Saved by the Sunset

Chris and I did go out on our date last night, despite my aggravation level. And it was WONDERFUL! It was fun and relaxed and romantic beyond belief. We went to Outback and had steaks. I wasn't in the mood for anything fussy or fancy. It was delicious....simple, good, comfort food! Then we left and took a drive through the Saguaro National Park and just watched the sunset turn the sky a beautiful pink. The mountains are so beautiful against it...and the cactus look so cool as well. We drove for quite a while just taking in the scenery and the warm night and the peace and quiet. I can honestly say that Tucson is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. It is simply gorgeous here. Every single day I just marvel that we landed here and we live here amidst all of this beauty. I imagine, after being here for 7 months, that I might find the east coast...or anywhere that isn't the desert for that matter, to be very green and inviting. But I truly love the desert and the mountains and everything about it. I think that I just might really appreciate every single corner of the world a little more these days! Today was a good day. Ben was crabby...really contrary all day long, but for the most part the day was good and i enjoyed my kids. Life is good here in the desert once again!

AGGRAVATION!

I am having issues with my children. They refuse to develop any sense of responsibility whatsoever. Everywhere they walk is like a tornado or bomb went off. Mess, mess, mess. If they eat cereal, they leave the box on the counter and the empty and dirty bowl on the table. Is it SO hard to walk it over to the sink? If they get undressed, their clothes lie in a pile on the floor. If they play with something and move on...the toys lay there all discarded, right where they left them. It does not seem to bother them at all! I thought that if I gave thems ome chores and made them take responsibility for some of the mess, that maybe they would get a clue....but no such luck. Mostly they do a halfway job on the chores. I am forever dragging them back to the site and making them do the deed again and again until it is done right. I swear Max Roberts would lose his head if God had not securely fastened it to his shoulders. He loses EVERYTHING. Today it is a library book that is missing. I have torn this house apart and cannot find it anywhere. I have just about had it with these darned kids. This will be the third....THIRD library book that we have paid for in a month. The first one, Max spilled something all over and did not tell anyone...just returned it, so that we got this letter from the library. Mommy does NOT like surprises like that. Then, the second one Clara decided to take a black marker to. She was in big trouble for that and I paid for that one too. NOW....we have lost one and I have to say that I am really mad about that. I can't even begin to tell you how much it bothers me. I mean...even though I did not lose it...my child did and I take that too personally I suppose. They may be MY children, but I am sure that MY genes are not overly present in them. It seems that no manner of yelling or screaming or asking nicely or bribing or rewarding or punishing seems to get them on track. I look forward to them going back to school....but I DO NOT look forward to having to keep the boys straight with all of their assignments and projects. My two boys can make a person crazy with that. Chris and I are supposed to have a date tonight....I guess I need the stress relief and the chance to get away from them...but I'm so aggravated that I am not really in the mood to go out. How's that? I'm SO aggravated that I need a break, but TOO aggravated to take one. I had no idea when I became a mother that those tiny little babies could create this level of frustration. I am so stressed over it all that I am nearly nauseas. I think my kids are giving me an ulcer. I could use some meditation or something. Anyway, lots of complaining I guess today. In the big scheme of things, a 4 dollar library book is hardly the end of the world...it just happens to be one more thing on a really big load of other things! My prayer is for peace. Just peace. Not patience...I certainly am not praying for any more of that. Not even wisdom on this one...but for peace to accept the situation. Max is grounded until he finds the book. No t.v., no gameboy, no playstation. And no more library priviledges for a month....I don't know what else to do. Max doesn't seem overly concerned about the book....that makes me mad too. I told him that he will have to pay for the book out of his own money...he doesn't seem too worried about it at all...which makes me mad. He needs to sweat over it a little. GRRRRRRRRR. I am not good at this mom stuff. Life is aggravating here in the desert.

Was That You, God?

Do you ever hear God's voice? I had a "God-breeze" today, as one of my dear friends would have called it. Actually....it was much stronger than a breeze...more of a major gust I guess. It was odd and I have wondered on it all day long. This morning after I took the boys to swim, I found myself starving....which is unusual, because I had the same breakfast that I always have, and I am never hungry just an hour later. But today I was hungry....and not just hungry, but famished. So I decided to run through McDonalds and grab a quick biscuit. The kids all said they weren't hungry and would rather go to lunch....and usually I would have just said okay, fine and done without....but today...I was just compelled....STRONGLY compelled to go on to McDonalds. So I went. And as I sat in the drive thru placing my order, a strange, little homeless seeming man approached my car and asked a question with his eyes and I just shook my head and looked the other way and he looked disappointed and walked off. When I paid for my food I mentioned that they had a homeless man harassing patrons at the drive through. Then, I got my food and proceeded to drive away. As I was doing so, I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw the man's back as he was walking down the road in the opposite direction. I pulled on out into traffic and got on my way, enjoying my biscuit all the way. And then the breeze came....or the wind, or the gust, or the gale. Whatever it was.....I was suddenly so incredibly convicted about the man at McDonalds. And I was convicted in such a way that I knew at once what I had to do. So I turned the car around right there....executed a U-turn in the road and headed back to find that homeless man with the sad teeth. I did not have to look long. I saw him from a distance and as my car approached him and I rolled down my window he looked up at me with a grateful smile and said "Hello". I asked him "Do you need something to eat?" I half expected him to say "No thanks, but I could use a couple of bucks", at which point I would have had to say not on your life and driven away.....but that is not what I heard. He simply said "Yes Ma'am, I do." I asked him what he would like and he said that a sausage biscuit would be good and maybe some orange juice. So I headed back into the drive through and bought that man a sausage biscuit meal with an orange juice. It cost $3.32 and I paid with a 5 dollar bill. Then I stuck the change down in the bag with the food and I gave it to the hungry man. He smiled so sweetly and thanked me again. Then he said "Bless you." And I said "You, too." Then he said "And Ma'am, one more thing....drive safely." And then I was gone. I drove away wondering why in the world I had done that...but then...like I said...the conviction, almost an audible voice, was telling me to go back to that man. And so I did. I don't know if it was the voice of God...I am inclined to think it was. It does not happen often to me, but from time to time, I feel like God really lays something on my heart for one reason or another. Sometimes I get to kick it around for while, but ever so often God lays one on me that requires my immediate attention and God seems to make it plain to me what action I am to take. I prayed for a hedge of protection as I approached that man and prayed that it was the right thing to do. I am pretty sure it was. Maybe that biscuit was that man's only meal today. Maybe his only meal in a couple of days. Maybe not....but maybe, just maybe it was. Maybe he will spend that dollar and change I dropped in his bag on booze or smokes...but maybe, just maybe he will buy a burger for dinner or a loaf of bread or some other nourishment. I don't know and it is out of my hands. All I know is that I helped a man today...how I helped, I am not sure. Maybe I just helped to fill his tummy...but maybe...just maybe I helped to fill his heart too. I know that he filled mine. It seems that every other thought today has been of that man. I don't know why I turned that car around....I only know that I feel like God's hands were on that steering wheel and I was just along for the ride. Was that you, God? Were you talking to me? How did I do? Did I serve the way You would have me to? Did I help the way You would have wanted? Your voice seemed so clear to me today. I wish it were that way every day. Use me, Lord to do your works. Let me be your vessel. May my hands, be your hands and my thoughts, your thoughts. You can take my wheel any day. Thank you for the breeze. Life is good here in the desert.

Summertime

Summer officially begins at 11:48 p.m. tonight. It was 109 degrees today and it felt HOT! There is a storm blowing in and the air just seemed hot and thick and heavy. We still have a couple of months of heat to go...but so far, so good. This being our first summer here in the desert we are not totally sure what to expect. Our summer is going well so far. The boys are swimming with the swim team and doing really well. They seem to be having a wonderful time and are improving their skills daily. They swim four mornings a week from 8:20 to 9:20 a.m. Then we dry off and head on down the street to the gym so that I get my morning workout in. By noon, we all feel better and are starved for lunch!

Today I had lunch with a friend that works with Chris. I enjoyed the "girl time" immensely! I left the kids with Jackie so it was just the two of us and it was fun, fun, fun. We had Mexican for lunch at a place I had never eaten at before...the food was okay, but the company was delightful. Heather is one of the few people I have gotten to know here that I feel like I halfway click with. We lead totally different lives. She is the breadwinner for the family and her husband stays at home with their two little ones. She has BEAUTIFUL babies. They have the prettiest eyes you have ever seen. So our lives are completely different...obviously. But I find that I still really enjoy talking with her and getting to know her more and more. I can't say that there are many others here that I have clicked with. There is another girl that I enjoy okay...but not as much as Heather. I guess as we continue to be here, God will continue to place new friends in our lives. It has been slow, but I am thankful for the friends thus far, as I feel like they are the long term type.

Things continue to go well for Chris at Ventana. He is working hard and loving it and we are expecting him to move up quickly. I am not sure exactly what that will mean for our family and our time together...but I am excited for him as this is what he has worked so hard for and went to school for. It is nice to see him challenged and happy and enjoying his career so much. It makes me really glad that we moved here. Life continues to be good and we are richly blessed here in the desert.

Blessings

My son's friend has cancer. She is eight years old and suffering from a very rare form of leukemia known as AML-M3. The prognosis does not appear to be very good and her treatments are not going very well at this time. Ashley is a lovely little girl who is trying so hard to just be a normal little kid. But much of her day is spent hurting and feeling sick and suffering. Amidst her "normal" daily things are squeezed in visits to various doctors for blood work and bone marrow biopsies and medication reviews. Her mother told me yesterday that it is looking as though Ashley is coming out of remission. They are so tired and frustrated and feeling helpless as they watch Ashley take on this tremendous battle for her life. And it is not a battle they can lose....at all. Her mother, Mary, also told me yesterday that now they want to run some tests on their four year old daughter, as she is having a lot of headaches. Apparently, there is some chance that Savannah may have this as well. I cannot begin to imagine what this family is feeling right now.

Which leads me to reflect on my own family. We have been blessed with not one, not two, but three VERY healthy children. Our biggest health threat is Benjamin's dairy allergy...which, while inconvenient and unfortunate, usually results in nothing worse than a pretty horrible tummy ache when we miss milk in something he gets ahold of. Within a couple of hours or so he is usually back to himself. I think about how much time we spend fighting with our children, over chores or petty fights amongst themselves or messes, or bedtime or whatever....while Kevin and Mary are spending every day fighting, not with Ashley, but FOR her. Knowing full well that months from now they may not have her with them anymore. I cannot begin to imagine even one day without my children. I cannot imagine what it would be like not hearing Clara announce each morning as she walks into my bedroom "Here comes the princess." Or not to have Max sitting at the table each morning pouring over the comics...or not to have Ben giving me those sweet hugs and telling me "I love you, Mom" throughout the day. The loss of any of them would be such an incredible void in our lives,in our family, that I don't know how we would go forward. My children are such a part of me and who I am...losing one of them would be losing a huge part of myself. Having them, knowing them, loving them....it is one of the greatest joys and gifts of my life. Sometimes I forget that. I get so caught up in the messes and chaos, that I can forget to consider the source of the mess and the blessings that those messes truly are. There are women whose homes are scrupulously clean...because there are no little ones there to mess it up....even though they have hoped and longed for and prayed for them. Women who would give anything for crayon on the wall and cheerios in the couch and dirty socks in the living room. Women who would give anything to have 3 extra loads of laundry, too many birthday parties and tangly hair on a three year old wiggly girl to comb out each night. Women who would wholeheartedly embrace the multitude of messes and chores and errands that come along with these little people we love so much. I imagine that Mary treasures every smile right now, every mess and every silly conversation with her daughter. I imagine that each day is seen as a gift like no other...and that each and every moment is being treasured. I am looking more closely at my own little people right now and treasuring them a bit more and hugging them a bit closer. I am trying to focus less on the mess and more on the magic. I am not unaware of the great blessing that they are in our lives. And I am moved to my knees in prayers of thanksgiving for their health. I am grateful beyond words that God entrusted these children to us and shared them with us. We have no promises of tomorrow...all we have is today. And so today I pull them close and hug them tight. I will overlook the poorly made bed and the dirty socks under it. I will treasure the sense of chaos that they bring and cherish the moments we share today. I will take out my camera and take each of their pictures... and know that I have been blessed so far beyond anything that I could ever deserve...and in ways that I never could have imagined.

I will pray continually for Ashley and her family and I will give thanks for the blessing that child has been in my own life. Because it is in her battle to live, that I am reminded to treasure my own life and the lives of my own children. I look at things a lot differently now, after seeing things through her eyes and her mother's eyes. Her life and her battle have changed my heart....so much for the better. Blessings are so abundant in my life and my home. I don't know why....but God is so amazingly good to me and I am so thankful....so, so very thankful. Life is good here in the desert...so, so good.