Rough Days

Rough days happening here. So much just piling up on me at once. Lots to get done and stay on top of. And the more I try to stay on top of it, the farther behind I seem to fall. When it rains, it pours! I have more NoW I Lay Me Down to Sleep babies this week than I can shake a stick at. One tomorrow that I am finding particularly bothersome. I have to go to a funeral home here in Tucson and do a session for a baby that passed away in an accident over a week ago. That's a really long time, you know. So I am having a bit of anxiety over this one as it is SO far outside of what the "norm" is for these sessions... if there could ever be a norm in this realm of photography?. I learned today that Arizona is NOT an embalming state...they just don't do it. So. Just for the record...if I die here suddenly, then cremate me quickly. Do not keep me on ice for a week or two. And don't bury me either. Just throw me in the fiery furnace and set me on the mantle! And so... on that cheerful note...

My son is so unhappy at school and it is breaking my heart into a million pieces. He is such a bright kid and a sweet kid and a trusting little soul. But middle school is such a cruel time and he has become quite the target. Kids can be so mean. And he has managed to hold it all together so beautifully this year. Until now and it is all coming to a head and I see how unhappy and how sad and downtrodden he is and I just hurt for him all over. Unfortunately, Chris and I do not agree on how to handle the situation. The mom in me wants to protect him so much. To bring him back home again and just work with him at home like we did his first three and a half years of school. I want to protect and nurture that sweet, sweet side of him and protect his gentle spirit and just keep him safe. I'm fine too with enrolling him in Pusch Ridge Christian Academy. A smaller, gentler environment with Christ at the center of each and every day. I have pushed for that one more than a time or two now. Chris will hear none of it. He says Max is going to that school and that is all there is to it. That he was also picked on as a kid and turned out just fine. That he will toughen up and get through it. We are at a great impasse. I stand by the fact that our Max is just different. He is not like other kids and we have suspected that from his earliest days. I have no idea how we will solve this. But for now, my heart is just breaking for my son.

What else? Well. To take some of the sting out of life and relieve some of the pressure building and the upset in my stomach I ran today. I turned my music up LOUD and just let it roar through my headphones. I ran 8 miles. That is a first in a LONG time. The phone just rang and rang...but I didn't know it because I had the music so loud. And I was glad of that. In addition to adding an additional mile to my previous limit of seven miles, I also ran the majority of those miles a good bit faster than normal. I generally run a 10 minute mile. Today I ran 8:57 minute miles. Eight of them at that. So that was no small accomplishment. Did it clear my head? Some. Did it help my heart? Not as much as I would have hoped. Mostly I was just tired at the end. As I sit here at 6:00 p.m. I could really quite easily crawl into bed and call it a night. Yeah. I'm tired.

My kids continue to reinact the World Wars amongst themselves. It seems as though they are constantly at each other's throat. They cannot seem to find it in their power to be even remotely nice to one another. This is really grating on my nerves and the discord really is the prevalent theme here lately. All three of them are currently grounded. From everything. They are spending lots of time in their rooms...ALONE, since they cannot seem to be able to stay in the same room with another sibling without major fights erupting. Clara is sporting a beautiful rug burn on her chin as a result of her most recent run-in with Ben. She was annoying him... go figure. So naturally, the obvious solution to annoying little sisters is to trip them and send them sprawling, face first across the carpet. NOT!!! So we have some things to work on with these three kids of ours. Some days this parenting stuff is so overwhelming that I just have to question God's wisdom in even giving us these kids in the first place! I just have to wonder...am I being punished for something in my life that I have these three children who seem to completely hate each other? Or am I to learn some huge lesson in all of this (and I am obviously NOT getting it as this just keeps continuing on and on and on and on), or does God really think that I can somehow steer these unruly children into some semblance of a productive adult life? I tell you...kids should come with an instruction manual. There should be a trouble shooting page. "If your child is misfunctioning, press the reset button for 3 seconds and then reboot." But alas...no reset button. No manual. Nothing. Oh well.

That's about enough complaining and griping today. Tomorrow is a new day! Thank goodness!

Happenings Around Here

Where to begin? Well. For starters, Clara has been sick and running a fever for 6 days now. We headed in to see the doctor on Tuesday when I first discovered the 102 degree fever... but they had no answers. Didn't think it was allergies. Strep test was negative and the long strep test also came back negative. That said, still, as of today, continues to run a fever. So whether or not she heads to school tomorrow remains to be seen.

I have been playing tennis...though not so much as my hand has developed a lovely pain in it that radiates from my pinky finger all the way down the side of my hand every time my racquet connects with the ball. One might think that given the pain symptoms that I might stop playing for a bit...yeah. One might think that. But no. Game on.

I have picked up my running again. This morning, since we could not go to church with our sick little princess, I ran 7 miles on the treadmill. It was a lovely time to visit with and contemplate on the pain in my feet. No idea what that is all about. I did buy some new running shoes today in hopes of helping with some of that. Perhaps it is just a need for some new, fresh cushioning! I figure that I can alternate my running days with my tennis days to more evenly spread out all my aching and throbbing body parts!

Speaking of my aching and throbbing body parts... FINALLY, it seems that I have my aching shoulder under control again. I had a bit of neck tightness this week...but not one second of that crazy shoulder pain that I had for that couple of months. It seems the new massage chair has really been key in turning all that nasty business around! (Thank you Mary for introducing me to that little jewel!)

What else? School is winding down here. Only 4 weeks to go. And that means that WE are winding UP for our big summer camping trip to Zion, Bryce and the North Rim! Hooray! We are all very excited and Chris mentions constantly how much he needs a BIG vacation!

Ooooh! Speaking of BIG vacations... Chris told me that the next Breast Cancer think tank thingy, the one we went to Hawaii in January for; the next one is going to be in ...... COSTA RICA!!!! Oh yeah! Sign me up baby! It's funny. Rarely am I inspired to travel. I LOVE being right here at home in Tucson. But now and again a destination of great interest crosses my path and I find myself mentally packing my suitcases and camera gear! Can you imagine the pictures in Costa Rica? My camera finger gets itchy just thinking about it!

And then that brings me to the camera finger. It's going to get quite busy here very shortly as I am doing the pictures for Clara's ballet studio in another week or so. That should be great fun with all these little glamour girls in their precious tutus! I imagine that when that one is all said and done that I too, will be more than ready for a REAL vacation away! Of course... I will still have my camera firmly in hand! The places we are going are like a photographer's heaven to be sure!

That's about all that is happening around here. Pretty boring stuff as I look over it! But hey! I guess that's life in the Robert's house these days!

Outside with Clara

I have had my eye on a spot here close to the house for a time now and have been wondering how it would photograph. On Friday, I finally got the chance to find out! Clara helped me out (she's so very sweet that way) and jumped into this precious little white dress for me. We gave her curls (her favorite!) and headed out for a test shoot! I'm fairly pleased with the results! Definitely a place to keep in mind!

Mac Misery

Okay...not to sound redundant...but I just don't love this Mac! The newest development? I have no slideshow tool now. And I HAVE to have that one. I HAVE to build those for my NILMDTS families. Chris assures me that there are a couple of options for building slideshows here on my computer...but after taking a look himself last night...there is NOT! And even though this new computer has the same version of Photoshop Elements as my other computer...which, incidentally is what I build my slideshows through...apparently the Mac version does NOT have slideshow capabilities. GRRRRRRR. But my beef with this piece of technology does NOT stop there. I recall specifically asking Chris if this new and improved big computer was going to fit okay into my computer armoire...recently purchased this past year to the tune of $1500 or so. And he says "Yes...of course!" So last night, I get out my measuring tape because my eyes just cast doubt when I look at the size of this computer screen verses the hole it is supposed to fit into. And the verdict? Unless you can cut nearly two inches off of the sides of this computer...it WON'T fit. Ain't gonna happen. Oh...it will sit on the desk all right and the doors will close...but it won't fit into the cubby it is supposed to fit in and by having it sit forward of that cubby I will lose all access to four drawers that are to either side of that space. Not to mention that my screen will be like SO up close and totally right in my face! And so...my Mac misery continues. One day I know that I will love this thing...or at least be able to accomplish something at it without feeling the urge to snatch it up and smash it through the window! But for today...I'm not feeling the love!

Have I mentioned....?

Have I mentioned here lately in the last 24 hours how much I HATE this stupid Mac computer? I mean...it's a nice big, pretty screen and all. Incredible really. But a real pain in the butt. It seems that each and every 24 hour period brings on a new and improved reason to just totally hate this stupid computer! I don't recall any period in my life when I was so perpetually aggravated with anything. Chris keeps telling me it's so simple...which does NOT help or increase my love for this piece of technology. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! It's NOT simple. It's NOT easy. It's NOT intuitive...and I really have NO idea why I ever agreed to purchase this thing. My life was ticking along just great not so long ago with my other computer. No problems. No real frustrations. Just hopped on there and did what I had to do and that was it. But those days are just gone. Now every single time I sit down at this I just want to smash it. Basically. So...that's my life currently, in a nutshell. Perpetually aggravated and frustrated. The end.

Beware of the Triangles

So...I have been waiting for 3 days for Chris to get back into town because I am experiencing (yet again) some new and improved problem with this Mac of mine. I can't get my pictures to "Proof" so that I can post them for a client. I talked to him over the phone about it and he said he would look at it when he got home. SO... he got home! I bring him before this stupid computer and show him how my "proof" action is just totally not there....and he totally clicks on this one tiny triangle and it's... DONE! I was SO mad. The conversation went like this:

T- "Why couldn't you have just told me to do that over the phone 3 days ago?"
C- "You said there was nothing on the right side of the screen"
T- "There WASN'T anything on the right side of the screen."
C- "Yes there was...that little triangle"
T- " Hellloooo! I have never before had to click on any little triangle. It's always been obvious."
C- "It was obvious just then."
T- "To WHO???!!!"
C- "Well, duh! Everyone!"
T-"If it was that obvious, then you should have been able to walk me through it on the phone."
C-" If you had told me what was on the screen, I could have."
T-" There WASN'T anything on the screen."
C-"The triangle."
T- "Of course...the triangle. How silly of me!"
C-"It was right there in front of you!"
T- "GGGGRRRRRRRRR! I hate this Mac"

TRAUMA

I have to say that this has been a traumatic week for me. Yep. I had to go bathing suit shopping and it really, really, really, really, REALLY sucked! I HATE to bathing suit shop and only do it when I absolutely HAVE to! I bought my last suit three years ago. And I really like it a lot and it looks decent enough. However, I have noticed here lately that if I wear it and sit in the sun, then there are several places UNDER my suit that are getting burned. So I am thinking that maybe the fabric is getting a little bit worn and/or stressed. It looks okay to me...but the water blisters on my boob kind of made me think I really need to take action on this one. So off to the mall I went. I looked...and I looked...and I looked some more. To NO avail. Bathing suits are just yucky and when I put them on they just get yuckier! I also noticed the disturbing trend of "much less costs MUCH more"! It seemed the less fabric involved in the making of the suit, the more expensive the suit was. What is UP with that? I mean...I was holding all of three square inches of material in my hand with a couple of strings hanging off of it and the price tag was OUTRAGEOUS!!! WHO designs these bathing suit contraptions anyway? So I decided I had had enough suit saga for one day and left the mall so that I could shop for this next suit of mine from the catalog in the comfort of my own home. WELL! Again...who the heck designs these things? Flipping through the catalogs was really no easier. For one...I would like to see one of these suits on a human who actually consumed some food sometime in this past month or two. I mean... how in the WORLD would I even begin to GUESS what this same suit might look like if you stretched it out and increased it's size the 10 times you would need to in order for it to fit me?! GRRRRRRR! Show me that suit on a regular lady...you know. One who has had three or four kids. And has the real life hips to show it. And the belly pooch and the back fat. THEN I might start to get a picture of what that might look like in real life on me! No such luck. And so I am sitting here tonight with my scissors and my Land's End catalog cutting out tops and bottoms of suits so that I can envision that whole mix and match package thing. Kind of like a really depressing paper dolls session...minus the fat lady of course! Alaska always starts to look more appealing to me at times like this. I bet they don't even SELL bathing suits in Alaska! Well...that's enough for now! Back to my bathing suit shopping!

Pictures for YOU, Daddy!

OK Dad! Here are the pictures of the new abode on it's first maiden voyage! Enjoy! The weather was exceedingly glorious and the landscape was just breathtaking with all the beautiful yellow and purple blooms everywhere! The lake was just so pretty there against that amazing backdrop! I SO enjoyed walking about and just soaking it all in. Summer will be on us here before we know it, so I made a special point to really enjoy those couple of days outside in the spring air and the burst of color that surrounded us! We all had a blast and our first trip in the new rig was a huge success!

Success....somewhat

I FINALLY successfully posted a gallery online tonight. It only took like, forever, to accomplish that task that used to take me only a couple of minutes. But now, it is done and I THINK I might be able to even do it again. Maybe. And that's a really good thing as I have two shoots coming up later this week and Chris is going out of town. So being able to navigate this infernal computer system is getting more paramount by the day! And so now, because I really REALLY NEED to be able to do it...I won't be able to. Nope. Not for anything. And I will stew and scream and rant and holler and just be generally pissed off at technology and the idiot who designed this stupid mac system in the first place until Chris gets home and can bail me out! Just a preview of my upcoming weekend and first part of next week! So, on that note...Wish me luck!

FRUSTRATION!!!

Ugggh! I am MAXED out on frustration right about now! I have a new Mac computer. A neccesary evil for this business of mine. It LOOKS pretty enough. It's big and beautiful and has an AMAZING picture display. Very, very snazzy. Also a very, VERY BIG pain in the butt. I am running between the two computers right now and I am going crazy. It is taking forever to get everything that I have and need from the other computer onto this one! And I don't really realize that I need it until like, the second I need it! GRRRRRRR!!!! So then I end up just majorly mad at this thing and the whole process and have to wait a whole day or two until Chris can get a chance to download what I need. Then once it is all downloaded I need him to go in and further set it up the way I need it. It's making me CRAZY I tell you! Not to mention that everything is backwards on the Mac and there is no right click on the mouse and I can't just ctrl-C things and paste them where I want them. It's back to the BASICS and I am NOT having any fun at all with it. So there. The end.

This One is For You, Dad!