In The News Today

So, I skipped the gym this morning. You are probably just shocked to death to read that! WHAT?!! Yes. I skipped it today. Never fear. The day is young yet and one way or another I am sure I will get my calorie burn in there. I have a hard time relaxing and getting on with the business of life knowing that those calories are just sitting there on my hips all untended to. Since I was skipping the gym I was leisurely enjoying a cup of coffee and happened to pick up the newspaper. Thought I would, you know, educate myself on the current issues in the world. Bring myself up to speed. I was prepared for the fires and famine, the war and violent crime. I was prepared for the election articles and the ever depressing financial woes and worries. And there they all were. Just as I expected they would be. But I did happen across a couple of other articles that I thought were worth mentioning here (not to snag your blog name Mandy!).

For one, there was a very entertaining article about a recent arrest of a goat and dog. Apparently, a woman in Alabama was driving a Mercedes-Benz when she came upon a goat and a dog playing together along the highway. Do you have your mental picture conjured up there yet? She was afraid the playful duo would be hit, and so she stopped. And here I had to wonder...what in the world did the lady think she would do? Shoo shoo the goat off into the Alabama meadow? Or give them a stern talking to about playing too near busy highways? I mean...it's a GOAT for crying out loud. Apparently, when she stopped, none of that happened. Instead of "saving" the duo, the goat promptly jumped up onto the woman's Mercedes and would not come down! Now to me, that implies that the woman spent a fair amount of time begging pleading and cajoling with this goat in an attempt to talk him back down. After some time she was unsuccessful in talking the goat down, and fearing damage to her very expensive import's paint job, she called 911 for backup. A deputy was dispatched to the scene, got the goat down off the woman's car and put the wild criminal goat into the back of the squad car. Still got that mental picture going? However...the dog would have none of that and immediately leaped into the back seat along with his best bud, the goat. And the two renegades were hauled in together. The article ends by stating that if anyone in that area happens to be missing the dynamic goat/dog duo, they just need to give the town sheriff a call. Now there's an article you just don't come across every day!

Upon further examination of the newspaper, I jumped back to the Accent section and got newly educated and brought up to speed in ways I NEVER could have imagined. And I DO mean NEVER!!! Now...you KNOW fitness is often forefront in my mind. I dwell on it, brood on it, curse it, love it, hate it...it's a pretty regular part of my life. On the front page was an article about fitness that caught my mind and I was on my way to find it when I came across another headline. "Docs debate benefits of 'gyno spa'". And I 'm like "gyno spa"? Are they for real? And I'm quickly in my mind wondering how anyone could ever possible marry two words like "gyno" and "spa" into one concept. I mean...EEEWWWWW! Obviously someone failed to do their market research was my immediate thought. I mean...NO woman that I have ever met looks forward to her big day at the gynecologist each year. That would be like saying "Oooh, I can't wait until the 11th! I have SUCH a fantastic day planned. First up will be a pelvic exam with my feet in those really cool, sock covered stirrups, followed by a relaxing pap smear, all in the presence of an audience/assistant. Then I am off to have my boobs smashed all to hell in that mammogram machine. And after that, I think I'll have a few vials of blood drawn for good measure. Maybe get a little lunch and a pedicure if there's time. I can't wait!" HEEELLLLLLLOOOOO! Ain't happening. That's the day most women curse the fact that they are women and there is a dark cloud of dread and yuck that surrounds that day. However...some doctor in Manhattan has come up with the "Phit" spa concept...PHIT standing for "pelvic health integrated techniques". A spa wholly dedicated to "strengthening and grooming a woman's genital area". And can I just say that they are NOT talking bikini waxes here. It's a full lube job! The paper states "At the spa, the signature treatment will be a $150 gynecological exam-in which a client contracts her pelvic muscles around Romanzi's fingers-to determine by feel, whether muscle tone is weak, moderate or strong." Romanzi is the genius behind this dream of a spa. Then vaginal workouts are prescribed...she likes to call those "personal training". Personal training?!!! Wow. I don't think I will ever look at a personal trainer again and not have horrible thoughts splash across my mind! That's going to make my daily trips to the gym a bit challenging for sure! The article goes on to say...and this was just smashingly funny... "If you can vote and you have a vagina, you should do these." , "these" being her vaginal exercises. Apparently, vaginal exercises are like the new dental floss...Make it a part of your regular daily routine! In reading this article I found that you can have all sorts of interesting horrifying procedures done on your unmentionable parts...including vaginal "rejuvenation". Hmmmm. Welcome to the era of the gyno spa. Be VERY afraid! VERY!!!!

FINALLY, I found my way back to the article that had originally caught my eye in the first place. "Visualization Aids Workout Routines". Apparently, merely imagining an activity rather than actually doing it, can produce results similar to actual practice! WOW! That is GREAT news! I have such a good imagination. I can totally see myself out there busting my butt and working up a MAJOR sweat! It also says that if you form a mental image of what you want to achieve, and falling asleep with that image held firmly in your mind, programs your mind toward achieving those goals. And so...while it may SEEM as though I skipped the gym, you should know that I TOTALLY imagined myself there this morning in step class, followed by a GRUELING body pump class...and I even stayed after that and ran another 5 miles. Oh yeah. I was an animal today!

And that's what was in the news today!