A Day at Old Tucson Studios

I had such a good time out at Old Tucson Studios yesterday with Chris's sister Kelly and her two little girls. Then, I've had even more fun playing with the smilebox! Here's a little taste of the day! More to come later when things slow down around here a little bit! It's been NUTS for two weeks now!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Blogging When I Shouldn't Be....

It's late. The clock says 10:25 as I begin this post. And when you are 37, knocking hard on 40...it's late. Today, I was informed that a family I recently did a NILMDTS session for has requested a photo for the memorial service. It's NOT a lot of notice. I DON'T have their little guy ready. AND...it's Sunday...and all the local labs are closed. I COULD upload it to my lab and it MIGHT ship out...overnight....tomorrow...but it also might not. And even if it DID...it probably would not make it in time for the Tuesday morning service. AND I have a house full of company which becomes even fuller tomorrow. Lots of time to slip away and work on this precious angel. I thought about going on to bed, quitting with the one photo that I do have ready for them and praying that I can get it printed tomorrow. The wheels in my head are turning SO fiercely right now. I am praying SO hard that the local lab here CAN and WILL do this job for me....like on the spot. Professionally and beautifully for this couple. So that they can display a beautiful image of their first and only child. There is a part of me that needs it to be perfect and I cringe at the thought of Walgreens handling it. Truly. NOT to mention the hoops that I have to jump through to get anything remotely professional done there! And so...it's keeping me up this night. I have so many scenarios flipping through my head right about now. These sessions around the holidays bother me like no others do. Truly. Tomorrow is the 22nd of December. These parents will bury their baby on the 23rd. While the whole world around them is caught up in the hustle and bustle and business of the holiday...these precious parents will be burying their sweet boy. And Christmas from here on out will NEVER be the same. A void has been created that can never be filled. And for so, so many years, a sense of sadness is going to wash over this young mother like a tidal wave each and every Christmas season. And instead of being a season of hope of peace...for them, it will be a season to remember the sweet little boy who never opened his eyes. And honestly, my heart just breaks for them in so many ways that I never could have imagined. I feel guilty watching my own children play and be swept up in this season. I don't know why...but this little guy has me rather unsettled tonight. And so...instead of going to bed, I am editing photos....and blogging...and I have a million things to do tomorrow. I mean...really...it's insanity. I'm also listening to music, drinking some wine, running some laundry and listening to the dishwasher hum away. And I am just sad for them. That's what it really comes down to. Pray for them. For this sweet young couple who has just suffered this devastating loss. The circumstances are beyond unfair and it's just tragic. At this time of year, I think of all of my families I have met, unfortunately, through NILMDTS...and I wonder how they are and what life looks like for them today. I can't help but wonder what their babies would look like now. As I am sure their mothers must surely have wondered a thousand times. What color would their eyes be. And what color would their hair be? Would they look more like their mommies or their daddies? And would they be good babies? Or a handful? I have SO many other things I need to be doing right now. But tonight...my heart is their with these families. And I am mourning their little ones so much tonight. I can't seem to focus my attention anywhere but right where it is right now. And so...on that note, I go back to my little guy. Because it is getting later by the minute. And you KNOW how many pictures I take! And so....time is of the essence. I feel a new, self imposed deadline there for me. And it's a long night I have ahead of me. Pray for this family as they get ready to say goodbye...before they ever had a chance say hello.

Where We Are

Well...it is six days before Christmas. Gladys came to clean the house today. I LOVE Gladys. While Gladys was cleaning the house, Tonya was catching up on LOTS of laundry, cleaning out junk drawers, other kitchen drawers, PANTRIES, and closets. Awesome is what that was. At the end of the day...there was this TOTAL cleanliness. I cannot even begin to describe what that feels like and the price I attach to that feeling. When it's all done and Gladys leaves, and I look around and see the whole house is clean...THE WHOLE ENTIRE FREAKING HOUSE!...and that the laundry is done....the clothes are sorted, folded and put away, the drawers are neat and clean and various other projects have been tackled...well....it just makes my heart smile. Literally....my heart just smiles. Getting this entire house clean is NO small feat. Not with my three current children. (any day now I am hoping the aliens will return the REAL Roberts children...the ones who clean up after themselves and feel a need to help accomplish tasks around the house....but in the meantime...it's rough going with the alien models!). But somehow, Gladys manages. And my heart just soars to be a witness to it. And at the end of each cleaning I pat myself on the back and simply marvel at my astounding spanish skills! It's pathetic really...but I truly do marvel and congratulate myself on carrying on full conversations (and while they lean fairly strongly to one side...I DO manage to get the gist of the topic of conversation!). I freely admit that I enjoy having Gladys here and practicing my pathetic spanish on her. And can i tell you...today we had a whole conversation about cleaning with ONLY water and a microfiber cloth?! Really, I simply posed the question..."es solamente aqua?" (Is it only water....) and she kind of took it and ran with it from there. But she definitely started it with "Si, Si!" And then there was whole bunch of other stuff that just went like way right over my head. But yes...it was only water and the magic little microfiber cloth....which apparently you have to wet....and then wring practically, but not quite dry. Anyway. Big spanish fun here on cleaning days!

While Gladys was here, I got to bond with Maxwell. Ben had a birthday party to be at and Clara elected to stay with her Gigi and get lots of one on one attention, while I had Max at home with me. He was actually a delight. He was helpful and really pitched in and did everything that I asked, and then some. I can actually say that I enjoyed his company...for once! I was careful NOT to get too sucked in to his charms (because my Max can be OH so charming...and I am NOT kidding). I still made another appointment with the pediatrician for a follow up visit to further discuss the ADD possibility. Max has had a few days to chew on this now. Well....a couple of weeks really. He was supposed to "show us" in this time that he needs no help and that he has everything "under control". Yeah...not so much happening. Always a wild ride with that son of mine. He has NOT had it under control. He has NOT remembered things he is supposed to remember (namely...turning in his danged assignments!) and his organization has been ATROCIOUS! And so...after a nice conversation with him today....and a bit of skillful bribery, I THINK I might have convinced Max and struck a deal with him, to at least TRY a course of the ADD medication and just SEE if it works. It might. Or it might not. In return for trying it...IF he comes right home and completes his homework, he can then earn up to ONE hour of t.v. each night. I figure either the medication will help significantly with the ADD issues and Max will become the sweet, orderly, manageable child I fantasize about him being...OR it won't help at all, and at least we will know that we tried what we could. And so....we head back again in a couple of weeks....and I daresay that I am hopeful that this might turn out okay for us. And that's what needs to happen. Seriously. Because boarding school costs $25,000 a year and quite frankly, Chris is more than a little reluctant to fork over that money in the name of my sanity! SOMETHING has GOT to give here!

Clara went to a birthday party tonight. So sweet. Six is such a fun age! It's so magical and silly and excited and dramatic. I just really enjoyed watching it all tonight. So many smiles and tickles and hugs and giggles. It was a grand time!

Tonight, when i got home from the party, I worked on my grocery list for the week coming. Big fun! I hate planning meals and what people will eat. And I am really struggling a bit because everything on my list has onions in it and neither Cindy or Kelly handle onions too well. And I LOVE onions! Grrrr, I think I can get it all figured outl And now...it is late and I am ready to collapse into bed. What a full and wonderful day!

15 Years Ago Today...

I said "I do"...and the pastor pronounced us man and wife...till death do us part. We had NO idea what we were in for as we took each other by the hand and walked back down that aisle together as man and wife. Neither of us could ever have imagined. We could not have imagined just how bad it could be. How dark it could be. How frustrating. We could not have imagined how we would struggle financially or that we would live in a little crack house and be so proud of it. We could not have imagined that we would ever face some of the things that we have faced together. Most of all, we could never have imagined how much more we would possibly love each other 15 years later. How precious our marriage would be to us. How hard we would have fought to be here at this point. And how very blessed we would feel and how PROUD we would feel to be still standing here today....man and wife. Together. We have been SO very blessed, and God's hand has been upon us every step of the way...without a doubt. And I only hope I am fortunate enough to share another 15 years, and then another, and then another, with this incredible man that I am married to. Marriage....it's a GOOD thing!

Adventures in Parenting

We had our big meeting with the pediatrician yesterday concerning Max and the possibility that he might have ADD. It would be putting it quite mildly to say that that appointment was a disaster. Max was extremely aggitated and upset over the thought of being diagnosed with ADD. So upset, that he developed a rash all over his neck and jawline...huge red splotches. Quite a stress response, for sure. I've NEVER seen that one before. He informed the doctor and Chris and I that ADD is a disease of "stupid people" and that he would have no part of it. DOES not have it. WON'T consider treatment in ANY shape form or fashion. He has everything "under control" and is perfectly capable of executing some fantastic grades here....without one bit of help from any of us. Awesome. The more we talked, the more upset he became. And I think the more convinced our pediatrician became that there might be a problem. That said...Max was less than cooperative. There is NO way he will meet us halfway (he's perfect you know) and NO WAY he will entertain the thought that he is anything less than perfect. No amount of discussion and reassuring and defining from the doctor would sway him. It was a lovely and fun visit. One of those where you really want to jump up and down and grab your kid and say "Oh yeah! This one's MINE!" NOT!!!!!! We are no closer to making progress with Max than we were a month ago. It's frustrating, to say the very least. The new plan of action...since Max is "totally in control" of things, is to totally step back and let him do his thing. He will either dazzle the heck out of us...or he will fail spectacularly. No more prompts. No more reminders. No help. He's got it all under control and needs NONE of that from us. So he says. Tonight, I told him to get his guitar and music up out of the living room and put away. He sat down and began to stack up his music. I went on to tuck in Clara and read her stories. When I came back downstairs, the guitar and all of his junk that goes with it was still sitting there. So I called his little "in control" hiney right back out of that bed he had settled into and asked what the deal was. I just wanted to know if he had had an ADD moment where he failed to concentrate on the task of cleaning up or if it was just an outright act of defiance. Because, believe me...I will gladly step right up and handle acts of outright defiance. There was an audible "Ummmmmm???" Because he was pretty much screwed either way. His response was "Let me think about that and get back to you." Nice. Very nice. Honestly...this whole step back thing and let him "be in control"...not so much for me. I've a short fuse for screw ups. And watching them unfold SO many times in a day with acute predictability....well. Suffice it to say that I, myself will probably need a lot of intensive therapy before this journey is over. At this point I am all for checking myself into the looney bin. I think a few weeks spaced out on some meds might be just what the doctor ordered! A nice padded room. A steady cocktail of sedatives. Some nice sitting around and playing checkers under the trees in a warm afternoon breeze. It's calling to me. And so...there's the update on life around the Roberts house. It's a wild ride here for the next few weeks. Pray for us!

December 5th

Today has been an outstanding day. For many reasons. For one, I finally found a housekeeper who cleans like I like things cleaned. Gladys came recommended from a friend whom I treasure and adore and who I happen to know to be quite picky. She speaks even less english than I speak spanish...which is comical, truly! Gladys swept in this morning and by the time she left this afternoon there was clean and sparkle happening all over my house! And it was wonderful! She's a real bargain too! So I was doubly happy!!! While Gladys was working her magic on my very dirty house, I was working some magic on some photos! I did two days of shooting at Pusch Ridge last week. One day of girl's basketball JV and Varsity and one day of boys. So I had many, many pictures to edit and upload into packages! That ended up taking a huge chunk of my day. While I was editing and uploading pictures, I was also plugging load after load of laundry through the washer and dryer. In addition to my photo work, and the piles of laundry, I also got nice, fresh, new clean sheets on everyone's beds. By the time Gladys left today, I felt like I had a real handle on things for once! The house was clean AND my work was done. And it's a little piece of heaven to sit here tonight in all this cleanliness!

Practically the second the Gladys left, I had to go get the kids from school. It was SO tempting to just not let them inside! They are SO messy and my house is just SO clean today. But I did let them in with strict orders and death threats to any who dared to make even a tiny hint of mess! Luckily, there just wasnt' much time for them to be here because tonight was the Night of Lights Hayride at school. We headed down to Painted Sky and had a lovely, albeit very running behind time hayride and saw many VERY fine lights! It's like a mini Winterhaven there! We had great friends in our wagon and I think everyone really enjoyed the ride and the festivity of the evening. When the ride was over, we enjoyed hot chocolate and cookies and watched the Ironwood Ridge High Choral department perform. They always do such a spectacular job. All in all, it was such a delightful evening and a fantastic end to a great and productive day.

I feel like I might finally be catching a wee bit of Christmas spirit. It seems so very late in coming this year. I don't know why that is. I still don't know if the spirit is really upon me yet. But tonight I was truly struck with a spirit of thankfulness. Thankfulness for my good friends (wow, I have been blessed by my time with good friends this week!) and thankfulness for hayrides in the chilly night, thankfulness for neighborhoods who have so much spirit and cooperation and work so hard to make that spectacular light display! Thankfulness for hard working housekeepers and their quest to clean it my way! And thankfulness for the opportunity to get work done while the housekeeper takes care of the rest. Thankfulness for all the friends and warm hellos we ran into tonight at the hayride. And thankfulness for being able to sit around tonight in my clean house and just take it all in.

Tomorrow, I will wake up in my clean house and I will head to the gym with my hubby. I will think of my dear sweet friend Jenny who will most likely be home with her hubby eating donuts and relaxing and I will try to run an extra mile for her. Just kidding! It's every man for himself at that gym ! I'll run for me and me alone, fantasizing about all the results that I am sure to see. Just this week, while we were working with the personal trainer, the trainer says to me...I can tell you've lost weight in your back. And I was like...."Excuse me?" And I'm thinking "my BACK?!" SURELY you meant to say my BUTT!" But no. Apparently great leaps and bounds have been made in the area of my back. Wow. I don't even know what to say about that. That's like SO the very LAST area I would have listed on my "areas I want to improve" list. And yet. It seems to be the ONLY area worth commenting about 6 weeks later. Hmmmm. So THAT then leaves me to wonder...just how fat WAS my back? I mean. Back fat? Wow. I'm feeling self conscious now about fat I didn't even know that I had! Perhaps there's more. Lurking there somewhere....in secret. Maybe someone will come up to me soon and say, "Wow, your knee fat has really dropped. Those knees are looking real skinny now." Or maybe it will be my ears or my ankles or my chin. Some area that I am totally and completely oblivious to the fat content! It's like a whole retro active complex I've got now. Apparently...I'm not so much like that old song "Baby Got Back", because there's less of my back to love now. I suppose, that since that's my main arena of accomplishment that I should probably just start walking backwards everywhere I go. Had I known that I would achieve such stellar back achievements, I might have chosen a backless dress for the Christmas party tomorrow. Who knew? Oh well. I suppose improvement is improvement. No matter what it's form or location!

That's all for my day today. I am thinking that I need some sleep for sure now! Been running more than a little short here lately on that one!