Thursday

Things are still going great with the battle of the bulge! Today was the third day I stayed at the 149 mark on the scale...it's officially not a bounce, but a stick! Then I was reading an article that says that it is important to eat every three hours...no exceptions. Breakfast at 7a.m., snack at 10 a.m., lunch at 1 p.m., snack at 4 p.m. and dinner at 7 p.m. Every day...always. Apparently our bodies go into starvation protection mode at just over the 3 hour mark, so if we eat every three hours, we avoid the body kicking in and burning our muscle reserves. So I might try this. Also, the snacks need to be around 100 calories apiece...they can be anything...chocolate, m&ms, popcorn, yogurt...whatever you like...just keep it around 100 calories. I will have to try and see if it makes any difference.

Today we go to pick up Jim and Jackie at the airport...for good! They are permanently here as of 5:45 this evening. They will be staying with us for a few days until they get the keys to their new house. The kids and Chris and I are all so excited to have them close again. I hope they love Arizona as much as we do. It will be so nice to have family close by us again.

Not much else going on today. Chris called at lunch and took Clara and I out to eat today. We had a little date and it was nice to spend some time with him. Bless his heart...he worked until after 8 last night and was exhausted when he got home and was in bed really early...or at least early for us. Hopefully things will slow down a bit for him in the next week. I'm glad he likes his job so much, or else this whole thing would really stink...for us and for him!

I am loving my house right now. Our new furniture is all in place...minus the one chair that is STILL out there somewhere. If is was not SUCH an awesome and cool chair we would just tell them to keep it...but we really, really like the chair. So we wait. The other furniture looks really nice. My china cabinet in the dining room is so sleek and gorgeous. It has all come together so nicely. All we need now are a few accessories in the rooms and we will be set. I love the feel of this house and the way it fits our family so nicely. I am thankful every day that we bought this home and that God has provided so perfectly for us here. We are so blessed. Love my house, love my new yard, love my new town, love my husband and kids...love my life. I am SO blessed. God is such an AMAZING and GOOD God...if you had told me six months ago what my life would be like today...I would never have believed you. Six months ago, my dream house was in a wrecked shambles after Hurricane Ivan. Everything was a mess and it was a LONG road to repair. Our life was just turned upside down. And then God stepped in and did all of this...not just for my family...but for the Holznecht family as well. I will write about them later...but God is amazing...we trusted Him and His call and here we are...we followed the whisper and now I could just shout every single day with the joy I feel about being here in this place. God is good.

149.4

For two days in a row now that is what my scale has read...Hallelujah! I have absolutely worked my hiney off and it is paying off. I have forgone most of the Easter treats and goodies and been diligent and careful about my snack selections. I feel improvement in every area of my body and it is also apparent when I look in the mirror. Yes...it is paying off and it is SO good to know it! And so...i have a smile on my face and a sense of accomplishment in my heart. I can do this...I can be in control and take charge of my body and bend it and shape it and make it what I want it to be...or at least into an acceptable version. Supermodel I may never be...but I am happy where I am!

My three stooges...Ben, Max and Clara 

Clara and Max before the big Easter egg hunt. 

Monday

So today was a good day as far as Mondays go. I got the kids off to school all organized and in one piece. Then Clarabelle and I headed for the gym so that we could continue the grueling task of reworking mommy's love handles into the supermodel magazine cover girl that has become my new inspiration! All went well there. I did 45 minutes on the elliptical and then headed downstairs to do a few weights and abs. Only, my sinuses were killing me. My teeth were on edge and it really was terribly painful to drop my head down. I thought I would die when I laid back to do my sit ups. So when I finally finished that set...there was NO WAY I was going to lay back and put myself through the sinus pain again...so I called the final 15 minutes of my supermodel-want-to-be workout a wash and headed home. Once home I loaded up on the Sudafed and grabbed a quick shower and Clara and I headed out the door once again. We went to the children's shop and bought a snazzy baby gate for the kitchen. That way we can block off the front of the house from the dog, Casey...specifically, my brand new red microfiber living room couch that she seems to have developed quite an affinity for. I haven't actually caught her on the couch...but I know she has been there. I can tell she has been sleeping there when we leave, because she leaves her dog hair (blonde, mind you) all over the red. And I can see doggy drool spots where she has snored her day away. No sir...we cannot have that! So...enter the baby gate! Now...whenever I head out I can place it in position across the little hallway into the kitchen and VOILA! Casey no longer has access to the front of the house. Granted...she has a huge rest of the house to mope about in. She has the whole huge kitchen and family room, our master bedroom and bath. Her food and water are in this area, so really, as far as a dog goes, it doesn't get much better...unless you happen to get the blessing to go ahead and sleep on the brand new red microfiber couch! Which she definitely DOES NOT get! Once we were armed with our baby gate we headed home and put forth an all out assault on the laundry. Got TONS of that finished. And then it was time to get the boys. Once they were home it was the usual homework drill. Ben was SO aggravating. He has been assigned an oral presentation for next Monday. I read over the assignment and sat down to start preparing this presentation. Ben then informed me that he doesn't have to practice. I told him he certainly does. He says "But not with you!". At which point I repeated that he certainly does. Let's just say that our first test drive of said presentation did not go well. That child is SO hard headed and belligerent and difficult and stubborn and ....well, I could go on all day. I was a wee bit frustrated. But alas, tomorrow is a new day. And so...I am off to spend the rest of this fine evening with my hubby. Tomorrow will be here before we know it and we will be off and running...AGAIN!

Easter Came Early

So...we did some Easter activities that we don't usually do this year. For one...we went to the town Easter egg hunt on Saturday morning. It was one of those B.Y.O.B (bring your own basket) things and join us for crafts and all and the fire department flew the Easter Bunny in in a helicopter. Well, it sounded like a fun morning, so we headed out for the big event. Let me tell you...Easter egg hunts in Arizona are WAY different than egg hunts back east. For one...there really isn't any real hunting, so to speak. Not a lot of grass or foliage here....so it makes the "hiding" of eggs pretty much not happening. In Florida, we would spend hours carefully hiding plastic eggs...in tall grass, behind rocks, in potted plants, in bushes. So the Arizona egg hunt consisted of several volunteers holding large cardboard boxes full of eggs walking out into the middle of this big, barely grassy field (the grass is about maybe 1/4" high) and just dumping out all the eggs onto the ground. Then they blow a whistle and shout "Go!" and all way too many kids go rushing out onto the field and snatch the eggs all up and run with them. It was a VERY interesting experience. I must say..the whole "hunt" lasted about 20 seconds. Needless to say, our kids were NOT impressed wi the Arizona egg hunting. I tried to make it better by buying eggs and hiding them here in our yard. But first of all..Arizona yards are tiny. Second of all, Arizona yards do not have grass or much foliage at all, so hiding eggs is tricky. Basically, I dropped eggs into my two pots of pansies and shoved some in our mailbox...other than that...I just had to try to hide them on the rocks and about. And those bright pink and yellow eggs just kind of stick right out there against the brown drab rocks. Again...not much of a hunt so to speak. Even still, we managed to do it like about a hundred times! So after all the festivities of the day we put the kids to bed, watched a movie and went to bed ourselves somewhere around the midnight hour. Then, at the very, very, VERY early hour of 4:51 a.m. I wake to find Ben at my bedside telling me that the Easter Bunny has visited and left goodies in everyone's basket. I said "That's great, Ben. Now go to bed." So he goes to his room, wakes up Max and then BOTH of them are sitting at the kitchen table at 5 a.m., right outide our bedroom door, eating Skittles and jellybeans and comparing Easter baskets. So Easter came extra early to our house today. On the bright side, everyone was ready in PLENTY of time for church this morning!

On another Easter note...the service at church was BEAUTIFUL this morning. We enjoyed it SO much. The orchestra was phenomenal and the choir did an amazing job. We are enjoying the traditional aspect of this church SO much. We really feel as though we may have finally found a church home here. We will see how things go, but right now this church feels so right for us. And for this, I am SO thankful. We have been searching for a church home since we got here in December...and after much prayer, this is a real gift. All in all our day was a gift and a blessing. Chris and I had an unprecedented amount of time together and we both just soaked it up and enjoyed each and every moment of it. It was a day for reflecting on the resurrection of our Saviour and for counting the blessings that the Saviour has so generously given us. Today was a good day...no. Today was a GREAT day.

Guilt

So...as I battle the stupid scale and the stupid jeans and the stupid fat rolls that keep assembling on my waist....I sit here in total guilt. The whole weight thing has been an issue this week....totally on my mind. I made sure that even though I did not have time to get to the gym today, I ran 2.5 miles with Clara at high noon. That was quite a workout! But then, I took the boys out to pizza tonight to redeem their Book It certificates....and I have SUCH a weakness for pizza. I mean I LOVE pizza...passionately. So I ate pizza...and plenty of it. I should only have had 2 slices...but I had more...and now I am consumed with guilt and frustration at myself. I need to see results....SEE them in the mirror, and see them on the scale. See them in my clothes. Right now I am not seeing them. I am tired and frustrated with it all and I am just repulsed at the idea of being in a bathing suit this summer. So...there it all is...laid out for all to see. How can some people be so skinny? And why am I not one of them?

But other things happened today besides my pizza fiasco. This morning I had to stay home to sign for a package that Jackie sent to us. So I am not usually home at this time, but today I just was. And my cousin called and we talked forever and it was wonderful. And then another old friend called from Tampa and it was so nice to catch up with her as well. It was like a neat treat to be here because noone ever calls us here in Arizona...and then...the ONE morning that I am actually home...we get multiple phone calls. It was really neat and a high point in my day. But then I didn't have time to go to the gym, so I took that run instead...that is how that came about.

Then I was all sleepy this afternoon after the boys got home and all the kids were watching t.v. and thought to myself...I will just stretch out on the couch for 15 minutes and close my eyes and then get up. Well....Clara saw me laying there and came up and kissed my eyes and told me to "seep tight and don't let the monsters get on my pillow". She kept kissing me every few seconds and patting me and telling me to go to sleep. Which, of course, was impossible with her sitting there patting me and kissing on me. So, I didn't get a nap...however, it was one of the sweetest moments of my life. To be the object of all of my daughter's sincere care and love and nurturing.

Then I took the boys out to pizza...and even though I shouldn't have, I really loved each and every piece I ate. And the boys kept saying "Thank you mom for taking us out." They were really, really sweet and appreciative. And that was another special moment in my day.

So...as I sit here complaining about my fat...I find myself thankful. I am fat because I have more than enough to eat. My jeans are too tight because I am wonderfully provided for in the area of nourishment. I am thankful for 3 wonderful children. 3 gifts that I know some women will never ever get to experience, despite years of longing and praying. Chris is gone tonight and I am missing him...and I am thankful for that because it means that I have someone to love and cherish...another gift from my loving God. I am thankful for a full day of housework tomorrow because it means that I have more than enough house for me and my family and cleaning it is a privilege as I consider the fact that many are homeless and have no house to clean at all. I can honestly find very little to grumble about in my life. God has been good to me. I think that if I never receive another thing, I am okay because I have so much more now than i deserve or really need. And so I am turning in for the night...thankful for my big warm bed and the Victoria Secret jammies I will be sleeping in, thankful for heat and air conditioning, thankful for all the blessings in my life right now...for the ones that I know about and the ones that I do not. So on that note...good night!

150.4

And so the scale is finally cooperating with me. I think I would have had to smash it through the window if it had not started showing smaller numbers. Chris tells me that this happens to me every single month at the same time...I suddenly pick up several pounds of water weight and stay bloated for a week or so and then I lose it all and go back to my normal self. Of course, I would never readily admit that he is right...so I am logging it here to see if there is any truth to his observations. Regardless, I am thrilled to see the 4 pound loss and hope to see more in the coming days. I burned another 800 calories in the gym this morning on the elliptical. I don't know if I will make it into the gym tomorrow as I have to wait to sign for a package...but if it comes early enough then I will definitely be there.

Not much else going on. I cleaned the two downstairs bathrooms today and folded and put away some laundry. I played with Clara outside for a while and got the chance to meet the new neighbor. I met Chris and his coworker for lunch today...but the place took so long that they had to rush and take their food with them...so it wasn't much of a lunch I guess. Clara and I went to Fry's to pick up a few groceries...milk, bread, the usual. Chris is going out of town tomorrow afternoon, just for the night. He will be back on Wednesday night. Benjamin has a nasty booboo on his index finger that was all swollen and blisterlike this morning when he got up. Chris pierced it with a needle and drained the fluid so it would not be so tender. But this evening it was swelling again and is red. So we flushed it with lots of hydrogen peroxide and flushed it some more. Can't say that Ben enjoyed the whole procedure...but it honestly looks pretty angry and yucky. Then we slathered him up good with triple antibiotic cream and Spiderman bandaids and sent him to bed. We will look at the issue again tomorrow morning and see how it looks. If it doesn't look a lot better, then Mr. Ben will be heading in for an appointment with the doc. That, my dear is life in the Roberts house. Guess that is all for today. Till later!

Happiness

Happiness is opening your eyes and seeing the big blue eyes of your two year old smiling up at you beside your bed. Happiness and pulling her into your arms and sleepily snuggling with her and her daddy while we all watch Winnie the Pooh cartoons. Happiness is thinking that you may have found a church "home" where people were so warm and friendly and everything just seemed to feel "right". Happiness is having a husband who recognizes your love of all things chocolate and caffeine containing and surprises you with a fresh hot mocha between sunday school and church when he supposedly went to move the car to a better parking spot. Yum! Happiness is taking a nice long run and taking in all of the beauty of God's desert and mountains....running with a view SO amazing you almost don't feel the pain of the run....almost. Happiness is taking a bike ride as a family and just spending time together away from the phone and the t.v. (not that anyone really calls us here in Arizona). Happiness is getting everyone in the bed early enough to be able to read a satisfying amount of A Wrinkle in Time to my little boys and leave them thirsting for more tomorrow night. Happiness is knowing that all the kids go back to school tomorrow after a lovely spring break and that I can get back to the gym in full force and work on this scale issue. Happiness is weighing in at 153.4 this morning...a whole pound less than yesterday. Happiness is reflecting on this day and having too many blessings to count! God has been good to this family and to this woman. I am just so thankful for His many gifts and the sunshine He shines daily on my life.

154.4

That was the weigh in this morning. Very depressing and not at all going the direction that I had hoped. Oh well. I definitely made it into the gym this morning and pulled out all the stops and bonded with the elliptical machine for every bit of an hour. 810 calories later I dragged my sweaty self home and got on with the business of the day. That business included cleaning up the kitchen, making lunch for the kiddos, doing some laundry, making beds and various what nots. I made sure that I did everything but eat! I catch myself wanting to eat out of boredom...which is a bit of a problem here for me. I don't know anyone really yet. The only people I have really met are the people that Chris works with and they all work...no stay at home moms like myself. And with the kids home from spring break I have found myself not really getting out because it always seems such an ordeal with all 3 kids along. The boys can't seem to stop doing their ninja tricks in the aisles and just generally cutting up and misbehaving. It ends up making me crazy, so I just save my errands for when Clara and I are alone. Thus I have been bored and lonely since we got back from Montana. So I made heroic efforts to just avoid any kind of snacking. The craziest snack I had all day was a banana...no cookies, no little Debbie cakes, no chips. Well....a few chips. Anyway...I hate having to watch what I eat. I like staying busy enough that I just don't have to worry about it. But now I am MOST definitely worrying about it. I am quite sure that Chris does not relish the idea of having a fat wife. And believe me....when I look in the mirror, what I see in ANYTHING BUT sexy...It's just roly poly one roll after another soft and squishy. I would make a really awesome renaissance woman right about now. So that is my life today...my quest...my obsession. I DO NOT want to get on that scale tomorrow morning and see that it has gone up again. If it keeps going up I am going to have to check into a fat farm somewhere and go on the starvation and exercise till you drop plan. I wish I had a personal trainer and a personal chef...someone who could whip up delectable, yet nutritious goodies for me and a trainer who would motivate and encourage and be there each and every step of the way each and every day. Of course, i would need a nanny as well to watch the little angels while I am out and about getting buff with my trainer. Oh, and we're probably going to need to be millionaires in order to afford this crazy fantasy of mine! So...back to reality. It's just me and my scale and my lousy kitchen skills and my Gold's gym membership that are going to get me through this. Too bad, so sad! So, wish me luck for the great weigh in tomorrow!

Coming Back Down...in more ways than one!

Today was a day of catch up and rest...a time for coming back down the mountain after all of our skiing and vacation time. There was the usual laundry to catch up and dishes and suitcases to put away. There was cleaning of the bathrooms and dusting of the furniture. The kids were quite tired (though they vehemently denied it). Clara showed us her "uggy" behavior this morning until I could no longer take it at noon. I had come to the conclusion at that point that she was either still quite tired from our trip, or most definitely possessed. I mean I would not have been too terribly surprised if her head had started spinning around. She was WAY cranky. The boys played amazingly well together all day long. That was nice. And Max had an unbelievably helpful and sweet attitude about him all day. He got out of bed smiling and offering to help in any way we needed him...and it continued all day long. It was really very refreshing. Max has been moody and sultry and difficult to take some days. Today was a real gift with him...I truly enjoyed having him around. Now, at the close of day, my two boys are tucked into bed and Clara is trying to find out Where's Waldo with her daddy. She too will be heading to bed very shortly. And by the way...the nap did her wonders. She slept over 2 hours...nearly 3. And ever since has been rather charming. She has had a moment here and there, but for the most part she has been pretty sweet. I am hoping that tomorrow everyone will awaken feeling really refreshed and ready to enjoy a weekend.

So, I had some bad news...my bathroom scale is up like multiple pounds. I SO hate that. My clothes don't feel tight though and I am surprised about that. Now, because I said that I will not be able to get my jeans up over my big old bottom tomorrow...but that's okay I guess. I am definitely going to have to get all of this under control. Ben was coughing this morning so I decided not to head to the gym (I hate sharing kid cooties). So instead of just writing the day off as yet another day of rest...I dug out my old Tae Bo tape and set to work sculpting my hard body. It was quite a painful experience. I had forgotten just what a difficult workout that one was. I did it years ago and lost a ton of weight and really shaped up...but then I grew bored and quit. I was definitely feeling the burn by the time the tape was over. I will be shocked if my behind is not screaming in protest with my every move tomorrow morning. I must move that scale number back down into the acceptable range and we are SO not there right now. So in addition to coming off our mountain high, I now also have to come off the scale high! Today's reading (strictly for accountability) was 153.2. Not a good one for me.

I have spent a lot of time lately reading other people's blogs and I am always so impressed at how God is speaking to all of these people and really using them and their words to touch other's lives. I then realize that my blog does not really accomplish this yet. And I think that I need more fruit in my life. I need to get back in touch with the Lord and have my time with Him in study. Goodness knows that I talk with Him throughout the day...I frequently lift up prayers for wisdom, and prayers of thanksgiving and prayers of want and need. But the area I am most lacking in is actual study. My friend always says in her blog that she was reading in this book or the other of the bible and was reminded of this or saw that in her own life. And I always wonder what led her to that book and that passage at that time. Did she just flip it open and start reading somewhere? Or did she get a hint? Or is she following some sort of study? Every time I open it up...I just get sort of off track and lose my train of thought and end up thinking of everything except what I am reading about. I need to work on that. I need a jumping off point...somewhere besides Genesis 1:1. I like Genesis a lot, but I never get too far past that chapter before I run out of bible steam. I will have to pray that one up I guess and see just what God has to say about that.

So Proud of Me!

Well, we just returned home from our spring break ski vacation....all in one piece and all smiles! I did something that I was sure I would never do again. I strapped on some skis and went for a whirl! After my last experience I NEVER ever wanted to try that again. I spent WAY more time on my behind than I did on my feet last time and all sorts of ugly things about cursed snow came flying out of my mouth...last time. But this time, my dear, sweet husband got me a private lesson and with some one on one fine tuning...I actually found myself skiing! It was awesome and exhilirating. And even though I only went down the beginners green slope....I am SO proud of myself. I have such an incredible sense of accomplishment. Of course...I prayed myself down that mountain each and every time and each and every time I was delivered safe and sound at the bottom. As a matter of fact, I only fell down one time! And that one time, I quit praying and started checking out my husbands cute little butt swishing down the trail in front of me and as I really started admiring it....that's when I found myself on my hiney. And getting back on my feet was a pretty major ordeal after that. So that was my last run. I decided to quit while I was ahead. It was great fun and my sweet family skied right along beside me those last 3 runs, even though they were WAY more advanced than that silly little run. It was a day to remember and I am actually looking forward to doing it again next year. Our whole visit was quite nice. We had the whole guest house to ourselves and it was a treat...our little family all snug and warm off in the little cottage. It was sweet. Chris and I really had a chance to consider our many blessings. And I dearly love my husband...have I mentioned that previously? So anyway....we are back now. Alive and well and trying to settle back in. I have 3 really tired and cranky kiddos. One of them is showing me her red headed side right now...can you guess who that might be? We had to get up at 3 a.m. this morning to leave and get our flight. Chris' parents live over an hour away from the airport so we had to boogie early this morning. Clara caught a very brief nap on one of the plane hops this morning, but that has worn off now and we are most definitely in melt down mode. So...on that note, I am signing off for today. Until later!

Ski boys taking a break! 

All in a day of skiing! 

Amazing saguaro out in our desert! 

Life in the Fast Lane

Today is crazy...and I cannot imagine why I am sitting here updating this crazy blog. Lord knows I have about a million things to do in the next hour and a half. Spring break officially begins at 3:15 today. By 4 p.m. my happy and cheerful (at least they better be!) family should be in the car accompanied by one big fat fluffy dog on the way to the kennel to settle the dog in and then on the way to the airport! We have a 7:25 p.m. flight with Billings, Montana as our destination. I feel bad for my boy's two teachers today. Max and Ben are SO excited that they are nearly unbearable. Even Clara is asking every hour or so if it is time to go get on the airplane. There are plans to ski while we are there and that is all the boys need to hear...they cannot wait to hit the slopes. The bad twist to all of this is that we will not actually make it out to Chris' folk's house until after 1 a.m. Then, Chris and his brother Todd have all kinds of crazy plans to get on up tomorrow morning and take the kids skiing. Nuts if you ask me. I think that everyone is bound to just be exhausted...but hey...if they are crazy enough to try it, then they can go for it! I personally am not planning to ski this time around. I was just not very good at it at all and am pretty sure that I could seriously injure myself with little or no effort at all on those slippery and crazy slopes! I think that Clara and I will just hang out and try to take in some shopping and sites. I'll leave the skiing adventure to the men! I worry lots about my dog...she is old and lazy and sleeps about 90% of the day. And I hope that that is exactly what she does these next few days at the kennel. But I always worry in the back of my mind, that maybe she will stress out about being there with all those other dogs and the stress will prove to be too much and she will simply kill over while we are gone. I would hate to think that that was how and where she spent her last moments of life...away from her family who loves her....alone in a strange kennel. Nice happy vacation thoughts, huh? I'm sure she will be fine, but I do worry for her. I imagine that once we pull out of there I will not have too much time to worry about her while trying to entertain 3 tired kids on the airplane. Mostly I just pray that we have a safe trip and a good time and that I did not forget anything major. Did I mention that I love my husband today? Yes, I do. Very, very much. Well...Bon Voyage! See you next week!

My little blessings...Ben, Max and Clara 

In God's Hands

Well, this is definitely a time to really let go and let God reign in my life. I spent all day yesterday at Urgent Care trying to diagnose a really, really bad sore throat. It had been hurting for quite a while...weeks actually. But yesterday I had finally had enough and was just eternally cranky with the kids and the husband and the dog and everyone! I figured I needed some allergy medication to get the post nasal drainage under control. And since I don't have a local doctor here yet, I figured Urgent Care would work to help me with this annoying allergy problem. When I got there though...it turned out to be way more than allergies. A major sinus infection to be exact...one of the most interesting cases they had seen. My throat was so swollen, they had never even seen one like it...they actually sent me for x-rays to be sure that my throat had not abcessed and they drew blood as well for a white count. Turned out just fine...diagnosis: sinus infection. I came home with MEGA antibiotics, but a short 24 hours later am already noticing improvement. It is nice not to have my throat scream each and every time I attempt to swallow. So I was exhausted after all of that yesterday. Chris and I collapsed into bed last night and I slept quite well...until a little before 5 a.m. when Clara woke up screaming and crying and throwing up all over the place. Bless her heart, she threw up over and over again and could not even hold down a sip of water for hours. We finally turned the corner around lunch time and as of 4:00p.m. she is still tolerating saltines and gingerale. So now, all three kids have had this stomach crud and Chris and I are hoping that our turn is NOT next. We are taking a mini vacation this Friday and neither of us are crazy about the idea of boarding an airplane with stomach crud amongst us. The boys have high expectations of skiing when we get to Montana and it will not do to have Chris ill and unable to hit the slopes. I can tell you now that if that happens the kids are just out of luck, as their dear mommy is NOT a skier. I have been there and tried that and found the whole ordeal to be terrifying, utterly frustrating and downright difficult. Those downhill Olympic skiers always make it look so easy. Swooosh. Off they go. I tell you...it did not even come close to happening like that for me. It was more like...splat, ouch, crash, ouch, skerploosh, ouch. You get the picture. I spent way more time on my backside, than on my skis. If my boys like it....I think that is just great. As for me and my wee girl, I think that we will just spend our day shopping and having hot cocoa in the little town at the bottom of the mountain! I don't care if I never ski again....a risk taker I AM NOT, and I definitely declared to skiing to be hazardous to my personal health! So, as the day progresses, we all seem to be feeling a little better, though chaos still reigns here. Clara is obviously bouncing back. She is running around in fits of temper at the boys and stomping her feet and telling me she is being "uggy", like I can't see her blatantly acting ugly myself. Noone seems to be able to agree about anything that is on t.v. and even the dog refuses to cooperate and go outside for a potty break for me. On days like this when I am tired and a bit short tempered, it is easy to give in to the chaos and exhaustion and yell and scream and get utterly frustrated with the kids...who of course, seem to heap it on especially thick (they sense your weakness you know) at times like this. And so it is on days like this that I find I have to TOTALLY get focused on God and have double and triple prayer times to keep that focus and stay calm and even tempered with my children. I adore them...love them to death....but they can really yank my chain at times and if I don't lean on the Lord I might just go crazy. So today my prayer is that God will just reign and rule in our house. That he will calm the storm in our home and heal our weak and tired bodies and soothe our crazy and frazzled nerves.

sunset over Tucson on Soldier Trail 

Definitely not seeing rainbows!

So last night was pretty rough. All the kiddos went to bed and I was SOOO looking forward to a good, long nights sleep...much needed sleep I might add. Ben woke me up at about 3 a.m. saying he had thrown up in the bathroom and gotten a little on the floor. So I thought "no big deal" and went up to check it out. Turns out that he got it ALL on the floor and never made it as far as the toilet...so at 3 a.m. I am digging out cleaning supplies and what not and trying to clean all of that mess up. It was quite a while before I made it back to bed. Max was waking me up for something annoying this morning and just would not go away and leave me alone. All in all I got up on the TOTALLY wrong side of the bed. To top things off the weather was lousy and overcast and chilly...much like my mood. Since Ben was obviously feeling badly this morning I decided to take my grumpy self and visit a new church that Chris and I have been planning to visit. Chris stayed home with the boys and I took Clara with me and headed to Catalina Foothills Church, a Presbyterian Church of America congregation. On the way there I had one of my praise and worship cd's on and was grumbling along complaining about the rain, when a song just jumped out at me. It was called Reign In Me. And it hit me all of a sudden..instead of grumbling about the rain and my lack of rainbows....maybe I should be focusing on Jesus and his reign in my life. He wants and should be the focus and center of each and every one of my days. If I would just give Him a chance to take control and really turn myself over to Him and His will for me...I know without a doubt that I would see a lot more rainbows in my world and not grumble about the rain so much. I have not been good about taking my God time for myself and I have really felt very "off" in my spiritual life. In other words....it really shows. Sort of like when I miss days and days at the gym...I wake up feeling really fat and flabby and lethargic and just miserable. I am experiencing the same sort of thing with my God time. I don't exactly wake up feeling fat because I missed my God time...but I don't wake up with the joy of the Lord either. I am reading a book called God Is In the Small Stuff and one of the passages I read today states that "You can start your day without God, but you'll never really get started." It really spoke to my heart and reminded me that God wants to be part of my life and how much better my life can be and is when He is reigning in it. So....I am no longer grumbling about the rain here in the desert....but am focusing on His reign in my life...here in the desert.

Sweet Clara before the rain! 

We need a rainbow!

So, our fun and exciting Saturday turned out to be TOTALLY rainy and yucky all day. The temperature plummeted and it rained and thundered and hailed all afternoon. Talk about miserable. We each had things we would have enjoyed and had planned to do today...but instead we all found ourselves back home again...in total disbelief at how rotten the weather was. The day wasn't a total wash though. Just before all of nasty weather set in we met our landscaper out at the nursery and made our final plant selections for our landscaping project. It is going to look so COOL!!! Then we got my cell phone exchanged out, as the screen was apparently defective. Very difficult to use those things when you can't navigate the system because you have no idea where in the system you are! Definitely nice...and necessary, to be able to see that screen. Not long after the accomplishment of these errands though is where things went south for us. But then again, despite the rain, our time at home was not a total loss. Chris spent a grueling 3 hours at the computer sorting out our taxes and I spent a grueling 3 hours trying to make heads and tails out of all my scrapbook junk and even attempted to catch up on a couple of pages. I am still pathetically behind...like 2 to 2 1/2 years...but hey...I'm further along today than I was yesterday!

A good bit of this afternoon was spent arguing with Max. He and I seem to stay in constant conflict right now. He simply cannot just listen and obey without having to "discuss" and argue everything to death. I asked both boys to get their room clean as they had had a friend over to play and things were a bit messy. After a few minutes, Ben informs me that Max is not helping. This is pretty typical for Max. He is, by nature a very lazy child. Bright as can be....but lazy. He has no problem hanging out and playing while others clean and do any work that needs be done. So, in response to this ongoing problem, I sent Ben downstairs and told Max that now, he was going to have to clean up by himself. This did not make him happy at all and we had a few heated moments which VERY nearly ended in a spanking. Instead, he ended up whining and complaining that he didn't know where anything went...especially Ben's toys (which I have no doubt Max got out himself). This is absolutely ludicrous considering that ALL of their toys go into their closet into neat little clear containers. Anyone who has played at my house will vouch for the fact that I like things neat and organized and every toy has a home in a neat little box. Well...Max and his amnesia self just couldn't seem to get a handle on this. It wasn't at all that he didn't know where things went. He just didn't want to have to put them away by himself. So finally....completely at my wits end...and I'll tell you...I seem to stay there a lot lately; I went in and gathered up the remaining toys that had not been put away and just removed them from child ownership. Just like that...gone. Hey...I figure if you honestly have no clue where your own toys belong...you probably don't need to have toys! This caused massive outcry and drama of course and suddenly Max was sure that he knew where each and every toy belonged and could definitely put them away himself if I would only return them and give him a chance. And of course there was that whole "You'll never have to tell me twice again." promise thrown in for good measure. I did not return the toys. As mean as it seems....I just feel like I have to do something to make a difference in him. I am at a point where I really do not like this child of mine. He is mouthy and rude and precocious and argumentative and just down right annoying. Don't I sound like the worst mom ever? I feel like it. I mean, what kind of mom doesn't like her own kid? But I don't. I try to...but honestly....we can't seem to be in the same room without arguing. Almost every single thing the child does sets me on edge these days. It doesn't help that these are the days of the potty mouth. Every conversation seems to revolve around the potty and bodily functions. Every comment seems to hang on a fart or a belch or some other insinuaiton to some other fart or belch. And both boys think it is HYSTERICAL. I am SOOO tired of it. How long IS this phase anyway? Long story short...I am entertaining the idea of allowing Max to earn back some of the toys he lost...starting with the ones that belong to his brother (who incidentally was NOT at all too happy at losing his toys because of his brother's laziness). I did read them a story tonight...something I have not done in several weeks. We started A Wrinkle In Time. Great book. I hope they enjoy it as much as I did!

While I was arguing with Max, Ben laid low...smart child that he is. He is like that. He does not enjoy conflict and prefers to stay out of it as much as possible. But he comes around a lot for a hug and a cuddle...so sweet like that, our Ben. Ben has a very generous and loving heart. He is generally a sweet, sweet child to be around. He has a passion for making things....he isn't picky about what itis....but he is always making something out of other things. It is a rather messy passion...he, like Max, is not too good at cleaning up after himself...especially when he is "in the moment" so to speak. He is always drawing, always painting. He paints with paints, or with water, or with dirt. Whatever he can find. He draws with crayons, or pencils, or markers, or rocks....it makes no difference to him. He is a scissor freak...which makes me nuts as he leaves a trail of scraps wherever he goes. And he has probably launched several hundred paper airplanes this year alone! He is our artistically driven one to be sure.

And then there is Clara. She just seems to love doing what everyone else is doing...though I do notice that she really seems to enjoy making crafts and pictures and things. She also LOVES to sing. She sings several songs now. She sings Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star....only it comes out Tankle Tankle Little Stawr. She's got quite a southern accent going! And she sings Little bunny Foo Foo. She sings If You're Happy and You Know It. She sings The Bissy, Bissy Pider only puts her own spin on it and it goes something like this...."The bissy, bissy pider went to get the mommy" and she makes her spider hands and does her very best tickle attempt on me. It is TOO cute and she came up with it all by herself. She is a sweet girl who adores her daddy. And I do mean she ADORES him. He is her hero without whom she would just be lost. It just so happens that her daddy is pretty fond of her as well. And she IS pretty cute....most of the time. Allbeit, with all the rain today I did not find her to be very cute at all. I don't think her brothers did either. At one point this afternoon she was screaming and attempting to bodily drag them into the closet so she could sit there and shine her flashlight at them. Max kept saying "I don't want to play!" and Clara would club him with her little fist and scream out at him "Yes you do!" and there was a lot of dragging and screaming and crying and clubbing. I finally had to step in there and save poor Max from being dragged off to the dark closet anymore. The rain truly did seem to get on all of our nerves today.

And on that note. I know that I should be truly thankful for the rain....especially since I now reside in the desert and rain is a big deal around here. People tell me that we will go months without rain...so long that we won't be able to recall when it actually last rained. That is what they say. I know that rain is important and life giving and all that. I'm just not a big fan of rain I guess. I much prefer the rainbow...God's wonderful reminder that He is in control and in charge and loves and cherishes us. The sign of all the good things yet to come...but to get the rainbow, you first need the rain. I guess in a lot of ways that is just how life is and how God is with us. He can't grow us without trials (rain), we can't learn to trust Him unless we are put into situations that require complete faith (rainy times), into all of our lives a bit of rain must fall I guess. But the reward is sweet...because after the rain...comes the rainbow. We are ready to see that rainbow over the desert tomorrow. I am praying tonight for rainbows tomorrow! Life is good in the desert. Rain and all....life is good and we are blessed!

Tonya among all God's beauty! 

Desert Beauty! 

Friday...but not like I imagained

So, Friday is finally here. A day I generally really look forward to. Only today didn't turn out like I thought that it would. First of all, our oldest son, Max woke up at 6:30 a.m. this morning complaining that his stomach hurt. This is really weird because we usually have to bodily drag and threaten this child out of bed on school days. Then, he actually presented with a fever....a very low fever, but a fever nonetheless. This was weird because Max NEVER gets sick or has a fever. NEVER!!!! So we debated, but in the end we ended up keeping him home. Now, I am not the type who makes any effort to make staying at home with me a fun or wonderful kind of day when they could be at school as I do not wish to have a crew of "fakers" who are forever trying to finagle their way out of going to school. So the rules for being sick are basically no t.v., no playstation, no outside play of any sorts and you have to take a nap if you stay home sick. Max apparently wasn't too, too sick today because these rules drove him crazy. He was actually contemplating having me take him on to school by about 10 a.m., but I checked his temperature and it was up again so all bets were off. He was not a happy camper. No problem...neither was I. Because he wasn't REALLY sick, he was up and about and he and Clara stayed at each other's throats all day long! Every time I turned around one or the other was heaping out the abuse by the shovel full. So it made for a really long and aggravating day.

The next thing to go really rotten wrong was our furniture delivery. For the second time now, the furniture store has told us our chair was in and ready to be delivered, only to find out that it is not in and not ready to be delivered. We bought this chair way back in January and have been very patient to this point...but I tell you...I am SOOOO aggravated with the whole thing now.

And so, in all my frustration, I flip over to my friend's very inspirational blog and she tells all about how easily pleased her children were upon receipt of a few empty pads of paper and how nice it would be if adults were so easily pleased. So then I had to step back and take a look at all my blessings and wonder how in the world I can be aggravated at not having a chair....when I have so much else in my life. We are currently having our very ugly yard landscaped. It is a HUGE project and is coming along really nicely. And I think how blessed we are to be able to do a project like this....better yet, to be able to afford to have someone else do it for us. We have a really beautiful home here and three healthy children (well, nearly healthy). We drive two nice cars and all of us have too much in our closets and our pantry is adequately stocked to keep us all more than nourished and satisfied. Tonight, after our kids go to bed, I know that Chris and I will probably grab a bottle of wine and head out to our spa and soak in it's warmth while we try to count the millions of stars that God placed right over our house here in Arizona. We will have a bit of quiet time to ourselves to reflect on the week and all the frustrations, but more importantly, on all the blessings. We will have a whole uninterrupted conversation about grown up topics and feel the week's stress leave our backs and shoulders. And as I ponder all of this....I realize that Lori is SO right. I know that God wishes that we would be happy with as little as a blank pad of paper. And now that I have reflected on all of this....I realize that despite the frustrations...I am truly happy right now. God has blessed and cared for and loved us so incredibly in the past few months. We stepped out into this move in blind faith. All the signs just seemed to point us in this direction. Kind of like hearing God whisper to you...we heard Him whisper that this was where we belong. Why we are here....I don't know. It seems there must be a greater purpose. Maybe we were supposed to be here to free up a home for Richard and the babies after Jennifer died. That is another story that is SO worth blogging about and getting down into print. God has really shown Himself to Chris and I in these last 3 months. We have felt closer to Him than we ever have and know without a doubt that He is drawing us close. He is in every detail of our lives. In realizing that...instead of signing off frustrated....I am signing off thankful. More than anything I think that is where my heart is and needs to be....just truly, truly thankful for my many blessings. Thank you, Lori for the gentle nudge!

Almost Friday

So....Friday is fast approaching, just a few hours to go now and we will be off and running into the weekend. I love the weekends when I get to spend some precious time with my dear husband and the kiddos. Granted I get a lot of time with the kids....but not nearly enough with my hubby. His new job has him working entirely too much of each weekday and even some weekends....but I cherish our time together more than he will ever know! We have no real big plans for the weekend. No huge projects. Nothing really demanding of our time or attention...just each other! The kids are interesting points in life right now. Max is very argumentative and insists on "discussing" things to death if he thinks he is right...which is always. Ben is quiet and cuddly and continually drawing or doodling something for us. And Clara is great...until the boys arrive back home from school each day, at which point she becomes wildly jealous and resumes her TOTAL brat mode. The three of them can be a real frustration and a real challenge. I love them all so much and want to cherish and enjoy them while I can, but some days they make it REAL hard!

On another note, our backyard is looking SO awesome. The flagstone patio is laid and looks gorgeous. They built a wall around the pool pump and the planter wall they installed is really graceful and pretty. I am so pleased with all of this work that they are doing.l I think that our yard is just going to be so beautiful when it is all said and done. And immediately, my thoughts just go back to my number one thought....we are SO blessed to be here. God has been SO good to me and my family in bringing us here to Arizona. I see and feel His blessings on our lives each and every day.

Currently I am being blessed with the VERY loud snoring of my darling husband here on the couch in our family room. I think that I will drag that little blessing off to bed and snuggle up in his warm arms and as I listen to the rhythmic beating of his heart, I will lift up, yet another, prayer of thanks for another wonderful blessing in my life!

A New Blog

So, I just created this blog....an online journal of sorts. Perhaps I might keep it up better than I do my paper version! We are new to the great state of Arizona. Been here a whole 3 months now! So far, so good. We bought a house in a nice neighborhood and seem to have nice neighbors. Our children are enrolled in a good public school with wonderful teachers. My husband seems to totally love his new job (headaches and all) and I am awed every single day by the beauty I have found here in this desert. In my wildest dreams I would never have imagined such beauty and simplicity. Maybe that is why I love it so....it is totally simple and not fussy. Just neat and clean and simple and straightforward. It has been a refreshing experience for me and my family. My children seem so genuinely happy and are thriving here with new friends and new surroundings. Not that they did not have wonderful friends back home...but now...they just seem so much happier. Life is good in the desert and I guess I am just really feeling grateful for all of God's blessings in this area. He totally orchestrated this move for us...each and every incredible detail...and Chris and I have felt so touched and blessed from the moment we arrived here. And the blessings just go on...Chris' parents are moving here next month...so we will have family just a little over a mile down the road. I am just SO excited about that. That is something to cherish and be truly thankful for. If I could choose only one word to describe the move here to Arizona.....I guess that I would just have to pick grateful. God has been so generous and merciful with us and has provided each and every need we have had. I see His hand at work in our lives here nearly every day....in our home, in my children, in the people He has placed in our paths. I am just grateful for all the blessings that God has SO generously poured out on us. We don't deserve it. We don't deserve to live in such a beautiful place in such a beautiful home.....I am just so thankful for the blessings.