S is for....

SCORPION! This not so little guy was hanging out in my backyard this evening and I simply could not resist abandoning my low cholesterol creation I was supposed to be cooking and grabbing my camera for a few shots. I've been praying my rattlesnake prayer pretty regularly here. As the weather begins it's cooldown....even though it seems ever so slow and slight...it is actually PERFECT rattlesnake weather...right where they like the temps to be. So I have really been making sure God hears the anxiety and pleading in my voice when I request a half mile radius around my family's location (wherever that might be) be rattlesnake free. Tonight...I will now be adding a scorpion prayer...just in case this lovely specimen we encountered tonight happens to come from a large family...who happens to live closeby!

T is for...

tip! And I thought I would pass one on to all those faithful (and not so faithful!) readers of this blog. I am officially down 5 pounds this morning. How, you might ask? Very simple. Simply give up and surrender every good and yummy and delicious food you might happen to consume in your life right now. If you even suspect it might in any way taste good...surrender it and walk away. Replace all that yummy delicious food with moderate servings of Tofu and heaping vegetables (butter free of course)...throw in fish once or twice a week (again...none of that broiled in butter stuff!)...oh and salad, salad, salad (minus the creamy blue cheese....of course). When the dogs stop begging for what you are having for dinner....you know you have achieved the ultimate level of dietary sacrifice! Give that a whirl for a couple of weeks and the pounds just seem to fall off. I think they've run screaming from this body...they've simply said that this food supply sucks and they're going off to find someone else's hips to reside on! I can't complain. I certainly needed to drop those pounds that I have been struggling with for so long! Oh yeah...and it helps a great deal if you keep getting called to the hospital right before dinner and arriving home long after it's all cleaned up. Many a granola bar have called themselves "meal" here for me lately! So...that is my tip for the day! Chris' cholesterol journey has been beneficial for all of us!Enjoy!

B is for...

Baby Boy. Another session. Noone to cover it except me. Again. I'm really growing very weary of all of this. So much sadness. So much grief. So much pressure to make sure these parents have something beautiful to remember these children by. So many poor excuses from the other photographers who just cannot be inconvenienced enough to answer the calls of these famlies. Sigh....I am tired tonight. And am now two sessions behind. Need to get those done and out to these families. I see many late nights ahead of me in the near future! Tonight's little guy was so sweet and so tiny. Born at 24 weeks. Just too tiny to live. His family lovingly let him go into the arms of Jesus this evening. And I was honored enough to be able to be there and share those very last few moments of his time here with his parents. I am always so very humbled to be able to be there and to share that time with a family. It's an amazing thing to be a part of. I will say....that one day...just once...I want to be included in the BIRTH of a baby. In a joyful and glorious and exciting time! And not just death after death after death. I want to capture those looks of joy and accomplishment and the smiles and the tears that come with welcoming a new life into this world. But for now...for tonight...the tears were not of joy...but of grief and heartache and a sadness beyond comprehension. Tonight was about saying goodbye...yet again.

The Road Home...

is paved with many mishaps! This flat tire being one of them! On the bright side, Chris and I now know exactly how one goes about changing the tire on a travel trailer, and how to operate the jack for the Explorer to boot! All in a day's learning I suppose!

Camping Fun

Maiden Voyage!

We have a new set of wheels in the Roberts house and this weekend we took our new little abode out for her first spin in the wild west! We could not have begun to imagine the adventures the weekend would hold for us! We loaded up the RV and set our course for the Chiruchuas; Bonita Canyon to be exact. Set up was tricky...the only site left was more than a little bit unlevel. But we made it. And then the set up from there was a piece of cake. It's amazing how much easier and faster it all goes when it's just all built in right there for you! We camped Friday and Saturday night and then broke camp and headed home early Sunday morning. Lot's of adventures heading home. For starters...we couldn't tell if the ball was really settled into the hitch. We finally decided it was and went on to install the tension control bar....when Chris realizes that he has lost the pins for it. Grrrr. What was really aggravating was that this has happened before! He takes the pins out to unhitch...lays them on the back bumper. And then they are GONE! "It's just a couple of dollar pins. No big deal." he says! Only now...we don't have the tension control for the trailer. I point out that we DID just pay $400 for this set up to safely and comfortably tow this RV around. Of course...I'm immediately shot down as having NO clue what all that stuff does. I returned to my dear hubby that if it was all so overrated and unimportant...then WHY DID WE JUST SPEND $400 ON IT?????????? Ah. The adventures of family camping! Little did we know that the morning would only get better from there!

H is for...

hospital...which is who called me tonight. I had had the strangest premonition about it all day. I just knew that the calls were going to start rolling in...and they did. Tonight was frustrating for me because as area coordinator it is my job to find a photographer to fill the needs of these hospitals as they arise. Normally, I jump at the Northwest calls because they are right here by me...SO much closer than TMC or UMC. But tonight I had two children with fevers, a trip to pack for and a new camper to pack for tomorrow's trip. Besides all that, I had no car because mine was hooked up to the new camper and Chris' car was down at the bank where we met up this afternoon. So there was that huge difficulty. So I started calling my photographers. Now...one is very wonderful and reliable and awesome. She is my co-coordinator and handles as many calls as I do....juggles her schedule totally for it like I do and just makes it happen...like I do. I think we are kindred spirits! But tonight, she was not available. I did not get an answer on any of her phones...which is unusual. So I called my next gal. She informed me that it jsut was not really convenient...as she was in her p.j.s already. So...okay. She is in her p.j.s. I am in my clean out the camper clothes (those will definitely have to be changed to go to the hospital), Oh...and there's that little issue of not having a vehicle to drive. Not to mention the feverish children and the fact that this call came SMACK in the middle of the bedtime routine. Talking to me about not being real convenient? NOT such a good idea right then. My other two photographers are both pregnant...NOT sending them. So....that left ME! I got Chris' mom to come and pick me up and drive me to the bank to get his car...then I headed on down to the hospital to meet with this family. Turns out to be a young, sweet couple. Just wonderful. First baby. At 28 weeks, went in for a routine checkup and there were no heart tones. Just like that. Little Thomas was gone. Before he ever took his first breath. The couple was just beyond devestated and the mom was just desperate to hang on to this little guy and to have every moment possible with him. I saw the look of panic in her eyes when the nurse suggested she get some sleep. And my heart broke for her when I heard her launch into her pleas to see her baby boy again in the morning and could she hold him again tomorrow and see him first thing? And I know that that mom will treasure these pictures of her little man forever. She will love them and adore them and cling to them like a lifeline through the healing process. And then after all of the frustration, I was SO glad that I made it down there. And that I got to be the one to capture those images for her. I don't have any to post here tonight because I promised my Chris that I wouldn't process and edit them until we get back next week. So that will have to wait. But I will sleep better tonight knowing that that mom will have these pictures to look on years from now. That she won't have to worry about forgetting his little face or how he looked...because I captured it in a dozen different angles for her. I'm glad that I worked it out and that I was "inconvenienced" enough to share the night with this family. I'm so thankful for this talent and for this calling on my life. In the midst of all of the chaos and business it was a stark reminder of reality. And that our mighty God has a plan for all of us. Old or young. Big or small. He is in control and sees the huge picture that we only see the tiniest glimpses of. So tonight, I will go to bed so very thankful for the fact that my God is so big and SO awesome, so merciful and so gentle, SO powerful...and so very good.

Super Family

Tonight we attended a Halloween costume party as a family. We decided to go as super heroes this year...a whole family of them! A good time was had by all. The boys really got into their very "serious superhero character" stuff when it was time to take the picture. Apparently, Batman and Robin were not the smiley types! But Supergirl...she's a charmer! The kids were very excited about our "family theme" and all in all we had a very fun time getting all dressed up and being the heroes of the night!

Just Playing Around

What can I say? I have a new lens and I cannot resist playing with it to see just what it will do! I am loving it! I love being able to get as tight as I want and still have more available to me. I love the clarity of this new lens with the vibration reduction. And I love just playing with it! And I just love my baby girl who is so sweet and so gorgeous and so cooperative with her mommy. She's my very best girl!

A is for Angel...

F is for....

Faraway Friends. Tonight I got to do some instant messaging with my dear friend in London. It was a trying day today for me on so many levels. And it was wonderful to see her log on to her computer and get to talk with her....almost as if she was here. Almost! I sit here tonight with a big smile on my face and my heart feeling ever so much lighter because I have shared my burdens and struggles with her and she understood them...and as always...had wonderful insight and advice for me. This time since she moved away has been a real challenge for both of us. I know she has struggled mightily being in a new country, new friends, new schools, new roads...and I have struggled mightily without her to be my walking partner and the voice on the other end of the phone as we simultaneously scrubbed our toilets and cleaned our houses! I have missed her presence at our weekly bible study and I have missed her smiling face dropping by my house! I think the last few months have been a real trial for both of us and we miss each other desperately! I give her a hard time about coming home, without fail, every time I talk to her. I am so eager to see her smiling face again and share deep conversations over pumpkin lattes! Anyway. Tonight I got to talk with my dear, dear friend. And I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders and shared and that new insight was breathed into me and that God just really, really blessed me with that short bit of conversation. I miss her so terribly. I am blessed with wonderful, wonderful friends here...don't get me wrong. God has seen to it that I am loved and loved much. I don't doubt that for a second. But this girl is special. She's a firecracker like myself. Sort of like a weird twin! We DO look an AWFUL lot alike! We love the same things and love the same, awesome, wonderful God. And we just seem to click in this crazy world. I love her dearly and I cannot wait until she is closer than an instant message. I want her back here....almost in my own backyard. But in the meantime, the Lord blessed me tonight. He woke my dear friend up early (she's so faithful that way)...and brought her to log on to her computer and we were able to spill out our hearts and touch base and lift each other up. And I am going to bed with a smile on my face tonight. The very first one I think...all day long! Thank you Lord for the wonderful gift of friendship and those special people that you plant in our lives!

H is for...

headache because that was the main theme of this particular day. The day started with the usual rush. Get the crow bar...pry oldest child out of bed. Shout and scream, plead and beg until oldest is out the door on time successfully to catch the bus. Then VERY QUICKLY try to clean up wave of total mess and destruction that always seems to follow oldest child. Jump into shower. Have briefest of conversations with hubby...went something like this..."Do I need to pack you a lunch, or can you be trusted to make a good food decision regarding your cholesterol intakes today?" Hubby decides he can handle it...I get showered...think to myself, "Hmmm, Mother Nature should be here today or tomorrow...might explain the headache that is starting up on THIS, the FOURTH day in a ROW!" Finish shower. Get dressed. Rush other two kids to school. Wait 20 minutes with littlest kid in the car because middle kid had to be at school early for orchestra and littlest can't be on campus yet...SO convenient my Wednesdays are!!! Then THROW youngest child through the gates at school the SECOND that they open...RUSH home at top speed to get ready for bible study crowd who should start descending on house in say...3 minutes, tops. Only to find Mother Nature indeed has taken this body BY STORM...nice. Very lovely. Great timing. So...now changing clothes on top of trying to make coffee, put out orange juice, slice pudding cake, put out muffins, napkins, etc. Jumping around half naked...oh...and now the doorbell starts to ring. Everyone is arriving. The next few minutes go something like this...."Hello, I am so glad you are here...come right in. Make yourself comfortable." Get one thing done and put out...doorbell rings again. Run to the front door. Start over again...."So glad you are here. Come in...yada yada yada..." Put one more thing out...Run again to the door. Cramping like crazy now. But alas...no time for feeling sorry for myself. Finally, group is under way and we make it through the study. Then, ina blink it is over and I am LATE and RUNNING to my eye doctor to see what the heck is the matter with the eyeglasses I got three weeks ago. Can't see a danged thing with them. What a pain. Turns out that my eyes can't take the material they made my lenses out of. Uggggh. 3 to 5 BUSINESS days without them...which means NEXT WEEK before I can see again. Very, very convenient. Headache is about a thousand times worse at this point. But we must press on. Run through McDonalds drive through on the way back to school and order a salad...Yay me! It sucked though...McDonalds salads? Not impressive. But I ate it. Head throbbing now mightily as I walk into school for my volunteer time. Thinking that it seemed like SUCH a good idea on parent orientation night...NOT so good in real time...but onward just the same. Get sent to the workroom to cut about a million one inch by one inch little squares. So that was fun. Head throbbing...can't see without my glasses, using brutally sharp paper cutter...oh...and some other poor mom gets sent to the work room to sharpen pencils on the electric pencil sharpener. GRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNND. GGGGRRRRRRRRIIIIINNNNND. Lucky me. My head was just feeling so special right then. Then I got a short reprieve from square cutting and got sent to art class. Now...how special is that? Spent a lovely and crazy long hour in art class with funky art teacher (earring in her nose, crazy big tattoo on her shoulder,another on her ankle (that's all I can see) and annoying nasal voice like Fran Drescher....not QUITE as bad...but bad enough). After a way fun hour of Aborignal art technique I returned very loud kindegarten class to their teacher and got to go back to the work room for MORE little one inch square cutting and special me....there was yet ANOTHER volunteer there...doing what???? You got it. Pencil sharpening! GGGRRRIIIIIIINDDDDD! Oh yes. There is nothing like being right up there at total migraine level and being hit with every loud and annoying sound on the face of the planet in one short afternoon. I crawled out of the school and managed to drive us home. I took drugs and went almost straight to bed. Made a pit stop to clean up the huge mess I ran out on after bible study so I could get to the eye doctor on time. And then I crashed. All children were banished to total silence for a time. Thankfully, the phone did not ring and there was peace in the home for a bit while I closed my eyes and tried to just float away from the heachache from hell. And after a time...I did. It was successful. The nausea subsided. I could open my eyes with less pain and I could function as a human again. At that point I got up....got homework done and dinner started. The menu tonight? Lean Flat Iron Steak, grilled eggplant, garlic bread and salads. Nothing too fancy...but heart healthy and reasonably yummy. Chris was excited to see red meat on his plate...even the lean stuff. I reminded him not to get too attached. I don't know yet what is for dinner tomorrow night...but I'm sure it is likely to be met with that same forlorn look of longing and a sigh of resolve...the same one I have received the past 3 nights. I am thinking tomorrow's menu just might include tofu. I can't imagine how that's going to go over with poor Max. I have too much headache leftover still to think about that tonight! Nothing like before...but headache just the same. It has been a very long day here in the desert. So very long. But God is good and the moon is up, the night is cool, and my bed is ever so deep and inviting! I have to go there now and rest up, for tomorrow is a new day...with new adventures!

Cholesterol Blues

So Chris had his physical this morning...and the news was NOT all good. his cholesterol was like WAY up. So up...that the doctor said it is TIME to take action and that if he was 40 he would be put on medication straight away. However..we're a young and frisky 36 so we get to avoid that...for now. So I, being the good wife, set out to research high cholesterol and what that means and what types of diet changes we are going to need to make. And can I just tell you...that my life sucks today?! There are so many no no's on that list. I am just sitting here sad...and already hungry! Now mind you...MY cholesterol is EXCELLENT. Outstanding I believe the doctor said. However...what kind of wife would I be if I did not whole heartedly support my husband while he basically gives up every good and yummy thing on the face of the planet. And so we will be joining together in this quest to improve his health and keep him around on this planet for a good long time! And so...we will be saying goodbye to (sniff, sob)...tortilla chips at the Mexican place, refried beans and sour cream. Cream cheese wontons and eggrolls at the chinese place, along with the fried rice, egg drop soup AND the soy sauce. Then there's the ribeye steaks we love when we camp (that one's really going to hurt!), all potatoes except the plain ones (minus the butter and sour cream mind you). Oh...and let's not forget the calamari and any and all cream sauces at the Italian place. That's the list for now. Or at least...that was the point at which I got just really, really depressed at and could not research any farther! Four of the meals that I have planned over the next...let's see FOUR days don't make the cholesterol cut. BUMMER!!! So this is certainly a dilemma for the day. I have to tell you the greatest part of this challenge for me...the cooking. I don't like to do it anyway. Like...AT ALL. And I realize now that this is a WHOLE new cooking ball game for me. I am just so depressed. I need to go take a picture of something. Maybe then I will feel better!

Playing in the Park

We played in the park today. Clara...she just played. And me...well I have a brand new lens on the end of my camera today...so I played too! I have been making a definite and concentrated effort to work on my outside photography per request of a couple of dear friends. I have to say...I think it's coming along. I feel like it's getting better. Granted...my practice has not ALL been on actual people...there have been some nice bugs involved in the learning process! But today was real flesh and blood people...or person rather...and I like these of my baby girl. I like them a LOT!

So I was wrong...

Six hours post run I am in PAIN. My left hip flexor is SCREAMING at me and it pretty much hurts to take each and every step. Yep. Ouch! So...I am going to just be quiet and still the rest of this day and see if by ANY chance it will just go away. I do NOT want to be on the injured list...yet again. Hmmmm. Seven miles did not even make me blink. Eight was great while it was happening. But something is happening between the 7 and 8 mile marker and my hip is MOST unappreciative. Grrrrrrrrrr! Now I am cranky!

Back on Track!!!

I ran 8 miles today! Hooray! I am finally feeling like I just might have my old groove back. Nothing hurt. Nothing strained. Nothing pulled. At no point did I feel like I might just die. It was a nice, steady pace right to the end. I even felt great when it was all over...all said and done. And that is a good sign for sure! I've only had my running shoes about three weeks now since the whole toe thing. I've logged many miles on them I am glad to say. My best estimate is about 35 miles. Maybe 40. I haven't done the best job of keeping up with it. I've just been so glad to be able to run each time I haven't thought much about recording it! It's been a wonderful stress relief for sure...and I am hoping it will soon help to release these extra five pounds that have found their way onto my hips and seem so doggone crazy about and attached to me! We'll see! It's so good to be back on track again! So, so good!

Grasshopper

What can I say? I am into bugs here lately...and Arizona has some BIG ones! This fellow was hanging out just above my garage this afternoon. Thought he was cool enough...and close enough to grab my camera for. He was fun! I know he doesn't bite...but he SURE does not stand as still and nice for me as the praying mantis did. He made me nervous the whole time I was snapping these with all of his nervous little movements! It was enough for me to know I'd better stick with babies! Babies don't make my skin crawl and I never feel like I might throw my camera down and run away from them! Still...the big bugs here do really make for some fun and most excellent photography practice!

My Ben

I did some pictures of Ben tonight. My camera was out...running some test shots for Christmas shoots (I am already getting appointments for those...yay!). Everyone was being cooperative...and I decided to do some of our Ben with his violin since that is his musical instrument of choice at this time in his life. He asked for some of those with the same cowboy hat that Maxwell wore with his guitar picture so I plopped it on him and shot away. I have to say...there are a few that I just love. Chris? Well...he hates ALL the ones I love because he is wearing the hat. He thinks it is too much like Max and he needs to be an individual. I told him that like it or not...our boys are very, very close and they influence each other VERY greatly. And I thought it was just fine that Ben admired Max's picture enough to want one himself. I really like some of these. Chris just doesn't. He says they are NOT my canvas. Of course...he is dead wrong. I love these pictures. I love that they have very much the same feel of Maxwell's pictures. I love thinking of how awesome they will look hanging side by side...different boys, different instruments...but same warm, casual feel. I love how much our boys favor one another...so alike...yet so very different. There's a storm ahead on this one folks...just so you know. But I know a great picture when I see one...and I am rather fond of the ones I am posting here tonight for you! Enjoy!

San Diego Favorites

Sunshine and Shorelines

Our family just got back from a short vacation getaway to San Diego. We camped at South Carlsbad Beach State Park...our campsite overlooked the beautiful Pacific Ocean. We went to sleep each night to the lullaby of the waves crashing beneath us. And awoke each morning to seagulls and sweet sea air. It was a wonderful, magical three days for us there. Just to get away from all of the stress and schedules. To see my children BE children and watch them play for hours on end in the sand and surf. My hubby kicked back and napped in his hammock right there on the beach...and I was in paradise with more wonderful things to snap with my camera than I could have hoped for. I was blessed with smile after smile, beautiful sunsets, cooperative wildlife, and the pure enjoyment of just watching my sweet family frolic in it all for a few short days. They all played hard and long...and then slept hard and long. It really was a most awesome trip. Two thumbs up for camping there! We can't wait to go back again! Of course...it wouldn't be MY blog if I didn't flood it with some of my favorite moments from the trip! So here they are! Enjoy!

A New Subject

So the last couple of weeks have been just slammed for me with picture appointments...plus 3 different shoots at the hospitals for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I have spent this last week crawling up out of a very deep and endless seeming hole of work! I finally got the last pictures and slideshows out in the mail to families yesterday and took a nice deep breath and just enjoyed a sense of accomplishment. This morning...there was a giant praying mantis on our screen door. And I thought it would be fun to capture him...you know...something different for a change. Not that screaming, wriggling toddlers aren't great. But I have to say...this guy was awesomely cooperative. He held still. Did not yell or tell me no one time. He even looked so sweetly directly into my camera with the nicest tilt of his powerful little head. And I snapped away. And this was my finished product. If you click on the picture, you can see it really big on yuor screen. Go ahead...try it! The details you can see are SO COOL! Isn't he just lovely? Of course...Chris is yelling at me "You know they bite, right?" Well, he didn't bite me! So that's a plus. When I think about it...plenty of the babies and children I shoot also bite! Anyway. After the last couple of weeks I'm thinking about leaving the world of baby photography and just doing BUGS! Nah...just kidding. But it is tempting sometimes! Anyway...this was my new subject. Something SO totally different for me...but most DEFINITELY outdoors...this one is for you Mandy! And most definitely fun! Have a great week! We're skipping out of the desert for a few days! Off to San Diego for a few days of sand and sun...and whales and what not!

I Baptize Thee...

Sunday afternoon I took pictures for UMC's very first Pediatric Memorial Service. It was just incredible to see all of the families who have said goodbye to their sweet children at UMC come together to remember them in such a special service. There was a memorial tree that the parents all decorated a butterfly ornament for and hung for their children which was later lit in the service. And there was a beautiful dove release. Once the service was over, I was asked to go up to the NICU for a session. It was time for a very young couple to say goodbye to their sweet angel. I never really know exactly what I am walking in to when I head in for these sessions. I often don't know if baby is still with us or not, or how the parents are handling this...if baby will be able to be held or not...or if mom and dad even want to. Every session is a new journey for me. This session was for a beautiful little girl...born at just 23 weeks gestation. Much, much too small to survive in this world. And after much angst, her parents had decided to pull her life support and let her go into the arms of Jesus. I met them there in the NICU. The little mom, at only 19 years of age, was just overcome with tears and emotion as the NICU staff explained the process to her and got her settled and ready to hold her little girl. The hospital chaplain came up to be with the family and baptized the baby there as mom held her and wept over her. And then she slipped away...ever so quietly. The tubes were all removed and we saw her beautiful little face for the first time...free of tubes...and free of the suffering of this life. It was an experience that I have never before been a part of. And I was humble beyond belief to be able to witness this and to share this family's pain of letting this little angel go. It is starting to all sink in for me tonight...I am starting to digest it all. I know that this tiny one is tonight, being cuddled in the arms of Jesus himself...I am hoping that this mom and dad somehow know that too...and take some comfort in it. And I am thankful that I have never encountered anything like this in my own life. That I never had to say goodbye to any of my own. That I never had to look into their little faces and make that decision for them. I am left pondering this photography gift and talent...wondering if all along, this was the reason it was given? Capturing these images...it changes one's heart and soul forever...in ways I never could have imagined. God is doing a work here. In me...in my heart...in my family...and in each of these families that cross my lens. I am thankful for the new person that I am every time I leave a session...for the things that I take away with me...and the images that I am able to leave behind. God is so good. Even in the midst of such sadness...God is so good.