Remembering

Tonight has been an interesting night for me. My kids are off at a birthday celebration with a wonderful family...which has left me with...what's that foreign word my mind is reaching for?...oh yes...FREE TIME! Chris is out of town...and I have NOTHING requiring my attention...so it truly has been free time. I WAS a good steward with the time though and as soon as I dropped them off I headed straight to the grocery store and did two weeks of grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping...but I REALLY hate grocery shopping with 3 kids along. So I really had to go while they were otherwise occupied. But then I got home and got all the groceries put away and it was SO quiet! So...I proceeded to put on my iTunes praise music on the computer and jam a bit while I took on a project or two. One of those projects was cleaning out my spice cabinet. Now...I know that those who know me probably think that could only take all of two seconds since I don't cook. But see...because I don't cook...I never know really know what I do and don't have...so I have way too much of everything up there! Like three salt shakers...all at different levels of fullness, and two full extra boxes of salt. Same with the pepper. And food coloring! I mean...how much food coloring can a girl have?! I counted 11 bottles. ELEVEN! Then there was the double ground mustard (two of those)...oh...and the vinegar! Holy cow. I think there are 7 or 8 bottles of vinegar in there. I just bought another tonight at the grocery store (just in case!). So...my spice cabinet was just out of control. Anyway...I set to work cleaning it out and organizing it. And it was while I was sorting and organizing that I found my thoughts returning to a very frequent obsession of mine lately...death. Don't know why...but I seem to be just thinking about it all the time here. Day and night. And absolutely everything seems to make me think of it. Today...it was the music I was listening to. First was I'll Fly Away by Jars of Clay (one of my favorite songs). I just love that tune. It is upbeat and joyful and just a good one. Then the song Remember Me came on. Another that I like...but really got to thinking on today. And then I got to remembering as well. And I thought about my grandmother and all the things that I remember about her. Like her snow white hair and her grin and the way she always made the BEST homemade pimento cheese. And tea cakes. My grandmother made tea cakes that were so amazing and light and delicious. I have the recipe. NEVER ONCE have they come anywhere close to resembling my grandmother's tea cakes. Heck...the darn things have barely even been edible the past couple of attempts. So I am now going down this remembering trail and I start to wonder what MY children and grandchildren will remember most about ME. I am PRETTY sure it won't be my mouth watering cooking (though those pizzadillas WERE quite the hit the other night!) or baking skills. It WON'T be for my love of sports. It WON'T be for my talent with a sewing machine. It WON'T be for my love of ALL God's creatures great and small. They are perfectly aware that there are 3 or 4 that I have some pretty intense issues with. I could guess all day at what it WON'T be they remember me for. But what WILL it be? Will it be my obsession with exercise? Or my need to have the house clean before bedtime? Or my total intolerance of laziness? That would be a bummer, but could really be reality. Reflecting on all of this has really made me think tonight. My kids are still young. I'm not sure that what I would HOPE they remember is what they WILL remember. And I realize that if I want them to remember certain things about me, then they really need to see those things played out in my life. If I want them to remember me as a patient lady...then by golly, I have some work to do! If I want them to remember me as a prayerful lady, then I need to spend a lot more time praying WITH them and not just FOR them. There are so many ways I would HOPE to be remembered. But if I died today, I am not at all sure they would remember me the way I hang my hopes tonight. That said...I would hope the most important thing they could remember, was that behind Jesus...there is noone else in this world that loves them more than their momma does. Noone! And that no matter what...no matter how messy they are, or how slow they move, or how they try to push boundaries and buttons...I love them so much my heart could just bust. I know that I FEEL all these things...but I am not sure that my children KNOW that I feel like that. I am not sure they know how I treasure and adore them and how great a blessing in my life I consider them to be. Tonight...before they go to bed...they will know. They will know without a doubt that I think they are so special and so precious and so unique and so very dear to me. I hope I don't die tomorrow (I need some time to work on this!) ...but if I did...at least my kids would know THAT. And with the REST of my days...however many God has recorded for me, I plan to work on the things that I HOPE my children will remember about me. Life is good in the desert. Thank you Lord for the sweet whisper of the Holy Spirit who brings me back on track...once again!

A Tale of a Tail

My oh my, is this one brave puppy of mine? Or one very stupid puppy?! I had really thought him quite bright up until this morning! However...Oscar's newest endeavor is to grab Casey, our 14 year old doggy, by the tail! First, he bites her on the butt, making her sit down (otherwise, he can't reach her tail!). He then proceeds to grab her by the tail and play tug of war with her back end. Like I said....very brave, or very stupid. Casey tolerated this game for a while this morning. But all things must come to an end and eventually she put Scrappy Doo here in his place...game over. So...that is what is happening this morning in the Roberts house!

Doggone Cute!

Okay...snapped these two pix of our newest baby this morning...isn't he just the CUTEST thing ever! I really, really do have plenty to do in this house these days...I just can't get enough of this little sweetie though!

Rainbows In My Yard

I took this picture today of a prickly pear cactus in my back yard. Aren't the colors just exquisite?! I just love it! I want to frame it and totally paint a room around it! Nature is SO cool! What's in YOUR backyard?!

Oscar's Bug!

I was heading to bed tonight (or at least I THOUGHT I was!) and was taking the doggies outside for one last piddle opportunity when Oscar discovered this beetle bug. He was FACSINATED! He must have jumped on this poor beetle bug 50 times and would grab it and spit it out and grab it and spit it out and then watch it to see what it would do, and then when it would move, he would grab it and spit it out again! It was fun for Oscar...and fun for me too! And of course, I couldn't resist grabbing my camera!

AFTER

Ta-dah! All finished! One lovely chocolate cocoa wall! I used about a whole inch of paint from the gallon...so...anyone need a pretty full can of chocolate paint? I keep looking around and wondering "What else in this house is crying out to be chocolate?!" Shhhh! Don't tell Chris!

Pizzadilla!....Yum!

Trying to think of what in the world to do for dinner last night (Chris is away...again) and searching the pantry and fridge...VOILA! Pizzadillas were born. Similar to the well known quesadilla...we improvised and created the VERY popular pizzadillas. Tortillas, a little splash of pizza sauce, deli pepperonis and some cheese....fold it in half...throw it in the skillet for a minute or two and...presto...three of the happiest kiddos you have ever seen! I have to admit...they were YUMMY!

BEFORE

Project Time!

Okay...hubby is far, far away...so it's time to get busy on a certain project that I have been itching to take on for some time! It involves paint (NOT one of Chris' favorite things in this world!) and just a wee chunk of my time! So...I am off!

Gifts From the Ghetto

Yesterday I did another portrait session for the American Children's Photography Charity Guild. We do portraits for families of children with terminal diseases. It is all volunteer and is totally free to these families. They get a free session, as well as 20 to 30 printed pictures in varying sizes...all at no cost to them. Yesterday's child was a 16 year old boy with very advanced Muscular Dystrophy. As I was driving around looking for their home (I could NOT find their house number!) I was worrying and thinking to myself how small and run down these homes were and how I probably was not going to have a lot of room to work. After the third pass down the street I FINALLY locate the house number and realize that it's not a tiny house I am walking up to...but a duplex...TWO homes in what I already considered a tiny residence. And when I walked inside it was indeed itty bitty...very, very little room to work. Especially considering the fact that the child was in a large wheelchair and we had that to work around as well. So I improvised some equipment and made some adjustments to my original "portrait plan" and began to shoot pictures of this sweet and delightful family. While I was there I noticed that their tiny little dining area off the kitchen was full...full of a hospital bed with an I.V. drip bag hanging from a hook in the ceiling and then the only other space there in that little corner of the room would be taken up by his wheelchair. Someone had taken great pains to paint the ceiling above his bed in that little dining alcove like a night sky with a solar system and stars so that he would have something to gaze at. He could no longer turn, or even fully support his own head. This child has struggled with this disease his entire life. The earliest pictures of him around the house as just a little guy of two-ish or earlier show him with a tracheotomy in his troat and a wheelchair. It seemed such a very, very sad situation to me. Yet this family was so smiley and happy and adored this kid to death. His older sister had come home to be a part of the picture and they all laughed and joked with him and he joked right back. It was a home filled to busting with love. I initially saw this family as somewhat "destitute" and in a place of poverty that I have never in my life come close to knowing (though I thought I had before yesterday). His mom made a comment that since they had become so much more financially stable over the past few years she was exploring some arts and crafts hobbies. And I realized that this life was actually a big improvement from what they had previously known. And I was just struck as I left there by how unbelievably blessed I am. How completely over the top my life must seem compared to theirs. The things that I take for granted and NEVER give the slightest thought to would be pure luxury for these people. Right down to the furniture I sit on, or the car I drive, or the floors that I mop, or even the air conditioner that I run to keep cool. It is a different world and I am seeing it all in such different perspective today. We have SO MUCH. So much, that at times I think we cease to even see it or recognize it. I don't even know anyone that is not so richly blessed beyond reason it isn't funny. And I know that I am guilty of grumbling over what I don't have and thinking that one day...when we have a little more money maybe we'll do this or that or have this or have that. I'm on a roll here...but it was so life changing to be there. So as I sat sipping my coffee in the front living room this morning taking in my house I realize that I pretty much live in a palace. My home is beautiful and I am really seeing that this morning and really, really, really appreciating that. I am thankful BEYOND what anyone can imagine that my kids are healthy and have been spared the type of life this child has had. I am taken aback by our excessiveness here in our home and realize that my children have known treats and treasures and blessings way far and beyond what they have ever needed to know. I am so thankful and grateful for the opportunity to volunteer with this organization...to be able to meet these people and share a few moments of their life...to be able to give a gift, just because I can. I have said from the start that this photography talent can only come from God...it's not me. There has never been a course or a class of any kind...just me...and that's not enough! I know without a doubt God is behind that lens every time I pick up the camera. I wanted to be a servant with that talent and use it wisely and bless others through it. Only it's ME who is blessed over and over again. In ways that I could have never imagined. Every one of these ACPCG shoots have sent me to the ghetto areas...to very poor families with very sick children...and every time I go to supposedly give this family a gift of a portrait session...It is I who receive the gift...I who receive more blessing than I could ever anticipate. I am a different person today than I was before my first volunteer session back in February. In four months God has led me in directions that have completely opened my eyes and my heart and challenged everything that I know in life. I am thankful beyond words to be able to be a part of it. It's let me see life so differently from the very, very sheltered life that I lead. Life is so good here in the desert...so much better than I need or deserve. God has provided so unbelievably for me and my family. There is no comprehending the depth of his gifts...seen and unseen. I am humble today and seeing life anew here in the desert.

Soggy Doggy

Today was bath day for Oscar(mostly because he fell in the pool and smelled like chlorine!). Folks...he is NOT a water dog! Not even a TINY bit fond of water! So basically, it was just a brief torture session for the little thing...he tried multiple times to escape and just shivered to death through the whole process. He then proceeded to race around the house like a wild man! He sure does smell perty!

WE DON'T DO 4:30!!!

So...it was like a party at the Roberts house at 4:30 this morning! NOT! Chris had to fly out to Europe on the customary dawn flight...so he had to get up at 4:30 this morning to get showered and dressed and out the door to the airport. No big deal...we are used to that. HOWEVER...he had not been in the shower long before our bedroom door creaks open and Miss Clara comes strolling talking of some dream and whatnot. My immediate response was Shhhhhhh (thinking "Let's NOT wake up the puppy.") and I reached out to pull her into my bed in an attempted lightning fast back to sleep maneuver. However...the child had to go potty. So she heads into the bathroom with Chris and now the bedroom is awash in light from the bathroom and full of the sounds of shower running (which, incidentally, was like, OUTRAGEOUSLY loud for some reason this morning) and the two of them are just chatting it up....all at 4:30 a.m. just steps away from my bedside. She finally gets back to my bed and seems rather ready to converse when I let her know that was not an option. Once again...the shhhhhhsh. But then our dog, Casey decided to participate in our ridiculously early morning antics and wants to go outside. GRRRRRRRR! I go and put her out, fulling meaning to leave her out there for the next while and while I was in mid leap back into my comfy bed....little Oscar decides that there is just too much excitement going on and wants in on the action as well. So now he's doing his whining and crying in his crate and the shhhhhsh I give him doesn't work. Imagine that. So now Mom is just getting cranky. We had already gotten to bed late as we had our Dinner for 8 group over last night. The folks left a little after 10:00...then there was the clean up since our home looked like we'd had a frat party all over the place! Then Chris had to pack for his trip and I have a photo shoot for the Charity Guild today, so I had to dismantle my studio and load it into the car...so it was coming up on midnight before we were lights out last night! So I am NOT ready to play, or converse, or do ANYTHING at 4:30. But ready or not, I am at this point in the way early morning standing out in the back yard with Oscar while he decides whether or not he really needs to go. I assured him that if we were UP and OUT at 4:30 he WAS going to go...and he seemed to catch my drift on that and piddled nicely so we could go back inside and TRY to sleep. So we all hop back in bed and I deposit Oscar in my bed as well because I know there is no way he will quietly go back in the crate at this point...and then we do the whole "Let't see if we can bite mommy's nose off" game and the roll around and eat the covers thing before he finally realizes he ought to settle down. So he settles down and I think...ahhhh...finally...sleep! And then about 45 seconds later Chris comes out of the bathroom to finish dressing and Clara needs to know why he is taking a shower in the middle of the night and that's when I had just had enough! I went on to inform ALL of them that we don't DO 4:30 a.m. We just DON'T. So Chris quickly gathered his things and kissed us and scooted out...Clara got still (even though she was still talking to herself under her breath!) and Oscar snuggled in, as did Casey and by now it is 5:00 am. It seems to take forever to drop back off to sleep after all of that and now the sun is coming up too. And then Clara is up and all bright eyed and bushy tailed by 6:15! I send her away into the house to turn on the t.v. and let me sleep some more. She's gone all of 10 minutes (just enough time for me to begin to feel the first tingle of sleep approach...again!) and she's BACK at my bedside to announce that I should cook her some breakfast because "I just heered my stomach growl and it was LOUD!" I told her to find something to hold her over and I would be there...eventually. Anyway. I finally gave up on sleep and we began the day. However...I am SO anticipating a nap this afternoon! I need a seriously strong I.V. coffee drip to get through this day!

On another note...I think I sprained my butt. I did notice it hurting a LOT during step class yesterday that I did immediately following the weight training class. But it seemed all right by the end of class. However...this morning, I am acutely aware that I have a butt and that it is attached to a very achy lower back! Fun, fun fun! And not contributing at all to my crankiness!

Despite all this early morning totally unwanted wake up call and achy brakey butt...I am resolved to find something to be thankful for in it all. So...here it goes...

I am thankful that I got to glimpse the first rays of sunrise this morning (something that RARELY happens for me!)

I am thankful that I can FEEL my butt (painful as it is) and that I am not paralyzed.

I am thankful that our dinner for 8 group was able to get together and enjoy fellowship last night and that everyone seemed to have a good time.

I am thankful for tiny puppies who can't resist giving you kisses to show you just how glad they are to see you and to be in your bed at 4:30 in the morning (even if there were tiny teeth lurking just inside those kisses!).

And I am thankful for little girls who need to go potty in the night and tell you about their weird dreams and want to know why in the world you would take a shower in the middle of the night!

And honestly...right now...I am so thankful for this cup of coffee and the one that came before it and the one that is sure to follow this one...because today it is truly "go juice"...and I know that I can put one foot in front of the other and do what needs to be done because of it! I am SO thankful for God's wisdom in giving us the coffee bean...really, really thankful!

So these are the musings of the weird and weary! Such as they are! Life is good in the desert...better at 7 am than 4:30...but good just the same!

Bountiful Beauties

Was I right? Or was I right? My cactus was all abloom in gorgeous huge flowers this morning! It looked like someone dropped a wreath of flowers right on the top of it. They were just amazing! And then, by 1:00 today....gone. Droopy, wilted, closed and soggy...they were gone. Here for such a short, fleeting time. How awesome that God would create something SO beautiful and have it here for less than a day...and now we have something to look forward to and anticipate again....next year!

More pictures of our baby!

Okay...Oscar is just so doggone cute that I had to post a few more of him that I took this morning! Enjoy!

Tonight is the Night (maybe!)

My blooms are getting ready to explode...any minute now...I am thinking tonight is THE night! I am VERY excited about their opening (as you can tell)! I will be poolside, in my p.j.s bright and early tomorrow morning and HOPEFULLY there will be gorgeous big blooms to photograph! Stay tuned!

Headache

It's Baaaaaaaack! I woke up with a headache this morning. A skull crushing, hurts to move kind of headache. I would have loved to just go back to sleep and see if it might just go away (though I know better), however, Oscar had other plans and we were up promptly at 5:41 a.m. So...hitting it with everything I've got so that I can function in two hours when I head to the gym for a step class. Water, ibuprofen, caffeine, caffeine, water. Hopefully it will budge. It's all on the right side of my head...I think my right eye might fall out. The left side does not hurt at all. All right sided...right up front and around to the side of my temple. Ouch.

Cutest Puppy Ever!

Okay...so Oscar is like, the cutest puppy of all time! He is SO so sweet and SO so cute and OH so loveable...just a little cutie, he is! The kids adore him and have had a blast throwing the ball for him and watching him jump and play. He's a good baby too. He has been going potty outside like a good boy. He no longer seems completely freaked out by the world beyond the sliding glass door! Last night also went really well as sleeping in his crate...sleeping being the main word in that thought! He slept through the night with nary a peep and nary an accident! He's the best and easiest baby ever to live in THIS family! That's for sure! He has been a real bright spot in this house the past 48 hours and we are all deeply and hopelessly attached to the little guy!

Anticipation!

Yippeeee! My night blooming cereus is getting ready to do it's "thang" as we might say in the south! It is busting with blooms and any day now there is going to be a show of huge and amazing blooms! I caught last years purely by accident and was SO excited about it (I think the picture is probably in June of last year's blog entry!). I have been waiting to see what this year would hold! Last year I had exactly 3 blooms...this year....TEN! This is my all time favorite cactus to bloom....and it blooms exactly once a year, in June. So...I'm a waitin! Camera is READY! Life is SO good in the desert!

A New Addition to Our Family

Meet Oscar. New to our family. 9 weeks old. Precious. Adorable. Sweet beyond words. Cuddly. It's neat and special to have a baby in the house again! More about this little guy to come!

Headache X 2

I have a headache tonight. It's a doozy. Had one yesterday starting at lunch as well. This would be day 4 and 5 of my cycle. Not than anyone cares one bit about my headache...but I keep saying I'm going to keep track (they seem to be really on the rise and way too frequent here lately)...but then I don't. So tonight, consider these last two headaches documented. The end.

Time to Beef Up My Workout!

My littlest one just woke up from a nap. She was unbelievably cranky this morning...so a nap was a non negotiable event today. She slept well over two hours...which means she was tired! And when she woke up she said "You're MY mommy. I love you so much." And I said that I loved her too. Then she proceeded to tell me how soft my skin was and how pretty my face was and just how "gooshy" I feel when she hugs me. So...since I am obviously on the "gushy" soft side...and five years olds don't lie...nor do they surgarcoat the truth!...I think that it is time to take my workout up a a notch! I am DEFINITELY up a good 5 to 7 pounds right now...the scale also does not lie (though Chris was SO sure that it did that he went out and bought another, equally truthful scale)...and Clara is all over the truth of this matter! It was a sweet, but eye opening comment from my daughter. I treasure her sweetness but have no desire whatsoever to be remembered as "my gooshy, squishy, mommy"! So...off to Target now to buy a pilates workout DVD!

God Breezes

Chris and I were doing our devotions last night (his idea to pick it up again!) and the topic was about feeling led to pray. It told a story about how it was laid on a mother's heart to pray for her daughter and she tried to put it aside...but it kept coming back. So she stopped everything there in her kitchen and prayed for the safety of her daughter and asked God to place a protective ring of angels around her daughter. A short time later a policeman knocked on her door to let her know that her daughter had been in a fairly serious car accident...but had only minor injuries. So then Chris and I got to talking about feeling the prompt of the Holy Spirit in our lives and giving examples of when we "hear" it. My friend in Florida had a term for those prompts...and she called them God breezes. When God speaks to your heart and touches it in a way that it is almost as if God himself whispers in your ear. It was a very interesting conversation...and in the midst of it, I realized that Chris had experienced a God breeze here recently, as it had been laid on his heart to pick up our devotions, and to work together, as a married couple, on living in the word of God and developing a strong foundation for the rest of our lives and for our family. It's neat how God works things out...is it not? Many, O Lord, my God are the wonders you have done.-Psalm 40:5

Conversations with Clara

So...this was a rather interesting conversation with my soon to be five year old daughter. It went something like this...

"Mom...you know the best part about going swimming?"

And I said "No Clara...what is the best part about going swimming?" And I expect her to tell me how it cools her off, or how fun it is to do her jumps or spins...or how she loves to dive to the bottom for the dive rings and toys. But no! She proceeds to tell me...

"The best part of swimming is right after you get out and you go pee and it's so warm on your tooty after after all that cold! I just love that warm spreading pee feeling."

So...now how's that for some interesting thought processes?! She never ceases to amuse us and keep us on our toes! On the bright side...at least she's not peeing in the pool!

Brushes With Nature

These were a few of our family's nature encounters in Zion National Park...up close and personal! Have I mentioned that this was the MOST amazing trip EVER?!

And Then They Went To...

Our camping journey finally found our family in Zion National Park in Zion, Utah. We spent three glorious nights camping in the most amazing scenery I have ever beheld! They originally called it Zion because it was so beautiful that they said God himself would have his throne there. I had to agree...the place was majestically gorgeous and mind boggling in it's sheer beauty. Our family had a fantastic time hiking the different trails such as the Emerald Pools and the Riverside walk, hiking the Narrows and getting to do the Ride with the Ranger tour through the park. We learned a LOT about the might power of water, and how it can change and shape the surroundings. It was one of the most educational and fun and beautiful places that I have ever been! I cannot wait to have the opportunity to return there some day. I would highly, highly, highly recommend this destination and feel so very blessed to have been able to see it all! My pictures do not begin to capture the awesomeness and beauty of the place! You simply have to go and see it for yourself!

The Journey Goes On

The next leg of our journey after Oak Creek Canyon finds our family at the Grand Canyon. We have never ever been there and were very excited as we approached this awesome and mind boggling hole in the ground! The weather was beautiful for us and the campground was VERY, very nice. This place too, also had showers (ALWAYS a bonus when you are camping for more than a night!) as well as laundry facilities, a fantastic and well stocked grocery store, a post office, a restaurant, and so much more. The nights were quite chilly, but the days nice and toasty warm. The sun shone beautifully, even while we watched it rain out over the vast canyon. We hiked down a ways into the canyon. NOT the thirteen miles to the bottom...but down a little ways and back up again. It was a neat experience and now we can say we have done it! I doubt that we will be able to talk Clara into doing it again! She definitely DID NOT like the hike down through all of the smelly donkey poop. She complained rather loudly all the way down through it and even more loudly on the way back up! Uphill hiking in the heat was NOT her cup of tea NOR her idea of a dream vacation. So...we hiked a BIT of the Grand Canyon...just the tip really...but that was ALL Clara would allow us to do...this time!

Travels

Our family has been on the road camping for the past 8 days. Our journey began with a stop at Oak Creek Canyon. Oak Creek Canyon is up by Flagstaff and Sedona and is one of our favorite places to camp as a family. It is a BEAUTIFUL place with huge trees, tons of shade, awesome hiking, creeks and streams, views that are just amazing...oh...and they have showers! We only spent one night at Oak Creek canyon as we had been there before and were off to other destinations. But our one night was just awesome and fun and the kids enjoyed it greatly! Here are some pictures of that leg of our journey!