Figuring Out Life

Okay...the same situation that had the biggest smile on my face EVER last Tuesday night has my tummy rather upset and unsettled tonight. SO much to be doing...and yet...none of it can be done. So many details to wade through...and yet not one teensy step can be taken. Sigh....it's enough to make a girl crazy! I am SO not a woman of patience. I want to be. i wish that I was. Truly I do. But when God was handing out patience....I think I must have been in the boob line...again! Because Lord knows I've got PLENTY of those! But very little or no patience. Sigh. It makes life quite difficult at times like this. Ten million thoughts swirling through my brain are challenging my sleep patterns right now. And I'm not so good without sleep! Chris is in Tucson now....he had to go back to work. And I am here on the beach in San Diego with the kids enjoying a bit of paradise. And it truly is dreamy and wonderful. There is honestly not ONE thing I have to be doing right now. The greatest challenge in my life right now will be rounding up some quarters so that I can do some laundry later this week....and that's about it! Quite a change from the life routine I am accustomed to running! I have to say that it is a real relief to have stepped away from the photography business for a while. And a huge relief to have stepped away from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and all of my duties as a coordinator...THAT is a huge relief. And I am so enjoying watching my children play day in and day out in the sun and sand all day. They fight so much less when they are away from the t.v.s and video games. They are borderline delightful at times like this! And I needed to see them be delightful. After this school year with Max...it's been a tough one for sure....it's nice to be delighted when watching them. And Ben....what a sweetheart he can be. So sweet with his sister and so helpful here...he's a dream kid. And Max is just easier to take all around right now. He's fun and witty and keeps me entertained. Clara chats at me almost constantly....some things never change! But she's pretty busy here and I'm not her sole source of entertainment most of the time...and that's so nice. I need to relax and enjoy my time here in paradise for sure. I am quite certain that I will not be here again...at least no time soon! Still...it's hard to just relax and stop the thoughts that are swimming so crazily through my head right now. On the one hand I want to freeze time and my life as I know it exactly the way it is. On the other..I am very frustrated that I cannot plunge headlong into my new life and start making decisions and committments....It's making me crazy. The division. As I sit here tonight I am so thankful for my very level headed hubby who is taking this all in stride. Who is so patiently putting up with his neurotic wife who wants all the answers YESTERDAY. Did I mention that I am not overly gifted in the patience department?! Sigh***** Life may not be moving along exactly as I thought or planned...but it's my life...and I'm thankful for it and for the opportunities that have come our way. Lord, please grant me the patience now to DEAL with it!!!! And like...NOW! Amen.