GRRRRR....Wrapping up the School Year

The school year ends in two short days. I wish I could say I was happy and relaxed about it...but I'm not. I'm tired and frustrated and disappointed beyond belief in my oldest chid. Seventh grade has been such an amazingly difficult year for us. Struggles that I SO did not see coming. Sixth grade was tough enough in some ways...a real year of adjustment...jumping from the elementary level work up to the higher expectations and heavier workload of middle school. But seventh grade has been infinitely worse. While Max has had more and better friends and has known what to expect...he has performed SOOOO poorly. And not really grade wise. Those assignments he has done and TURNED IN he has excelled at. But for some reason, remembering to complete them and SUBMIT them for grading has just been beyond his abilities this year and I do NOT understand why. I have worked with teachers to the point of being half crazy. I have tried everything in my power that I know to do to get him to a point where he can be successful. And it's like he just refuses to do it. Regardless of the punishments handed out to him or the interventions we tried...he still manages to drop the ball. The final disappointment rolled in this evening. I looked up Max's grades a couple of days ago and noticed he was missing a couple of assignments. I pointed it out to him and he said he had them (he always seems to have them, done in his backpack) and he turned them in. Or so we thought. When I got the notice that final grades had been updated, I quickly logged on to check and found two zeroes in place of where I expected to see some credit. So I asked again if he had turned in the assignments...and he assured me that yes...he had. So I e-mailed his teacher. He said that what Max turned in was MONTHS old...due forever ago...and what he is missing basically comprises 18 assignments. EIGHTEEN!!!!!!! HOW do you miss turning in 18 assignments?! And now there is a C- going on to his high school transcript. A high school he is still over a year away from ever setting foot into. And I guess I'm just so tired of this battle. Of losing over and over again...with such high stakes. He's so very smart. It would be different if God had shorted him a few points on the IQ scale. But he didn't. Max has SO much more than most all the other kids. He could do so much in this life...if he set his mind to it. And now...even if he totally does an about face and turns it around...it's there....on his permanent high school record. C- in math. A subject he truly excels at. Part of it is my fault. I went against my better judgement. I had the chance to pull him from the class early in the year. But his teacher told me he was fully capable of doing the work and that he just had to get used to it and that if he would show the work he would do fine. That might have all been true. But the one thing that that teacher failed to factor was Max's maturity level. And no matter what...that can't be changed by showing work. My gut told me that the responsibility of this class was too much for him to handle. But I went with teacher recommendations. NEVER AGAIN. No matter what...I will go with my gut as far as that child is concerned from here on out. There are not many years left that I have any say at all in what he does, but as long as I have a say...I WILL say what I think and WILL do whatever I deem necessary. I guess this has been a lesson for both of us. I'm SO beyond disappointed tonight as I sit here. There are 10 million thoughts rattling around in my brain. Not all of them dealing with Maxwell. But plenty of them. I would be lying if I said there are no tears running down my face at the sheer disappointment of it all. Total disappointment that my child failed to see the importance of his task...disappointment that a teacher failed to look at the WHOLE child and only his academic side. And disappointment in myself as his mother...because my gut feeling was that he could not pull this together and I still allowed him to stay there in the class...and he didn't pull it together. And so this school year ends on a profoundly disappointing note for me. On so many levels I can't even begin to articulate them.

And now we face the summer together. I wish I could say I was looking forward to having them all close to me for these short weeks...but I am NOT. No. Not even a little bit. Pass judgement if you like...I'm fine with that. I love my children dearly...but the thought of spending day in and day out with them right now....at their teen and preteen phases.....ooooh. No. I dont want to. Hence...a big part of why they are all heading off to camp at some point this summer. A reprieve for both me and for them. This summer starts off with them being grounded from the start. Why? Because there has to be some sort of repercussions for letting your grades slip into the toilet for one. And it's infinitely easier to simply ground all instead of just one. So I now I have a nice set of XBox controls in my possession on top of the fridge. NO computer gets brought to life without express permission and NO tv comes on either in this house. I'm done with any sort of electronic interference in our lives. Goodness knows Max has enough trouble focusing on the basics without any added distractions....and he is SO easily distractable. No...my children will be rediscovering good old fashioned entertainment alternatives...like bike riding and legos...card games and board games. Swimming and arts and crafts. And reading. I can't undo this school year. I can't change it. But I can set in motion some changes in these children of mine. They can learn to be resourceful. And responsible. And creative and cooperative. They can learn to be helpful and respectful. And thorough. Yes. This will not be a summer without lessons. My children still have plenty to learn. We shall see what lies ahead in the next 12 weeks. Pray for the Roberts children and their mother. Goodness knows. They all need it desperately.