Blogging When I Shouldn't Be....

It's late. The clock says 10:25 as I begin this post. And when you are 37, knocking hard on 40...it's late. Today, I was informed that a family I recently did a NILMDTS session for has requested a photo for the memorial service. It's NOT a lot of notice. I DON'T have their little guy ready. AND...it's Sunday...and all the local labs are closed. I COULD upload it to my lab and it MIGHT ship out...overnight....tomorrow...but it also might not. And even if it DID...it probably would not make it in time for the Tuesday morning service. AND I have a house full of company which becomes even fuller tomorrow. Lots of time to slip away and work on this precious angel. I thought about going on to bed, quitting with the one photo that I do have ready for them and praying that I can get it printed tomorrow. The wheels in my head are turning SO fiercely right now. I am praying SO hard that the local lab here CAN and WILL do this job for me....like on the spot. Professionally and beautifully for this couple. So that they can display a beautiful image of their first and only child. There is a part of me that needs it to be perfect and I cringe at the thought of Walgreens handling it. Truly. NOT to mention the hoops that I have to jump through to get anything remotely professional done there! And so...it's keeping me up this night. I have so many scenarios flipping through my head right about now. These sessions around the holidays bother me like no others do. Truly. Tomorrow is the 22nd of December. These parents will bury their baby on the 23rd. While the whole world around them is caught up in the hustle and bustle and business of the holiday...these precious parents will be burying their sweet boy. And Christmas from here on out will NEVER be the same. A void has been created that can never be filled. And for so, so many years, a sense of sadness is going to wash over this young mother like a tidal wave each and every Christmas season. And instead of being a season of hope of peace...for them, it will be a season to remember the sweet little boy who never opened his eyes. And honestly, my heart just breaks for them in so many ways that I never could have imagined. I feel guilty watching my own children play and be swept up in this season. I don't know why...but this little guy has me rather unsettled tonight. And so...instead of going to bed, I am editing photos....and blogging...and I have a million things to do tomorrow. I mean...really...it's insanity. I'm also listening to music, drinking some wine, running some laundry and listening to the dishwasher hum away. And I am just sad for them. That's what it really comes down to. Pray for them. For this sweet young couple who has just suffered this devastating loss. The circumstances are beyond unfair and it's just tragic. At this time of year, I think of all of my families I have met, unfortunately, through NILMDTS...and I wonder how they are and what life looks like for them today. I can't help but wonder what their babies would look like now. As I am sure their mothers must surely have wondered a thousand times. What color would their eyes be. And what color would their hair be? Would they look more like their mommies or their daddies? And would they be good babies? Or a handful? I have SO many other things I need to be doing right now. But tonight...my heart is their with these families. And I am mourning their little ones so much tonight. I can't seem to focus my attention anywhere but right where it is right now. And so...on that note, I go back to my little guy. Because it is getting later by the minute. And you KNOW how many pictures I take! And so....time is of the essence. I feel a new, self imposed deadline there for me. And it's a long night I have ahead of me. Pray for this family as they get ready to say goodbye...before they ever had a chance say hello.