Rough Days

Rough days happening here. So much just piling up on me at once. Lots to get done and stay on top of. And the more I try to stay on top of it, the farther behind I seem to fall. When it rains, it pours! I have more NoW I Lay Me Down to Sleep babies this week than I can shake a stick at. One tomorrow that I am finding particularly bothersome. I have to go to a funeral home here in Tucson and do a session for a baby that passed away in an accident over a week ago. That's a really long time, you know. So I am having a bit of anxiety over this one as it is SO far outside of what the "norm" is for these sessions... if there could ever be a norm in this realm of photography?. I learned today that Arizona is NOT an embalming state...they just don't do it. So. Just for the record...if I die here suddenly, then cremate me quickly. Do not keep me on ice for a week or two. And don't bury me either. Just throw me in the fiery furnace and set me on the mantle! And so... on that cheerful note...

My son is so unhappy at school and it is breaking my heart into a million pieces. He is such a bright kid and a sweet kid and a trusting little soul. But middle school is such a cruel time and he has become quite the target. Kids can be so mean. And he has managed to hold it all together so beautifully this year. Until now and it is all coming to a head and I see how unhappy and how sad and downtrodden he is and I just hurt for him all over. Unfortunately, Chris and I do not agree on how to handle the situation. The mom in me wants to protect him so much. To bring him back home again and just work with him at home like we did his first three and a half years of school. I want to protect and nurture that sweet, sweet side of him and protect his gentle spirit and just keep him safe. I'm fine too with enrolling him in Pusch Ridge Christian Academy. A smaller, gentler environment with Christ at the center of each and every day. I have pushed for that one more than a time or two now. Chris will hear none of it. He says Max is going to that school and that is all there is to it. That he was also picked on as a kid and turned out just fine. That he will toughen up and get through it. We are at a great impasse. I stand by the fact that our Max is just different. He is not like other kids and we have suspected that from his earliest days. I have no idea how we will solve this. But for now, my heart is just breaking for my son.

What else? Well. To take some of the sting out of life and relieve some of the pressure building and the upset in my stomach I ran today. I turned my music up LOUD and just let it roar through my headphones. I ran 8 miles. That is a first in a LONG time. The phone just rang and rang...but I didn't know it because I had the music so loud. And I was glad of that. In addition to adding an additional mile to my previous limit of seven miles, I also ran the majority of those miles a good bit faster than normal. I generally run a 10 minute mile. Today I ran 8:57 minute miles. Eight of them at that. So that was no small accomplishment. Did it clear my head? Some. Did it help my heart? Not as much as I would have hoped. Mostly I was just tired at the end. As I sit here at 6:00 p.m. I could really quite easily crawl into bed and call it a night. Yeah. I'm tired.

My kids continue to reinact the World Wars amongst themselves. It seems as though they are constantly at each other's throat. They cannot seem to find it in their power to be even remotely nice to one another. This is really grating on my nerves and the discord really is the prevalent theme here lately. All three of them are currently grounded. From everything. They are spending lots of time in their rooms...ALONE, since they cannot seem to be able to stay in the same room with another sibling without major fights erupting. Clara is sporting a beautiful rug burn on her chin as a result of her most recent run-in with Ben. She was annoying him... go figure. So naturally, the obvious solution to annoying little sisters is to trip them and send them sprawling, face first across the carpet. NOT!!! So we have some things to work on with these three kids of ours. Some days this parenting stuff is so overwhelming that I just have to question God's wisdom in even giving us these kids in the first place! I just have to wonder...am I being punished for something in my life that I have these three children who seem to completely hate each other? Or am I to learn some huge lesson in all of this (and I am obviously NOT getting it as this just keeps continuing on and on and on and on), or does God really think that I can somehow steer these unruly children into some semblance of a productive adult life? I tell you...kids should come with an instruction manual. There should be a trouble shooting page. "If your child is misfunctioning, press the reset button for 3 seconds and then reboot." But alas...no reset button. No manual. Nothing. Oh well.

That's about enough complaining and griping today. Tomorrow is a new day! Thank goodness!