Chris and Tonya enjoy the view and the rest along the hiking trail. 

Outdoor Adventures

My family went camping this past weekend. We had the time of our lives. We were originally heading for Dead Horse Ranch State Park which is about 3 hours to 3 1/2 hours north of us. However, once we arrived there we found the place to be a bit disappointing. There was NO shade whatsoever and the scenery left a lot to be desired. So we struck out for destinations unknown at that point to see what we might find. We ended up between Sedona and Flagstaff at Cave Springs in the Coconino National Forest and it was SOOOO beautiful! It was paradise there. The scenery was breathtaking and the temperature was DREAMY!!!! We actually FROZE the first night as we had prepared for weather about 15 degrees warmer (at our original destination). However, after that first night we made a quick run to the Flagstaff Target and bought some long undies and we were in business, all warm and cozy and happy again. We enjoyed hot sausages and fried eggs with cheese danish for breakfast Saturday morning and then headed off for a rather difficult and definitely vertical hike! We climbed forever it seemed and the scenery was breathtaking. But Clara is weighing in several pounds heavier this year than she was last year and the hike was rather challenging....even if you were NOT carrying Clara. So we never made it up to the top....but I think we were probably close. But we had had enough and the boys were really tired. So we headed home and showered up (that was PURE HEAVEN!!!) and started slow roasting a pork loin for dinner. After that we shared hot roasted marshmallows and the heat of the fire before 3 kids were begging to go to bed. That is the greatest thing about camping. The kids are just exhausted from all the fresh air and playing all day. Once the little darlings were all tucked in Chris and I put our feet up by the fire and cozied up a bit. We got real sleepy REAL quick, so Chris headed out for the restroom while I stayed and watched the fire. While he was away I kind of gazed at the fire and got lost in it for a good few minutes. Then out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed a quick movement quite close to my chair and it was then that I realized that I had a SKUNK right at my feet and under my chair! YIKES! I sat very still and was not really worried about him. I knew that if I stayed still and quiet I would not have too much trouble. But right about that time that I became aware of mister skunk, Chris came stomping back from the restroom. I was trying to quietly and calmly get his attention so that he would kindly not startle the creature under my chair and get me sprayed with lovely eau d'skunk....he was heading my way quickly. But I did manage to call it to his attention and he was kind enough to get the lantern on for me and identify the location of our little visitor, who had moved by that time juswt behind my chair. AFter he moved just a bit more I was able to slowly move away and join Chris across the camp AWAY from the smelly little critter. That was my first up close and personal encounter with a skunk. I've never seen one before that wasn't roadkill. So that was kind of cool. The rest of our trip was great. We were much warmer the second night and all seemed to sleep a little better. We took our time getting home and are looking forward to our camping trip coming up this next weekend! Wish us luck! Life is good here in the desert!

My baby ballerina...how quickly they grow up! 

Ballerina Girl 

Going, Going, Gone

I was sitting outside with my children tonight enjoying the cool evening air when Benjamin came and sat down on my lap. It has been quite a long time since my baby boy climbed up on my lap as he is nearly 8 years old now. I was struck by how huge he is now and noticed that he is too big now to be able to comfortably snuggle into me. As a matter of fact he really didn't seem to be able to get comfortable on my lap at all. And so as I sat thinking and pondering on that thought I walked down memory lane a bit and remembered how easily he used to fit there and how snuggly he used to be. And I tried to remember the last time I scooped him up in my arms and carried him with me or held him or just snuggled with him like that. And I couldn't remember when it was....which tells me that it was quite a long time ago. And then I looked at little Clara. She is already three and growing like a weed. I had just remarked to Jackie at how much she had grown in the very short time since she and I had purchased the little dress she was wearing today. It is already getting short on her and is now well above her little knees....when I bought it she had PLENTY of growing room in it...but now she doesn't! She is already quite heavy to carry and I find myself telling her no when she asks to be picked up or carried. And I found myself wondering when the last time will be with Clara. When will be my last scooping her up to snuggle or when will I last carry her to the car or her little warm, sleeping body to her bed? And will I know that it is my last time? Or will the last time come and go unnoticed and unacknowledged until way down the line when I one day look at her when she is nearly eight and I wonder how in the world that happened? I am trying so hard to cherish these days and hold them a little longer and snuggle them a little closer because I KNOW that these days are short and nearly gone. Sometimes I am SO frustrated with the phases and attitudes of childhood. But at other times I am struck absolutely and totally with a love and wonder for them that I NEVER in a million years could have imagined. The spectrum of feelings involved with child rearing is truly mind boggling. I carried my baby girl upstairs tonight after her bath. And I snuggled into her and inhaled the fresh, clean scent of freshly bathed baby...and it was heaven. And I enjoyed every single step up those stairs and every single breath that I inhaled. Because I know that ALL TOO SOON, the night will come when my 8 year old daughter tries to sit on my lap and finds it all too uncomfortable and I will think back on the days when she was my baby girl of three and smelled like Mango Paradise bubble bath and always wanted to sit on my lap and be carried. You see...these are the days to cherish...the ones when they are still little and sweet and though, not always angels...always our babies! Time is marching on and is taking our babies with him! And even as I type this tonight they are going, going, going. Life is good in the desert. I am so blessed to have 3 beautiful and healthy children. And my heart is lighter and I know without a doubt that when Clara asks me tomorrow, "Can you carry this baby girl, Mommy?", that my answer will be "Absolutely!"

Bounce, Bounce

Okay...so the whole eight pound loss is not exactly sticking so to speak. I am bouncing all around...though still a lot lower than when I started. I bounce up today and then the next day I am down a little bit...then back up...then down a little. One of these days it WILL stick! I know it! I'm not too worried about it. I feel pretty good these days and know that it will take a good bit of time....that whole lifestyle change thing! They say that Rome wasn't built in a week. Well, neither was my big butt...and so it shall not be destroyed in a week either!

On a more fun note...Clara started pre-school today! She had her little backpack on her back and was all smiles as we headed off for her first day. I expected tears or stress as we parted ways...but when the time came for me to slip out she was waving wildly and saying "Bye, Mom!". She obviously was not experiencing the anxiety that I was so worried about. So now my baby girl is a school girl! She had the time of her life. She painted and colored and sang songs and had snacks and played on the playground and read 2 stories and played with Playdoh. I guess in the life of a three year old, it just doesn't get too much better than that, huh? She can hardly wait for Tuesday when she gets to go back! I am relieved to know that she had such a good time.

We met Ben's teacher tonight and I can honestly say that I really adored her! Super nice, really energetic and totally fun. Ben SOOO needed to have a great and fun year this year. She seems like a really fantastic teacher and I am really thrilled and excited for him and he seems to be really happy as well. Not really sure about Max's teacher yet. She seems really nice I guess. But I haven't really decided what I feel about her. Max seems to like her well enough, but only time will tell. Granted, 4th grade is a whole lot tougher than 3rd, and more is expected and the day to day stuff is more serious...I still just don't know about Max's teacher. His teacher from last year told me that I would just love his new teacher. But she did not place her own children there with this teacher and I wonder why not. If she is so great and all that. Only time will tell. I have no complaints at this point with any of my kids teachers. All is well in the land of back to school! Life is very good in the desert!

I'm Down 8!

So I am officially down eight pounds now in this calorie counting adventure. I would think that I would be overjoyed and feeling like such a hottie. But the thing is...I'm just not there. Now granted...things are looking a lot better now...MUCH better now. The scale is terribly kind to me each day and my clothes fit better. Do I think that they fit fantastic? No...but definitely better. It's just that I still see so much that can go. I don't think that I will hit any plateau soon...I just have too much to spare! I am not frustrated by the calorie counting at all...it isn't hard by any means and I am not feeling deprived in any way. I just thought that by the time I saw these weights on the scale it would all look a lot better in the mirror. I know I can go more...not one person, shy of Chris has even noticed any weight drop at all....which means that I have not lost enough to make any real difference. NOw granted, I will be able to breathe in most of my jeans this winter at this pace....but still...I was thinking that I would really see the results by this point. I guess I just have farther to go than I thought that I did! That's okay. I'm enjoying myself and making slow, but sure progress!

The kids are back in school now and Clara starts preschool on Thursday. She is very excited about that and can hardly wait to get there on Thursday. The boys both seem excited about the school year and seem to be making good friends all around. I just hope things go as well for Clara! Speaking of Clara. I got her little earring all turned around and fixed so that the back is in the back and the front is in the front again. It was no problem at all when I tried to do it this last time. I guess the few extra days really helped it stay open better. Now she is all fronts forward and ready for action. She looks SO pretty!

We are off to the gym tomorrow for the Get Ripped class and boxercise. Tomorrow's exercise burns about 800 calories for me! Hooray! Jackie is going with me and we are going to just tear it up tomorrow! Wish us luck! Life is good in the desert!

Backwards!

So, I mentioned previously that Clara had her ears pierced. It has been a week and 3 days since that momentous event. Well, last night when Clara took her shirt off one of the earrings got hung on her shirt and came out with her shirt. We heard this little tiny clink on the tile in the bathroom and I looked down and there it was. This is not supposed to happen at all. The earrings are supposed to be locking and should be quite difficult to remove. However, apparently Clara has a pair that is not so tight locking. It did not seem to hurt at all, but it did strike a chord of panic in our household. In a new piercing, if the earring is removed, the hole will close fairly immediately. And so we quickly tried to reinsert the earring into the hole...to NO AVAIL! It could not be done. So i was very disappointed and worried all night long about it. Clara was SO very excited about her earrings. So was mommy! And I was so disappointed in the setback. I imagined that we would have to let the hole heal over and that Clara would just have to wear one earring for 6 weeks or so and then get that one repierced. But when I called the ear place this morning I found that not to be the case at all. The girl there asked if I had tried to put the earring back in and I told her that I had tried. Then she asked me if I tried putting it in through the back instead of the front and I said no. So I tried that and guess what....it worked! Hooray. I was supposed to put it in through the back and then pull it out and put it in through the front...but I never could get it to work that way. So I finally just put it in from the back and slapped the back on the front. Then I called the girl at the piercing place and she said that if I bring her in in a few days she will help me turn it around the right way. That is a relief and we will have another week under our belt to heal a little more. But for now...her one earring is backward, but is thankfully in place and doing it's job. I imagine that there is no real harm in just leaving it in backward for the next 5 weeks....it works both ways! But I hate seeing her look so funny and I really miss seeing those tiny little blue studs at her earlobes. I see that on one side, and then a big gold back on the other! So in another week we will pursue having it fixed! Until then! We are backwards in the desert!

Dieting Diva!

Okay....so I have been having this horrific battle with a really nasty little 6 pounds for over a month now. I'm not talking about monthly bloating where the scale swings heavy for two or three days and then is back to normal. Things have definitely been sticking to the heavier side of the scale. No doubt about it. So I made sure that I was getting good workouts and lifting weights....still the scale is stuck and my shorts are tight. I got frustrated and picked up the Atkins diet again and lasted like a whole 2 days on it...I just CANNOT do that one. It makes me SOOOO unbelievably cranky. So then I just went back to the good old fashioned way of counting calories. I made it a point to write down every single bite and morsel that crossed these lips....every single one. And then after just a couple of days...guess what....results!!!! I am really into it now and it helps me SOOO much to see what my daily calories are at and to have to stop and think how a seemingly harmless "little" snack might impact my daily picture. Chris downloaded this really cool Calorie King calorie counter program for my computer. It gives you a two week trial period to use it for free...then if you keep it is costs you 30 bucks. It is an awesome program to be sure and I want to keep it forever. It has a huge bank of foods listed so all you have to do is click on them and add them to either your breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack list. Or, if a food you eat isn't on the list, it lets you add it and then it is there on your list for future reference. It keeps a chart for you of your weight and your measurements. It tallys your calories, takes into account your exercise (which you enter) and adjusts your calorie allowance accordingly. It also has a place to journal if you like to write about your eating and the feelings that go along with it. A really, really cool program. It is SUCH a help! I still have about 3 pounds to go and they are going to be tough ones I think. But I am VERY motivated and ready to be comfortable in my clothes. I DO NOT want to have to get into my jeans right now the way I am. I can get into them....but it ain't pretty....not to mention the fact that I really do need to be able to breathe in my jeans and right now that is not a realistic option! I do believe the summer has made me stagnant and bored. Too much time in the house...too much boredom. I confess....I find myself eating out of boredom. So.....I am very thankful for my calorie king counter which is keeping me SO in line right now and SO on target!

Not much else happening. We went to church today and our Sunday school class, or ABF as they call it here (adult bible fellowship)had everyone divide into "committees", so to speak. You went to the area that you were most interested in working with, whether that was social, or service, or teaching or connecting new members, etc. I went to connecting new members, mostly because I still am not feeling connected. I told them all about our Round Table class in Florida. Half of them were very interested and totally recognized the value of the circle and being connected with a stationary group for a period of time. Then others, mostly the ones that have been there for a long time and are connected to everyone...they did not like the idea of having to sit in an "assigned seat". Wouldn't ya know it....the very ones who need it the least just don't get it. They think that just being greeted at the door is sufficient....never mind that noone may speak to that couple at all once they get past that greeter. Of course...people here do things really differently than people in the south. Sometimes I miss southerners SOOO much. Not always and not even terribly often. But when it comes to dealing with making people feel welcome...there is no place like the south. I guess that's about it. So I have a couple of weeks to come up with some ideas about how we can improve the way or class helps newcomers get connected. I am hoping to get a bit more connected as well in the process. People really do seem friendly enough here...but it seems to run only so deep and there are many more cliques than I imagined. There were a few back in Pensacola as well....but it seems even more so here. Anyway...

After church we came home and had lunch, put Clara down for a nap....spent a little "quality adult time" and just hung out at home. Then this evening we headed to Target, where I finally bought the jog bra that we actually went out to buy yesterday, but instead came home with a new car...which, incidentally, I love! I have to say that after having a minivan for the past 9 years....I SO love the feel of the SUV. I felt like a regular hot mama! It's just an awesome feeling. After the Target trip we came home and grilled out, the kids swam, we all ate outside and enjoyed the evening, Then it was baths and stories and bed for all the wee ones. I am reading the new Harry Potter to the boys. They love it and are heart broken if we don't have reading time. School starts Thursday...HOORAY!!!! I guess that is all for now. My ear is itchy. Doesn't that mean something in superstition land? Hmmmm? Life is good here in the desert...darned good!

New Wheels

We bought a new car today. We have been talking about doing it for a while now and had planned to do it this upcoming spring. The only problem is that we were not sure what vehicle we wanted. I did not especially want another mini-van...though with 3 children, there is something nice to be said about having more seats than one has children. With 7 passenger seating we are able to keep at least one seat between all the kiddos...hence, less physical contact, hence more peace. However. There are not many SUV's out there that will accomodate a family wishing to have that extra seating...save for a Suburban. We had talked a lot about and researched online the Toyota Sequoia...which is a really lovely vehicle....but REALLY expensive. I mean, like crazy expensive. None of the other Toyotas were really practical for us...but as Chris pointed out....the Sequoia cost just slightly more than half of what we paid for our first home! Ouch! So we decided to think about it some and continued to drive on down dealership alley, when we came upon the Ford dealership. Now, we always said that we would not drive a Ford...but while we were vacationing in Montana the past couple of years we rented the Explorers with the 7 passenger seating and we really liked them and said that we would consider one of those when the time came. So today we considered it. Ford has the "employee discount" promotional going on right now and there happened to be a rebate on the Explorers as well. When we started running the numbers we just decided to do it now, rather than wait. So we are now the proud owners of a cool blueish with tan trim Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer with just about all of the options available. I have to take it back next week to have the DVD system installed....but it's a great car. The two best things about it are 1. It is not a minivan and 2. We will be able to tow a small camper which we are planning to purchase in the spring. That was another huge factor in our search. We knew that if we bought a minivan the camper idea would be out...so we had to havve a vehicle with enough tow power. The Explorer just worked out nicely for us. As part of the deal we got 2 season tickets to the Arizona Cardinals football games. They play in Phoenix. I doubt that we will go, but we know that we should be able to give them away easily enough! All in all it was a busy day....an unexpected surprise to come home with a new car. When we set out this afternoon, the only thing I had really hoped and expected to come home with was a jog bra. I still did not get that....but the car is great!

Clara continues to be so sassy. I am having to really crack down on her hard with her sassy mouth and rude actions. She seems really aggressive with the boys...especially when she does not get her way. Rudeness in children is not a big favorite of mine...so we are really coming down hard on her. It seems to be getting her attention....we aren't over the hump yet....but we definitely have her attention. The boys go back to school on Thursday and I really feel like if I don't have them around then she will get better on her own. They seemed to genuinely miss each other after long school days last year...and they are definitely NOT missing each other right about now! They all need some much needed time apart. Only 5 more days!

No other news right now. We had lots of good rain tonight. I suppose that is pretty good news! It rarely rains here and when it does it is usually just a lightish sprinkle. But it really rained and stormed tonight. Gotta love that! Life is good here in the desert!

Winding Down

Summer is coming to a close here in the desert...or at least for the school-aged children it is. Our first summer here in the desert has been a good one...a hot one to be sure, but a good one. In just over a week, our boys will put on their new school clothes, throw on their backpacks and head back to the wonderful world of elementary school. Max will be a fourth grader and Ben a second grader. Clara would LOVE to go to school, however...I'm not quite ready to let her go. I think that she and I need just one more year of girl time before I let her go off into that great big world of pre-school. I think that I may put her into a little ballet class or something...but this mommy is not ready for preschool yet!

The monsoons have arrived here in the desert and that has been a kind of nice thing. They have not brought the kind of rain that I had anticipated...but it has rained and it has cooled things off. Most evenings are incredibly pleasant and bearable with cooler breezes either following light afternoon rains or preceeding the early evening rains. As I sit writing this, it is lightning frequently and I am enjoying hearing the distant rumble of thunder. The other night after the rains we went to the park and were there forever...it was glorious! It was so nice and cool and the breeze was magical. I snapped a really sweet black and white picture of Clara on the playground. It is one of my favorites of her...she had the sweetest smile that just lit up her whole face...seeing her like that just makes me smile.

Speaking of Clara...Clara got her ears pierced on Sunday. Her little friend Mallory, after MUCh debate and many chickening out trips FINALLY got hers pierced. Clara has been talking about it for some time now and has had one chickening out trip herself. But once she saw Mallory's ears she was ready! So we went Sunday right after church and had it done...just like that. She was such a big girl! She picked out the earrings she wanted (little light blue stones), sat up on my lap on the chair and was just great when they pierced her ears. She did not flinch or move or cry or even say ouch. She just sat there like an angel. And they had to do them one at a time as they only had one girl certified to do it. I could not believe how great she did! She looks so sweet with them. They really are so pretty. I keep catching them catching the light and sparkling so pretty. She was sassy today...and not sweet at all. She missed her nap as she had a friend over to play, so she was exhausted and out of control with her attitude this afternoon. But she still at least looked sweet with her earrings!

Chris is out of town in San Francisco. He and Todd are doing some hiking tomorrow and then Chris returns on Friday. So it is just me and the kiddos until Friday! I have no big plans for the days ahead...except for attending the new "Get Ripped" class at the gym. On Tuesday mornings it is all "above the belt" work and on Thursdays, all below. Today's class was quite painful! But it was great. I could tell that I was really working some muscles a lot differently than they are used to being worked. And I really need to change up my workout and get some variety anyway...so this class is exactly what I need. It is short enough that I can get it in and over with if I am in a hurry, but at a great time so that I can do another class behind it if i am not rushed. I have never done a boxercise class before, but hope to try one in the next week or so. Wish me luck! I'm attempting to "get ripped"!

That's all for now! Life is good in the desert!

Finding rainbows over the desert 

Captivating Clara 

A Prayer For My Children

I have had a trying week with my wee ones. It seems there is quite a bit of sibling warfare going on within the walls we call home. And so, in dwelling on that issue and digging into my brain coffers...I came to a realization. I want to do a prayer book for my children. I heard about it the other day from someone, though it was more in reference to scrapbooking...it would work other ways as well. What you do is choose a verse pertinent to that child at that time that really speaks to your heart...and you make that verse the prayer for that child for the year...or the month...or however long you feel necessary. You may end up praying several verses at a time for them. But as you pray them, you write them down for them. Then...when they are all old and wise and heading out into the world on their own for the first time, you present them with the prayer book. That way they can hold in their hands all of the prayers that you have prayed for them for all those years and know that God has had a huge hand in making them the people that they are. I selected the first verse...the same verse for all three of my children right now. The verse I will be praying for them for a while is Romans 14:9, "Let us always be seeking the ways which lead to PEACE and the ways in which we can SUPPORT one another." There has been both a lack of peace and support amongst my three children lately. So this is a wonderful jumping off point for us. Now, I just need to have the commitment and determination to remember to purchase the books and actually write the verse down in ink for each child. I recognize that I alone cannot raise these children. It will take someone MUCH stronger than I am to accomplish it if it is to be done right. I think it's a job that only God can do correctly. Oh, I have a huge part in it, to be sure...but God is the one who ultimately gives me the strength and wisdom to help guide their little feet onto the right paths. There is plenty more going on I suppose, however, I can't seem to muster the words to write about anything else...so I will just leave this blog at my verse. I think I will go now and lift up each of my little blessings in prayer. Peace! Life is good in the desert.

Seeking A Chill

It is officially HOT here in the desert folks. I knew it would be. Don't think for a minute that this is coming as a surprise at all. But it is truly hot and I am starting to have these crazy fantasies about traipsing about under tall fir trees with a back pack and a sweatshirt! I want to take off and go camping where the HIGH is only 80 degrees and sleep in a tent and look up at the stars and feel CHILLY at night. I'm telling you....I'm even starting to feel rather fond about the idea of baiting up a hook and doing some fishing....which, just for the record, I don't really....do. As beautiful as the desert is, and I DO still think that it is truly beautiful--I feel rather cut off from it these days because it is simply too hot to be outside enjoying it at all right now. You just get in your car and get into the next fully air conditioned place you were heading to. It is even hot to swim in the hottest part of the day. But here's something...as hot as it is, and I assure you that it is quite toasty at 108 degrees most days here...our pool water is still COOLISH. By coolish I mean you can get in easy enough....you just can't stay too long because you start to feel like you might just freeze. I can't believe with the temperatures as hot as they are we still have any cold water at all...but we do! That has been a kind of weird experience for me. But anyway...I am longing for a shady, cool, CHILLER of a good time right about now. My new weekend fantasy...snow skiing!

This weekend is the Fourth of July...no real plans. We are getting together with some friends that work with Chris. They are a nice bunch, so that should be fun...I think.

I have been exploring a lot of new circles of friendship and just seeing where exactly I think that I fit in. Interestingly enough...I'm not sure I fit in anywhere here yet. I had lunch with two lovely ladies that I enjoy immensely on a chat with basis. We decided to have lunch the other day and it was a VERY interesting experience...though it has left me kind of wondering where in the world I fit into life. See one of these ladies is the bread winner for her family...a very beautiful and very bright lady. She has a little 2 year old that my Clara adores. This lovely lady, over lunch, whips out an article about the international Fusion project with Japan and France and the U.S. and could hardly contain her excitement over it. I thought...."wow, I saw that article in the paper and I just skipped right on over it!" Then the other lady....a really, REALLY neat person...VERY eclectic ( I seem to ADORE and be completely drawn to these folks) announces that she is reading some really wonderful book on the politics between the U.S and Europe, or something like that. And again, I was thinking...'wow! I don't think I would EVER pick up something like that that I didn't have to read for a grade!" So...what was MY personal contribution to the "tell us what you are reading" conversation? Well....nothing but smut. My latest read was a mediocre romance/mystery novel. Nothing deep or thought provoking or brainy about it...just smut. I went on to share that I was currently balancing my smut intake with a great book about being content by Linda Dillow (thanks, Lori!). It was a rather surreal conversation. I mean...when I went to lunch with these ladies I had no idea what in the world we would talk about....but I really had NO IDEA whatsoever that conversation might run along those lines. See, I am not a political person. At all. I don't follow politics and I don't have any interest whatsoever in starting to. I found myself questioning myself when lunch was over and examining myself to see just exactly what in the world I am all about. I am not about politics. Or fusion. I prefer a good romance novel anyday over all of that stuff. So in the end, I decided that I am not a very well rounded person. I cannot hold up my end of "those" conversations....can't even pretend to. And I also realized that I am not ever going to be one of those. It's just not who I am. I don't know why it has laid so heavily on my mind, but it has. I sat with the other mommies at Clara's swim practice and it wasn't long before I felt that familiar unfamiliarity with their lives. We move in totally different circles. They are power career women who drive Lexus SUVs and get weekly manicures and pedicures and massages and take weeklong vacations to California without their kids just to see friends and drink wine. They shop at OUTRAGEOUS places and spend INSANE amounts of money on frivolous things. They don't go home and cook, but rather they order out for pickup on the way home...and not McDonalds either deary....but full racks of baby back ribs and fancy salads and sushi and....you name it. They probably have maids at home to wash and iron for them and keep everything spic and span. Both had only one child...and as I sat there, the mother of three...it was another surreal experience and I marveled at how different my life is than theirs. I am not jealous....that's not it by long shot....it was just amazing to see how much I did not fit in to yet another group of women. It made me realize and be very grateful and thankful for the friends in my life. For the people who love me even though I don't know anything about politics and care nothing about fusion. It made me appreciate so much the ones who don't care that I paint my own fingernails and toenails and don't have someone do it for me. And that don't find it odd that my child does not spend at least some part of her week in pre-school. I'm still figuring it out here in the desert. Some days it seems easier than others. As much as I love it here, sometimes I truly miss the routine and certainty that was my life in Florida. I miss the predictability of the people that I lunched with. I miss just fitting in I guess. I am still finding my niche here. Though even I do not know what or where that niche will be. I sort of feel lately that I have no idea who I really am...or maybe it just seems that way because I find myself constantly evaluating the current circle of friends that I am in company with at the time and my "fit"to that circle, and why or why not it does or does not work. If I really get down to it I know who I am...I am the wife of Chris and the mother of Max, Ben and Clara. And those 4 people come before all of these crazy circles here. I am a great lover of the Lord and desire more each day to know Him better and to have a relationship with Him. I guess, that is where my focus really needs to be...with God and that circle! All theothers are bound to fall into place as soon as I just give God the chance to show me where I should be. Life is good in the desert....allbeit hot....it is good!

Saved by the Sunset

Chris and I did go out on our date last night, despite my aggravation level. And it was WONDERFUL! It was fun and relaxed and romantic beyond belief. We went to Outback and had steaks. I wasn't in the mood for anything fussy or fancy. It was delicious....simple, good, comfort food! Then we left and took a drive through the Saguaro National Park and just watched the sunset turn the sky a beautiful pink. The mountains are so beautiful against it...and the cactus look so cool as well. We drove for quite a while just taking in the scenery and the warm night and the peace and quiet. I can honestly say that Tucson is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. It is simply gorgeous here. Every single day I just marvel that we landed here and we live here amidst all of this beauty. I imagine, after being here for 7 months, that I might find the east coast...or anywhere that isn't the desert for that matter, to be very green and inviting. But I truly love the desert and the mountains and everything about it. I think that I just might really appreciate every single corner of the world a little more these days! Today was a good day. Ben was crabby...really contrary all day long, but for the most part the day was good and i enjoyed my kids. Life is good here in the desert once again!

AGGRAVATION!

I am having issues with my children. They refuse to develop any sense of responsibility whatsoever. Everywhere they walk is like a tornado or bomb went off. Mess, mess, mess. If they eat cereal, they leave the box on the counter and the empty and dirty bowl on the table. Is it SO hard to walk it over to the sink? If they get undressed, their clothes lie in a pile on the floor. If they play with something and move on...the toys lay there all discarded, right where they left them. It does not seem to bother them at all! I thought that if I gave thems ome chores and made them take responsibility for some of the mess, that maybe they would get a clue....but no such luck. Mostly they do a halfway job on the chores. I am forever dragging them back to the site and making them do the deed again and again until it is done right. I swear Max Roberts would lose his head if God had not securely fastened it to his shoulders. He loses EVERYTHING. Today it is a library book that is missing. I have torn this house apart and cannot find it anywhere. I have just about had it with these darned kids. This will be the third....THIRD library book that we have paid for in a month. The first one, Max spilled something all over and did not tell anyone...just returned it, so that we got this letter from the library. Mommy does NOT like surprises like that. Then, the second one Clara decided to take a black marker to. She was in big trouble for that and I paid for that one too. NOW....we have lost one and I have to say that I am really mad about that. I can't even begin to tell you how much it bothers me. I mean...even though I did not lose it...my child did and I take that too personally I suppose. They may be MY children, but I am sure that MY genes are not overly present in them. It seems that no manner of yelling or screaming or asking nicely or bribing or rewarding or punishing seems to get them on track. I look forward to them going back to school....but I DO NOT look forward to having to keep the boys straight with all of their assignments and projects. My two boys can make a person crazy with that. Chris and I are supposed to have a date tonight....I guess I need the stress relief and the chance to get away from them...but I'm so aggravated that I am not really in the mood to go out. How's that? I'm SO aggravated that I need a break, but TOO aggravated to take one. I had no idea when I became a mother that those tiny little babies could create this level of frustration. I am so stressed over it all that I am nearly nauseas. I think my kids are giving me an ulcer. I could use some meditation or something. Anyway, lots of complaining I guess today. In the big scheme of things, a 4 dollar library book is hardly the end of the world...it just happens to be one more thing on a really big load of other things! My prayer is for peace. Just peace. Not patience...I certainly am not praying for any more of that. Not even wisdom on this one...but for peace to accept the situation. Max is grounded until he finds the book. No t.v., no gameboy, no playstation. And no more library priviledges for a month....I don't know what else to do. Max doesn't seem overly concerned about the book....that makes me mad too. I told him that he will have to pay for the book out of his own money...he doesn't seem too worried about it at all...which makes me mad. He needs to sweat over it a little. GRRRRRRRRR. I am not good at this mom stuff. Life is aggravating here in the desert.

Was That You, God?

Do you ever hear God's voice? I had a "God-breeze" today, as one of my dear friends would have called it. Actually....it was much stronger than a breeze...more of a major gust I guess. It was odd and I have wondered on it all day long. This morning after I took the boys to swim, I found myself starving....which is unusual, because I had the same breakfast that I always have, and I am never hungry just an hour later. But today I was hungry....and not just hungry, but famished. So I decided to run through McDonalds and grab a quick biscuit. The kids all said they weren't hungry and would rather go to lunch....and usually I would have just said okay, fine and done without....but today...I was just compelled....STRONGLY compelled to go on to McDonalds. So I went. And as I sat in the drive thru placing my order, a strange, little homeless seeming man approached my car and asked a question with his eyes and I just shook my head and looked the other way and he looked disappointed and walked off. When I paid for my food I mentioned that they had a homeless man harassing patrons at the drive through. Then, I got my food and proceeded to drive away. As I was doing so, I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw the man's back as he was walking down the road in the opposite direction. I pulled on out into traffic and got on my way, enjoying my biscuit all the way. And then the breeze came....or the wind, or the gust, or the gale. Whatever it was.....I was suddenly so incredibly convicted about the man at McDonalds. And I was convicted in such a way that I knew at once what I had to do. So I turned the car around right there....executed a U-turn in the road and headed back to find that homeless man with the sad teeth. I did not have to look long. I saw him from a distance and as my car approached him and I rolled down my window he looked up at me with a grateful smile and said "Hello". I asked him "Do you need something to eat?" I half expected him to say "No thanks, but I could use a couple of bucks", at which point I would have had to say not on your life and driven away.....but that is not what I heard. He simply said "Yes Ma'am, I do." I asked him what he would like and he said that a sausage biscuit would be good and maybe some orange juice. So I headed back into the drive through and bought that man a sausage biscuit meal with an orange juice. It cost $3.32 and I paid with a 5 dollar bill. Then I stuck the change down in the bag with the food and I gave it to the hungry man. He smiled so sweetly and thanked me again. Then he said "Bless you." And I said "You, too." Then he said "And Ma'am, one more thing....drive safely." And then I was gone. I drove away wondering why in the world I had done that...but then...like I said...the conviction, almost an audible voice, was telling me to go back to that man. And so I did. I don't know if it was the voice of God...I am inclined to think it was. It does not happen often to me, but from time to time, I feel like God really lays something on my heart for one reason or another. Sometimes I get to kick it around for while, but ever so often God lays one on me that requires my immediate attention and God seems to make it plain to me what action I am to take. I prayed for a hedge of protection as I approached that man and prayed that it was the right thing to do. I am pretty sure it was. Maybe that biscuit was that man's only meal today. Maybe his only meal in a couple of days. Maybe not....but maybe, just maybe it was. Maybe he will spend that dollar and change I dropped in his bag on booze or smokes...but maybe, just maybe he will buy a burger for dinner or a loaf of bread or some other nourishment. I don't know and it is out of my hands. All I know is that I helped a man today...how I helped, I am not sure. Maybe I just helped to fill his tummy...but maybe...just maybe I helped to fill his heart too. I know that he filled mine. It seems that every other thought today has been of that man. I don't know why I turned that car around....I only know that I feel like God's hands were on that steering wheel and I was just along for the ride. Was that you, God? Were you talking to me? How did I do? Did I serve the way You would have me to? Did I help the way You would have wanted? Your voice seemed so clear to me today. I wish it were that way every day. Use me, Lord to do your works. Let me be your vessel. May my hands, be your hands and my thoughts, your thoughts. You can take my wheel any day. Thank you for the breeze. Life is good here in the desert.

Summertime

Summer officially begins at 11:48 p.m. tonight. It was 109 degrees today and it felt HOT! There is a storm blowing in and the air just seemed hot and thick and heavy. We still have a couple of months of heat to go...but so far, so good. This being our first summer here in the desert we are not totally sure what to expect. Our summer is going well so far. The boys are swimming with the swim team and doing really well. They seem to be having a wonderful time and are improving their skills daily. They swim four mornings a week from 8:20 to 9:20 a.m. Then we dry off and head on down the street to the gym so that I get my morning workout in. By noon, we all feel better and are starved for lunch!

Today I had lunch with a friend that works with Chris. I enjoyed the "girl time" immensely! I left the kids with Jackie so it was just the two of us and it was fun, fun, fun. We had Mexican for lunch at a place I had never eaten at before...the food was okay, but the company was delightful. Heather is one of the few people I have gotten to know here that I feel like I halfway click with. We lead totally different lives. She is the breadwinner for the family and her husband stays at home with their two little ones. She has BEAUTIFUL babies. They have the prettiest eyes you have ever seen. So our lives are completely different...obviously. But I find that I still really enjoy talking with her and getting to know her more and more. I can't say that there are many others here that I have clicked with. There is another girl that I enjoy okay...but not as much as Heather. I guess as we continue to be here, God will continue to place new friends in our lives. It has been slow, but I am thankful for the friends thus far, as I feel like they are the long term type.

Things continue to go well for Chris at Ventana. He is working hard and loving it and we are expecting him to move up quickly. I am not sure exactly what that will mean for our family and our time together...but I am excited for him as this is what he has worked so hard for and went to school for. It is nice to see him challenged and happy and enjoying his career so much. It makes me really glad that we moved here. Life continues to be good and we are richly blessed here in the desert.

Blessings

My son's friend has cancer. She is eight years old and suffering from a very rare form of leukemia known as AML-M3. The prognosis does not appear to be very good and her treatments are not going very well at this time. Ashley is a lovely little girl who is trying so hard to just be a normal little kid. But much of her day is spent hurting and feeling sick and suffering. Amidst her "normal" daily things are squeezed in visits to various doctors for blood work and bone marrow biopsies and medication reviews. Her mother told me yesterday that it is looking as though Ashley is coming out of remission. They are so tired and frustrated and feeling helpless as they watch Ashley take on this tremendous battle for her life. And it is not a battle they can lose....at all. Her mother, Mary, also told me yesterday that now they want to run some tests on their four year old daughter, as she is having a lot of headaches. Apparently, there is some chance that Savannah may have this as well. I cannot begin to imagine what this family is feeling right now.

Which leads me to reflect on my own family. We have been blessed with not one, not two, but three VERY healthy children. Our biggest health threat is Benjamin's dairy allergy...which, while inconvenient and unfortunate, usually results in nothing worse than a pretty horrible tummy ache when we miss milk in something he gets ahold of. Within a couple of hours or so he is usually back to himself. I think about how much time we spend fighting with our children, over chores or petty fights amongst themselves or messes, or bedtime or whatever....while Kevin and Mary are spending every day fighting, not with Ashley, but FOR her. Knowing full well that months from now they may not have her with them anymore. I cannot begin to imagine even one day without my children. I cannot imagine what it would be like not hearing Clara announce each morning as she walks into my bedroom "Here comes the princess." Or not to have Max sitting at the table each morning pouring over the comics...or not to have Ben giving me those sweet hugs and telling me "I love you, Mom" throughout the day. The loss of any of them would be such an incredible void in our lives,in our family, that I don't know how we would go forward. My children are such a part of me and who I am...losing one of them would be losing a huge part of myself. Having them, knowing them, loving them....it is one of the greatest joys and gifts of my life. Sometimes I forget that. I get so caught up in the messes and chaos, that I can forget to consider the source of the mess and the blessings that those messes truly are. There are women whose homes are scrupulously clean...because there are no little ones there to mess it up....even though they have hoped and longed for and prayed for them. Women who would give anything for crayon on the wall and cheerios in the couch and dirty socks in the living room. Women who would give anything to have 3 extra loads of laundry, too many birthday parties and tangly hair on a three year old wiggly girl to comb out each night. Women who would wholeheartedly embrace the multitude of messes and chores and errands that come along with these little people we love so much. I imagine that Mary treasures every smile right now, every mess and every silly conversation with her daughter. I imagine that each day is seen as a gift like no other...and that each and every moment is being treasured. I am looking more closely at my own little people right now and treasuring them a bit more and hugging them a bit closer. I am trying to focus less on the mess and more on the magic. I am not unaware of the great blessing that they are in our lives. And I am moved to my knees in prayers of thanksgiving for their health. I am grateful beyond words that God entrusted these children to us and shared them with us. We have no promises of tomorrow...all we have is today. And so today I pull them close and hug them tight. I will overlook the poorly made bed and the dirty socks under it. I will treasure the sense of chaos that they bring and cherish the moments we share today. I will take out my camera and take each of their pictures... and know that I have been blessed so far beyond anything that I could ever deserve...and in ways that I never could have imagined.

I will pray continually for Ashley and her family and I will give thanks for the blessing that child has been in my own life. Because it is in her battle to live, that I am reminded to treasure my own life and the lives of my own children. I look at things a lot differently now, after seeing things through her eyes and her mother's eyes. Her life and her battle have changed my heart....so much for the better. Blessings are so abundant in my life and my home. I don't know why....but God is so amazingly good to me and I am so thankful....so, so very thankful. Life is good here in the desert...so, so good.