Seeking A Chill

It is officially HOT here in the desert folks. I knew it would be. Don't think for a minute that this is coming as a surprise at all. But it is truly hot and I am starting to have these crazy fantasies about traipsing about under tall fir trees with a back pack and a sweatshirt! I want to take off and go camping where the HIGH is only 80 degrees and sleep in a tent and look up at the stars and feel CHILLY at night. I'm telling you....I'm even starting to feel rather fond about the idea of baiting up a hook and doing some fishing....which, just for the record, I don't really....do. As beautiful as the desert is, and I DO still think that it is truly beautiful--I feel rather cut off from it these days because it is simply too hot to be outside enjoying it at all right now. You just get in your car and get into the next fully air conditioned place you were heading to. It is even hot to swim in the hottest part of the day. But here's something...as hot as it is, and I assure you that it is quite toasty at 108 degrees most days here...our pool water is still COOLISH. By coolish I mean you can get in easy enough....you just can't stay too long because you start to feel like you might just freeze. I can't believe with the temperatures as hot as they are we still have any cold water at all...but we do! That has been a kind of weird experience for me. But anyway...I am longing for a shady, cool, CHILLER of a good time right about now. My new weekend fantasy...snow skiing!

This weekend is the Fourth of July...no real plans. We are getting together with some friends that work with Chris. They are a nice bunch, so that should be fun...I think.

I have been exploring a lot of new circles of friendship and just seeing where exactly I think that I fit in. Interestingly enough...I'm not sure I fit in anywhere here yet. I had lunch with two lovely ladies that I enjoy immensely on a chat with basis. We decided to have lunch the other day and it was a VERY interesting experience...though it has left me kind of wondering where in the world I fit into life. See one of these ladies is the bread winner for her family...a very beautiful and very bright lady. She has a little 2 year old that my Clara adores. This lovely lady, over lunch, whips out an article about the international Fusion project with Japan and France and the U.S. and could hardly contain her excitement over it. I thought...."wow, I saw that article in the paper and I just skipped right on over it!" Then the other lady....a really, REALLY neat person...VERY eclectic ( I seem to ADORE and be completely drawn to these folks) announces that she is reading some really wonderful book on the politics between the U.S and Europe, or something like that. And again, I was thinking...'wow! I don't think I would EVER pick up something like that that I didn't have to read for a grade!" So...what was MY personal contribution to the "tell us what you are reading" conversation? Well....nothing but smut. My latest read was a mediocre romance/mystery novel. Nothing deep or thought provoking or brainy about it...just smut. I went on to share that I was currently balancing my smut intake with a great book about being content by Linda Dillow (thanks, Lori!). It was a rather surreal conversation. I mean...when I went to lunch with these ladies I had no idea what in the world we would talk about....but I really had NO IDEA whatsoever that conversation might run along those lines. See, I am not a political person. At all. I don't follow politics and I don't have any interest whatsoever in starting to. I found myself questioning myself when lunch was over and examining myself to see just exactly what in the world I am all about. I am not about politics. Or fusion. I prefer a good romance novel anyday over all of that stuff. So in the end, I decided that I am not a very well rounded person. I cannot hold up my end of "those" conversations....can't even pretend to. And I also realized that I am not ever going to be one of those. It's just not who I am. I don't know why it has laid so heavily on my mind, but it has. I sat with the other mommies at Clara's swim practice and it wasn't long before I felt that familiar unfamiliarity with their lives. We move in totally different circles. They are power career women who drive Lexus SUVs and get weekly manicures and pedicures and massages and take weeklong vacations to California without their kids just to see friends and drink wine. They shop at OUTRAGEOUS places and spend INSANE amounts of money on frivolous things. They don't go home and cook, but rather they order out for pickup on the way home...and not McDonalds either deary....but full racks of baby back ribs and fancy salads and sushi and....you name it. They probably have maids at home to wash and iron for them and keep everything spic and span. Both had only one child...and as I sat there, the mother of three...it was another surreal experience and I marveled at how different my life is than theirs. I am not jealous....that's not it by long shot....it was just amazing to see how much I did not fit in to yet another group of women. It made me realize and be very grateful and thankful for the friends in my life. For the people who love me even though I don't know anything about politics and care nothing about fusion. It made me appreciate so much the ones who don't care that I paint my own fingernails and toenails and don't have someone do it for me. And that don't find it odd that my child does not spend at least some part of her week in pre-school. I'm still figuring it out here in the desert. Some days it seems easier than others. As much as I love it here, sometimes I truly miss the routine and certainty that was my life in Florida. I miss the predictability of the people that I lunched with. I miss just fitting in I guess. I am still finding my niche here. Though even I do not know what or where that niche will be. I sort of feel lately that I have no idea who I really am...or maybe it just seems that way because I find myself constantly evaluating the current circle of friends that I am in company with at the time and my "fit"to that circle, and why or why not it does or does not work. If I really get down to it I know who I am...I am the wife of Chris and the mother of Max, Ben and Clara. And those 4 people come before all of these crazy circles here. I am a great lover of the Lord and desire more each day to know Him better and to have a relationship with Him. I guess, that is where my focus really needs to be...with God and that circle! All theothers are bound to fall into place as soon as I just give God the chance to show me where I should be. Life is good in the desert....allbeit hot....it is good!