the hook that was SPECIFICALLY placed there for such items. However, in the same downstairs closet, I can usually find the day's dirty and discarded socks pulled off and thrown there on the floor. (note...there is NO laundry basket in said closet) And while I can most certainly count on finding his dirty socks there...NEVER will I find his shoes there because THAT IS EXACTLY the place he is SUPPOSED to put them. He spreads the newspaper out each and every morning looking for the comics. But he can't simply open the Accent section and read them there. No. He has to remove them from the section, leaving the section wide open there and taking the comics off to his breakfast bowl. And when he is done, 9 out of 10 times you can find both the bowl and the comics right there with the rest of the newspaper spread all over the place. Sigh. This morning Max and I had it out...again. I reminded him of what needed to be done upstairs and quickly sent him up to take care of it. I decided that I would pop up there and help him pay close attention to the details. Only, as I came up the steps, I did not find him attending to ANY details. He had simply plopped himself in the chair on the landing and was apparently just....well....sitting, That did not go over too well. I marched him into his bedroom and quickly got him started on the tasks before him. The laundry that I sent up with him two days ago to be put away was in a pile on the floor. Every dresser drawer was hanging open. The bed was not made. There were two days of towels on his floor. And that's just a tiny slice of it, but you can use your imagination. I instruct him to get this laundry put away and notice that not only can he not put it away, but he can't even seem to get his drawer to shut. Hmmmm? This was not a problem AT ALL for me last month when I went into his room and proceeded to refold every single item in every single drawer and make them just as neat and clean as they could be. So I head over to see what in the world is the problem. Well...that drawer that would not close is for shorts. Just shorts. All of his t-shirts for school hang up his closet so that they won't look like he slept in them. Except that Max, in all of his Maxness, has chosen NOT to hang up his shirts the way he is supposed to, but to simply CRAM them into the drawer to the point that the drawer can no longer be closed. And my nice neat, wrinkle free t-shirts? NO MORE. They look like they have been slept in for months on end. Slept in, stomped on, put through the crimper. It's great. So, needless to say our morning was not off to a great start. At that point I informed Maxwell that if he simply refuses to help out in the house and cannot even manage to clean up somewhat after himself, that I can no longer be helpful to him. And that from this point on he will need to figure out the activity bus for all of his afterschool activities as I will no longer be going out of my way to accomodate anything other than his very most basic needs. And since he has so little regard for wrinkle free clothing and so little appreciation for the time I have spent laundering drying and folding all his clothing so that he can throw it all on the floor, he can now take over his own laundry as well. I'll just repeat here that it was NOT a good morning in our house. Well. Max walked off then, presumably in search of his shoes (where in the world might they be hiding THIS wonderful morning?!). He comes back in a few minutes, shoes in hand, and proceeds to say to me "Mom, I hate to tell you this, but I'm going to say it. This whole thing is just a big downward spiral. You're being mean to me and then I feel like being mean to you and then it just goes on and on." And then he just stares at me. And I am thinking to myself...MEAN?! He thinks this is all about being MEAN?!!! Chris's Max is a very bright child (and I say Chris' because I am struggling to claim him right now. I'm struggling with letting him live here much less claiming him!). If you have ever met him you know that he received double if not triple the brains of the ordinary kid. He is EXTREMELY bright. HOWEVER. I am totally amazed at how COMPLETELY and THOROUGHLY that child can miss the mark at times. He just doesn't get it. And so there we were. Him, defiantly staring at me, fully expecting me to agree that he is right. And me, completely flabbergasted that this very bright child, so like his father, can just really be that dumb. That after all of the discussion on why we help out as a family and why we do our share and how much work it takes to care for a home...how many hands make light work and if we all just pitch in a little bit, it all goes by so much faster. After all of that...I'm simply mean. SIGH****** That whole "train up a child..." verse in the bible. It all seems fine and good in theory. But I am finding myself really struggling with it in real life. Easier said than done, ya know?

On another note, which also happens to center around Max. I am fairly certain that our family must surely be under federal investigation at this point. In Max's Reach class, which is the gifted program at school, they have to do an independent research project. Some topic that interests them. They have to research it, interview someone "in the know" on the topic, and put together a report. Max's topic that he chose to research? Is it possible for one single person to launch a bioterrorist attack on the world? Yep. That's our son. Of all the topics in the vast, wide world. So he's been scouring the internet for weeks now. I don't even know how one begins to search for that info. Do you just google "how to destroy the world in ten easy steps?" Or "bioterrorism for dummies?" I mean...really. Then yesterday, he finally gets around to making his phone call to try to interview a specialist in the field. And they are on the phone for about 30 seconds when they tell Max that there is NO WAY they would answer any of his questions because that sort of information is dangerous in the hands of the public. And they simply would not tell him if or how it would be possible to launch a bioterrorist attack. Not what method it could be done with, not which vehicles of transmission....NOTHING. Well, between that lovely phone call and all the internet searching Max has done, I am quite certain that it is possible that we have raised more than a couple of flags with National Security. If you see the national terror threat elevated, it's probably Max's fault. I'm sure that as I type this the CIA is probably staking out our home and monitoring all phone calls and e-mails. Heck, they probably have a hold of this blog too! Oy Vey! Raising Maxwell. Is is NOT for the faint of heart.