Melting Bird Mutant and Other Ponderings

So...it's the last day of the year 2007. I have spent this morning reflecting on this past year...the good and the bad! Our family has been so very blessed this year. We had great adventures camping. We saw Oak Creek Canyon, the Grand Canyon, Zion National Park, the Chiracahuas, Parker Canyon Lake, San Diego and Patagonia Lake...to name a few. Max and I travelled to Michigan for the Odyssey of the Mind competition (that would fall a good bit short of the "good" reflections list!). We added Oscar to our family (what a joy he is!) My oldest started middle school (oh, the mommy's heartbreak!) and my baby started kindegarten! I had a crazily blessed year with my photography (who knew?!) and I was blessed and humbled beyond belief through my work with both the American Child Photographers Charity Guild and Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. My oldest sister moved to Arizona and I have had wonderful, frequent visits with her. I got to visit with all of my sisters AND my cousin to boot this spring! And we saw both my parents, and Chris' Dad and stepmother and two of his three sisters...plus both of his brothers this year. All in all it has been an awesome and exciting year. There have been some not so awesome things for sure. It has been a year of many injuries. I herniated a disc in January and that took me out of the gym for nearly two months. That was not fun. I've had to baby the stupid injury all year long. I managed to badly sprain a hip flexor...again, not fun. Oh...and let's not forget the broken toe episode! THAT one was no fun for sure! I have become increasingly convinced that my body thinks it is part bird. My arms continue to try to morph into wings, despite my constant efforts and remindings that they were most definitely NOT made to fly. That whole effort has been to no avail. My "wing-wannabes" continue to increase in flap capacity by the day it seems! In addition to my new and improved "flaps", I seem to be melting...or maybe just succumbing to some supernatural and unusually strong gravity force? There is much fluff...and spillage around my waistline. It's like the fat is just melting right over the top of my jeans and reaching for the floor. It's particularly striking with the winglets I have going on. Talk about "See it jiggle...see it wiggle..." Oh yeah. It's something to behold right now. I am now on a mission...not because it's the new year...no, this is one of those really annoying ongoing kinds of issues..but I am on a mission to tame the beast of flab. It will be NO small feat. I am afraid drastic measures are ahead. I did get a great run in this morning. 6 miles! Hooray. That was worth 900 calories according to my treadmill. One day at a time. One mile at a time. Like the commercial for SmartStart cereal...I am one mile stronger now. Well, actually, 6 miles stronger. But I was honestly ready to quit at the 5 mile mark. But I did one more. So I'm one mile stronger now. Now if I can only be one pound lighter or one inch less fluffy! Oh well. It's a new year, with new adventures and new challenges ahead. I am ready to face whatever comes. The good and the bad. I know that this is the year that we will say goodbye to Casey. At fourteen she is quickly fading. We see changes in her nearly daily now. She is holding her own, but we know her time is near. That will be sad to say goodbye to her since she has been with us since nearly the day we said "I do". I am excited about my bible study group this year. We are ten ladies strong right now and they are an AMAZING group! We have had such fun this year! We have a lot of travel on the calendar already! Chris and I are off to Hawaii in January...without kids! In March we are flying to Montana for Spring Break so Chris and the kids can ski. Then we are off to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, Zion and Bryce National Parks the end of May. We hope to spend 4th of July back in San Diego again, and we plan to travel to Italy again (this time without kids!) in the fall! That's all that's concrete right now...but I am sure there will be a few other trips thrown in there where we can! I don't know where my photography business will go this year. I gained MANY new clients this year. More than I ever could have imagined! I am going to just hang out and see where that goes. I am definitely NOT ready to advertise. I know that for sure! I had my hands full as it was with just the referrals. I am going to definitely be more careful about scheduling...and I am enlisting a fulfillment site as well to help take the pressure off of me this year. It means prices will go up...both for sitting fees as well as prints. Not too, too much. But I am not able to keep up with all the processing AND my housework AND my kids AND my exercise. So I am going to use that to make my life easier. I guess I should give everyone a heads up on that lest they need to get things ordered before I get all of that set up and transitioned! Anyway. That's my New Year reflections...sort of. Ramblings more like! What a great year this was. How very blessed and how very, very rich.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, Everyone! What a lovely day! It has been a whirlwind few days for us! We spent the 21st through the 24th camping at Carlsbad State Beach in San Diego with some dear friends. Fun, fun, fun! Pictures to come! Then we hauled it back in here to Tucson on Christmas Eve....arriving home all campfire lovely and windblown at 5:20 p.m. We managed to shower all five of us top to bottom, change into our Sunday best and attend Christmas Eve services at 6:30. I have to admit that even I was impressed at that little feat! Then Chris' parents and his brother and his wife and her niece all came over and joined us for snacks and family fun while we exchanged gifts with one another. It was nearly 11 p.m. before we had everyone to bed and the guests all on their way. Then Chris and I had another hour and a half or so of little tasks to take care of in preparation for Christmas morning. We hauled our exhausted selves into bed a little before one a.m. and snuggled down for a good nights sleep. Or so we thought. Maxwell came screaming into our bedroom at 4:30 this morning shouting his excitement over the ipod that Santa had left for him under the tree! I tried to share his enthusiasm...but told him quickly that he simply had to go back to bed immediately and stay there for another 2 or 3....or 5 hours. He headed back up the stairs. But I knew that 20 minutes later he had NOT gone back to bed as I had instructed. Afraid that they might wake the little princess at this terrible hour I head up the stairs a little before 5 a.m. and give them the "serious" talk and threat about what will happen if they wake their sister so early. I put them in the dark....shut the door...and under threat of death...put them back to bed. Or so I thought. I SPECIFICALLY told them I did not wish to see them until after 6 or 6:30 a.m...at the earliest. Yet...at 5:45 a.m. Max came back again begging to play his video game that Santa left. I figured that would be good for a solid two hours of peace and sleep...and agreed. I was just drifting back to sleep for the third time when Clara came in, all full of rejoicing that Santa had indeed come and left presents (she'd already seen them she informed us)and announced that she was ready for us ALL to go in and check out the goodies. Chris and I know better than to ignore those demand/commands and we groaned and rolled ourselves right on out of bed. Chris smacked the coffee maker on the way into the living room and we all gathered around and ooohed and aahhed over all the dazzling and intuitive gifts left by the man in the red suit. Such a good job Santa did this year. Boy...that Santa is one sharp cookie! Everyone received what they wanted and the day went off without a hitch. After all that excitement I got to walk with my dear friend Mary. We got in a good little route...though not the power route we have been walking. But that was fine because I arrived home with energy to spare. I set out to put all the new goodies into place within our household, cleaning up all the wrapping paper and running the laundry, dishwasher and vaccuum. It was a very productive afternoon! I'm going to have to leave our Christmas day at that. There's more...but I'm going to wrap this up on a positive note! It is now 8:44 and I can no longer hold my eyes open. The kids show no signs of slowdown at this point. The fact that Clara had a three hour nap is probably boosting her stamina substantially...but I myself, am pooped and have to call it a night! Merry Christmas!

14

14 years ago, today, I followed through with the biggest decision of my life and married my dear friend and love of my life, Chris. Looking back...I had only known Chris for 6 weeks when he proposed. What's funny is I had only liked him for 3 of those six weeks! Nine months to the day that we met, we were married in my hometwon church...surrounded by friends and family who loved us and wished us well. After the reception we rode away...literally, off into the sunset in a horse drawn carriage. It sounds dreamy. It was. It was magic. Now I sit here 14 years, three children, 8 addresses, 7 vehicles and 3 dogs later just reflecting on it all. Part of me said fourteen years isn't a big deal. It's the fives that matter...you know...15, 20, 25, etc. But over the last couple of years, as Chris and I have watched so many of our friends really struggle in their marriages, I have decided that fourteen is HUGE! It's huge and it's wonderful and it's an awesome accomplishment. And lest you are sitting there thinking how fortunate I am to have married someone so "perfect and easy to love", I'm going to have to bust your bubble and tell you that he is NOT always easy to love (and every now and again, I might not be the sweet dear thing you know and love either!) and it has NOT always been a smooth road for us. We have had our share of struggles and gone through some real marriage busters...but we made it. We stand on the other side now and look back at that journey and those challenges....and we are so thankful that we made it through. And that we are standing on the other side...TOGETHER. I wouldn't trade that man for any other man on the face of the earth. He has been the greatest gift that God ever gave me. I am thankful for every single minute we have spent joined in holy matrimony. Today we start our journey toward our 15th year. We're so glad to have come to the fourteenth year marker. And now it's onward! Another year. Another journey. I can't think of anyone else that I would rather have as my traveling companion on this journey called life!

"His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend..." -Song of Songs 5:16

Max

I took these of Max this weekend at the Lake and I loved them! Had to share my baby!

Camping at Patagonia Lake State Park

This weekend our family escaped to the beautiful Patagonia Lake State Park. Just a stone's throw away from Tucson, but so very lovely and peaceful. It was a bit too exciting when we first arrived. We took the "scenic route", thanks to the GPS navigation system. We ended up having to backtrack and probably ended up adding at least an hour to our travel time. So we arrived under full darkness in a new place with NO idea where anything was. We maneuvered into a spot we thought would work okay and proceeded to open up the camper to set up camp. That's when we discovered the disaster! Our refrigerator had come open at some point en route. The floor of the camper was covered in broken eggs and a full container of French Vanilla creamer had coated the floor from one end of the camper to the other! WHAT A MESS!!! So there we are...in pitch black darkness...freezing cold, trying to use freezing cold wet rags to sop up and remove this egg concoction from the floor so we can let the poor children and two dogs (did I mention that the hounds were along for this particular road trip?!) in from the cold. Oh yeah. It was big fun. We finally got it all cleaned up and got everyone in for the night and we collapsed, exhausted, into bed. The next day dawned bright and crisp...and downright chilly. After a breakfast of bacon and eggs and pancakes, we took a boat tour of the lake...and ended up having 5 tour guides all to ourselves! So we learned a lot and saw a lot and it was a beautiful morning to be out on the water. Then we enjoyed the rest of the afternoon reading and taking long walks...and of course a few pictures! Chris took a much needed nap with Clara. Ben did some fishing, and Max and mom hiked around looking for cool stuff to take pictures of. All in all, it was a wonderful weekend. Our trip back home was without incident...and was a lot shorter too! It was a fantastic time and a place we would definitely visit again! Now we will rest up for 4 days before we head out again! Stay tuned!

Bad Dog

So...I turned around in the kitchen tonight to find Oscar standing on the kitchen island. Yep. He can jump that high. No problem. I was not amused. At all. He was just walking around up there big as a dollar...checking out all the contents there. Lucky for us...no food was up there. Still. I find his cat-like features to be a bit annoying. I've been glaring at him and calling him the bad dog that he is all night now. BAD DOG!!!! NO more counters for you!

They All Ate It!

My whole family ate this dish tonight. That's a pretty major miracle in our house! So I thought that I would share this great miracle recipe with all of you!

Penne Pasta with Spinach and Feta

1-8 oz. package penne pasta
5 large plum tomatoes, seeded and chopped
2 cups fresh spinach
4 green onions, chopped
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons dired or 1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano
2 teaspoons dried or 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1- 6 oz package basil and tomato crumbled feta cheese
OPTIONAL: 1 lb cooked and crumbled bacon, 1 cooked rotisserie chicken, grilled chicken breasts or chopped ham

Cook the pasta in a large dutch oven. Drain and return to dutch oven. Stir in tomatoes and the rest of the ingredients. Cook 2 minutes over medium heat or until thoroughly heated. Top with cheese. Serve immediately.

Chris likes a little meat with his dinner...so I started adding in the bacon or rotisserie chicken. I couldn't believe all kids ate this dish...liked it...asked for seconds! I figure it's worth sharing! Oh...and it's fairly heart healthy too...just for the record in case anyone else in the world is watching their cholesterol intake! Enjoy!

Enigma

e·nig·ma [uh-nig-muh]
–noun, plural -mas, -ma·ta - 1. a puzzling or inexplicable occurrence or situation:
2. a person of puzzling or contradictory character:
3. a saying, question, picture, etc., containing a hidden meaning; riddle.

—Synonyms 1. problem. See puzzle.

This is the word that my son's writing teacher used to describe Max yesterday in a most interesting telephone conversation. This conversation started out like so many others I have had concerning my two sons. It went like this..."You know Mrs. Roberts, your son is one of the very smartest in the class.....BUT..." See...there is that little word that always seems to follow the words telling me how smart my kids are. So, so smart...BUT. And so...there was the but...but this time it was more like..."Your kid is really, really smart, BUT he has an F in my class." Nice. Very, very nice. I do so love those conversations. Especially when we get down to the meat of the matter and I get to find out exactly WHY we have an F in class. Seems Max just can't seem to turn in his homework assignments. Six of them to be exact. So he has 6 big zeroes sitting there in his class average right now. Lovely. Just lovely. And so I take my dear little Max aside...careful to keep him just out of arms' reach because I really want to just THROTTLE the kid right then, and we proceed to investigate our backpack for these little missing assignments. We manage to produce three of them from the depths of his pack. And can I tell you...that backpack was just SCARY! I have never seen so much trash in one bag in my life! So on top of receiving this less than fantastic news about my flunking child, I get to rifle through this pigsty of a backpack. Needless to say, I was having a FIT! That's right F-I-T....FIT. Max and I had a bit of a conversation. Not so nice really on my end. Not nice at all. It was spelled out clearly for him. I left no illusions in his mind about his status and what it was going to take to change it. He's grounded...again. Of course, they've been grounded so long that they don't really know any difference anymore. Must think up some new and torturous punishment that will work on these boys of mine. So Max will miss Nite of Lights tonight with his dearest friend. He will be sitting home alone while the rest of us revel in the festivities of the season. I hate that...but that's the consequences of insisting on being an "enigma". Lucky me...mom to the enigma. I am praying for a transformation. From a state of enigmadom to a state of clear thinking and organization. Yes...I am fully aware that that will be a full on miracle and will require the contacting of the church to verify it's authenticity...but a miracle is exactly what it is going to take to get this child to function like the very bright kid that he is. And to move beyond the label of "enigma". Pray for the mommy! Oh...Do please pray for the mommy!

B is for....

B.U.I. I'm Blogging Under the Influence tonight. It has been a rough afternoon in the world of Tonya. Chris called this afternoon...out of the blue...with a long list of reasons we should have our dog put to sleep. Now, Casey is 14 years old as of Thanksgiving. No spring chicken by any means. Casey was a wedding present. 14 years ago...I was so very excited about marrying Chris Roberts. So very excited. But marrying Chris meant moving far away from all of my friends and family to totally foreign territory. Which I gladly did. But even though it was an exciting time...it was a sad time too, for me. And when we went to Columbus, GA over New Year's for a post-wedding reception with all of his parent's friends...Chris brought home this tiny, wriggling, fluffy, adorable yellow puppy. And that' when Casey took over our lives and stole our hearts. She was our first baby, so to speak. Been around so much longer than any of our kids. And now, suddenly...we are faced with this decision. And it is not a big obvious one. There are some signs...yes. But she is still very much with us...and the question of whether or not she is suffering...well, that one is wide open for debate. And honestly...at this moment in time...suffering does not seem to be a real issue for her. It's a lot to swallow and take in. I don't really even like thinking about it and I have been on the verge of tears most of the night now. Part of me knows it is time (or at least suspects that it is) to let her go. But part of me looks at her and says she is just fine. She's good. Not perfect...or young and spry by any means...but fine, just the same. I am struggling with this decision tonight. I have already reemed my husband for his total lack of insensitivity....ONE, by calling me on the phone about it instead of having a rational conversation with me. And TWO...for choosing just days before our anniversary to do this. Ugggh. My heart is just breaking tonight thinking of sending our Casey off. If she was obviously struggling...and I mean obviously...I would not hesitate. But she is not obviously struggling. She IS old and she IS arthritic...that is not new. But I can't get there tonight. That's pretty pathetic, I know. I consider myself to be rather gifted as far as death and dying go. I'm pretty darned good at it to tell you the truth. If you had any idea how many times I have witnessed a tiny, sweet baby being pulled off of life support...or watched them fight for and draw their last breaths...And never one tear. Not one. Yet here I have this old, decrepid, smelly dog...and I can't even imagine doing that...being there when she goes. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? HOW MESSED UP IS THAT???? That I would be more comfortable and more okay with watching a CHILD draw their last breath than some old stupid dog? I can't do it. I tell you...I can't do it. It breaks my heart into a million pieces and then some. And I keep seeing her look at me tonight. It's as if she knows that her very fate rests solely in my hands. And when she turns those big brown eyes to me that way...well...I just come undone. Which is where I am tonight. Totally undone. And totally sad at the thought of having to end this chapter in our lives. To say goodbye to this friend of ours. To this one that has been with me the longest.

G is for...

Golf Course. I had the very great priviledge last night of photographing a family at this totally awesome and beautiful golf course way, way, way on the other side of town. It was awesome beyond words. VERY green. Almost made me want to take up golf! I did pick out a lovely home while I was out there. Just a little abode on the hill top. Nothing a couple or three million dollars wouldn't buy! Had views of practically the whole world! AMAZING! I'm thinking I'm going to have to take some pretty spectacular pictures in my lifetime to be able to even dream about one of those houses! Anyway. Delightful evening...delightful family. They have a three year old that I just adore. She is such a little firecracker. The sweetest thing you'll ever meet. She talks a blue streak at you. Her personality has really started to shine here lately. I should rephrase that. I am certain that child has been busting with personality since day one! But she has just recently started sharing it with me! She did so fantastic (and three year olds are TOTAL wildcards...by the way. You NEVER know what they will do or how they will react.) She was charming, and sweet and cooperative. She was really working the camera for a short spell. I could take pictures of her all day long, she's just so cute and pretty. However, this child would have none of that. She gives me a very definite limit on the number of pictures that I can take and then informs me that I am all done. Yesterday was no different. She let me know more that once that we were "all done"..."I think that's enough for now" she tells me...and then she ushers us all back into the golf cart for more adventures. She was such fun to work with. The whole family was. I love their pictures. Not all of them. But a good several. I reexamined them this morning...and I still really like them. I always go back and look the next day. You get a lot of fresh new perspective that way...can see things differently after a good night's sleep and a break from staring at the images until they are burned on your eyeballs! I don't know if they will love them...but I sure do love several of them. Too many, actually. I know that it was a great night for me. A fun family, an awesome place to shoot, and a whole new experience for me. I rather liked it. A fantastic end to a fantastic day!

D is for....

Do you hear that? That loud, groaning would be the sound of defeat. Who is defeated you ask? That would be Chris. Clara is kicking his butt playing tennis on the Wii. It's pretty hysterical. Clara beats him time and again and then Chris insists on a rematch. He is so determined to win one. But somehow...as usual, Clara is our family's strongest Wii athlete by far. Look out folks...he just flipped on the ceiling fan. The man is working up a sweat trying to beat his 5 year old daughter! He was just reminding us, moments before the game started that he did, you know, used to play on the college tennis team. Fat lot of good it's doing for him tonight! Clara is just smokin him! AGain, and again, and again! After 9 matches...totally defeated, he finally admits defeat and quits. She's trying to soothe his ego now by inviting him for a match of boxing or golf. She's promising not to "beat his butt" at golf. The boys won't play baseball with her...she gets too many homeruns. She is the reigning Wii champion in our house for sure! Not sure at all how she does it. She's magic on that game system! It has made for a VERY entertaining evening, for sure!

R is for....Rain!

So...this is day two of the rain. And today the fallin has been constant! My backyard is starting to puddle right up! I'm not a big fan of the rain. I like a good thunderstorm. But this gray stuff that sets in and the constant drizzle...not so much for me! My seasonal affective disorder just wigs out after a couple of days! I NEED the sunshine! Clara, on the other hand, was thrilled to see the rain coming down minus the lightning and drama and quickly donned her raincoat and boots and headed out to splash a bit. I snapped these of her...that child is one of my very favorite subjects to capture. I loved watching her play out there. I would have snapped more...but then I figured the rain probably is NOT so good on my thousand dollar camera! So here, she is...my rain lovin baby girl!

T is for....

THANKFUL! I am SO VERY thankful right now. Thankful for my wonderful and sweet family. Thankful for awesome and fun friends. Thankful for my business...even if it has been totally nuts. Thankful for the talent that God has given me and some wonderful avenues to really use it and give it back into the world. We spent Thanksgiving with wonderful friends this year. And Chris's mom and stepdad of course! We threw out the traditional cuisine and had ourselves a Thanksgiving Fiesta! On the menu? Turkey fajitas and grilled vegetables (which were so, so so yummy!), chicken enchiladas, tortilla soup, tacos, refried beans, black beans, spanish rice, mango margaritas...and for desert?! PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE (to die for!) and regular cheesecake and pumpkin pie with coolwhip....YUM, YUM and SUPER YUM! It was delicious! A feast of all feasts! We had such a blessed afternoon with our friends. Enjoying our families, sharing stories and laughter...it was an awesome day! I had someone cancel an appointment the day after Thanksgiving...so I actually had TWO whole days off from pictures! That was awesome! And I went back to picture taking today with a fresh new attitude and perspective...which I needed...because, quite frankly, I was growing rather weary of the season! I finished my two sessions this afternoon (both were running nearly an hour late)...and then got called into the hospital. UMC had a baby coming off of life support. So I jumped in the car and headed off for yet another session. It hit me on the way to the hospital how hard this was going to be for this family. Not that it's easy for ANY family. EVER. But I noticed as I flipped through the radio stations that many were playing Christmas music and carols...and all the stores are bustling with folks Christmas shopping and there is much merriment and a sense of joy in the air right now as the Christmas season approaches. But for these moms who will have empty arms this season...there will not be that joy or feeling of celebration. As I drove to the hospital I thought about our wonderful Thanksgiving and how we all enjoyed it so much and had such a wonderful time. And then I thought of this family that I was going to meet at the hospital...and realized that they had most likely spent their entire Thanksgiving watching their new baby...so full of promise and hope...watching that baby fight for his life. And while we ate turkey and laughed and counted our blessings...this young couple was grappling with the decision of pulling life support and sparing their child more suffering...or continuing to watch him decline and die before their eyes. It was a sobering thought as I drove in. And then I met that family...so sweet...sitting there cradling this precious little cherub baby boy. He was still with them. Still breathing. Still hanging in there. Though as the session progressed he drew fewer and fewer rattling little breaths. And I was just so thankful right then. Thankful that my little ones were all safe and healthy at home. But mostly thankful that I could just be there and be able to capture those last sweet and tender moments of a mother with her baby boy. To capture the little kisses she put on his head and the little caresses she gave his angelic little face. To be able to preserve the look of love of love in her eyes when she gazed at him and to record the way his chunky little feet nestled just right in his Daddy's hand. Oh, I was so thankful for so many things as I stood in that tiny little room this afternoon. I am thankful now for more blessings than I will EVER be able to count! Blessings that I don't even realize right now. I am thankful for family. And for our wonderful friends. I am thankful for all of the support I receive both as a photographer and as a friend, as a wife, and as a mother. I am thankful that God led us here to this desert...that we could experience life here as never before. And as I squeezed in a last minute run tonight...I was so thankful for the beautiful sun that set right before my eyes on the way out...and for the enormous golden orange harvest moon that rose up over the mountains on my way back home from that run. God is SO amazing...so generous...so good. And life is so very good...even here in the desert of Tucson!

M is for....

MOTIVATION!!!!!! Chris informed me tonight there is more travel ahead for work. I sighed...rather loudly and asked "Where to this time?" And my husband says "Hawaii". And then he uttered the sweetest words I have ever heard come out of his mouth. He said "I was wondering if you would like to come along...you know...6 days on the big island." And I like SO totally imagined doing a backflip right there in the middle of the desert (he was out helping me on a shoot). I would have done one for real...only I can't...so there's that little obstacle! So I just imagined doing one. I promptly accepted his proposal, of course. I am HAWAII-bound in January! HOOOOOOORAY!!!!! And so...I had instant motivation to lose that pesky few pounds that have been clinging on to my body here the past few months! There are ten....count them TEN that need to go. And I am ON A MISSION! YIPPPEEEEE! So excited here! Can you tell?! More details to come! Stay tuned! So...here's my first accountability marker...this morning I weighed 156.6 pounds. Bummer. Got to get that down. It's countdown to Aloha now so the pounds have got to go! 145 would be awesome! But we shall see!

T is for tiny

This was from my little guy last night. So, so tiny. So, so early. I have been truly facsinated by the photos I did of him last night. In the light of day, as I look, I can so clearly see his beautiful, tiny features. His little eyes, still fused shut. And two perfect tiny nostrils in a perfect and tiny little button nose. His little toes are just exquisitely formed...as were his tiny fingers. As I look more at my pictures I can see that his skin was not really formed either, and so I can see his entire vein network there. It's almost like a glimpse of something you'd see on the Discovery channel...only it was real life. This little baby is just so delicate and tiny and intricate. It has really brought home even more for me what a miracle life truly is. That our God is so amazing in how He set forth creation and equipped our meager bodies to bring new life into the world. Lord, thank you for the opportunity to glimpse this tiny creation of yours and for the insight gained from it.

And She Rides!

Our Clarabelle has mastered a new skill! After learning that one of our neighbor's little boys has learned to ride his bike without training wheels, it got our little diva to thinking. Now...that alone was not enough to inspire her. Interest her, yes...but not enough to make it happen. Then, she saw her brother's riding on the other neighbors little scooter/bike thing that looks an awful lot like her Dad's...and she too wanted to ride. I explained to her that you had to be able to ride a two wheel bike in order to ride the scooter. Well....THAT did it. She looked me right in the eye and said "Well then. Take my training wheels off." And so I did...thinking to myself, "Here we go again". I've taken these wheels off a dozen times it seems. The whole experience usually lasts all of about 3 minutes and ends with her screaming and yelling and being mad at ME because she can't do it. So I braced myself for the inevitable rant that was sure to come...and then was just pleasantly surprised when after only 3 short laps around our little circle, my girl just literally rode off into the sunset! She was BEAMING she was so proud of herself! And so...another success for our baby girl. One more step farther away from being our baby and a definite leap into the land of the big girl. She let us know that we can sell her training wheels! And so...FOR SALE...two gently used training wheels, low miles, great comfort and support, a symbol of what is behind us now! Thank you Lord for this baby girl. Thank you for her spirit of determination and her ability to keep her eye on the prize. Thank you for the huge beaming smiles that flood her face when she reaches her goal. Thank you for the blessing of our Clara!

16 Weeks

I just got back from a call at Northwest hospital tonight. It is nearly midnight and I am trying to wind it all down and process the session out in my brain so that I can go to sleep. The call was for a 23 weeker with "multiple anomalies". Now, I had no idea what "multiple anomalies" meant...but I packed up my camera (after trying everyone else on my list....again!) and headed on down there. Mom had not delivered when I got there, so I got to sit for a nice long while and watch the recap of The Bachelor. Can I just say...that's a really dumb show. While I was waiting, someone buzzed in at the door and said they were with NILMDTS. I jumped up and was just ecstatic. I mean...FINALLY! SOMEONE answers a call. It turned out to be a lovely, lovely lady named Merri. She had expressed an interest earlier in joining our organization and wanted to shadow a session first. Well...that was way back in the summer. So I specifically have been making an attempt to call her when I can and hope she can join me...but it has never worked out so far. But tonight...even though she didn't answer my call, she just came straight to the hospital when she got my message. I was so thrilled. We had a nice chance to chat a bit before mom delivered...and then it was time to go meet baby. When we walked into the room though...it was like TOTAL WORST CASE SCENARIO. Baby was NOT 23 weeks like the staff had been told. More like...MAYBE 16 weeks. They could not even tell if baby was a boy or a girl...that's how early baby was. Really, we should not have been called for this one...but everyone was expecting a 23 weeker. Baby had been gone a good week or more...so there was a good bit of breakdown and it was dark purple. Baby also was not holding it's shape very well...and kind of spread out like a blob when you laid him down. So here I am...walking into this blind, with a first time "maybe I do want to join NILMDTS, or maybe I don't" situation shadowing me. Baby is not at ALL what anyone was expecting. And I am thinking to myself "What the HECK am I going to do with this situation?" Well. I got all the appropriate paperwork filled out, not missing the obvious fact that baby has no name or sex. And I set to work. I noticed right off that this baby has totally tiny, but perfect little feet and teeny tiny toes. And I just went crazy on those feet. And he had tiny little arms with teeny little hands and eensy weensy little fingers...so I set to work on those. And then I found that if I got at just the right angle, I could get beautiful profile shots of baby that kind of got rid of the obvious problems and just showed his sweet face. I didn't take too too many. There just wasn't much to take pictures of. The nurse took baby then and headed down the hall to weigh him (they thought he might be a boy) and to attempt hand and footprints. He weighed like 108 grams I think? Way less than a pound and was only 8 inches long. I got several more pictures of baby there and they swaddled him in a tiny little blanket and put the tiniest little hat on him that I have ever seen. It was amazing how sweet and tiny and beautiful he looked in the end. Once again, I promised Chris that I would not be up all night working with the images...that I would come home and go to bed...so I will do that. Tomorrow I will begin to work on this one. There won't be a slideshow I don't think. Just a few images of this little one that never drew a breath or opened his eyes. So tiny and so beautiful. The best part of the evening? My photographer that met me there did not run away screaming and hiding. She was very interested and asked a lot of good questions...including..."How do I sign up?" Here she had walked into absolutely THE worst situation possible, and she hung in there with me and muddled through it and then said "Sign me on" Thank you God for this lovely lady, who has a heart for this ministry and is not faint of spirit. Thank you for her lovely company tonight and for her go-to attitude. Thank you Lord for your provision in this young woman for whom I have been asking for! Thank you for help!

I love this one

B is for....

BUSY!!!!!! Holy Cow! This picture business is just NUTS right now! Who knew?! I am booked nearly solid through Thanksgiving. LOTS and lots of people that I do not know. Lots that I do know...and that is fun and nice...but lots that I don't know too! So that's good for growing my business. BUT...it's nuts. I'm thinking seriously about just closing the book on appointments now until after Thanksgiving. There are just SO many. I have 12 over this next week. Which I suppose, in ths scheme of life is not too too many. But considering that each session requires about an hour of shooting and working with the families and then at a minimum, an hour to process, photoshop into cards and then post...and then about another to process and upload orders....well. That's a LOT! And there has been no miraculous appearance of a maid yet at our house...so there's all of that that still falls under the Mommy Do It category! Throw in kids and their crazy schedules and all of their homework and what not. And VOILA! Total and complete chaos...coupled with utter exhaustion by 7:00 p.m. every night! I am almost, at this point, just looking for Christmas to be over so I can have all this madness behind me and rest! I'm thinking I'm going to need a trip to Hawaii in January to recover from all of this! Hee hee! But really. It's been such fun. And it's such an amazing blessing. WHO KNEW that just a short year ago I would have a calendar that looks like this? God is so, so good to me. He has blessed me with this talent and blessed me with a full calendar and fantastic clients! Thank you God for your generous provision and gracious blessings on me and my family.

S is for....

Sleepy. That is where I am today. Just plain sleep deprived! Last night's call had me out until midnight. The family I worked with last night was beyond distraught. Hard to work with simply because every time I looked for a little hand or foot to photograph, Mom would burst into inconsolable sobs and Dad would then have to comfort and we'd have to wait for them both to calm down and then try something else. It took forever to get very few photographs. So few that I am nearly done editing them already and am wondering if I will even be able to build a 3 minute slide show with what I've got. Normally, I am trying to cut my slideshows down from 8 or 9 minutes to a nice 4 to 5. But I think 2 to 3 minutes will be a stretch on this one. I only have about 45 pictures to work with. The vast majority of those being mainly of just mom and dad crying...precious few of their little boy. They simply could not bear to take their eyes or hands off of him for even the shortest of moments. But for now, I am trying to find some degree of mental sharpness! I have picture appointments this afternoon. A fun family group...but I need to be game on and ready for them just the same. One of this family's little guys likes to make me work for my pictures! In a perfect world, I would slip into my pajamas right now (I don't care that it is only 1:40 in the afternoon), pull the shades, grab a pillow and blanket, and just lounge on the couch until bedtime tonight...all comfy and happy. However. There is that little matter of reality. And my reality today is picture appointments, picking up kids from orchestra practice, tackling homework X 3 kids, fixing dinner, catching up the laundry (does it EVER end?)...and THEN I can think about slipping into p.j.s! Such is life! Life is good though! So very blessed and so very busy and so very, very good. On with the business of life for now! Sleep will have to wait!

W is for....

Waiting. It is 10:06 p.m. and I am on standby for a call from Northwest Women's Center tonight. AND...I am sleepy and ready to climb into bed and call it a night. But I promised I would give it until 11 p.m. And so...I will...for another, hmmmm, 52 minutes sit here and try to entertain myself in such a lively way as to stay awake until the 11 o'clock hour passes. They won't call after 11:00. Of course...that doesn't mean for a second that this baby won't be waiting for me first thing tomorrow morning. But tomorrow is a new day and I can deal with it tomorrow. Better yet...I might...just maybe, find someone else who for once might step in and do one of these sessions for me. But for now...I am waiting. I am almost caught up on all of my other sessions...so of course it's time for another. I don't want a back log of these sessions as I have more picture appointments than I know what to do with coming up here in the next two weeks. I have scheduled 11 new appointments over the past 3 days. I had thought about throwing out the same offer to my Sunday school class that I did last year...but I don't think I'll have time. I'm already pretty booked right up to Thanksgiving. If they call me, I am getting them all in...but I don't think I'll throw it out on the wide open table this year, for sheer lack of time!

And there's my call. Little boy. He's here and the family is waiting for me...so off I go!

N is for...

NO. I had to tell a hospital no last night...that there was noone available to come for a family. It was awful. And has not set well with me. The first time in nearly a year that I have said no to any single call. But I have been flooded with calls lately...and have had less and less photographers stepping up to help me. Poor Diane is swamped with weddings now that the weather is cooling down a hair...Leah JUST had a baby on Monday..my other photographer is 7 months pregnant and we have all agreed that's just not fair to send a ripe, pregnant mom bursting with the promise of life in to photograph a family who just lost their own promise. There's me...who is crazy busy this time of year with Christmas card sessions and all...and there is one other one on our list...but she can never seem to be inconvenienced enough to get out of her pajamas and go. And I finally, for the first time ever had to say no. I had a house full of company. My parents were here visiting from Florida, plus my sister from Phoenix. We had had a busy day, were exhausted and we were celebrating my son and my sister's birthdays that night. And it was creeping up in to the night and I called all my people and noone would go. So that left me. And I was so exhausted I could hardly function...not to mention leaving my family....AGAIN in the middle of getting kids ready for bed. I just had to say no this time. I haven't felt entirely good about that at all. It's stressful to me to think that they might not have any pictures. In all fairness, this was a 19 1/2 week old baby....and there might not have even been anything at all to photograph. I don't know. Won't know. But still. I hate that I had to say no. That noone could get there for that family. I am calling several photographers this week. I have got to find some help. GOT to. I can't do all of Tucson by myself. I can't do half of Tucson by myself. I have got to get a reliable team in place. Otherwise, my heart will break knowing that I have to say no again.

D is for...

Desert Museum. It's where I took my parents today. My camera is just SO, so happy there. So much desert...so little time! I cannot WAIT to go back there again! LOOOOOOVE IT!!!!!

S is for.....

SECRET..which I don't have to keep anymore. My dear friend Mary is HOME from London....for GOOD! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!! I have had a lonely and sad six months (well...four, technically ) without her and I am overjoyed to see her beautiful face again in my living room and hug her neck and be able to talk to her while she shops at Safeway! She's my secret twin, prayer warrior, walking buddy, drinking pumpkin lattes buddy, eating Mexican food and drinking margaritas buddy! Between her abscence and Chris' cholesterol diet it has been a MISERABLE existence! But my heart is overflowing with pure joy tonight knowing that she is back...a mere block away...and that she and I are destined for Starbucks first thing Monday morning!!!! God is SO good to deliver this dear lady back into my everyday life. She never for a second left my heart...but I LOVE having her here...close...every single day! I am overjoyed this night! Simply overjoyed!

S is for....

SCORPION! This not so little guy was hanging out in my backyard this evening and I simply could not resist abandoning my low cholesterol creation I was supposed to be cooking and grabbing my camera for a few shots. I've been praying my rattlesnake prayer pretty regularly here. As the weather begins it's cooldown....even though it seems ever so slow and slight...it is actually PERFECT rattlesnake weather...right where they like the temps to be. So I have really been making sure God hears the anxiety and pleading in my voice when I request a half mile radius around my family's location (wherever that might be) be rattlesnake free. Tonight...I will now be adding a scorpion prayer...just in case this lovely specimen we encountered tonight happens to come from a large family...who happens to live closeby!

T is for...

tip! And I thought I would pass one on to all those faithful (and not so faithful!) readers of this blog. I am officially down 5 pounds this morning. How, you might ask? Very simple. Simply give up and surrender every good and yummy and delicious food you might happen to consume in your life right now. If you even suspect it might in any way taste good...surrender it and walk away. Replace all that yummy delicious food with moderate servings of Tofu and heaping vegetables (butter free of course)...throw in fish once or twice a week (again...none of that broiled in butter stuff!)...oh and salad, salad, salad (minus the creamy blue cheese....of course). When the dogs stop begging for what you are having for dinner....you know you have achieved the ultimate level of dietary sacrifice! Give that a whirl for a couple of weeks and the pounds just seem to fall off. I think they've run screaming from this body...they've simply said that this food supply sucks and they're going off to find someone else's hips to reside on! I can't complain. I certainly needed to drop those pounds that I have been struggling with for so long! Oh yeah...and it helps a great deal if you keep getting called to the hospital right before dinner and arriving home long after it's all cleaned up. Many a granola bar have called themselves "meal" here for me lately! So...that is my tip for the day! Chris' cholesterol journey has been beneficial for all of us!Enjoy!

B is for...

Baby Boy. Another session. Noone to cover it except me. Again. I'm really growing very weary of all of this. So much sadness. So much grief. So much pressure to make sure these parents have something beautiful to remember these children by. So many poor excuses from the other photographers who just cannot be inconvenienced enough to answer the calls of these famlies. Sigh....I am tired tonight. And am now two sessions behind. Need to get those done and out to these families. I see many late nights ahead of me in the near future! Tonight's little guy was so sweet and so tiny. Born at 24 weeks. Just too tiny to live. His family lovingly let him go into the arms of Jesus this evening. And I was honored enough to be able to be there and share those very last few moments of his time here with his parents. I am always so very humbled to be able to be there and to share that time with a family. It's an amazing thing to be a part of. I will say....that one day...just once...I want to be included in the BIRTH of a baby. In a joyful and glorious and exciting time! And not just death after death after death. I want to capture those looks of joy and accomplishment and the smiles and the tears that come with welcoming a new life into this world. But for now...for tonight...the tears were not of joy...but of grief and heartache and a sadness beyond comprehension. Tonight was about saying goodbye...yet again.

The Road Home...

is paved with many mishaps! This flat tire being one of them! On the bright side, Chris and I now know exactly how one goes about changing the tire on a travel trailer, and how to operate the jack for the Explorer to boot! All in a day's learning I suppose!

Camping Fun

Maiden Voyage!

We have a new set of wheels in the Roberts house and this weekend we took our new little abode out for her first spin in the wild west! We could not have begun to imagine the adventures the weekend would hold for us! We loaded up the RV and set our course for the Chiruchuas; Bonita Canyon to be exact. Set up was tricky...the only site left was more than a little bit unlevel. But we made it. And then the set up from there was a piece of cake. It's amazing how much easier and faster it all goes when it's just all built in right there for you! We camped Friday and Saturday night and then broke camp and headed home early Sunday morning. Lot's of adventures heading home. For starters...we couldn't tell if the ball was really settled into the hitch. We finally decided it was and went on to install the tension control bar....when Chris realizes that he has lost the pins for it. Grrrr. What was really aggravating was that this has happened before! He takes the pins out to unhitch...lays them on the back bumper. And then they are GONE! "It's just a couple of dollar pins. No big deal." he says! Only now...we don't have the tension control for the trailer. I point out that we DID just pay $400 for this set up to safely and comfortably tow this RV around. Of course...I'm immediately shot down as having NO clue what all that stuff does. I returned to my dear hubby that if it was all so overrated and unimportant...then WHY DID WE JUST SPEND $400 ON IT?????????? Ah. The adventures of family camping! Little did we know that the morning would only get better from there!

H is for...

hospital...which is who called me tonight. I had had the strangest premonition about it all day. I just knew that the calls were going to start rolling in...and they did. Tonight was frustrating for me because as area coordinator it is my job to find a photographer to fill the needs of these hospitals as they arise. Normally, I jump at the Northwest calls because they are right here by me...SO much closer than TMC or UMC. But tonight I had two children with fevers, a trip to pack for and a new camper to pack for tomorrow's trip. Besides all that, I had no car because mine was hooked up to the new camper and Chris' car was down at the bank where we met up this afternoon. So there was that huge difficulty. So I started calling my photographers. Now...one is very wonderful and reliable and awesome. She is my co-coordinator and handles as many calls as I do....juggles her schedule totally for it like I do and just makes it happen...like I do. I think we are kindred spirits! But tonight, she was not available. I did not get an answer on any of her phones...which is unusual. So I called my next gal. She informed me that it jsut was not really convenient...as she was in her p.j.s already. So...okay. She is in her p.j.s. I am in my clean out the camper clothes (those will definitely have to be changed to go to the hospital), Oh...and there's that little issue of not having a vehicle to drive. Not to mention the feverish children and the fact that this call came SMACK in the middle of the bedtime routine. Talking to me about not being real convenient? NOT such a good idea right then. My other two photographers are both pregnant...NOT sending them. So....that left ME! I got Chris' mom to come and pick me up and drive me to the bank to get his car...then I headed on down to the hospital to meet with this family. Turns out to be a young, sweet couple. Just wonderful. First baby. At 28 weeks, went in for a routine checkup and there were no heart tones. Just like that. Little Thomas was gone. Before he ever took his first breath. The couple was just beyond devestated and the mom was just desperate to hang on to this little guy and to have every moment possible with him. I saw the look of panic in her eyes when the nurse suggested she get some sleep. And my heart broke for her when I heard her launch into her pleas to see her baby boy again in the morning and could she hold him again tomorrow and see him first thing? And I know that that mom will treasure these pictures of her little man forever. She will love them and adore them and cling to them like a lifeline through the healing process. And then after all of the frustration, I was SO glad that I made it down there. And that I got to be the one to capture those images for her. I don't have any to post here tonight because I promised my Chris that I wouldn't process and edit them until we get back next week. So that will have to wait. But I will sleep better tonight knowing that that mom will have these pictures to look on years from now. That she won't have to worry about forgetting his little face or how he looked...because I captured it in a dozen different angles for her. I'm glad that I worked it out and that I was "inconvenienced" enough to share the night with this family. I'm so thankful for this talent and for this calling on my life. In the midst of all of the chaos and business it was a stark reminder of reality. And that our mighty God has a plan for all of us. Old or young. Big or small. He is in control and sees the huge picture that we only see the tiniest glimpses of. So tonight, I will go to bed so very thankful for the fact that my God is so big and SO awesome, so merciful and so gentle, SO powerful...and so very good.

Super Family

Tonight we attended a Halloween costume party as a family. We decided to go as super heroes this year...a whole family of them! A good time was had by all. The boys really got into their very "serious superhero character" stuff when it was time to take the picture. Apparently, Batman and Robin were not the smiley types! But Supergirl...she's a charmer! The kids were very excited about our "family theme" and all in all we had a very fun time getting all dressed up and being the heroes of the night!

Just Playing Around

What can I say? I have a new lens and I cannot resist playing with it to see just what it will do! I am loving it! I love being able to get as tight as I want and still have more available to me. I love the clarity of this new lens with the vibration reduction. And I love just playing with it! And I just love my baby girl who is so sweet and so gorgeous and so cooperative with her mommy. She's my very best girl!

A is for Angel...

F is for....

Faraway Friends. Tonight I got to do some instant messaging with my dear friend in London. It was a trying day today for me on so many levels. And it was wonderful to see her log on to her computer and get to talk with her....almost as if she was here. Almost! I sit here tonight with a big smile on my face and my heart feeling ever so much lighter because I have shared my burdens and struggles with her and she understood them...and as always...had wonderful insight and advice for me. This time since she moved away has been a real challenge for both of us. I know she has struggled mightily being in a new country, new friends, new schools, new roads...and I have struggled mightily without her to be my walking partner and the voice on the other end of the phone as we simultaneously scrubbed our toilets and cleaned our houses! I have missed her presence at our weekly bible study and I have missed her smiling face dropping by my house! I think the last few months have been a real trial for both of us and we miss each other desperately! I give her a hard time about coming home, without fail, every time I talk to her. I am so eager to see her smiling face again and share deep conversations over pumpkin lattes! Anyway. Tonight I got to talk with my dear, dear friend. And I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders and shared and that new insight was breathed into me and that God just really, really blessed me with that short bit of conversation. I miss her so terribly. I am blessed with wonderful, wonderful friends here...don't get me wrong. God has seen to it that I am loved and loved much. I don't doubt that for a second. But this girl is special. She's a firecracker like myself. Sort of like a weird twin! We DO look an AWFUL lot alike! We love the same things and love the same, awesome, wonderful God. And we just seem to click in this crazy world. I love her dearly and I cannot wait until she is closer than an instant message. I want her back here....almost in my own backyard. But in the meantime, the Lord blessed me tonight. He woke my dear friend up early (she's so faithful that way)...and brought her to log on to her computer and we were able to spill out our hearts and touch base and lift each other up. And I am going to bed with a smile on my face tonight. The very first one I think...all day long! Thank you Lord for the wonderful gift of friendship and those special people that you plant in our lives!

H is for...

headache because that was the main theme of this particular day. The day started with the usual rush. Get the crow bar...pry oldest child out of bed. Shout and scream, plead and beg until oldest is out the door on time successfully to catch the bus. Then VERY QUICKLY try to clean up wave of total mess and destruction that always seems to follow oldest child. Jump into shower. Have briefest of conversations with hubby...went something like this..."Do I need to pack you a lunch, or can you be trusted to make a good food decision regarding your cholesterol intakes today?" Hubby decides he can handle it...I get showered...think to myself, "Hmmm, Mother Nature should be here today or tomorrow...might explain the headache that is starting up on THIS, the FOURTH day in a ROW!" Finish shower. Get dressed. Rush other two kids to school. Wait 20 minutes with littlest kid in the car because middle kid had to be at school early for orchestra and littlest can't be on campus yet...SO convenient my Wednesdays are!!! Then THROW youngest child through the gates at school the SECOND that they open...RUSH home at top speed to get ready for bible study crowd who should start descending on house in say...3 minutes, tops. Only to find Mother Nature indeed has taken this body BY STORM...nice. Very lovely. Great timing. So...now changing clothes on top of trying to make coffee, put out orange juice, slice pudding cake, put out muffins, napkins, etc. Jumping around half naked...oh...and now the doorbell starts to ring. Everyone is arriving. The next few minutes go something like this...."Hello, I am so glad you are here...come right in. Make yourself comfortable." Get one thing done and put out...doorbell rings again. Run to the front door. Start over again...."So glad you are here. Come in...yada yada yada..." Put one more thing out...Run again to the door. Cramping like crazy now. But alas...no time for feeling sorry for myself. Finally, group is under way and we make it through the study. Then, ina blink it is over and I am LATE and RUNNING to my eye doctor to see what the heck is the matter with the eyeglasses I got three weeks ago. Can't see a danged thing with them. What a pain. Turns out that my eyes can't take the material they made my lenses out of. Uggggh. 3 to 5 BUSINESS days without them...which means NEXT WEEK before I can see again. Very, very convenient. Headache is about a thousand times worse at this point. But we must press on. Run through McDonalds drive through on the way back to school and order a salad...Yay me! It sucked though...McDonalds salads? Not impressive. But I ate it. Head throbbing now mightily as I walk into school for my volunteer time. Thinking that it seemed like SUCH a good idea on parent orientation night...NOT so good in real time...but onward just the same. Get sent to the workroom to cut about a million one inch by one inch little squares. So that was fun. Head throbbing...can't see without my glasses, using brutally sharp paper cutter...oh...and some other poor mom gets sent to the work room to sharpen pencils on the electric pencil sharpener. GRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNND. GGGGRRRRRRRRIIIIINNNNND. Lucky me. My head was just feeling so special right then. Then I got a short reprieve from square cutting and got sent to art class. Now...how special is that? Spent a lovely and crazy long hour in art class with funky art teacher (earring in her nose, crazy big tattoo on her shoulder,another on her ankle (that's all I can see) and annoying nasal voice like Fran Drescher....not QUITE as bad...but bad enough). After a way fun hour of Aborignal art technique I returned very loud kindegarten class to their teacher and got to go back to the work room for MORE little one inch square cutting and special me....there was yet ANOTHER volunteer there...doing what???? You got it. Pencil sharpening! GGGRRRIIIIIIINDDDDD! Oh yes. There is nothing like being right up there at total migraine level and being hit with every loud and annoying sound on the face of the planet in one short afternoon. I crawled out of the school and managed to drive us home. I took drugs and went almost straight to bed. Made a pit stop to clean up the huge mess I ran out on after bible study so I could get to the eye doctor on time. And then I crashed. All children were banished to total silence for a time. Thankfully, the phone did not ring and there was peace in the home for a bit while I closed my eyes and tried to just float away from the heachache from hell. And after a time...I did. It was successful. The nausea subsided. I could open my eyes with less pain and I could function as a human again. At that point I got up....got homework done and dinner started. The menu tonight? Lean Flat Iron Steak, grilled eggplant, garlic bread and salads. Nothing too fancy...but heart healthy and reasonably yummy. Chris was excited to see red meat on his plate...even the lean stuff. I reminded him not to get too attached. I don't know yet what is for dinner tomorrow night...but I'm sure it is likely to be met with that same forlorn look of longing and a sigh of resolve...the same one I have received the past 3 nights. I am thinking tomorrow's menu just might include tofu. I can't imagine how that's going to go over with poor Max. I have too much headache leftover still to think about that tonight! Nothing like before...but headache just the same. It has been a very long day here in the desert. So very long. But God is good and the moon is up, the night is cool, and my bed is ever so deep and inviting! I have to go there now and rest up, for tomorrow is a new day...with new adventures!

Cholesterol Blues

So Chris had his physical this morning...and the news was NOT all good. his cholesterol was like WAY up. So up...that the doctor said it is TIME to take action and that if he was 40 he would be put on medication straight away. However..we're a young and frisky 36 so we get to avoid that...for now. So I, being the good wife, set out to research high cholesterol and what that means and what types of diet changes we are going to need to make. And can I just tell you...that my life sucks today?! There are so many no no's on that list. I am just sitting here sad...and already hungry! Now mind you...MY cholesterol is EXCELLENT. Outstanding I believe the doctor said. However...what kind of wife would I be if I did not whole heartedly support my husband while he basically gives up every good and yummy thing on the face of the planet. And so we will be joining together in this quest to improve his health and keep him around on this planet for a good long time! And so...we will be saying goodbye to (sniff, sob)...tortilla chips at the Mexican place, refried beans and sour cream. Cream cheese wontons and eggrolls at the chinese place, along with the fried rice, egg drop soup AND the soy sauce. Then there's the ribeye steaks we love when we camp (that one's really going to hurt!), all potatoes except the plain ones (minus the butter and sour cream mind you). Oh...and let's not forget the calamari and any and all cream sauces at the Italian place. That's the list for now. Or at least...that was the point at which I got just really, really depressed at and could not research any farther! Four of the meals that I have planned over the next...let's see FOUR days don't make the cholesterol cut. BUMMER!!! So this is certainly a dilemma for the day. I have to tell you the greatest part of this challenge for me...the cooking. I don't like to do it anyway. Like...AT ALL. And I realize now that this is a WHOLE new cooking ball game for me. I am just so depressed. I need to go take a picture of something. Maybe then I will feel better!

Playing in the Park

We played in the park today. Clara...she just played. And me...well I have a brand new lens on the end of my camera today...so I played too! I have been making a definite and concentrated effort to work on my outside photography per request of a couple of dear friends. I have to say...I think it's coming along. I feel like it's getting better. Granted...my practice has not ALL been on actual people...there have been some nice bugs involved in the learning process! But today was real flesh and blood people...or person rather...and I like these of my baby girl. I like them a LOT!

So I was wrong...

Six hours post run I am in PAIN. My left hip flexor is SCREAMING at me and it pretty much hurts to take each and every step. Yep. Ouch! So...I am going to just be quiet and still the rest of this day and see if by ANY chance it will just go away. I do NOT want to be on the injured list...yet again. Hmmmm. Seven miles did not even make me blink. Eight was great while it was happening. But something is happening between the 7 and 8 mile marker and my hip is MOST unappreciative. Grrrrrrrrrr! Now I am cranky!

Back on Track!!!

I ran 8 miles today! Hooray! I am finally feeling like I just might have my old groove back. Nothing hurt. Nothing strained. Nothing pulled. At no point did I feel like I might just die. It was a nice, steady pace right to the end. I even felt great when it was all over...all said and done. And that is a good sign for sure! I've only had my running shoes about three weeks now since the whole toe thing. I've logged many miles on them I am glad to say. My best estimate is about 35 miles. Maybe 40. I haven't done the best job of keeping up with it. I've just been so glad to be able to run each time I haven't thought much about recording it! It's been a wonderful stress relief for sure...and I am hoping it will soon help to release these extra five pounds that have found their way onto my hips and seem so doggone crazy about and attached to me! We'll see! It's so good to be back on track again! So, so good!

Grasshopper

What can I say? I am into bugs here lately...and Arizona has some BIG ones! This fellow was hanging out just above my garage this afternoon. Thought he was cool enough...and close enough to grab my camera for. He was fun! I know he doesn't bite...but he SURE does not stand as still and nice for me as the praying mantis did. He made me nervous the whole time I was snapping these with all of his nervous little movements! It was enough for me to know I'd better stick with babies! Babies don't make my skin crawl and I never feel like I might throw my camera down and run away from them! Still...the big bugs here do really make for some fun and most excellent photography practice!