Giving Back

My photography is going quite well. I am amazed at God's blessings on that whole thing. I never really imagined in a million years that I would be successful at it. But it has all turned out so well. I enjoy it as I have never enjoyed anything before. It works perfectly with my schedule and still lets me do my mom duties too! I think the best part of it, is that I have found a way to give something back to the world. We don't have lots of money...and to this point I've not had any real talent so to speak of. But now....I DO have a talent, and one that I am so fortunate to be able to share. I have volunteered my services with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, which is an organization that does bereavement photograpy for early infant loss. It is an amazing way to serve and I have been so blessed by each family whose precious baby I have had the priviledge to photograph. I thought that it would be too much for me....too hard to handle emotionally. But God has really protected my heart in that area...and while I do feel so sad for these families and their losses....I am not affected like so many others are. I am able to do the shoots and get these families a beautiful momento of their angels....with my own heart still intact. It bothered me immensely and I struggled mightily with that for a time....but I have come to the conclusion that it's just a gift....just an ability that God gave me so that I can serve these families. The other organization that I am volunteering with is the American Children's Photography Charity Guild. They do free portrait sessions for families with children with terminal diseases. There is something so amazingly awesome for your soul when you are able to give a gift. Especially the gift of a tangible memory of someone so precious to these people. I love photography to pieces...but my heart soars when I am able to serve these families and know that there is nothing involved as payment....many times not even a thank you. It does a spirit good to know you gave with nothing in return...just because you could.

Free Time

So....I have been so negligent about updating this blog. It isn't that I haven't thought about it often. It's just that...honestly....I couldn't figure out how to sign into the darned thing! Since it all changed over it has been a real pain! But I determined to figure it out this morning....and so I did! Life is good here in the desert. NO major calamities at this time. Ben is struggling mightily with his allergies...needing both his inhaler AND his antihistamine eyedrops. On top of that, he has been throwing up all night (not too fun), but for the most part is in a good place. Clara, also, is fighting the allergy battle. She also is fighting mommy on using her inhaler and allergy meds. Always fun going head to head with the stubborn four year old! And Max is just Max. Healthy as always!

Last night we got to have dinner with our newest neighbors, the Newmans. They are in our Sunday School class and it was just the nicest time! The food was WAY yummy! And I love that Mandy is just a down to earth, simple, no frills kind of entertainer! That SO jives with the way I like to do things. I just get so stressed out getting caught up in all the plethra of details that can go along with hosting a meal....my heart always longs for the simplicity of our own "family" dinners. I felt so at home at Mandy's with the paper plates and plastic cups. Mandy had no way of knowing that plastic cups are my absolute preference! So it turned out to just be a really fun evening and we enjoyed their company so much. Mandy has the BEST baby....I am amazed at just how good she is. I dont' think I've ever come across such a mild, even tempered, sweet, awesome baby. She never cries, just goes to sleep on her own, and in an instant...and is...well...just amazing. I marvel at the job Mandy has done with her! So...enough of my jealous baby ramblings!

Picture business is good....it's busy...but great. I love being able to do that and to have that outlet! My friends have all been SO patient and SO supportive and so amazing. It has been a good thing.

Not too much else happening and my clock here is ticking for me to get ready and get out the door to the gym. I will update SO much more later....especially now that I have figured out how the heck to log on to this crazy thing! More to come!

A favorite shot of Clara

Clara at age 4

Valentines!

Happy Valentine's Day!

My Cowboy

My Max at age 10

Sickness!

My kids and I have been sick for DAYS now! Since last Wednesday at least. Clara stayed out of school on Thursday, we were all miserable and under the weather all weekend and did not leave the house...and now I have both boys home from school again today. In hindsight....they PROBABLY could have gone on to school, but they were just coughing so much first thing this morning that I decided to keep them at home. They don't really act sick...they are playing and fighting just fine this morning. At times, more fighting than playing. I keep hearing Clara screach and yell....which is killing my poor head that has been at migraine level for 3 days now. I am looking forward to nighttime when it is quiet again and dark! It is hard to find a dark place during the daytime in my house! I am pretty sure the boys will be back in school tomorrow morning...or I might be insane by then. Chris has been out of town forever right now, so it has been a long haul for me with the kids all being sick this round. I am ready for health in this house!

Have my first HUGE photo job this weekend...Friday night. Doing the photography for the Father/Daughter Dance at Catalina Foothills Church. I am really excited about it. Feeling good about it too! Need to buy a CF card with more space though before I go! I think that is all I will need! I hope it all goes great!

Not too much else happening around here...thanks to our current illness. I have to take Clara to try on a dress tomorrow morning for Katie's wedding. That wedding may or may not happen...but we are going to try on the dress no matter what! That's all for now!
Tonya

So Very Blessed

I am so very blessed to have my children. And they are sweet and wonderful beyond expression. Benjamin makes the coffee every single morning...almost without fail. And when the coffee is ready, Max fixes a nice big mug for me...EXACTLY the way I like it. And this sweet and beautiful routine happens most every morning. Never ONCE have they been asked to do this. They just take it on themselves and do it just because they want to do something nice. And Clara is equally as thoughtful. She is not big enough to make or deliver hot, steaming coffee, however, this morning, when I woke up with a very sore throat and sinus headache, my sweet, sweet four year old girl offered to make me breakfast (as long as it was something that,"you know, I can fix by myself...like a poptart....or, well....if you want a poptart, I will fix it for you." My heart just melted to know that she would even think of that and so sincerly offer it. It gives me hope and great comfort to know that my children are developing the ability to think of someone besides themselves!

On a different note....my affiliation with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep came through this past week. I am so honored to be able to provide these families with memories of their sweet babies...but at the same time I am so very nervous. I have not received a call yet. In a perfect world, I never will....because it will mean noone is losing a baby. However, if and when I get that call....it is my prayer that I can really create something special and meaningful for these families that have lost so much. I also met with Tu Nidito today to find out more about their organization and to volunteer my services through the Charity Guild. Both organizations mentioned here are amazing and I am pleased and proud beyond belief to be able to be a part of it. You can check them out at www.acpcg.com and at www.nilmdts.com. If you aren't familiar with these organizations, you should click on them and learn about what these amazing photographers across the nation are doing.

Chris is traveling for two weeks...so it is just me and the kids. But life is busy...so time moves along quickly. Life is so very good in Arizona....and I am just so very blessed!

New Year Update

I realize that it has been quite a while since I checked in with the blog! So I thought that I would provide an update. Since my last update, I have indeed started my own photography business. It is up and running and doing well. I have had some real highs and some real frustrations and I am learning this business little by little, day by day, as I go. One major high was being able to join the American Children's Photography Charity Guild, which you can check out at www.acpcg.com. I am excited beyond belief to be able to provide photography services free of charge to these families who stand to lose so much...their precious children. And it is a great honor to be entrusted with the responsibility and task of putting a beautiful memory of these sweet children in the hands of the parents they leave behind. I just pray daily that I will have enough paying work to be able to provide services for the many families here in Tucson facing this reality.

We had a sad moment at dinner tonight. Clara was telling us all how excited and ready she was to start kindergarten this upcoming fall. She then proceeded to tell me how busy she would be at school with all the crafts and the new friends and how she would get there and be so busy that she will forget all about me....well....tears followed...shed by me. As okay as I am about my baby starting school...I have to admit that Clara's statement rattled me a bit and left me longing for the child who has not yet even stepped out into the world and away from me! There is just something between Clara and I...it is hard to explain...but there is a connection between the two of us that is eerie at times...we just "get" each other and I truly will miss her little spirit around the house when she goes. It started to hit home with me tonight just what it might be like when Clara is at school all day, every day next year. Bottom line is...I adore that child...to the point that she is practically an extension of myself. And I truly fear that come August, I may truly find myself missing a piece of me...as my baby girl heads into school. It's really a weighty issue to have to consider!

The boys are great. Busy with school. Sweet and bright. They are turning into young men.....leaving those sweet little boy days behind. Max continues to do Odyssey of the Mind this year and guitar....and Ben is thrilled to just finish school and get to come home and play. He is a bit of a homebody, our Ben, and likes to spend as much time as possible here! And so our school year marches on...half gone already....with two of my three children hurtling toward major milestones....Clara into Kindergarten and Max starting middle school. Ay yai yai....what is a mom to do in these days but pray?

And so....we are current right now...plenty to come as time allows! Check out my website at www.tonyarobertsphotography.com to see my business website and check out my gallery!

My first picture done in my home studio! 

Blessed

Tonight we had a Dinner For 8 group at our house. It's a thing that our Sunday school class does where four couples are grouped together for 3 months to do socials and dinners in order to have a chance to better get to know each other. We had SUCH a wonderful time. All of the couples in our group are absolutely lovely and have lovely children. We all had a fantastic time. We are SO blessed to have been put here in Tucson. God has SO totally seen to our needs. Not so long ago, we were in a really dark place as far as having our spiritual fellowship needs met. Then we walked into the Catalina Foothills Church and have felt God's blessings poured out on us ever since. God has truly planted some of the lovliest people you could EVER meet right here in Tucson. And we are fortunate enough to cross paths with them quite often. It is refreshing and truly filling to be surrounded by strong Christian couples who are so kind and fun and uplifting and encouraging. I have found such acceptance and love in this group of people and Chris and I both really look forward to opportunities to be involved with them. Every need we have had since we moved here to the desert has been met so fully and completely and so beyond our expectations. I sit here tonight and I feel so blessed that I cannot even begin to put it into words. It is a special feeling to know that God has His hand on you and on your life and is so willing to provide for you in every single area of your life...no matter how small the need or the desire. I can't even begin to put all of these thoughts into appropriate words...I just sit here tonight feeling overwhelmingly blessed. God has been good and faithful. He has richly blessed us with wonderful friends....more than we ever could have hoped for. I am grateful beyond expression...life is SO good and very blessed here in the desert.

Our Clara loved the dandelions at Big Lake, up in Alpine, AZ. 

Hobby

A coyote I was lucky enough to glimpse resting at the desert museum.

So....everyone who knows me, even just a little bit, knows that I am a bit passionate about my camera and pictures. So...lately, as my baby girl gets closer and closer to starting school, I have been entertaining the notion that it might be time to grow up and, you know, contribute to our family income in some way. Everyone keeps telling me that I have an eye for photography and that it is my gift, so to speak. I'm starting to think they may be right. I don't know about the gift part or having any special eye for photography...but I love taking pictures. I could do it day and night. I have also gotten a lot of comments on the nice graphics of this blog site. I take special pleasure in that, since they are not graphics, but my very own pictures, taken with my very own camera. It has been a huge confidence booster. And so....I finally ordered some professional backdrops and bought some lights and I hope to set up a sort of home studio and experiment over the next while to see just what I can do with it all. I have no idea if I can even begin to shoot anything worth looking at. But I at least hope to try. I am not an ambitious person at all....that is my husband's job! So my prayer is that God will really use this in me if this is the direction He would have me go. I hope to be set up by next weekend. I have a real passion for babies...haven't really shot any with my camera...but that is where my mind and heart always seem to wander to...so I am hoping to explore the baby, young child arena. I am blessed to be in a group right now where there are LOTS of babies being born. It is definitely a new adventure for me...one I am cautiously optimistic about. I keep getting bogged down in worries...like that my room is too small, or that the walls should be stark white and not the painted neutral that they are....or that the window in that room might be a bad thing...but hoping that it might be a really nice thing. You know....killing the whole thing before it even gets off the ground...before I ever shoot the first picture. That would be typical me. But I want to give it a shot....and for once, see just what I can do with it. Everyone else seems to have so much faith in me...I just need to find some it for myself. So....if you are reading this....you've seen the pics on this site....what do YOU think? I'd love any feedback from unbiased folks who won't just say nice things to my face because they know me...but from others who read the words and see the pictures of a stranger...as a stranger...what do you think? Life is good here in the desert. Exciting, unknown, hopeful....and very, very good.

Four

Clara creates her bear, "Samantha"

We celebrated Clara's 4th birthday at Build a Bear this past weekend. There were six little girls there and it was quite the noisy and energetic get together. Once they all arrived, Grace, our "party bear" helped them each to pick out the bear that they wanted to make. They had several choices and it took a few minutes of pondering before all six could make a final decision. Then, Grace had them all put their bears-to-be on their heads and they proceeded to march in a line, all around the store shouting at the top of their lungs, "Stuff my bear! Stuff my bear!" I think they all loved that part, getting to yell inside, and in a very public place no less! Next, they each went through a heart ceremony, which involved choosing a satin heart, rubbing the heart in their little hands to make it warm, rubbing on their legs to make it fast, rubbing it on their heads to make it smart, and then making a wish on the heart and stuffing it inside the bear. They all got to work the "stuffer" and push the pedal to stuff their bears to their own individual levels of fluffiness. Once all of the bears were stuffed and sewn together, they moved on to the fluff and brush stage. They all got to brush and clean up their little bears while fluffing them under these big air things, kind of like hair dryers. Next, it was on to the dressing phase! And here is where the fun began. Turn six little girls loose in a store jam packed with awesome outfits, shoes, hats, wigs, eyeglasses, p.j.s, etc and say..."pick one". A couple of the little girls knew right away what they wanted their bears to wear and were done in about 2 minutes with their selections. However....the other four had quite a time putting together just the right outfit, all the while having to work within their "budget"! It didn't help, of course, that four year old girls have NO CONCEPT whatsoever of what a budget is or how much things cost. But eventually, we managed to get all the bears stuffed, fluffed, and all dressed up. After we wrapped things up at the bear store, we headed to the food court for donuts and juice and presents. It was fun to watch all of them enjoy each other's company.

As I watched all of them laughing and playing and smiling, I was just struck by how blessed we are. How blessed we have been to have our little Clara these past four years. We had prayed and prayed for a little girl. And while she had a rough year of three...as she got closer to four, she has really been such a delight. She is girly, girly in every way. And she is so sweet and so eager to please. She loves children and craves their company constantly. She wants to be a ballerina when she grows up. She is simply a delight. It's hard to believe she's been with us for four years already. Before we know it, we'll be walking her down the aisle to the man of her dreams! But I try not to think about THAT too much. Right now, I just want to treasure the little girl. The sweet one who adores her mommy, loves her baby dolls, is her Daddy's little princess and the one who just fills my heart up to overflowing every time I look at her, just knowing she's mine. We are blessed to have this child. Blessed to be parents....and I thank God every day that he has allowed us the priviledge of being parents to our wonderful children.

Compliments

I have received several compliments lately on this blog site. So, thank you very much if you happen to be among those who have been so generous with their compliments. This site is just my sporadic thoughts and ramblings on about my life and the lives of my family members. All of the pictures are my own. I have a love for taking pictures and I am grateful to my children every time they stand still long enough for me to capture the moment! My husband has great faith and confidence in my picture taking skills...way more than I myself do! So he blessed me with a really cool and nice digital camera. I take a picture (or a couple of hundred pictures) nearly everywhere we go and occasionally, I will try to throw a couple up on this site...just because I like to see them pop up there. But thank you very much to those who were so kind with their comments. I appreciate it very much. You made my day!

First day of school! 

Grrrrrrr...Thursdays

So...Thursdays are turning out to be rough for me this season. I don't even know how we got to this point...no way to avoid it really...just bad luck I think. But my Thursdays are going to be long and lousy now for the next 12 weeks....at least. Our morning starts by having everyone out the door by 8:25 a.m. I drop the boys off at school and Clara and I head into the gym, where I have back to back classes. First, a turbokick class, followed by a BodyPump strength training class. The I rush home, grab a quick shower, giving Clara her lunch to eat while I shower. Then it's back out the door to drop her off at preschool at 12:15. I pick her up at 2:45. Then head straight to school to pick up the boys. We rush home, grab Max's guitar and head right back out the door within 10 minutes to get Max to his guitar lesson. Thirty minutes later, we are back in the car heading home. And this is where life will get fun. We have to be back out the door and on the soccer field by 6 p.m. We will not get home from guitar until right at 5. I don't know where soccer practice is going to be yet....but I have a sneaking suspicion that it won't be anywhere convenient! At some point, I have to feed my family dinner, not to mention, help Max get his homework done. Soccer doesn't end until 7:30. If we are LUCKY, which, believe me, I am SO not feeling right about now....but if we are lucky, we might be home by 7:50 or so. By the time we get showers...well...game over, lights out, bedtime! I asked Max's music teacher if he had any lesson openings on Monday or Wednesday afternoons...but of course, he didn't. THAT would have made my life too easy. If something becomes available, he's going to let me know. I won't be sitting here holding my breath...that's for sure. Despite the insanely crazy schedule, I'm thankful for the bustle of fall. I love to see my children's faces light up in smiles as they see their friends or learn something new and cool. I love to know that each day has a purpose and direction and a definite "to do" list. I appreciate and miss my babies more, now that I don't see them all day, every day. This year will be a huge adventure, for ALL of us. My prayer is just for peace and a desire to relax and see it all through. Life is busy in the desert...to be sure, but oh so good!

School Days

Well, summer is over, here in the desert. The school bells are ringing and our family, along with the rest of the desert dwellers, is back in the rush and routine of the school year. The calendar is staggering in the amount of activities and appointments that we are balancing right now. Both boys seem to like their teachers pretty well (which is nice). I think they will both have plenty of challenges ahead to keep them busy and plenty of opportunity to totally screw up as well! Clara has been making me crazy with the boys gone, as her school starts a week behind them. But she is off tomorrow to pre-school and from that point on will have either school or ballet three days a week. We head out to the gym the fourth day, where she has several little friends. And the fifth day will be "our" day to do some fun things, like shopping or the zoo (Clara's favorite) or the children's museum. This is our last "easy" week for the year. Next week we add soccer and ballet to school, preschool and guitar lessons. I have to admit, that I love the pace of the school year. No time to think about what you'll do....you just DO it. Almost like autopilot. I love falling into bed at 9:30 completely exhausted. I love waking up at 6:30 on a mission with plenty to do. I find myself to get much more accomplished in a day where I am so busy for some reason. On my busiest days it seems I manage to squeeze in my bible study (I'm only 4 chapters behind!), which I could never seem to get done when there was absolutely nothing to do in the day! I get things clean that somehow couldn't get addressed before. I thrive under pressure and a schedule. So....this is my favorite time of the year. I love to just go! So this morning I am thankful! Thankful for the great schools here and for the teachers working with my kids. I am thankful for schedules and activities and that we can afford things like pre-school and ballet, guitar and soccer. I am thankful for the busyness that somehow lends peace to my life and I am thankful for the feeling of accomplishment that I have at the end of each day. I'm thankful that somehow, at my busiest times, I find myself closer to God and Him, closer to me. Life is so good here in the desert!

A Visitor

Well, I have been a resident of the Sonoran Desert now for almost exactly 20 months. I have to admit that I had a lot of ideas about the scary wildlife that I would be encountering on a daily basis when we first moved out here. However...I have had almost none (thankfully). Now....because I publish this thought in writing, on a blog, for all the world to see, I surely will see a rapid and immediate increase in my own personal wildlife encounters! But to date, in almost two years of desert living, I have not crossed paths with a rattlesnake (which is my all time biggest fear and worry), a gila monster, a mountain lion, a live scorpion or anything else too terribly scary or poisonous. We did however have a visitor yesterday morning. A tarantula. My first in my time here. I have heard that they are abundant here...but I have never witnessed one. Chris gave me the heads up yesterday morning on this one as he pulled out of the driveway for work. I was helping the kids get breakfast when the phone rang and it was Chris telling me this little guy had been under his car and he saw him when he backed out. I happen not to be afraid of big hairy spiders that I am capable of moving faster than...so I, of course, jump at the chance to see this new desert creature on my own turf. Now, I should mention here, that I am still in my nightgown. A simple, shortish, gray t-shirt with snaps at the neck and a little bit of shape kind of get up. I figure this is not an issue....I'm just stepping out on the front porch for a minute and I'm sure I won't encounter the public eye too much. So I snatch up my camera (since I'm a picture junkie!) and streak on out the front door toward said spider. And wouldn't you know it...our elderly neighbors are out front...and not just in their garage, like usual, but all out in their driveway which is only about 2 feet from MY driveway. So there I am, facsinated by this tarantula, thinking what a great picture this could be, but hiding there beside the corner of my garage so I am out of sight in my lovely night wear. Finally, I can take it no more and I just kind of slip out from the corner and get down on the ground to get the picture (thinking that if I am quiet I won't draw too much attention to myself). No sooner do I get all crouched down on my knees with my camera braced and my butt in the air, my neighbor notices me and immediately comes to save me from said spider. OK....so now it is SOOOO obvious that I am outside in my nightie on my knees, and there is just WAY too much attention coming my way. I just want this guy to go away and let me take my picture already. But no...he offers to get rid of it and proceeds to tell me how it won't really hurt me, but could hurt Clara (as if my dainty one would even think of approaching the creepy crawly!). I try to get up off the ground as gracefully as I can. I thank him for his helpfulness and then I retreat BACK around the corner to my original post of peeking out and hoping Mr. Tarantula will crawl close enough for me to get the picture I want. Well, I got his picture. Is it my dream tarantula picture (if one of those exists)? No....but it's the best I can do in my nightie with neighbors! He was way cool in a kind of creepy way. I am relieved that I did not freak out. You may be asking yourself if I will grab my camera and run out for pictures when I find the rattlesnake on my front porch. I can assure you, NOT! I will be inside, dialing 911 and packing for a trip far far away in a land where you most certainly will NOT find rattlers curled up on your steps! I still pray a daily prayer to God to put a forcefield around my home that repels all belly crawling critters. So far it has worked!

Beauty From the Night

Our night blooming cereus cactus out by the pool burst forth into the most amazing blooms the night of July 4th. I awoke the next morning to find the most beautiful, most lovely flowers atop this cactus that I think I have ever seen. I knew that it was going to bloom. I had missed the first one already. Desert flowers last but a day. By the time I discovered the first bloom it was shriveled and hanging and mushy and pitiful. I couldn't even tell really what it might have looked like. In the next few days we headed off to the mountains to cool off a bit and celebrate the long weekend. I noticed the huge buds on the cactus before we left and was sadly resigned to the fact that we would miss seeing these, too. I reminded myself that there was always next year. Though it seemed a terribly long time to wait! But when I woke up that first morning we were back home I happened to glance out to my pool area and immediately noticed the huge and stunning flowers! I was so excited! So I snapped the above picture. It is hard to believe with all of the heat here and the incredibly dry year we've had (even dry for the desert!) that things of such beauty still manage to come forth. I felt like like I had received such a gift that morning....to get to see the flowers that won't be back again for another year. It was a sight to behold...so lovely, so fresh. Life is good here in the desert!

The Desert in Bloom

Spring is here and the desert is exploding in bloom. The Palo Verde trees are brilliantly yellow and there are flowers everywhere and the mighty saguaros are throwing off blooms everywhere. It is truly a beautiful sight to behold. Rough on the allergies, to be sure. Poor Ben is suffering mightily this season, as am I. But it truly is a beautiful thing to witness. Spring in the desert is just beautiful....a little taste of wonderful before the hot, hot summer heat sinks in to take over!

Moving On

I spoke with an old friend from Florida the other day. I had made repeated attempts to contact this person. I had heard through the Sunday School prayer chain that her health was not great and that she was struggling with some things. So I set out to reach her and reach out to her and let her know that I was thinking about her. It took me three times to reach her. I left a message each time and never heard back from her. Finally, I managed to reach her and it was rather strange. It was like we had never really known each other. Like she was not in the least bit interested or glad to hear from me. She did not inquire once about Chris or my kids....nothing. The whole conversation was like pulling teeth. I asked about her kids and school and her husband and sports and the health of their children. The whole conversation was an odd one and I came to the realization that sometimes, the people whom we cling to for one reason or another as "friends" really are not our friends at all. Not once have we heard from them since we left. We could pretty much drop off the face of the earth I suppose and they would not miss us. I keep in touch with exactly two friends from Florida. Well, three. I talk to Wendy almost without fail AT LEAST once a week. And while I don't talk to Lori as often, I do still hear from her from time to time. I know without a doubt that she thinks of me from time to time and of my kids and my family. And just last week I got a letter and phone call from my high school friend Deborah Taylor. That meant so much to me to know that she still thinks of me. Other than that....it's like that chapter of our lives does not exist any longer. I fully realize that people move on...and I have no regrets about moving on really. My kids are happy here. I have wonderful, lovely friends, strong Christian women friends whom I adore. My husband is unelievably happy in his job here and we have a really nice life. Our lifestyle is wonderful and comfortable and I truly love living here in the beauty of the desert (rattlesnakes and all!). So....it's not a bad thing really. More of a factual thing I guess. It's time to move on and let go of the people who let go of me; almost before I crossed the state line. I doubt that I will look back. My focus is on the future and what life has to offer right here in my wonderful corner of the world! I wouldn't go back if I could. Life is just too good, here in the desert!

A Day at the Zoo

Today Clara and I spent the day at the zoo. It was a magical day spent between mother and daughter. It was fun and sweet and busy and totally enjoyable! We headed out this morning and arrived about 10:30. After walking around until nearly noon, we decided to grab some lunch. So we had hot dogs and corn dogs and a giant pretzel and then walked around some more making sure to re visit some of the animals that had been sleeping the first time we went through. We managed to see almost everything except the tapir, which did not seem to be home. Clara earned this trip to the zoo by getting marbles in her jar. It takes 50 marbles to earn a reward. Most often it is the reward of the child's choice. Both of our boys recently worked toward a visit to Starbuck's. Clara wanted the zoo. And so off to the zoo we went! And a wonderful day indeed it was! I know that for this next round of marbles, Max is working toward guitar lessons and Ben would like to work toward a guitar. We're gonna have to talk that one over....but it sure is nice to see our children working so hard on their manners and household responsibilities...and all for a little glass marble! Anyway...a marvelous day!

Relaxation

Chris has been taking a few days off and it has been so wonderful to have him around! He took off both Thursday and Friday and then Monday is a holiday for him since it is President's day! On Thursday he spent the day sleeping in just a little, paying taxes, catching up on naps and just relaxing a bit. Then on Friday, after we took Clara to ballet, Chris and I picked up some sandwiches at this swanky little grocery and headed off on this amazing hike up Finger Rock (hence the self portrait of us!). We spent the whole rest of the day just hiking and being together. The first part of the hike was just magical. I kept calling it the secret garden because it was just so cooland different. Then suddenly the secret garden part ended and a VERY grueling climb began! We climbed pretty sraight up vertical for just over an hour. It was SO hard and SO awesome. My butt was on fire, my thighs were screaming in pain, but with each step the view was just so awesome. It even rained on our hike...which is amazing in and of itself because it has not rained for 120 out of 122 days here in the desert! It was a fabulous day with good food and great company and wonderful scenery and even brutal exercise! Hard to beat a day like that! Then we came home and cooked out with our good friends...the ones who are separating. That day is coming closer and closer and with it is coming many changes. My best friend has gone back to work part time and is unavailable the first part of each day. She has had to make child care arrangements and leap back into the corporate world....and it's been hard to watch her struggle with all this is bringing. They have not told their girls yet and my heart breaks for them as I think of how they will face this new information. Her husband will be moving out very close to their youngest daughters 5th birthday....what a memory to deal with on your special day. I have been praying for this couple daily but I don't know if they are going to make it. I think it less and less likely each day.

There is not too much happening here. Max is as distracted as ever. We started a star system where chores or jobs are written on wooden stars and attached to magnets. Each child has a dry erase magnetic board where their stars are located. As they complete each task they are to move their star from the TO DO side to the DONE side. There is a reward for completing each segment of stars. So far, the system is working pretty well. Max is at least able to get a visual cue to help him complete his BASIC tasks like getting his teeth brushed each morning and combing his hair, etc. It's helped....some. Ben is great. On task as always...a bit devious as always. And as for Miss Clara....we are in a pretty good place with her. She is quite sweet and cooperative....still strong willed, but seeming to bend a little these days. I'm sure it won't last, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts! Overall, life is quite good in the desert!

Thankful

Chris and I are feeling ever so thankful for each other these days. Our close friends are seperating right now and it has been a difficult process to watch. They have small children very close in age to ours. This couple has been married almost as long as we have, though their road has been quite different than ours. Chris and I both know that we could have gone down that very same road.....so it is especially tough for us to watch another couple whom we love so much go down that path. I am so thankful that Chris loves me the way that he does and that he thinks that I am smart and beautiful. I cherish the fact that he sees me as his friend and would rather spend time with me than doing so many other things. I am thankful that he stood by me and was committed enough to make our marriage work and pull it out of the ruins and rebuild it into something amazing and so special. He is my gift from God. Delivered to me when I asked for him....each and every specification I requested filled. I marvel at times at just how good God can be and how he truly is able and willing to give us our hearts desire when we ask according to His will for us. One day soon, I hope and pray that God will reveal to our friends just how special and amazing they are to one another. My prayer is that He will rekindle in them a love and desire for one another and that he will place their feet back on the path that He would have them to walk....together. In the meantime, I am just so thankful for the partner that I have in my life, on the path.....together.

New at Our House

Both boys have recently received a new pet of their very own. Ben was the first to get a hamster. A little guy he named S'more. He's a long haired hamster and a real sweetheart, though he has managed to escape 3 different times now, so I have taken to calling him Houdini. Max also received a hamster as a reward for working to bring up one of his grades significantly in school. Max named his little guy Einstein DaVinci Roberts. He's also very sweet, but very lazy and more than a little bit fat. He uses his exercise wheel to sleep....never to run. I have taken to calling him Fat Boy as he is such a pudgy little guy. That, added to the fact that whenever you put food in his bowl, he immediately shoves every piece of it in his mouth and takes off to hide it somewhere! His cheeks are HUGE with food when he does that and I have wondered if he'll be able to fit into his tubes with all of that food swelling his face so. Anyway....both little furry friends have found their way into our hearts and it has been nice having them around!

The Middle of Nowhere

Our family recently went on another camping trip here in the great state of Arizona. These trips have been a great source of surprise and enjoyment for me as we have explored and discovered the many awesome attributes of this state. Every place that we have been has been amazing and beautiful and I have loved each place and been thrilled and dazzled by the beauty of it all. Until this last trip. We recently camped at Agua Caliente in Ocotillo, California. It was a place that Chris found on the web and it looked amazing and beautiful in all the pictures. We were so excited and so over Christmas break we packed up the car with all of our gear and headed out. Prior to this trip all of our camping excursions have been to the north and to the east. And they have been delightful and scenic and awesome. Aqua Caliente was our first.....and last trip into southwestern Arizona. We drove for what seemed like forever and ended up smack in the middle of nowhere. If you have ever thought that you were in the middle of nowhere....I assure you that you weren't....unless you were in this place! I have never seen anything so remote or so desolate or so colorless and bleak. This was not a place that you would just happen upon. Oh no....you'd DEFINITELY have to be going there. But we had arrived at this place....and desolate as it was, we made camp. We pitched our tent and cooked our dinner and built our little campfire and bedded down for the night. I wish I could say that we all slept all nice and cozy...but alas....it was not to be. Chris had heartburn and couldn't seem to be still. Every time he moved, it created a very cold pocket of air in the sleeping bags that we had zipped together. I was FREEZING. Then Ben started with a tummy ache and we had to listen to him moan and sigh for a good two hours. No sooner did he begin to settle, then Clara had to go potty. By the time we all settled back down, the sun was coming up and there was no hope for the occupants of our tent to doze back off. So we started the day a little on the sleepy side! After breakfast, we decided to head off into the great wilderness for a hike. So we packed our waters and gear and headed out. We had a nice hike and then got back and decided to get showers and head into the nearest town (25 miles away) and get some supplies since the store that was supposedly supposed to be open and well stocked was not open at all. So we showered and loaded up the kids and had just BARELY pulled out of the campground when HUGE winds starting gusting all around us. The whole car was shaking the wind was blowing so hard. So we turned around and headed back to our campsite to make sure our tent was secure and had not blown away. We inquired about the weather and the ranger said it was supposed to be only 5 m.p.h. winds during the day, increasing to 15 m.p.h. in the night. Well, early in the day they were already WELL over 5 m.p.h. and we knew that as they continued to increase we would not be able to have our campfire (so no heat) or our tent canopy to help hold in the heat. We made the split second decision to break camp and call the trip a wash. We started packing as hard as we could go and I nearly had the tent empty when a HUGE gust of wind literally came up under the tent, ripping the stakes out of the ground and tried to take me and tent with it! Luckily, I'm a fluffy sort of girl and I was able to hold my own...though just barely! When we finally got packed up we sighed a huge sigh of relief and gladly began the journey home. We were never so glad to get home to our own beds! I can say this for sure....Aqua Caliente is NOT a place I ever wish to visit again. In the future, I think that we will stick to the north and eastern sides of this great state! Life is good in the desert.....better on my side!

God's Beauty

I have been a resident of Arizona for nearly 11 months now....and I am still amazed at how beautiful and magnificent the mountains here can be. It's like God just relishes the opportunity to paint them a different color each day....each minute even. Today was cloudy with promises and teases of rain. The skies were thick with rolling clouds....but mostly they just rolled on by. But as the sun set this evening...it was awesome. The mountains turn pink nearly every night and it is always beautiful and always short. The majesty of the color change only lasts a few brief minutes. But tonight....tonight was amazing. Tonight the sky was full of dark rolling clouds just hanging suspended over the tops of the mountain. And then the sun started to set and the mountains turned the DEEPEST shade of red....at first even being a deep, bright orange shade. I pointed it out to Jackie and we both exclaimed how pretty and different it was tonight. Then I stepped outside to call in the boys to dinner and I was struck speechless with the beauty I beheld before me. The orange was deepening to red...a fiery, deep, gorgeous red and then rising up into purple sky. It was hard to tell where the mountain stopped and the sky started. It was breathtaking. Jackie popped outside right about that time and all I could do was point. The scene had the same effect on her and the two of us, along with Jackie's neighbor just stood outside there on the corner, drinking in the most beautiful and amazing sight that I have ever seen. God painted one incredible and beautiful picture for us tonight. It was a treat to be sure and a vision I will treasure till my dying day. These mountains are magic. They are beautiful and sometimes I think they are just speaking to me. I see God's hand when I look at them...and I am humbled by the strength and artistry of my God. It is wonderful to have such beauty right here before me each and every day. A great priviledge to live here among it all. Life is good here in the desert....so very beautiful and so very good.

Time Marches On

The more time goes by, the happier I find myself here in Arizona. I am reminded daily of how fortunate I am to have ended up here in this amazing part of the country. I have been so richly blessed with an amazing group of friends...special, special ladies who hold such a near and dear place in my heart. I feel like I belong with them...that I am a part of a group. My phone rings again and I have lots of opportunities for coffee dates and play dates and lunches and camping trips and ladies weekends away. I just love it here and I love the people God has placed in my life. My friend Mary dropped by tonight. I had picked up her mail for her while she was out of town...she had forgotten to stop it and called from her trip and asked if I would mind. She just lives a minute up the road from me, so it was absolutely no problem. Not a big deal at all. I was thrilled to do it for them. She came by this evening to pick it up and brought me the most beautiful little candle. A thank you for picking up our mail gesture. I couldn't believe it. My heart was just gushing. It was just so sweet of her to think of me on her trip and to pick out something just for me....well, I will treasure it always. Grabbing her mail was no big deal at all...And she certainly did not need to do that. But it touched my heart deeply and as I sit here hours later, I still have a big smile on my face. Mary has quickly become one of my very most favorite people in this great state. We just seem to click. She is a very, very real person. She laughs easily and cries openly and hugs quickly. She is one of the strongest people I have ever met and faces life's challenges with such grace. It has been an honor to know her and I am thankful each day that God placed her in my life. Knowing her has just been a blessing and a treat.

We are all great here in the desert right now. The upcoming weekend holds a typically packed schedule with both boys having ball games in the morning....two different places of course. We haven't made it to church in a month as we have been out of town and doing various things. But I think we are going to plan to attend this weekend and get some things done in the yard as well. The weather has cooled down significantly and it is quite nice to spend time outside again. The kids go back to school on Monday and I head off to get the car in for it's first scheduled maintenance check up. Hooray! Busy, busy! Mom and Dad come to visit in two weeks. The kids are very excited. They get in on Halloween night. Will be here for a week. Oh....Max made the honor roll at school...all that worry! Ben had amazingly good grades as well. I just hope they can keep it up. Seems like they expect so much from these little guys this year. Must they grow up SO fast? Sometimes I just want them to stay little and sweet just a while longer. Instead they are growing so fast and learning so much and being handed so much responsibility. It is hard to believe the changes I see before me almost daily. Children are such a treasure. And they just don't stay little for long! Life is very good for us here in the desert!

Friends

I marvel at how my mighty God answers prayers so perfectly. It was not too terribly long ago when I was feeling rather displaced and lonely in this new state we are calling home now. Even though I have a lovely home here, and our children go to a wonderful school and are making friends, somehow, I have just felt so lonely. I have truly missed my life in Florida and mostly, my friends. I missed having someone to pick up the phone and just say HI to. There was noone here like that. Not that I had not met some really nice people....I have. But I had not really met anyone that I clicked with so to say. And as a result I just felt quite lost and quite alone and quite miserable. I had quite a pitty party for myself, really. And then, as I so often do when I just don't know what else to do...I prayed. I prayed fervently and whole heartedly for friends. I wanted someone to call up and say howdy to and someone to have coffee with and someone to laugh with and complain about husbands to. So I prayed for it with all my heart...that God would just send me a couple of friends. And would you believe...within days...they were there. Friends just started coming out of the woodwork. We started getting invitations to play and invitations for coffee and invitations to just hang out and go camping and all sorts of things. And I stood back the other day and surveyed this amazing group of women that God has placed in my life. There is a third grade teacher (Max's teacher from last year) who is kind and sweet and has a child just like mine, and there is an engineer, turned mom who has spent the last year watching her 9 year old daughter battle cancer, an amazing woman to be sure. Then there is my friend who was so excited about the article on nuclear fusion that she cut it out and keeps it in her purse. I have an ex-hippy turned pastry chef turned single mom in the corporate world friend. I have a friend who makes me beautiful baubles and is so sweet and down to earth and real you can't help but love her and her faith is just beautiful. And I just met another fantastic lady and though I don't know why....somehow I just know that she and I will be fast friends. Yes...God is so good. And as I stand back and survey these wonderful gifts, I can't wait to see what God is going to do with them and how we will be used in each other's lives. Each one of these ladies thus far has been like a beacon in the darkness for me. They have each already touched my life and filled needs for me like I never imagined. I think of them daily and I am just excited to see how our relationships will grow. I am so thankful for these ladies...each so different and yet, not so much so. I am thankful for a loving God that hears me and knows my needs and provides for me in such loving ways. I know that each of these women was handpicked for me. I cherish each and every one of their amazing selves. They have much to teach me, I know. And I am so excited about the journey and paths our lives will cross over the next few years. Thank you God for prayers heard....and answered. Life is good in the desert.

This was some of the scenery in the area we were camping...the red rock was so amazing...beautiful country here in Arizona! 

This was taken from our campsite....it was SOOOO beautiful here at Cave Springs. 

Chris and Tonya enjoy the view and the rest along the hiking trail. 

Outdoor Adventures

My family went camping this past weekend. We had the time of our lives. We were originally heading for Dead Horse Ranch State Park which is about 3 hours to 3 1/2 hours north of us. However, once we arrived there we found the place to be a bit disappointing. There was NO shade whatsoever and the scenery left a lot to be desired. So we struck out for destinations unknown at that point to see what we might find. We ended up between Sedona and Flagstaff at Cave Springs in the Coconino National Forest and it was SOOOO beautiful! It was paradise there. The scenery was breathtaking and the temperature was DREAMY!!!! We actually FROZE the first night as we had prepared for weather about 15 degrees warmer (at our original destination). However, after that first night we made a quick run to the Flagstaff Target and bought some long undies and we were in business, all warm and cozy and happy again. We enjoyed hot sausages and fried eggs with cheese danish for breakfast Saturday morning and then headed off for a rather difficult and definitely vertical hike! We climbed forever it seemed and the scenery was breathtaking. But Clara is weighing in several pounds heavier this year than she was last year and the hike was rather challenging....even if you were NOT carrying Clara. So we never made it up to the top....but I think we were probably close. But we had had enough and the boys were really tired. So we headed home and showered up (that was PURE HEAVEN!!!) and started slow roasting a pork loin for dinner. After that we shared hot roasted marshmallows and the heat of the fire before 3 kids were begging to go to bed. That is the greatest thing about camping. The kids are just exhausted from all the fresh air and playing all day. Once the little darlings were all tucked in Chris and I put our feet up by the fire and cozied up a bit. We got real sleepy REAL quick, so Chris headed out for the restroom while I stayed and watched the fire. While he was away I kind of gazed at the fire and got lost in it for a good few minutes. Then out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed a quick movement quite close to my chair and it was then that I realized that I had a SKUNK right at my feet and under my chair! YIKES! I sat very still and was not really worried about him. I knew that if I stayed still and quiet I would not have too much trouble. But right about that time that I became aware of mister skunk, Chris came stomping back from the restroom. I was trying to quietly and calmly get his attention so that he would kindly not startle the creature under my chair and get me sprayed with lovely eau d'skunk....he was heading my way quickly. But I did manage to call it to his attention and he was kind enough to get the lantern on for me and identify the location of our little visitor, who had moved by that time juswt behind my chair. AFter he moved just a bit more I was able to slowly move away and join Chris across the camp AWAY from the smelly little critter. That was my first up close and personal encounter with a skunk. I've never seen one before that wasn't roadkill. So that was kind of cool. The rest of our trip was great. We were much warmer the second night and all seemed to sleep a little better. We took our time getting home and are looking forward to our camping trip coming up this next weekend! Wish us luck! Life is good here in the desert!

My baby ballerina...how quickly they grow up! 

Ballerina Girl 

Going, Going, Gone

I was sitting outside with my children tonight enjoying the cool evening air when Benjamin came and sat down on my lap. It has been quite a long time since my baby boy climbed up on my lap as he is nearly 8 years old now. I was struck by how huge he is now and noticed that he is too big now to be able to comfortably snuggle into me. As a matter of fact he really didn't seem to be able to get comfortable on my lap at all. And so as I sat thinking and pondering on that thought I walked down memory lane a bit and remembered how easily he used to fit there and how snuggly he used to be. And I tried to remember the last time I scooped him up in my arms and carried him with me or held him or just snuggled with him like that. And I couldn't remember when it was....which tells me that it was quite a long time ago. And then I looked at little Clara. She is already three and growing like a weed. I had just remarked to Jackie at how much she had grown in the very short time since she and I had purchased the little dress she was wearing today. It is already getting short on her and is now well above her little knees....when I bought it she had PLENTY of growing room in it...but now she doesn't! She is already quite heavy to carry and I find myself telling her no when she asks to be picked up or carried. And I found myself wondering when the last time will be with Clara. When will be my last scooping her up to snuggle or when will I last carry her to the car or her little warm, sleeping body to her bed? And will I know that it is my last time? Or will the last time come and go unnoticed and unacknowledged until way down the line when I one day look at her when she is nearly eight and I wonder how in the world that happened? I am trying so hard to cherish these days and hold them a little longer and snuggle them a little closer because I KNOW that these days are short and nearly gone. Sometimes I am SO frustrated with the phases and attitudes of childhood. But at other times I am struck absolutely and totally with a love and wonder for them that I NEVER in a million years could have imagined. The spectrum of feelings involved with child rearing is truly mind boggling. I carried my baby girl upstairs tonight after her bath. And I snuggled into her and inhaled the fresh, clean scent of freshly bathed baby...and it was heaven. And I enjoyed every single step up those stairs and every single breath that I inhaled. Because I know that ALL TOO SOON, the night will come when my 8 year old daughter tries to sit on my lap and finds it all too uncomfortable and I will think back on the days when she was my baby girl of three and smelled like Mango Paradise bubble bath and always wanted to sit on my lap and be carried. You see...these are the days to cherish...the ones when they are still little and sweet and though, not always angels...always our babies! Time is marching on and is taking our babies with him! And even as I type this tonight they are going, going, going. Life is good in the desert. I am so blessed to have 3 beautiful and healthy children. And my heart is lighter and I know without a doubt that when Clara asks me tomorrow, "Can you carry this baby girl, Mommy?", that my answer will be "Absolutely!"

Bounce, Bounce

Okay...so the whole eight pound loss is not exactly sticking so to speak. I am bouncing all around...though still a lot lower than when I started. I bounce up today and then the next day I am down a little bit...then back up...then down a little. One of these days it WILL stick! I know it! I'm not too worried about it. I feel pretty good these days and know that it will take a good bit of time....that whole lifestyle change thing! They say that Rome wasn't built in a week. Well, neither was my big butt...and so it shall not be destroyed in a week either!

On a more fun note...Clara started pre-school today! She had her little backpack on her back and was all smiles as we headed off for her first day. I expected tears or stress as we parted ways...but when the time came for me to slip out she was waving wildly and saying "Bye, Mom!". She obviously was not experiencing the anxiety that I was so worried about. So now my baby girl is a school girl! She had the time of her life. She painted and colored and sang songs and had snacks and played on the playground and read 2 stories and played with Playdoh. I guess in the life of a three year old, it just doesn't get too much better than that, huh? She can hardly wait for Tuesday when she gets to go back! I am relieved to know that she had such a good time.

We met Ben's teacher tonight and I can honestly say that I really adored her! Super nice, really energetic and totally fun. Ben SOOO needed to have a great and fun year this year. She seems like a really fantastic teacher and I am really thrilled and excited for him and he seems to be really happy as well. Not really sure about Max's teacher yet. She seems really nice I guess. But I haven't really decided what I feel about her. Max seems to like her well enough, but only time will tell. Granted, 4th grade is a whole lot tougher than 3rd, and more is expected and the day to day stuff is more serious...I still just don't know about Max's teacher. His teacher from last year told me that I would just love his new teacher. But she did not place her own children there with this teacher and I wonder why not. If she is so great and all that. Only time will tell. I have no complaints at this point with any of my kids teachers. All is well in the land of back to school! Life is very good in the desert!

I'm Down 8!

So I am officially down eight pounds now in this calorie counting adventure. I would think that I would be overjoyed and feeling like such a hottie. But the thing is...I'm just not there. Now granted...things are looking a lot better now...MUCH better now. The scale is terribly kind to me each day and my clothes fit better. Do I think that they fit fantastic? No...but definitely better. It's just that I still see so much that can go. I don't think that I will hit any plateau soon...I just have too much to spare! I am not frustrated by the calorie counting at all...it isn't hard by any means and I am not feeling deprived in any way. I just thought that by the time I saw these weights on the scale it would all look a lot better in the mirror. I know I can go more...not one person, shy of Chris has even noticed any weight drop at all....which means that I have not lost enough to make any real difference. NOw granted, I will be able to breathe in most of my jeans this winter at this pace....but still...I was thinking that I would really see the results by this point. I guess I just have farther to go than I thought that I did! That's okay. I'm enjoying myself and making slow, but sure progress!

The kids are back in school now and Clara starts preschool on Thursday. She is very excited about that and can hardly wait to get there on Thursday. The boys both seem excited about the school year and seem to be making good friends all around. I just hope things go as well for Clara! Speaking of Clara. I got her little earring all turned around and fixed so that the back is in the back and the front is in the front again. It was no problem at all when I tried to do it this last time. I guess the few extra days really helped it stay open better. Now she is all fronts forward and ready for action. She looks SO pretty!

We are off to the gym tomorrow for the Get Ripped class and boxercise. Tomorrow's exercise burns about 800 calories for me! Hooray! Jackie is going with me and we are going to just tear it up tomorrow! Wish us luck! Life is good in the desert!

Backwards!

So, I mentioned previously that Clara had her ears pierced. It has been a week and 3 days since that momentous event. Well, last night when Clara took her shirt off one of the earrings got hung on her shirt and came out with her shirt. We heard this little tiny clink on the tile in the bathroom and I looked down and there it was. This is not supposed to happen at all. The earrings are supposed to be locking and should be quite difficult to remove. However, apparently Clara has a pair that is not so tight locking. It did not seem to hurt at all, but it did strike a chord of panic in our household. In a new piercing, if the earring is removed, the hole will close fairly immediately. And so we quickly tried to reinsert the earring into the hole...to NO AVAIL! It could not be done. So i was very disappointed and worried all night long about it. Clara was SO very excited about her earrings. So was mommy! And I was so disappointed in the setback. I imagined that we would have to let the hole heal over and that Clara would just have to wear one earring for 6 weeks or so and then get that one repierced. But when I called the ear place this morning I found that not to be the case at all. The girl there asked if I had tried to put the earring back in and I told her that I had tried. Then she asked me if I tried putting it in through the back instead of the front and I said no. So I tried that and guess what....it worked! Hooray. I was supposed to put it in through the back and then pull it out and put it in through the front...but I never could get it to work that way. So I finally just put it in from the back and slapped the back on the front. Then I called the girl at the piercing place and she said that if I bring her in in a few days she will help me turn it around the right way. That is a relief and we will have another week under our belt to heal a little more. But for now...her one earring is backward, but is thankfully in place and doing it's job. I imagine that there is no real harm in just leaving it in backward for the next 5 weeks....it works both ways! But I hate seeing her look so funny and I really miss seeing those tiny little blue studs at her earlobes. I see that on one side, and then a big gold back on the other! So in another week we will pursue having it fixed! Until then! We are backwards in the desert!

Dieting Diva!

Okay....so I have been having this horrific battle with a really nasty little 6 pounds for over a month now. I'm not talking about monthly bloating where the scale swings heavy for two or three days and then is back to normal. Things have definitely been sticking to the heavier side of the scale. No doubt about it. So I made sure that I was getting good workouts and lifting weights....still the scale is stuck and my shorts are tight. I got frustrated and picked up the Atkins diet again and lasted like a whole 2 days on it...I just CANNOT do that one. It makes me SOOOO unbelievably cranky. So then I just went back to the good old fashioned way of counting calories. I made it a point to write down every single bite and morsel that crossed these lips....every single one. And then after just a couple of days...guess what....results!!!! I am really into it now and it helps me SOOO much to see what my daily calories are at and to have to stop and think how a seemingly harmless "little" snack might impact my daily picture. Chris downloaded this really cool Calorie King calorie counter program for my computer. It gives you a two week trial period to use it for free...then if you keep it is costs you 30 bucks. It is an awesome program to be sure and I want to keep it forever. It has a huge bank of foods listed so all you have to do is click on them and add them to either your breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack list. Or, if a food you eat isn't on the list, it lets you add it and then it is there on your list for future reference. It keeps a chart for you of your weight and your measurements. It tallys your calories, takes into account your exercise (which you enter) and adjusts your calorie allowance accordingly. It also has a place to journal if you like to write about your eating and the feelings that go along with it. A really, really cool program. It is SUCH a help! I still have about 3 pounds to go and they are going to be tough ones I think. But I am VERY motivated and ready to be comfortable in my clothes. I DO NOT want to have to get into my jeans right now the way I am. I can get into them....but it ain't pretty....not to mention the fact that I really do need to be able to breathe in my jeans and right now that is not a realistic option! I do believe the summer has made me stagnant and bored. Too much time in the house...too much boredom. I confess....I find myself eating out of boredom. So.....I am very thankful for my calorie king counter which is keeping me SO in line right now and SO on target!

Not much else happening. We went to church today and our Sunday school class, or ABF as they call it here (adult bible fellowship)had everyone divide into "committees", so to speak. You went to the area that you were most interested in working with, whether that was social, or service, or teaching or connecting new members, etc. I went to connecting new members, mostly because I still am not feeling connected. I told them all about our Round Table class in Florida. Half of them were very interested and totally recognized the value of the circle and being connected with a stationary group for a period of time. Then others, mostly the ones that have been there for a long time and are connected to everyone...they did not like the idea of having to sit in an "assigned seat". Wouldn't ya know it....the very ones who need it the least just don't get it. They think that just being greeted at the door is sufficient....never mind that noone may speak to that couple at all once they get past that greeter. Of course...people here do things really differently than people in the south. Sometimes I miss southerners SOOO much. Not always and not even terribly often. But when it comes to dealing with making people feel welcome...there is no place like the south. I guess that's about it. So I have a couple of weeks to come up with some ideas about how we can improve the way or class helps newcomers get connected. I am hoping to get a bit more connected as well in the process. People really do seem friendly enough here...but it seems to run only so deep and there are many more cliques than I imagined. There were a few back in Pensacola as well....but it seems even more so here. Anyway...

After church we came home and had lunch, put Clara down for a nap....spent a little "quality adult time" and just hung out at home. Then this evening we headed to Target, where I finally bought the jog bra that we actually went out to buy yesterday, but instead came home with a new car...which, incidentally, I love! I have to say that after having a minivan for the past 9 years....I SO love the feel of the SUV. I felt like a regular hot mama! It's just an awesome feeling. After the Target trip we came home and grilled out, the kids swam, we all ate outside and enjoyed the evening, Then it was baths and stories and bed for all the wee ones. I am reading the new Harry Potter to the boys. They love it and are heart broken if we don't have reading time. School starts Thursday...HOORAY!!!! I guess that is all for now. My ear is itchy. Doesn't that mean something in superstition land? Hmmmm? Life is good here in the desert...darned good!

New Wheels

We bought a new car today. We have been talking about doing it for a while now and had planned to do it this upcoming spring. The only problem is that we were not sure what vehicle we wanted. I did not especially want another mini-van...though with 3 children, there is something nice to be said about having more seats than one has children. With 7 passenger seating we are able to keep at least one seat between all the kiddos...hence, less physical contact, hence more peace. However. There are not many SUV's out there that will accomodate a family wishing to have that extra seating...save for a Suburban. We had talked a lot about and researched online the Toyota Sequoia...which is a really lovely vehicle....but REALLY expensive. I mean, like crazy expensive. None of the other Toyotas were really practical for us...but as Chris pointed out....the Sequoia cost just slightly more than half of what we paid for our first home! Ouch! So we decided to think about it some and continued to drive on down dealership alley, when we came upon the Ford dealership. Now, we always said that we would not drive a Ford...but while we were vacationing in Montana the past couple of years we rented the Explorers with the 7 passenger seating and we really liked them and said that we would consider one of those when the time came. So today we considered it. Ford has the "employee discount" promotional going on right now and there happened to be a rebate on the Explorers as well. When we started running the numbers we just decided to do it now, rather than wait. So we are now the proud owners of a cool blueish with tan trim Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer with just about all of the options available. I have to take it back next week to have the DVD system installed....but it's a great car. The two best things about it are 1. It is not a minivan and 2. We will be able to tow a small camper which we are planning to purchase in the spring. That was another huge factor in our search. We knew that if we bought a minivan the camper idea would be out...so we had to havve a vehicle with enough tow power. The Explorer just worked out nicely for us. As part of the deal we got 2 season tickets to the Arizona Cardinals football games. They play in Phoenix. I doubt that we will go, but we know that we should be able to give them away easily enough! All in all it was a busy day....an unexpected surprise to come home with a new car. When we set out this afternoon, the only thing I had really hoped and expected to come home with was a jog bra. I still did not get that....but the car is great!

Clara continues to be so sassy. I am having to really crack down on her hard with her sassy mouth and rude actions. She seems really aggressive with the boys...especially when she does not get her way. Rudeness in children is not a big favorite of mine...so we are really coming down hard on her. It seems to be getting her attention....we aren't over the hump yet....but we definitely have her attention. The boys go back to school on Thursday and I really feel like if I don't have them around then she will get better on her own. They seemed to genuinely miss each other after long school days last year...and they are definitely NOT missing each other right about now! They all need some much needed time apart. Only 5 more days!

No other news right now. We had lots of good rain tonight. I suppose that is pretty good news! It rarely rains here and when it does it is usually just a lightish sprinkle. But it really rained and stormed tonight. Gotta love that! Life is good here in the desert!

Winding Down

Summer is coming to a close here in the desert...or at least for the school-aged children it is. Our first summer here in the desert has been a good one...a hot one to be sure, but a good one. In just over a week, our boys will put on their new school clothes, throw on their backpacks and head back to the wonderful world of elementary school. Max will be a fourth grader and Ben a second grader. Clara would LOVE to go to school, however...I'm not quite ready to let her go. I think that she and I need just one more year of girl time before I let her go off into that great big world of pre-school. I think that I may put her into a little ballet class or something...but this mommy is not ready for preschool yet!

The monsoons have arrived here in the desert and that has been a kind of nice thing. They have not brought the kind of rain that I had anticipated...but it has rained and it has cooled things off. Most evenings are incredibly pleasant and bearable with cooler breezes either following light afternoon rains or preceeding the early evening rains. As I sit writing this, it is lightning frequently and I am enjoying hearing the distant rumble of thunder. The other night after the rains we went to the park and were there forever...it was glorious! It was so nice and cool and the breeze was magical. I snapped a really sweet black and white picture of Clara on the playground. It is one of my favorites of her...she had the sweetest smile that just lit up her whole face...seeing her like that just makes me smile.

Speaking of Clara...Clara got her ears pierced on Sunday. Her little friend Mallory, after MUCh debate and many chickening out trips FINALLY got hers pierced. Clara has been talking about it for some time now and has had one chickening out trip herself. But once she saw Mallory's ears she was ready! So we went Sunday right after church and had it done...just like that. She was such a big girl! She picked out the earrings she wanted (little light blue stones), sat up on my lap on the chair and was just great when they pierced her ears. She did not flinch or move or cry or even say ouch. She just sat there like an angel. And they had to do them one at a time as they only had one girl certified to do it. I could not believe how great she did! She looks so sweet with them. They really are so pretty. I keep catching them catching the light and sparkling so pretty. She was sassy today...and not sweet at all. She missed her nap as she had a friend over to play, so she was exhausted and out of control with her attitude this afternoon. But she still at least looked sweet with her earrings!

Chris is out of town in San Francisco. He and Todd are doing some hiking tomorrow and then Chris returns on Friday. So it is just me and the kiddos until Friday! I have no big plans for the days ahead...except for attending the new "Get Ripped" class at the gym. On Tuesday mornings it is all "above the belt" work and on Thursdays, all below. Today's class was quite painful! But it was great. I could tell that I was really working some muscles a lot differently than they are used to being worked. And I really need to change up my workout and get some variety anyway...so this class is exactly what I need. It is short enough that I can get it in and over with if I am in a hurry, but at a great time so that I can do another class behind it if i am not rushed. I have never done a boxercise class before, but hope to try one in the next week or so. Wish me luck! I'm attempting to "get ripped"!

That's all for now! Life is good in the desert!

Finding rainbows over the desert 

Captivating Clara 

A Prayer For My Children

I have had a trying week with my wee ones. It seems there is quite a bit of sibling warfare going on within the walls we call home. And so, in dwelling on that issue and digging into my brain coffers...I came to a realization. I want to do a prayer book for my children. I heard about it the other day from someone, though it was more in reference to scrapbooking...it would work other ways as well. What you do is choose a verse pertinent to that child at that time that really speaks to your heart...and you make that verse the prayer for that child for the year...or the month...or however long you feel necessary. You may end up praying several verses at a time for them. But as you pray them, you write them down for them. Then...when they are all old and wise and heading out into the world on their own for the first time, you present them with the prayer book. That way they can hold in their hands all of the prayers that you have prayed for them for all those years and know that God has had a huge hand in making them the people that they are. I selected the first verse...the same verse for all three of my children right now. The verse I will be praying for them for a while is Romans 14:9, "Let us always be seeking the ways which lead to PEACE and the ways in which we can SUPPORT one another." There has been both a lack of peace and support amongst my three children lately. So this is a wonderful jumping off point for us. Now, I just need to have the commitment and determination to remember to purchase the books and actually write the verse down in ink for each child. I recognize that I alone cannot raise these children. It will take someone MUCH stronger than I am to accomplish it if it is to be done right. I think it's a job that only God can do correctly. Oh, I have a huge part in it, to be sure...but God is the one who ultimately gives me the strength and wisdom to help guide their little feet onto the right paths. There is plenty more going on I suppose, however, I can't seem to muster the words to write about anything else...so I will just leave this blog at my verse. I think I will go now and lift up each of my little blessings in prayer. Peace! Life is good in the desert.

Seeking A Chill

It is officially HOT here in the desert folks. I knew it would be. Don't think for a minute that this is coming as a surprise at all. But it is truly hot and I am starting to have these crazy fantasies about traipsing about under tall fir trees with a back pack and a sweatshirt! I want to take off and go camping where the HIGH is only 80 degrees and sleep in a tent and look up at the stars and feel CHILLY at night. I'm telling you....I'm even starting to feel rather fond about the idea of baiting up a hook and doing some fishing....which, just for the record, I don't really....do. As beautiful as the desert is, and I DO still think that it is truly beautiful--I feel rather cut off from it these days because it is simply too hot to be outside enjoying it at all right now. You just get in your car and get into the next fully air conditioned place you were heading to. It is even hot to swim in the hottest part of the day. But here's something...as hot as it is, and I assure you that it is quite toasty at 108 degrees most days here...our pool water is still COOLISH. By coolish I mean you can get in easy enough....you just can't stay too long because you start to feel like you might just freeze. I can't believe with the temperatures as hot as they are we still have any cold water at all...but we do! That has been a kind of weird experience for me. But anyway...I am longing for a shady, cool, CHILLER of a good time right about now. My new weekend fantasy...snow skiing!

This weekend is the Fourth of July...no real plans. We are getting together with some friends that work with Chris. They are a nice bunch, so that should be fun...I think.

I have been exploring a lot of new circles of friendship and just seeing where exactly I think that I fit in. Interestingly enough...I'm not sure I fit in anywhere here yet. I had lunch with two lovely ladies that I enjoy immensely on a chat with basis. We decided to have lunch the other day and it was a VERY interesting experience...though it has left me kind of wondering where in the world I fit into life. See one of these ladies is the bread winner for her family...a very beautiful and very bright lady. She has a little 2 year old that my Clara adores. This lovely lady, over lunch, whips out an article about the international Fusion project with Japan and France and the U.S. and could hardly contain her excitement over it. I thought...."wow, I saw that article in the paper and I just skipped right on over it!" Then the other lady....a really, REALLY neat person...VERY eclectic ( I seem to ADORE and be completely drawn to these folks) announces that she is reading some really wonderful book on the politics between the U.S and Europe, or something like that. And again, I was thinking...'wow! I don't think I would EVER pick up something like that that I didn't have to read for a grade!" So...what was MY personal contribution to the "tell us what you are reading" conversation? Well....nothing but smut. My latest read was a mediocre romance/mystery novel. Nothing deep or thought provoking or brainy about it...just smut. I went on to share that I was currently balancing my smut intake with a great book about being content by Linda Dillow (thanks, Lori!). It was a rather surreal conversation. I mean...when I went to lunch with these ladies I had no idea what in the world we would talk about....but I really had NO IDEA whatsoever that conversation might run along those lines. See, I am not a political person. At all. I don't follow politics and I don't have any interest whatsoever in starting to. I found myself questioning myself when lunch was over and examining myself to see just exactly what in the world I am all about. I am not about politics. Or fusion. I prefer a good romance novel anyday over all of that stuff. So in the end, I decided that I am not a very well rounded person. I cannot hold up my end of "those" conversations....can't even pretend to. And I also realized that I am not ever going to be one of those. It's just not who I am. I don't know why it has laid so heavily on my mind, but it has. I sat with the other mommies at Clara's swim practice and it wasn't long before I felt that familiar unfamiliarity with their lives. We move in totally different circles. They are power career women who drive Lexus SUVs and get weekly manicures and pedicures and massages and take weeklong vacations to California without their kids just to see friends and drink wine. They shop at OUTRAGEOUS places and spend INSANE amounts of money on frivolous things. They don't go home and cook, but rather they order out for pickup on the way home...and not McDonalds either deary....but full racks of baby back ribs and fancy salads and sushi and....you name it. They probably have maids at home to wash and iron for them and keep everything spic and span. Both had only one child...and as I sat there, the mother of three...it was another surreal experience and I marveled at how different my life is than theirs. I am not jealous....that's not it by long shot....it was just amazing to see how much I did not fit in to yet another group of women. It made me realize and be very grateful and thankful for the friends in my life. For the people who love me even though I don't know anything about politics and care nothing about fusion. It made me appreciate so much the ones who don't care that I paint my own fingernails and toenails and don't have someone do it for me. And that don't find it odd that my child does not spend at least some part of her week in pre-school. I'm still figuring it out here in the desert. Some days it seems easier than others. As much as I love it here, sometimes I truly miss the routine and certainty that was my life in Florida. I miss the predictability of the people that I lunched with. I miss just fitting in I guess. I am still finding my niche here. Though even I do not know what or where that niche will be. I sort of feel lately that I have no idea who I really am...or maybe it just seems that way because I find myself constantly evaluating the current circle of friends that I am in company with at the time and my "fit"to that circle, and why or why not it does or does not work. If I really get down to it I know who I am...I am the wife of Chris and the mother of Max, Ben and Clara. And those 4 people come before all of these crazy circles here. I am a great lover of the Lord and desire more each day to know Him better and to have a relationship with Him. I guess, that is where my focus really needs to be...with God and that circle! All theothers are bound to fall into place as soon as I just give God the chance to show me where I should be. Life is good in the desert....allbeit hot....it is good!