A Day at Old Tucson Studios

I had such a good time out at Old Tucson Studios yesterday with Chris's sister Kelly and her two little girls. Then, I've had even more fun playing with the smilebox! Here's a little taste of the day! More to come later when things slow down around here a little bit! It's been NUTS for two weeks now!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Blogging When I Shouldn't Be....

It's late. The clock says 10:25 as I begin this post. And when you are 37, knocking hard on 40...it's late. Today, I was informed that a family I recently did a NILMDTS session for has requested a photo for the memorial service. It's NOT a lot of notice. I DON'T have their little guy ready. AND...it's Sunday...and all the local labs are closed. I COULD upload it to my lab and it MIGHT ship out...overnight....tomorrow...but it also might not. And even if it DID...it probably would not make it in time for the Tuesday morning service. AND I have a house full of company which becomes even fuller tomorrow. Lots of time to slip away and work on this precious angel. I thought about going on to bed, quitting with the one photo that I do have ready for them and praying that I can get it printed tomorrow. The wheels in my head are turning SO fiercely right now. I am praying SO hard that the local lab here CAN and WILL do this job for me....like on the spot. Professionally and beautifully for this couple. So that they can display a beautiful image of their first and only child. There is a part of me that needs it to be perfect and I cringe at the thought of Walgreens handling it. Truly. NOT to mention the hoops that I have to jump through to get anything remotely professional done there! And so...it's keeping me up this night. I have so many scenarios flipping through my head right about now. These sessions around the holidays bother me like no others do. Truly. Tomorrow is the 22nd of December. These parents will bury their baby on the 23rd. While the whole world around them is caught up in the hustle and bustle and business of the holiday...these precious parents will be burying their sweet boy. And Christmas from here on out will NEVER be the same. A void has been created that can never be filled. And for so, so many years, a sense of sadness is going to wash over this young mother like a tidal wave each and every Christmas season. And instead of being a season of hope of peace...for them, it will be a season to remember the sweet little boy who never opened his eyes. And honestly, my heart just breaks for them in so many ways that I never could have imagined. I feel guilty watching my own children play and be swept up in this season. I don't know why...but this little guy has me rather unsettled tonight. And so...instead of going to bed, I am editing photos....and blogging...and I have a million things to do tomorrow. I mean...really...it's insanity. I'm also listening to music, drinking some wine, running some laundry and listening to the dishwasher hum away. And I am just sad for them. That's what it really comes down to. Pray for them. For this sweet young couple who has just suffered this devastating loss. The circumstances are beyond unfair and it's just tragic. At this time of year, I think of all of my families I have met, unfortunately, through NILMDTS...and I wonder how they are and what life looks like for them today. I can't help but wonder what their babies would look like now. As I am sure their mothers must surely have wondered a thousand times. What color would their eyes be. And what color would their hair be? Would they look more like their mommies or their daddies? And would they be good babies? Or a handful? I have SO many other things I need to be doing right now. But tonight...my heart is their with these families. And I am mourning their little ones so much tonight. I can't seem to focus my attention anywhere but right where it is right now. And so...on that note, I go back to my little guy. Because it is getting later by the minute. And you KNOW how many pictures I take! And so....time is of the essence. I feel a new, self imposed deadline there for me. And it's a long night I have ahead of me. Pray for this family as they get ready to say goodbye...before they ever had a chance say hello.

Where We Are

Well...it is six days before Christmas. Gladys came to clean the house today. I LOVE Gladys. While Gladys was cleaning the house, Tonya was catching up on LOTS of laundry, cleaning out junk drawers, other kitchen drawers, PANTRIES, and closets. Awesome is what that was. At the end of the day...there was this TOTAL cleanliness. I cannot even begin to describe what that feels like and the price I attach to that feeling. When it's all done and Gladys leaves, and I look around and see the whole house is clean...THE WHOLE ENTIRE FREAKING HOUSE!...and that the laundry is done....the clothes are sorted, folded and put away, the drawers are neat and clean and various other projects have been tackled...well....it just makes my heart smile. Literally....my heart just smiles. Getting this entire house clean is NO small feat. Not with my three current children. (any day now I am hoping the aliens will return the REAL Roberts children...the ones who clean up after themselves and feel a need to help accomplish tasks around the house....but in the meantime...it's rough going with the alien models!). But somehow, Gladys manages. And my heart just soars to be a witness to it. And at the end of each cleaning I pat myself on the back and simply marvel at my astounding spanish skills! It's pathetic really...but I truly do marvel and congratulate myself on carrying on full conversations (and while they lean fairly strongly to one side...I DO manage to get the gist of the topic of conversation!). I freely admit that I enjoy having Gladys here and practicing my pathetic spanish on her. And can i tell you...today we had a whole conversation about cleaning with ONLY water and a microfiber cloth?! Really, I simply posed the question..."es solamente aqua?" (Is it only water....) and she kind of took it and ran with it from there. But she definitely started it with "Si, Si!" And then there was whole bunch of other stuff that just went like way right over my head. But yes...it was only water and the magic little microfiber cloth....which apparently you have to wet....and then wring practically, but not quite dry. Anyway. Big spanish fun here on cleaning days!

While Gladys was here, I got to bond with Maxwell. Ben had a birthday party to be at and Clara elected to stay with her Gigi and get lots of one on one attention, while I had Max at home with me. He was actually a delight. He was helpful and really pitched in and did everything that I asked, and then some. I can actually say that I enjoyed his company...for once! I was careful NOT to get too sucked in to his charms (because my Max can be OH so charming...and I am NOT kidding). I still made another appointment with the pediatrician for a follow up visit to further discuss the ADD possibility. Max has had a few days to chew on this now. Well....a couple of weeks really. He was supposed to "show us" in this time that he needs no help and that he has everything "under control". Yeah...not so much happening. Always a wild ride with that son of mine. He has NOT had it under control. He has NOT remembered things he is supposed to remember (namely...turning in his danged assignments!) and his organization has been ATROCIOUS! And so...after a nice conversation with him today....and a bit of skillful bribery, I THINK I might have convinced Max and struck a deal with him, to at least TRY a course of the ADD medication and just SEE if it works. It might. Or it might not. In return for trying it...IF he comes right home and completes his homework, he can then earn up to ONE hour of t.v. each night. I figure either the medication will help significantly with the ADD issues and Max will become the sweet, orderly, manageable child I fantasize about him being...OR it won't help at all, and at least we will know that we tried what we could. And so....we head back again in a couple of weeks....and I daresay that I am hopeful that this might turn out okay for us. And that's what needs to happen. Seriously. Because boarding school costs $25,000 a year and quite frankly, Chris is more than a little reluctant to fork over that money in the name of my sanity! SOMETHING has GOT to give here!

Clara went to a birthday party tonight. So sweet. Six is such a fun age! It's so magical and silly and excited and dramatic. I just really enjoyed watching it all tonight. So many smiles and tickles and hugs and giggles. It was a grand time!

Tonight, when i got home from the party, I worked on my grocery list for the week coming. Big fun! I hate planning meals and what people will eat. And I am really struggling a bit because everything on my list has onions in it and neither Cindy or Kelly handle onions too well. And I LOVE onions! Grrrr, I think I can get it all figured outl And now...it is late and I am ready to collapse into bed. What a full and wonderful day!

15 Years Ago Today...

I said "I do"...and the pastor pronounced us man and wife...till death do us part. We had NO idea what we were in for as we took each other by the hand and walked back down that aisle together as man and wife. Neither of us could ever have imagined. We could not have imagined just how bad it could be. How dark it could be. How frustrating. We could not have imagined how we would struggle financially or that we would live in a little crack house and be so proud of it. We could not have imagined that we would ever face some of the things that we have faced together. Most of all, we could never have imagined how much more we would possibly love each other 15 years later. How precious our marriage would be to us. How hard we would have fought to be here at this point. And how very blessed we would feel and how PROUD we would feel to be still standing here today....man and wife. Together. We have been SO very blessed, and God's hand has been upon us every step of the way...without a doubt. And I only hope I am fortunate enough to share another 15 years, and then another, and then another, with this incredible man that I am married to. Marriage....it's a GOOD thing!

Adventures in Parenting

We had our big meeting with the pediatrician yesterday concerning Max and the possibility that he might have ADD. It would be putting it quite mildly to say that that appointment was a disaster. Max was extremely aggitated and upset over the thought of being diagnosed with ADD. So upset, that he developed a rash all over his neck and jawline...huge red splotches. Quite a stress response, for sure. I've NEVER seen that one before. He informed the doctor and Chris and I that ADD is a disease of "stupid people" and that he would have no part of it. DOES not have it. WON'T consider treatment in ANY shape form or fashion. He has everything "under control" and is perfectly capable of executing some fantastic grades here....without one bit of help from any of us. Awesome. The more we talked, the more upset he became. And I think the more convinced our pediatrician became that there might be a problem. That said...Max was less than cooperative. There is NO way he will meet us halfway (he's perfect you know) and NO WAY he will entertain the thought that he is anything less than perfect. No amount of discussion and reassuring and defining from the doctor would sway him. It was a lovely and fun visit. One of those where you really want to jump up and down and grab your kid and say "Oh yeah! This one's MINE!" NOT!!!!!! We are no closer to making progress with Max than we were a month ago. It's frustrating, to say the very least. The new plan of action...since Max is "totally in control" of things, is to totally step back and let him do his thing. He will either dazzle the heck out of us...or he will fail spectacularly. No more prompts. No more reminders. No help. He's got it all under control and needs NONE of that from us. So he says. Tonight, I told him to get his guitar and music up out of the living room and put away. He sat down and began to stack up his music. I went on to tuck in Clara and read her stories. When I came back downstairs, the guitar and all of his junk that goes with it was still sitting there. So I called his little "in control" hiney right back out of that bed he had settled into and asked what the deal was. I just wanted to know if he had had an ADD moment where he failed to concentrate on the task of cleaning up or if it was just an outright act of defiance. Because, believe me...I will gladly step right up and handle acts of outright defiance. There was an audible "Ummmmmm???" Because he was pretty much screwed either way. His response was "Let me think about that and get back to you." Nice. Very nice. Honestly...this whole step back thing and let him "be in control"...not so much for me. I've a short fuse for screw ups. And watching them unfold SO many times in a day with acute predictability....well. Suffice it to say that I, myself will probably need a lot of intensive therapy before this journey is over. At this point I am all for checking myself into the looney bin. I think a few weeks spaced out on some meds might be just what the doctor ordered! A nice padded room. A steady cocktail of sedatives. Some nice sitting around and playing checkers under the trees in a warm afternoon breeze. It's calling to me. And so...there's the update on life around the Roberts house. It's a wild ride here for the next few weeks. Pray for us!

December 5th

Today has been an outstanding day. For many reasons. For one, I finally found a housekeeper who cleans like I like things cleaned. Gladys came recommended from a friend whom I treasure and adore and who I happen to know to be quite picky. She speaks even less english than I speak spanish...which is comical, truly! Gladys swept in this morning and by the time she left this afternoon there was clean and sparkle happening all over my house! And it was wonderful! She's a real bargain too! So I was doubly happy!!! While Gladys was working her magic on my very dirty house, I was working some magic on some photos! I did two days of shooting at Pusch Ridge last week. One day of girl's basketball JV and Varsity and one day of boys. So I had many, many pictures to edit and upload into packages! That ended up taking a huge chunk of my day. While I was editing and uploading pictures, I was also plugging load after load of laundry through the washer and dryer. In addition to my photo work, and the piles of laundry, I also got nice, fresh, new clean sheets on everyone's beds. By the time Gladys left today, I felt like I had a real handle on things for once! The house was clean AND my work was done. And it's a little piece of heaven to sit here tonight in all this cleanliness!

Practically the second the Gladys left, I had to go get the kids from school. It was SO tempting to just not let them inside! They are SO messy and my house is just SO clean today. But I did let them in with strict orders and death threats to any who dared to make even a tiny hint of mess! Luckily, there just wasnt' much time for them to be here because tonight was the Night of Lights Hayride at school. We headed down to Painted Sky and had a lovely, albeit very running behind time hayride and saw many VERY fine lights! It's like a mini Winterhaven there! We had great friends in our wagon and I think everyone really enjoyed the ride and the festivity of the evening. When the ride was over, we enjoyed hot chocolate and cookies and watched the Ironwood Ridge High Choral department perform. They always do such a spectacular job. All in all, it was such a delightful evening and a fantastic end to a great and productive day.

I feel like I might finally be catching a wee bit of Christmas spirit. It seems so very late in coming this year. I don't know why that is. I still don't know if the spirit is really upon me yet. But tonight I was truly struck with a spirit of thankfulness. Thankfulness for my good friends (wow, I have been blessed by my time with good friends this week!) and thankfulness for hayrides in the chilly night, thankfulness for neighborhoods who have so much spirit and cooperation and work so hard to make that spectacular light display! Thankfulness for hard working housekeepers and their quest to clean it my way! And thankfulness for the opportunity to get work done while the housekeeper takes care of the rest. Thankfulness for all the friends and warm hellos we ran into tonight at the hayride. And thankfulness for being able to sit around tonight in my clean house and just take it all in.

Tomorrow, I will wake up in my clean house and I will head to the gym with my hubby. I will think of my dear sweet friend Jenny who will most likely be home with her hubby eating donuts and relaxing and I will try to run an extra mile for her. Just kidding! It's every man for himself at that gym ! I'll run for me and me alone, fantasizing about all the results that I am sure to see. Just this week, while we were working with the personal trainer, the trainer says to me...I can tell you've lost weight in your back. And I was like...."Excuse me?" And I'm thinking "my BACK?!" SURELY you meant to say my BUTT!" But no. Apparently great leaps and bounds have been made in the area of my back. Wow. I don't even know what to say about that. That's like SO the very LAST area I would have listed on my "areas I want to improve" list. And yet. It seems to be the ONLY area worth commenting about 6 weeks later. Hmmmm. So THAT then leaves me to wonder...just how fat WAS my back? I mean. Back fat? Wow. I'm feeling self conscious now about fat I didn't even know that I had! Perhaps there's more. Lurking there somewhere....in secret. Maybe someone will come up to me soon and say, "Wow, your knee fat has really dropped. Those knees are looking real skinny now." Or maybe it will be my ears or my ankles or my chin. Some area that I am totally and completely oblivious to the fat content! It's like a whole retro active complex I've got now. Apparently...I'm not so much like that old song "Baby Got Back", because there's less of my back to love now. I suppose, that since that's my main arena of accomplishment that I should probably just start walking backwards everywhere I go. Had I known that I would achieve such stellar back achievements, I might have chosen a backless dress for the Christmas party tomorrow. Who knew? Oh well. I suppose improvement is improvement. No matter what it's form or location!

That's all for my day today. I am thinking that I need some sleep for sure now! Been running more than a little short here lately on that one!

Done

I'm not even going to blog about it. Suffice it to say that I am DONE. Enough already. Finished. I simply will not go there again. The end. Thank you for listening to this little rant of mine.

Happy Thanksgiving

It is one a.m. and I am still sitting here like I have good common sense. I don't have to be up particulary early tomorrow (or rather, today!), as it IS Thanksgiving and I have no children to get off to school. But I DO have to get up and get to the gym because Jenny and I scheduled time with our personal trainer for Thanksgiving morning (it SEEMED like such a good idea at the time. Like we would both likely be sitting around with our feet propped up just soaking in a relaxing Thanksgiving day!) I have stayed up tonight cooking chicken enchiladas and Puerco Pibil, from scratch, for tomorrow's Thanksgiving feast. Did you catch that? FROM SCRATCH???!!! I pretty much do nothing from scratch. I'm not much of a scratcher, so to speak! No thank you. Pass the shortcuts! But tonight, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I prepared two dishes from scratch. Very, VERY scratch. And they are finally done and in the fridge, waiting for their debut tomorrow as the Thanksgiving feast! And now I need to get to bed. Like NOW. LIke, at least an hour ago. But I couldn't resist logging on here and just saying Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for so much this year I would not even know where to start. Of course, I am so thankful for my three sweet kids. And my wonderful husband. I'm thankful for awesome friends and wonderful workout partners. I am thankful for personal trainers and that peanut butter m&m's have 4 grams of protein in them! I am thankful for the desert and for rainbows over the desert when it rains. I am thankful for good friends that will share a feast with us tomorrow and I am thankful for our life here in the desert. Truly. I am so thankful for our last four years here. I am thankful that I have people who love me and that I have people that I really and truly and truly love. I am thankful for the gift of talent in photography and for the gift of clients who entrust me with the task of capturing some of their sweetest moments (and not so sweet!). I am thankful for so many things and for so many people in my life. And I am SO thankful that I have to get off of this computer because nearly every minute of my day tomorrow is packed with wonderful friends and family who love me. I am so blessed to know so many wonderful people. Have you counted your blessings today? Really and truly stopped and thought about each of the tiniest, yet so significant, ways that we are all so blessed. May your Thanksgiving be grand and wonderful. Gobble, gobble and many thanks to you all!

ADD?

Maxwell continues to frustrate me to no end. It's hard to say if he's just being belligerent at this point or if there is something going on for real that we aren't tapping into yet. It occurred to me last night, after MANY many reminders and prompts to get his homework done and MANY many starts and stops on that homework, that perhaps he just can't focus on his task. I was literally ready to strap the child into his chair at one point. His homework took FOREVER! And so I started wondering if maybe there's more to it. Maybe there IS something wrong with him and it's more than just his own teenage hormones and disorganization? When I mentioned it to Chris he told me not to be too quick to give him an excuse. And I don't want to be. Just out of curiosity though, I looked up the attention deficit disorder checklist to see...just out of curiosity if Max's behaviors would place him in that category. A VERY QUICK glance at the questionaire had these things popping out instantly at me!

A child who is chronically disorganized, has difficulty remembering, consistently loses things or waits until the last minute to complete homework or projects may also suffer from ADD. (That one sentence right there pretty much sums up my Max!)

Poor handwriting, often prints

Poor writing skills (hard to get information from brain to pen)

Tendency to be immature

Failure to see others' needs or activities as important

Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started

Starting projects but not finishing them, poor follow through

Spends excessive time at work because of inefficiencies

Inconsistent work performance

Poor organization and planning, trouble maintaining an organized work/living area

Chronically late or chronically in a hurry

Often have piles of stuff

Easily overwhelmed by tasks of daily living

Some adults with ADD are very successful, but often only if they are surrounded with people who organize them. (Max is HEAVILY dependent on me organizing him these days!)

Has to be moving in order to think (the child cannot carry on a conversation sitting down. He PACES back and forth as he talks to you.)

Short attention span, unless very interested in something

Easily distracted, tendency to drift away (although at times can be hyper focused)

Lacks attention to detail, due to distractibility

Trouble listening carefully to directions

Frequently misplaces things

History of not living up to potential in school or work (report cards with comments such as "not living up to potential")


Well...it certainly SOUNDS as if Maxwell might be a candidate. But he's mighty sassy these days also! So maybe he is just being a stinker. I do think that it's worth checking into and talking it over with his doctor. The only thing that would be troubling to me is why NOW? How is it that he has managed to do so well to this point? Even in this current school year (his first quarter wasn't stellar, but it wasn't awful either). This is something new and improved to be pondered here in this head of mine! Going to chew on it for a bit.

Just so ya'll know!

I wrote our family Christmas letter last night! Yep! All finished! Done! Finito! All that's left is to take it by office depot and smack it onto some fun holiday paper and the Roberts family Christmas card project will officially be airborne! Whoo Hoo! Cards are ordered already and most of the packages are wrapped and ready for dispatch to their rightful recipients. They would ALL be wrapped, but my dear little 6 year old is really embracing the artist in herself lately and has managed to use up ALL of my tape! Packing AND scotch! And so...there's a target pit stop between me and project completion! Ahhhh. The end is so close now!

Projects!

The past week or so has been full of projects in the Roberts House! For starters..the boy's have had a complete new bedroom makeover! We moved Maxwell back into Ben's room officially. He sleeps in there 9 out of 10 nights anyway and watches T.V. in there and plays all of his video games in there. Pretty much the only thing he does in his own room is get dressed and make messes. And so...in an effort to contain and control the chaos, we put both muchachos back into the same room. Part of that deal was ordering some new furniture, a complete new paint job, new bedding and all sorts of other fun. And so...here are the BEFORE pictures...




And after MUCH work and hard labor...and I DO mean MUCH! HERE is the finished room...all transformed into the new "cool" teen hideaway!




The boys seen to be thrilled with their new hangout and are enjoying their new space immensely. They are even making attempts to keep it semi-clean. And I will use the word "clean" very loosely here. VERY loosely! But it's a start! Hey...a mom will take whatever she can get!

In the process of this whole room transformation, I also found myself helping my dear friend Gillian move into HER new house. And we got to spend a lively afternoon unpacking boxes and doing the chit chat thing. And there is just something powerful about seeing everything in that brand new, everything put away in it's place for the very first time kind of state. And I got to thinking that I wanted that look again in my own house! And so, the "Great Purge of 2008" began. It started in my own closet. Then progressed out into my bedroom. Then into the family room, the kitchen, the game cabinets, the drawers, the garage cabinets, etc. It's like a giant tidal wave of JUNK was just washed out of my house! And it is SUCH a wonderful feeling! My garage is currently so full of boxes of things to go to Goodwill that I can't even park in there! And some of the boxes are now so heavy to pick up that it has become Chris's project because I just can't do it now! I need a bumper stick that says "I came, I cleaned, I conquered!" It's a happy day here in the Roberts house...yessirree! I still have Clara's room to do. THAT should be a fun one! But I'm all over that one this week and then we are DONE and SO ready for the holidays!

Picture business is great! I am spending LOTS and lots of time outside at the canyon these days. Many an evening enjoying the last light of the day out there! The weather has been so delightful! I really can't complain!

Max continues to be a challenge with school. He got put on a "check" system this week and was NONE too happy about it. He told me he was pretty much GUARANTEED to fail now because he simply was going to. He spouted out all sorts of reasons why this system of accountability is so stupid, etc. I simply said to him "Pick up thy shovel, stubborn child of mine...and dig, dig, dig your hole! Dig it hard and dig it fast...then preparest thyself to lie in it! And complainest NOT to me because you insisted on making bad choices! (Oh...and by the way...I'll send you a postcard from the beach where the REST of us will be enjoying our summer while YOU do a stint in summer school!)" He seemed to simmer down a bit after sleeping on it for a night or two. This weekend was relatively free of his complaints and threats of failing. We'll just have to see what the next couple of weeks hold for him and if his grades start to rebound any. I can tell Ben is getting anxious and tired of being grounded. He acts like he doesn' t care one bit. BUT...he has assured me all weekend that he HAS been working so much harder and HAS been making efforts and that his grades ARE better and that he has brought up his averages. BUT...to his dismay his teacher has NOT updated grades in forever...so I have no real proof of this. And so until I SEE that there is improvement...his status is officially grounded! Ben has checked grades at least 5 times this weekend hoping his teacher will have posted the new grades. But alas...nothing is there! Oh the lessons these young ones have to learn!

That's about it for what's happening at our house. Projects, projects and lots more projects! Still more to come! Lots to do and little time before the holidays arrive! I am pleased to report that 85% of the Christmas shopping is DONE. Not only done, but is wrapped. Not only wrapped, but is packed into boxes and is ready to SHIP! Post office, here I come! My Christmas cards got ordered TONIGHT! And I am READY for the delights of winter! Bring it on!

Pondering

I am pondering many a thing tonight. Life changing kind of ponderings. For one...I am thinking about not being a photographer any more. That's one. I mean...I guess I will always be a photographer. In some sense. But then...anyone who has a camera and pushes the button to snap a picture, is, in a very real sense, a photographer. But I guess I am thinking that I will no longer be a "professional" photographer. For one...these darned props are overrunning my house! For another...well.... maybe it's just this time of year... I don't know. But especially now, I feel like there are NO creative juices flowing really. It's just family after family looking solely for the obligatory Christmas card photo. I feel like it's right about now that I really lose that connection with my families. With my subjects. And I cease to really create something beautiful for them. But rather just stamp out the same old, same old. Honestly, I have two "new" photo locations on my calendar for this month. They are the ONLY two appointments that really excite or interest me in the least. That...and the fact that both of these appointments are friends and long time clients (Well...as long as they CAN be when you've only been in business for two years!). So there is a connection there with both of these families. And the change of location is a plus also. Often times, after I work with a family, I can stand back and really see some "magic" there in that session...something different and awesome. But these days...the magic just seems to be missing. It all seems so cookie cutter to me. I think another factor is that my business has grown so much over this past year, that I am working with so many NEW people who are strangers to me. When I first started out, I worked mostly with my friends. But now I have more "stranger" clients than friend clients. In some ways it's wonderful. But I also find it somehow lonely and less fulfilling. Honestly, it's SO tempting to clear out ALL of my props...my backdrops, my lights, my TWO huge cabinets full of nonsense things out in the garage. To pack away my angel wings and tutus and pearls and what not and just have my house...back to normal. Back to "BEFORE". I'm sure that Chris would totally rejoice in not having my constant disaster of a studio to deal with. I talked to him about it tonight. We both agreed that it's not about the money. It's been nice to have a little bit of my very own money...but honestly...anyone who knows me knows that I am a TERRIBLE business person and have probably only made a fraction of what I should have. Bottom line is that I don't need the money. And that's a good thing because I am so terrible at collecting it! I realized today that I rarely take pictures of my own kids anymore. I just dont. And it's not because I'm busy or don't have the time. It's because somewhere along the way, taking pictures has become a job...and not just a passion and hobby. My pictures of my kids come to a screeching halt about two years ago. Oh...there are some shots here and there. But really,...my own kids are largely undocumented. And I am not sure that I am okay with that. So that's one pondering.

My other pondering is over my kids. And this one directly links back to my photography. Max is doing so poorly in school right now. WHY that is, is yet to be determined. As far as I can tell it is pure disorganization and Max's own disjointed and chaotic thinking patterns. He IS a Roberts boy after all. But here lately, I often find myself thinking that if there were less on my own plate, perhaps I could help him more. Maybe...maybe not. I don't know. But right now, today, tonight...I feel like my photography is almost too much to juggle on top of trying to get Max straightened out.

When Chris and I talked about it tonight, Chris could not deny that he too, would love to see that studio room all neat and clean and maybe NOT so much a studio. He reminded me that it wasn't about the money. Of course, I already knew that. But then he said that he really thought I had an eye and a talent for it. And that I should keep developing it. But find a way to do it in a way that didn't present so many problems for me. And if appointments and what not bother me...then cut those and just focus on the photography for the sake of the photography itself. I'm not sure that appointments bother me, mind you. But it's nice to know I have his support in shutting this venture down if that is the conclusion that I come to. I still have a lot of pondering to do on this subject for sure.

I guess that's all I'm pondering really. I've been in a purging mode. I have been cleaning out closets and end tables, drawers and cabinets for a week now. Chris said that if he didn't know better, he would worry that I was "nesting". I'm certainly NOT nesting. I'm NOT expecting. I just want to feel some semblance of control and neatness in my life. And I am purging each and every area that proves itself to be unnecessary. Nothing but the bare minimum! That's my motto. If I don't REALLY need it...then it's OUTTA HERE! Goodwill....here we come!

And THOSE are my thoughts of the day!

Friday

It's now Friday night. And I'm tired...so here are the highlights of the past couple of days.

Yesterday was training session #4 with the personal trainer. As always, she had a lovely workout planned for us. It was awesome and fun. And funny. It's always fun working out with Jenny. There was a lot of LOUD construction work going on in the gym yesterday, so we spent a good bit of the time yelling at each other. After the work was all done, we went upstairs to test in on our bodyfat and have ourselves a little talk about diet and nutrition. My bodyfat had only gone down by 1%. A little improvement...but apparently NOT what I should have achieved in this time. Which was the jumping off point for our little diet discussion (WHICH Jenny conveniently skipped out on!). The results of that discussion? Well...there was no good news. Apparently I don't even get half of the protein I am supposed to be eating....which apparently could be a HUGE factor in why I'm not able to convert this fat to muscle. Despite much working out. Also deficient was my fiber. And so I have my task before me...to eat more protein and fiber. And less fat (AKA Tootsie Rolls! Those darned things are just so addictive!). So that then, brings us to today!

This morning I got the kids all off to school and then went to Kohl's to exchange a jacket. Then I dropped a ton of stuff off at Goodwill. THEN I went to Fry's to grocery shop. I will mention here that I am accomplishing all of this with some SERIOUSLY sore bicep muscles! OUCH! Had to shop for my fiber and protein you know. After I got home from all of that I choked down some All Bran cereal and Soy Milk (EWWWWW!). Then I went and picked up Ben (today was his birthday!). Then I had a photo shoot. Then I took my birthday boy to lunch at Chili's. And I can proudly say that I was a good girl at Chili's. While I watched my son enthusiastically devour a big mouth bacon burger and pile of french fries, I myself enjoyed some grilled salmon, broccoli and black beans. Yummy. Well...you know. Yummy-ish. It was no bacon burger, I can tell ya that! Then it was time to pick up Clarabelle from school. Her little friend came home with us to play today. They were VERY busy creating great masterpieces while I edited the photos from today's shoot. Then, it was time for Daddy to come home and dinner to be fixed. Only noone was really hungry. I had another wonderful protein shake for dinner. Can I just say that I am SO stuffed of protein, I don't think I will be able to eat another bite for a week or two? This protein eating business is tough! Anyway. It's late and I am tired and I am very ready to curl up in my bed for the night!

Tomorrow, I will tell you all about the birth of my sweet boy, Benjamin and how I lived to tell about it!

Tuesday

Today was a busy day (like there is ever any other kind!). I hit the gym bright and early this morning with Jenny. We did our workout from the personal trainer. That was fun. Then I hit the showers at the gym and went and met Chris at the mall for our little "bling" shopping trip. We struck out there and could not agree on anything. They had sold the one piece that we had really liked before hand and then they started hard selling some other stuff. NOT a favorite tactic of mine. When the sales lady pointed out a particular diamond that was "lovely" as she put it...with a price tag of just over $30,000, Chris balked a little bit. At that point she reminded him that it was an exquisite diamond. At which point Chris pointed out that it was also a BMW. By then the situation was just spiraling in a direction we just weren't going in...and everyone seemed to know it EXCEPT the sales lady. My, oh my, but she DID have some BIG plans for my fingers and Chris' money! Finally, we extracted ourselves from her and headed out to lunch. And then did a little more looking somewhere else and came out with something just lovely. Certainly NOT in the BMW price category! LOL! Not even in the Volkswagon Beetle bug category...but something we both loved just the same. So that part of the day was a success! Happy Anniversary to Me! A whole month early at that!

Then I got all my little ducklings picked up and settled at home. We did homework and practiced their spelling words. Then I had a photo shoot in the canyon at 5:00. It went quite well. Tonight's family is just so sweet and they were unbelievably cooperative. We were done in a matter of minutes. NO small feat considering they have FOUR little ones! That can sometimes be quite a challenge. But they all did so perfectly and smiled every time I asked. There was no whining and no crying and no fussing or complaining. They were total angels. Mommy and Daddy were good too! They had several great choices for pictures this year and to make it even better...they had their photo for their Christmas cards AND their card design selected within the first 30 minutes of receiving their gallery. OUTSTANDING! I was just so thrilled with them!

After the photo session, I ran into the new Wal-Mart here by the house and bought Max some new folders for school. I also made him go through his backpack when he got home today. As I suspected, none of his folders were actually in use...though they looked like they were on their last legs. Max much prefers the system of just cramming all of his papers loose into his backpack. Then is surprised when he can't find anything. While digging through that pack, he found TWO of his missing assignments. Work he had completed and was ready to be turned in. Yet, because it was in a ball in the bottom of his backpack, he instead had a ZERO. So hopefully, he can turn those two in tomorrow for at least half credit? We'll see. Anyway. Bought him some new folders. Not that I really expect him to use them. But at least I know that as his mother, I did my part! While we were at the super Wal Mart, I also was able to get Max's hair cut. He looks so cute right now! So now all of my wee ones are all nicely trimmed and ready for me to take their picture for our OWN Christmas card! I've scheduled myself for Saturday! Perhaps we can actually make it happen!

Then after all of that, I came home...bathed the wee ones, watched a little of the depressing election. Kept getting a bit distracted by my new anniversary bauble there on my left hand! Hee hee! And now...it is 10:00 and I am feeling the effects of this day and am thinking it's about time to call it a night! And so...I'm calling it. Good night!

Monday

Today was a bit out of the norm, as far as Monday's go. For one...on Saturday morning, I had a pretty major back/shoulder spasm that has had me ALL out of whack all weekend long. This one has been WAY painful and none of the usual tricks have worked at all on the situation. I have retreated many times to my massage chair to no avail. Chris made some, yet still precious little progress on massaging it out. And it has been very much at the forefront of my mind since bright and early Saturday morning. Which is why I chose to skip my step class this morning. Somehow, the idea of jumping around and stepping all up and down just didn't really set well with me and my pain in the neck. So instead, I walked Ben and Clara to school with Oscar. Then came home and, with my fingers crossed, put in a call to the chiropractor. Luckily, the fates were on my side today and I had just enough time to get a quick shower and slide into his office. Not the most fun visit I can recall having. There was definitely some pain and discomfort involved in putting things back where they belong today. The doctor said things would be sore for a day or so after this adjustment...and boy...he wasn't just whistling dixie! My shoulder blade area is throbbing tonight. A double dose of Aleve and a second glass of wine have done little to dull the pain. I am hoping to just wake up a whole new lady tomorrow morning. Because I have a lot to do tomorrow. And this pain in the neck would be...well...a real pain in my neck to have to deal with tomorrow! My friend, Pooh and I, have some serious workout stuff to do tomorrow. And then....well. THEN, I am meeting my hubby for lunch and a jewelry show to do a little bling hunting. 15 years of marital bliss is just around the corner for us now! You got to love that! But that's tomorrow! Back to today!

After I got myself all newly adjusted and straightened out, I came home and did about a hundred loads of laundry (seriously...three can really seem like a hundred sometimes!) and got ready for my dear little friend Sarah to come and play. Sarah is nearly two and is just a little joy. Today was moving day for her family, and so she was coming to my house for a little nap while her dear mom and dad directed the movers and shuffled all the boxes to their correct locations. This arrangement has worked quite well in the past. However...today was different. Apparently, Miss Sarah was simply too excited to take a good, REAL nap like her mother was hoping for. She slept BARELY an hour...maybe not even a whole hour...and was then up and about babbling nonstop about a "mo mo", a "cher" and a "kurt". Her dear mommy was kind enough to translate that to be an old beat up "Elmo" "Chair" and a shopping "cart". Awesome! Miss Sarah was a nonstop babble of "mo mo"s a d "kurts" and "chers"...and of course...."daddies". She was a sweet little doll. A bit mischievous by the normal Sarah standards...but still a sweetheart. She proceeded to nearly unpot one of my plants out front while I pumped up the tires on the jog stroller (LOL! LIke my plants need any tiny bit more abuse than they already suffer at my own hands!). She flipped over Oscar's water...then proceeded to slip down right into the puddle she made! She was none to happy about being wet...but alas...these are the consequences of two year old mischief. She LOVES the fact that my computer keyboard is so nice and easily within her reach. Oh....and I am pretty sure she called China on the cordless phone. I was finally able to distract her with some Curious George. I no longer really own any Barney or any of the other myriad of shows she requested. But she seemed happy enough with the tail end of Max and Ruby and then Curious George. She was thrilled to be returned to her mother and on the way to "mo mo" and "kurt" bliss. I only hope their evening went well after the little miss boycotted the nap!

Once Sarah was gone, I had to pick up Ben from his first Odyssey of the Mind meeting. He seemed to have had a really good time and is really excited about the team he is on and their problem that they have to solve. I only hope it lasts and that the good vibes will continue. Ben is my quitter and this is something that he simply cannot quit. It might just END for him if his team does not do well in January's competition and fails to move on to the state level. But for now, he is excited and pumped up and ready to take it all on. Let's just pray that it lasts.

Finally tonight...there was a quick pasta dinner, I got two HUGE $400 plus picture orders uploaded...oh....and my November calendar is dangerously close to be totally BOOKED! ALL appointments full. Booked. The end! It's pretty exciting...in a wacky, scary, stressful way.

Oh...and I also e-mailed each of Max's teachers to find out what exactly is going on his classes and where exactly my dear oldest is dropping the ball so badly. Hopefully, by the weeks end we will have some answers. In the meantime....both boys remained totally and completely, deeply, DEEPLY grounded. It's a sad state of affairs to be a Roberts boy in this house at this time.

And finally...dear hubby breaks the news over dinner tonight that he will be galavanting in Europe on business while I celebrate 15 years of marital bliss at home...ALONE. Awesome. Outstanding. Lovely. You got to love the timing of those husbands!

Flunking

My oldest son is doing an absolutely stellar job of flunking himself out of school right now. His teacher sent an e-mail that the latest batch of grades had been posted online. So I logged on and checked. I love that feature of the middle school! And low and behold he had C's in the first two classes I looked in on. My curiosity at that point took over and I proceeded to look up all of his other classes. I was NOT happy to see those two C's. However...I was REALLY, REALLY not happy to see two D's in other classes. And I nearly went THROUGH THE ROOF when I found out he had an F in his reading class. Lovely. Just lovely. Outstanding. I will just take this moment to say how much I love raising three gifted children. Life with them is always just such an adventure. And so. Mommy is now VERY, very cranky tonight. VERY. Maxwell is in more trouble than he has pretty much ever been in in his life to date. And I get to spend this next week e-mailing all of his teachers and trying to figure out exactly what it is that my boy is doing (or rather, ISN'T doing) to get himself flunked. There is NO good news in the Roberts house tonight. Max is grounded...just for the record. Many of you may not be catching even a glimpse of him now for many, many moons. He may well be a grown man next you see him because he is heavily grounded for just about that long. At the rate he is going, he may well be a very grown man STILL trying to pass the 7th grade. And on that note...that's just about all I have to say about that tonight.

Quoting Annie

A while back, Clara got some new boots. Clara LOVES boots, and I knew that she would love these. I also knew that she would be begging to wear them daily. And so I told her that she could wear them starting November 1st. AT THE TIME... way back when... that seemed an eternity away. Far enough away that SURELY it would be nice and chilly and appropriate weather for boots. Especially since these particular boots are suede and fur lined and fur trimmed and have these fun furry pop poms dangling from them. This morning, Clara walks into the kitchen and announces that TODAY is November 1st and proceeds to remind me what that means fashion wise.

Cut to our summer road trips to Zion and to San Diego. When we take these big long trips, we usually stock up on a few new movies...something the kids haven't seen. It buys us a good hour to an hour and a half of peace at a time on the road. Well usually. Among this summer's batch was the movie Annie. This one did NOT bring so much peace. The boys moaned and complained that they were being tortured. Of course. They also refused to remove their headphones and just play their video games while Clara watched. No. They had to comment on every other thing. And complained nonstop that there was just so much music. (Well, DUH! It's a MUSICAL for Pete's sake!) Anyway. The boys were in hell. Clara was in heaven. It was lovely. With all the music Clara was TRULY in the zone...hanging on every word. Memorizing every word and song.

Back to today. Our fashion discussion continues. I explained that the temperature was still quite warm and not quite boots weather. And I proceeded to look up the weather on the computer. (Because my girl requires facts!) That's when I learned of "the big chill" coming our way later in the upcoming week. And so I was able to tell Clara that this week she could start wearing them on these days. And she was thrilled. And proceeded to tell me that she would be wearing them every day. Well. Of course, I had to remind her that we wouldn't wear them EVERY day. But definitely with the outfits that would look cute. And that not EVERY outfit was really a boots kind of outfit. And then...in all of her six year old wisdom my daughter begins to spout quotes from that lovely, movie from the summer, Annie. And she looks right at me and says "Mommy, you know, just like it says in Annie, it doesn't matter what you wear." Translation... "I have every intention of wearing those boots each and every day until the heat of next summer sets in fully and completely and I don't care WHAT you consider to be cute or lovely. It's boots or bust!" Ah...musicals are such wonderful things to show your children. If you think that I am kidding about this, you can just scroll back through this blog to Clara's preschool days. There is a lovely picture of her in a precious little spring outfit... and her brown boots. When my girl sets her mind to something, it's not easy to change. And definitely not worth arguing about sometimes. And so...game on. Here come the boots! Brace yourselves! I know that I am. Let this blog serve as my official fashion disclaimer!

Personal Training- Session #3

OUCH. That's pretty much the tune I am singing this morning. Yesterday, Jenny and I met with our personal trainer for session number three. Debra was set on "pushing us" more yesterday than on the other sessions. And so...game on. Jenny and I are always up for a good push session. We aren't afraid of a little sweat and muscle. Actually, I think Jenny's words when we hired the personal trainer were something like "I want to be worked so hard that I have to crawl out of that gym on my hands and knees." Well, friend Pooh...careful what you wish for. Because every now and then you just might get it! I'd say that yesterday was pretty much one of the toughest workouts I have personally ever encountered. For quite a bit of time I was pretty convinced that my butt muscles and hamstrings might be permanently seized up. I was thinking I might be having to seek some medical attention for them. Just so you know...they are NOT still seized up. They hurt like the dickens and I vastly prefer to A) sit and NOT get up or B) stand and NOT sit down. As long as I do one or the other it's all good. But if I actually engage those muscles in any way, then vivid memories of yesterday's workout come flooding into my behind and I want to sit down and cry. Or actually...just stand very still and cry without using my butt muscles to do it! So that's the muscle group that is singing the loudest tune to me this morning. For sure! Also present and accounted for are my chest muscles. Nothing else really hurts too badly. Thank goodness. These glutes are painful enough! So yesterday's workout was just grueling. And so naturally, Jenny and I signed on for ANOTHER four! Please Debra...we can still walk. Hit us with another one! All I can say is that I had BETTER be skinny after all of this.

Volunteering...because I have lots of time for that!

I came across a new charity tonight as I was trying to figure out why one of my main processing websites is down (24 hours now!). I was scoping their forum to see if anyone was mentioning the downed site, or if maybe the site just hates me in particular this past day. The organization is called The Littlest Hero Project. It's a charity that does free portrait sessions for children who are battling a life threatening disease and are the little heroes of their families. Looking at the pictures on the website had my heart just melting and before I could even think about it for a second, I volunteered my services. You can check out the organization by visiting http://www.thelittlestheroesproject.org. I cannot imagine being a parent of a child with cancer, or any other life threatening disease. And watching that process of treatment. Having ZERO guarantees that my child will walk away from it at all. Not knowing how many days are left with my baby. It hits me in a way that I cannot begin to convey here in words. But only in actions. And so I volunteered. I have come to the conclusion a good while ago, that I cannot change what life deals to people. I cannot change God's plans or what He has in store for families. But I CAN provide those families with tangible memories. With a way to remember their sweet babies faces, or their children's smiles. I can provide something to pull out when they just need a moment to remember because maybe the memory isn't as clear...isn't as etched on their brains as they thought it might stay forever. I cannot change anything for these families. But I can put pictures in their hands. And while it isn't much. And it certainly isn't a child. And is in NO WAY a substitute for that child. It's something to hold on to. And it's what I can do. I have said from the start that this photography talent is a total fluke. I did not grow up with cameras. At all. Never even had one of my own until I was in college. And it was a point and shoot. I've never had a class and noone to show me. It's been a total God thing from the start. Well...God, and a couple of really fantastic people pushing and believing in me. Anyway. This talent...it's bigger than me. It didn't come from me. It is NOT something that I have cultivated. I am often times SO amazed when I sit back and look at a photo shoot that I did and I marvel that ANY of those images came from me. And so I feel strongly that since it's not my talent, but God's, then it's not mine to keep for myself. But is a talent to be shared with others. With no gain for myself. I have found these sessions, in the past to be the most rewarding and the ones where I learn the most about God and who He is and His provision. It's those sessions where I am able to really be thankful on a level that I could never have before previously imagined. And it's those sessions that sometimes really mean the most to people. Tis better to give than to receive. I'm not the best businesswoman. Giving things away comes way too easy to me. But these portraits, I truly give from the heart. I am excited to meet the littlest heroes of Tucson. And let God work through my camera to preserve some amazing memories for them.

Moments With Clara

Clara came into the kitchen this morning, very discouraged and frustrated, seeking my help. She told me that she wanted to read all about the nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue, but could not locate it. And I'm thinking...WHAT? It was at about that time that I turned around and realized that she was holding the latest edition of Newsweek magazine. And the headlines read in big orange letters, "Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue". Hmmm. Only my kids, right?! I then had the task of explaining that Pennsylvania Avenue is where the White House is and that is where the president lives and that the nightmare they were referring to had to do with politics and the election. Clara listened to all of that...seemed to weigh what I had said. For a moment I think maybe she didn't believe me. That she thought maybe I was holding out on her. Keeping the "nightmare" article a big secret. Then she looked disappointed, because clearly, my girl was ready to dig in and explore this big nightmare that someone was having. She gave the magazine in her hand one long, last look, then tossed it aside and went skipping on out into her day.

Then this afternoon, we were out rollerskating. This is something Clara desperately wants to get good at. She is asking for roller skating lessons in fact. (Like we have time for another class in our schedule!) And while she was frustrated, she refused to give up. She just keeps on wobbling and swaying and rocking and fumbling right along. It's not a graceful dance to watch! That's for sure. Yesterday, when I tried to help her, I nearly lost a toe in the effort. Luckily, I have 9 others, and they will keep me going while this 10th one recovers from being totally rolled over time after time! While we were skating down the sidewalk, or at least, attempting to, Clara made the comment that she was determined to master this. That no matter how many times she fell down she was "going to persevere". Big words for little girls! Lately, it seems Clara is forever blowing me away with her ever expanding vocabulary. There have been several instances over the past few days where something she has said has totally caught me off guard by how complex or advanced it seemed for her age. I've been left standing there thinking "Wow! All my kids really are much smarter than I am...already!" You've got to love moments like that. Moments that just leave you humble and less than bright feeling. Yet overjoyed to know that you donated your very last brain cell in order that these little ones could, indeed be so very bright and precocious! Lots of that precocious stuff going on in our house these days!

I'm Cracking

Caving, giving in, crumbling under the pressure. My name is Tonya Roberts and I am a yesaholic! That's right. It's not even November yet and I have already given away TWO of my gym mornings to do pictures for people. One of those mornings is even my COMBAT morning, which I practically love more than life itself. I sat myself down way back a while ago and had a good long talk with myself. And myself and I sat some VERY clear boundaries as far as what I would and would NOT do this photography season. What sacrifices I would and would NOT make. Yessirree. I did that. And then...somehow. Over the course of the past week, I keep catching myself doing things schedulewise that are CLEARLY not within the terms I set forth! What is WRONG with me???!!!! Why can I not just say to someone, "I'm sorry, but the appointment time you suggested is simply not available."? And then suggest another time more convenient to ME?! WHY is that so hard for me? Oi vey! I have simply got to get a handle on this. LIke NOW! On average , right now I am scheduling 2 to 3 appointments each day. My weekend, canyon spots are nearly full. Only three of those left. And once those are gone, everyone else will have to filter into my weekdays! And I NEED to find some strength! I need to find my NO voice. The one that will stand up and protect my morning gym time. Because if I don't make it into the gym...I will go absolutely freaking nuts! My gym is my sanity link. It's the place I set things right in my head. It's the place I set goals and attempt to sweat them out. It's the place I see some of my dearest friends. It's my social connection. My sweat connection. My get in the groove connection. It's the place I walk in feeling blah and walk out feeling like I could TOTALLY kick some butt (at least on Combat days!). It' s my happy place. And so...this week, I am practicing "JUST SAY NO". It's my mantra. My motto. My goal. And so...I sit here before you today, and admit that I, Tonya Roberts, am a yesaholic. It is a sickness. A disease. But I pledge to stay on the wagon this week. I WILL say no. Thank you for listening!

Weekend Reflections

This weekend has just flown by! I think it was over before it ever really started! It was a really busy one. Friday night, the kids and I just enjoyed being at home for once. We seem to spend pretty much every afternoon and/or evening on the go, that it is just wonderful to lay around and not be rushing off anywhere. And so, that's exactly what we did! Chris was off in the woods of Northern Arizona hunting. So it was just me and wee crew. On Saturday morning I was up bright and early for an 8 a.m. photo shoot...which was terrific. Or at least I thought it was. Chris didn't really like some of my artistic creations...but what does he know? The pictures were cool and I liked them. After my photo couple left, I dashed off to the gym with Clara. I had to work extra hard and extra quick because I only had childcare until noon. So...no cardio for me. Just weights downstairs. Since Jenny and I started working with the personal trainer, I have this unbelievable guilt about not getting in to the gym to do my workout. I had hoped to squeeze in some cardio on my treadmill when I got home...but I was just too tired. AND I had another family coming at 4:00 for their pictures. That session was a riot. It was hilariously funny, extremely humbling, frustrating on every single front...yet managed to yield some VERY lovely pictures all the same. I was holding my breath when my friend Gillian came to look at them. I had no idea what she would think when she saw them. But she was pleasantly surprised and thrilled that she actually had a few to choose from. Honestly, when the session was over, none of us walked away with too high of hopes that anything awesome had been captured. I was acutely disappointed to tell you the truth, because her kids are just so darned cute! But when it was all said and done and I ran those pictures across the screen, there were some really, really nice ones. The thing Gillian was after the most was a great picture of her girls together for a photo necklace. And that was totally accomplished! The necklace was designed and ordered before she walked out the door! The session was indeed a success! Satuday night, once all the excitement of the day was done, I had one heck of a migraine brewing. Contrary to what Gillian thought, she and her lovely two year old did NOT bring it on. It had been threatening a good part of the day by the time the "great two year old encounter" happened. And so I ended up tucking myself into bed rather early last night in hopes of taming the migraine before it really , REALLY got away from me. I woke up feeling like a new person this morning. Clara and I headed off to the gym for the BodyCombat launch. SO fun this new one. And SO hard! WOW! I was totally exhausted when all of that was said and done. Then i quickly showered and dressed and we headed down to Jackie's house for lunch. We had some seriously yummy steaks on the grill. I mean YUMMY! And then it was time to come home for a short while...show Gillian her pictures...then take Clara down to a birthday party at Pump it up! While Clara was partying, Chris and I had a bit of a date. Short and sweet. We walked around the mall...scoped out some 15th anniversary bling. Boy is Chris a picky one! My goodness! And before we knew it, it was time to pick up our princess from her party. Then we headed home. Chris picked up some Quizno's subs for us for dinner and then we all watched Heroes together. And then...it was that wonderful time of night...when the house is totally quiet. And there is a peace over the home that is just golden. And it shall remain that way....at least for another 7 hours until Chris' alarm goes off! Well...there's the weekend all laid out!

Oh...and on another note. We took poor Oscar to the groomer last week. Let's just say that the clippers were not especially kind to him this time. I have no real idea what happened to him in there...but he did NOT come out cute this time. We usually just adore him at haircut time because he is so cute. But believe me when I tell you that there is NOTHING cute about Oscar this time! NOTHING. To top it all off, in addition to his ugly haircut, he is developing some odd black spots on his back. And the hair there is quite coarse. Much different from the rest of him! It's really not a pretty look he has going. Love his little heart. He's just a little bit ugly right now.

Shooting Something Amazing

Today's maternity shoot was...amazing. My mom to be was gorgeous. She was sweet. Her husband was so supportive and willing to jump right in there with her and make these portraits just beautiful. It was a fantastic session and their pictures just reflect so much love and anticipation. I am so happy with them. Thrilled really. I was hoping to shoot something amazing today...and I think there are a few really nice ones in her gallery!

On another note...my session involving a certain two year old...whom I happen to love and adore SO completely...not so amazing. My dear little two year old friend would have just NONE of it. She was SO not down with the whole photo shoot thing. AT ALL. She is here all the time, loves to be here (or at least she DID, before we did these photos), and is totally and completely comfortable here in our house. Which is exactly why when she was confined to one small room, without her favorite stroller or all the other things she adores...the red flag went up immediately and she was OUTTA there! It was a battle every step of the way. I was able to steal some heads and cut and paste and come up with some semblance of a family photo. Not sure if it's one they will adore or not. But it's the best I could do with my wee friend trying to ditch the shoot. It reminded me very much of another little two year friend by the name of Ellie who first came for her pictures around Christmas time. She also was just NOT buying the whole photo shoot experience. I worried for a time that she might be scarred for life and have some real therapy needing aversions to Christmas lights. In the end, Ellie came to enjoy having her picture made and was such a dreamy little model. A total cutie. I have high hopes that this little one, too, might one day actually look at me and my camera and smile instead of scream and run away.

Between my photo shoots today I ran to the gym to squeeze in my workout, then made a dash through Target for tomorrow's birthday party gift for one of Clara's friends and then another quick dash through Fry's because all of my crew was out of milk! It seemed like we weren't home but a few minutes when the next shoot was upon me. Now, as I sit here tonight...I am totally wiped out. And I have a huge headache. And I need some sleep. And so...another day done!

Calendars!

My calendar and I are GLUED together right now! It's crazy with all the phone calls and e-mails for pictures. I only have 4 weekend sunset in the desert family times left for the Christmas season! There are a few weeknight spots still open...but those are harder for families since the sun sets earlier than a lot of dads get off of work! Those spots have filled up faster than I ever imagined! I am so proud of myself because I am making sure to shedule things AROUND my life...instead of trying to squeeze in my life around my insane schedule! I learned a lesson on that one last year! Now...if I wanted to run totally insane schedules and shoot pictures until I drop...there is MUCH money to be made this season. However...anyone who knows me knows that the money side of it just isn't my thing. I give away as much as I make. It's generally a wash for me! I just love taking the pictures and seeing what new and fun things I can do. And the subject pool is rich with eager volunteers this time of year. And that is just exciting to me! And so...I have a maternity shoot due here any second! I am OFF now to shoot something amazing! Or at least...I'm hoping!

First Report Cards of the School Year

Well...the first grading period has ended and report cards have officially arrived. Can I just say...that it is a very frustrating thing to have my children. Two of them especially. Specifically the male ones. Here I have two boys who are wildly bright...both of them wildly gifted (and no...NOT my interpretation...God really did make them that way),yet...SO little reflection of that in their report cards. Ben's report card came home and he practically got straight C's! He got an A in science and an A in spelling (he gets that from his mother), but pretty much everything else is a C. SO FRUSTRATING. Because he is a totally smart kid. TOTALLY. And the work is NOT hard for him. He GETS it. He just absolutely refuses to put forth one ounce of effort more than he absolutely has to in order to scrape by. He just doesn't care.

And Max...his grades were surprisingly good. Mostly A's and B's. But C's in a couple of classes that I KNOW he should have done well in. And the comments from the teachers in those two classes? "Must turn in assignments on time." That's my Max. Do all the work... correctly at that. Then leave it on his desk. Or on the kitchen counter. Or anywhere...but in the teacher's basket where it belongs! Organization is NOT his strongpoint. AT ALL! He is definitely NOT one to plan ahead. My boy just flies by the seat of his pants pretty much always. None of this living day to day stuff. He's more like minute to minute. Every minute a new surprise! He struggles with remembering to put on his deodorant each day, with combing his hair, and even with the same chores and responsibilities that he has had every single day for the past 8 years! So part of me is surprised that he has managed to do as well as he has to this point in middle school, juggling 8 classes at a time. But he gets knocked over and over for the simplest things...like organization. GRRRRRRR. And of course...no amount of instruction, begging, pleading, threatening or punishment seems to curb the chaos.

Clara...well, she is still young enough to find school to be delightful and exciting. She enjoys the challenges of each new day, not to mention the social aspects. Lots of social aspects. She brought home her first yellow smiley face this week. She has always been perfectly green. I asked her why she was yellow and she looked at me so sweetly and declared "I was talking!" I looked at her ever so sweetly back and told her to SHUT HER MOUTH! That aside, Miss Mouth is doing quite well in first grade. At least ONE of my children is applying themselves! In all of her reading areas she has already met the end of the year grade level standards,scoring 3s across the board. As far as reading grade level materials, she has significantly exceeded the end of the year grade level standards, scoring a 4. Her spelling is advanced significantly as well. And in all other areas she is making the expected progress and doing just great!

It's frustrating to know that your children are capable of so very much, yet desire to achieve so very little. To know that they have been so gifted and talented and watch them just barely do enough to scrape by. It's hard to know just how easy it is for them when others struggle so much. And then see how little they apply themselves like they just don't care. When you know it would take very little effort on their part to just soar.

Oh well. This is the struggle with the gifted child. And I don't suppose it will go away. Though I do hope that it will eventually evolve into something positive for them. My mother in law tells me all the time that Chris was just like the boys. And he turned out quite nicely. A VERY high achiever. With a lot of drive and a lot of ambition. I hope my boys find that. That they eventually learn to harness all the amazing things they have been blessed with and that they will have the drive and ambition to do great things with it. That it won't go wasted. But in the meantime. They are scraping by. And not caring too much about it at all!

Last note of the Day

It is now 8:47 p.m. and I just have to say that my triceps are really, REALLY sore. AS are my biceps and forearms and my back is screaming at me too. I am so tired. There are not words to describe it. It has been a nonstop day for sure. But as I write this...I am literally about to just drop. Actually...I was too tired to walk into the bedroom...so I am using this post as an excuse to rest a moment while I gather the strength to head on into the bedroom to brush my teeth and actually go to bed. No one will need to rock me to sleep tonight. I will not need to read or chat...nor do I have any fears of just laying there tossing and turning. Nope. I am DONE! Stick a fork in me already. I do have some work that I should do. Should do. But I imagine my dear friend Abby would like her pictures to look somewhat decent when I am done and I am thinking that tonight is NOT the night to be trying to create anything for her...or anyone else for that matter. And so...on that note. I am off to sleep! Until tomorrow!

And on just one other quick side note....IF my husband were to come into the room after I go to sleep in the dark...and proceed to turn on the bedside lamp so he can read...I would definitely kill him. Just that little side note on his newest and most annoying habit that has woken me up twice in the past week. NOT FUNNY! And so...dear husband...if you are reading this...read on the couch until you drop the book. (that is a hint that you are too tired to read anymore!) Then come to bed with me. IN THE DARK. I love you!

Rattlesnakes Everywhere!

I saw ANOTHER rattlesnake this morning as I pulled into the parking lot to get our kids' flu shots. And it was a HUGE one! I mean HUGE! He probably had at least 7 or 8 rattles on his tail and he was LOOOOONNNGGG! There was a guy there who had pulled past it in his truck and was taking it's picture. Had he not been there, I assure you it would not have been a photo moment for the Roberts vehicle. Had I seen the evil serpent slithering across the direct path of my vehicle the way it was with NO enthralled onlookers...well...the world would be down one rattlesnake at this hour. And I might sleep a wee bit better tonight. I have to tell you that seeing TWO rattlesnakes in 3 days is more than a little bit unnerving. I have seen so few since we moved here nearly 4 years ago. Suddenly they seem to be looming on every corner. Now...if they will just move out into the roadways! Then I, in my weapon of choice, my vehicle, will gladly do my part to control the rattlesnake population of my part of the desert. Did I mention that I do NOT like snakes? Not even a little bit!

Today has been insanely busy to this point. First there was dropping Oscar off for his "day of beauty"...and I will add that it was a VERY much needed day for sure! He was a bit on the "crunchy" side. Then I was off to get my kids all flu vaccinated. This year they got to do the flumist. Clara was totally freaking out about it. To the point that she was even asking as we walked into the Dr.'s office if she could just have a shot instead. PLEASE could she have a shot?! (Geez! Only my kids would beg for a shot!) It would seem that Clara has some less than fond memories of saline drops in her nose and was not one bit excited about having anything else put up her nose today. She'd take a needle instead, thank you very much! But once we got there and they actually did the flu mist, she chilled out a bit and giggled all the way through the treatment. Thought it was all quite funny. The boys were their usual, trying to act too cool to care selves, though secretly I think they were pretty ecstatic about not being shot this year. Once they were all vaccinated, I had to get all three kids to their respective institutions of learning. Once that little mission was accomplished, I flew home and had a bonding session with my treadmill. 40 minutes later I hit the shower and got myself dressed. Within minutes of completing all of that, the groomer called to tell me that Oscar was all done and ready to be picked up. PERFECT timing! I had exactly enough time to pick him up, run him back home, get him in his kennel and then get to my 1:30 haircut. That was actually shorter than I had anticipated, which was lovely. I had a minute then to run into Fry's and pick up some chicken breasts for dinner. Once I was all checked out at the grocery I had exactly enough time to literally pull into the garage, set the cold things in the fridge in the garage, and hit the road again. Next destination...my own flu shot clinic. As usual, my doctor's office was running their flu shot clinic with amazing precision and I was in and out of there in less than 2 minutes. AWESOME! I then gassed up my car at Safeway, picked up Ben and Clara and am actually home for a whopping 45 minutes! I am leaving now again in 4 minutes to take Max to his guitar lesson. Then I will crawl back into the house sometime around 6:30 tonight. At which point I will grill some chicken and whip up some couscous and a green salad...feed the family, bathe them, and tuck them all into bed. And then...I think I will just collapse. Know...I don't think I will. I KNOW I will! Well...I'm off! AGAIN!

The Busy Season

The busy season has arrived with a bang as far as photography goes! WOW! Just when I was thinking how quiet things had been...BOOM! An appointment explosion. I have had no less than 9 appointment inquiries in the past 48 hours. That is exciting! It's also a bit overwhelming and I have felt like it is more than a little bit out of my control. So I had to sit down today and bond with my calendar(s) and get them all in synch and organized. I am making sure this year that I am able to breathe and have a little bit of a life outside of photography. Last year, things got so crazy that I did not know if I was coming or going! And I had a really hard time saying no to anyone. And if someone wanted an appointment I managed to find one for them, often times at the expense of my own life. And so. I am planning to make sure that I do not let it take over my life to the point that I can no longer function happily! I refuse to sacrifice my gym time to do pics this year. Last year I barely made it in to the gym. My choice, of course. But I don't want to go there again! This year, that will be a different story. I already know that there are exactly 8 weekend, outdoor, family picture appointment spots available. And that is assuming that at least two of those are shot over Thanksgiving weekend. It seems I have had the most inquiries about those. So I already figured out exactly how many are possible for the weekends so I will know when the appointment times are all gone. And with my own kids crazy schedules, there are only another 8 spots for weeknight family outside pics. So 16 spots total. Of course, inside pics are always an option in the evening for families...but even for those, I only have 3 evenings a week that those can be done. And so...it's crazy, crazy, crazy. And I am NOT complaining. It's a wonderful thing to happen. I am just having to keep a tight reign on myself because I know how I am and how quickly I cave and over schedule myself! November is definitely the month for pictures. Without a doubt! I need to do some research still on Christmas cards and have all of my options and prices ready and available. I have long since gotten this years Christmas props ordered. I do need to pick up some red and green metallic ribbon still. But other than that I am set.

On a non-holiday photo note, I get to do my first maternity session since my training seminar this Saturday. I am really excited and looking forward to that! I can't wait!

As for the rest of my life...well. It's BUSY! Tomorrow is insanely busy for us. I have to drop off Oscar bright and early at the groomer in the morning, and then all three kids have flu shot appoinments. THAT was a major ordeal in and of itself. Every year, it seems to be such an incredible hassle to get those crazy vaccines. But this year took me to new limits of frustration. It took 8 attempts to get them scheduled and more frustration than I can bear to revisit right now. I will say that in the end...I had to result to a total tearful breakdown with the nurse to score those three appointments. I feel kind of bad about that. I am SO not a tearful, crier kind of gal. Not one for the waterworks. And it drives me NUTS when my own little princess pulls the weepy drama tactic. So I'm not really proud of the tearful antics. But thrilled that they worked. REALLY thrilled! After the flu visit, then I have to get all three kids deposited into their respective schools, then I hope to be able to squeeze in a quick treadmill workout at the house (since I have to miss Body Combat to get these crazy flu shots!). Then I have to pick Oscar up again, then get a haircut. Then I have to get my OWN flu shot at 3:20. Pick up the kids from grandma's house, and then Max has guitar lessons. So tomorrow is NUTS. Busy, busy, busy!

And on my final note, Jenny and I met with the personal trainer today. She had a whole new workout for us. Every single exercise we did was new. We worked really hard today. Both of us moved a good bit more weight than we normally do. And I THINK I might be sore tomorrow. Maybe not. We shall see. I particularly loved all the abs today. Lots and lots of those. And they were all tough ones. I like those so much better than crunches on the floor! Who knows. Maybe they will work?! I am ever so hopeful! Jenny has much better balance than I do. That was very obvious today. Although...I had noticed that earlier when we did a different class. Jenny had NO wobbling going on. She's steady as a rock. Me...I'm more like a jello jiggler. Not so steady! So maybe...before it's all done I will get a bit better balanced like my dear friend and training partner. She makes it look so easy too! Only time will tell. We have a couple more sessions to go with the trainer. Maybe we will be skinny and totally buff by then?! Stay tuned!

And now...I got to get! The troops are yelling for their dinner and there is no daddy in the house! So it's all me in the kitchen tonight! Fun, fun, fun! I just LOVE the kitchen!

Saw a Snake Today

Yep. It was a big rattlesnake. Right on the sidewalk where I WOULD have been walking, had a nice, older gentleman not called Mr. Evil Rattlesnake to my attention. Nice. Very lovely. My heart rate just jumped right on up there. I was totally freaked out for the duration of my walk from that point on. Heck, it was only 9 a.m. and I was ready for a drink after that. A STRONG one. I was ready to MOVE out of state after that. Just put a big old "FOR SALE" sign right there in the yard. Just like that. There are really only three animals that totally strike terror and trembling in my heart. Alligators, Sharks and Snakes (especially snakes!). And so. The rest of this day will find me often on my knees ramping up my rattlesnake prayers. I encourage you to do the same (on my behalf of course!). That snake was most definitely closer than a two mile radius to my house! YIKES! I always pray a very specific barrier of protection. I see now that it's time to ramp that up a bit. God must love me a little bit though. Because even though that nasty snake was sitting right there just waiting to ambush poor Oscar and I, He did send that lovely Rattlesnake Angel to run interference and save me. And so...for THAT I am eternally grateful. SO very grateful. Well. I've had my heart attack for the day. It's time now to move on to other things!

Thinking About

I am seriously thinking about just kind of stepping away from coordinating Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep for Tucson. Actually. I am totally thinking about stepping away from all of it...at least for a while. I wouldn't really be leaving the area in a lurch, because I have a co-coordinator. She could just take it by herself and run with it. I just feel like maybe I am done with that right now. Maybe it's because the busy season is creeping up on me. Maybe it's because I have been doing it for nearly two years with just a handful of us photographers here. And maybe I just think I'm tired and I need to step away a little bit. So I'm thinking about that.

I'm thinking about how I skipped church this morning to go to Body Combat at the gym. God didn't like that one little bit and made sure that my favorite instructors were SO not there and my least favorite one was SO there all by herself. But I didn't want to go to church because quite simply...I was not up for a rock concert this morning. And I feel like that is all I find here in this city. One rock concert/boy band after another. With soft, fluffy messages of invitation. It makes me nuts. Normally I can...and do...just suck it up and get in there and do it. But today I was in NO mood for it! And so I didn't do it.

I am thinking about how there surely must be a weather system rolling in because my head is hurting mightily and has been all day long.

I am thinking about how bad my knees hurt after running sprints with Chris yesterday. NOT received well by the old body! That's for sure! NOT going to do that again!

I am thinking about how cute Clara and her friend Claire were when we took them to see High School Musical on Ice. I almost enjoyed watching their little expressions and smiles more than I enjoyed watching the show.

I am thinking about how nice it will be to get the kids all back to school tomorrow morning and get my house put back together.

I am thinking about Christmas and how I'm ready to ship the vast majority of our packages out in the next 2 weeks.

I am thinking about how much fun it will be to have Chris's sister and her two girls here for Christmas this year.

I am thinking about how glad I am that I have already "cooked" our Christmas dinner! (aka ordering the big meal from Honey Baked Ham...scheduled to be delivered the week of Christmas! Silly rabbit....you didn't actually think I was going to COOK it did ya?!)

I am thinking that I probably need to get off this computer and go and fold one more load of laundry before bed!

And so that's me...just thinking! It's dangerous...I know!

Fall Break

Our crew just returned from our Fall Break Extravaganza...2008! Such fun we have had over the past week. We headed out, not so bright and early on Monday morning after a fun and relaxing weekend at home. We arrived at our destination, San Diego...specifically, Carlsbad State Beach, Monday evening around 7 p.m. It was a delightful week frolicking and playing in the San Diego area. The kids had a great time with their boogie boards (or body boards or whatever the heck they are called) and actually stayed in the water a bit since they had wet suits this go round! The wetsuits were a bonus since the water temperature was a brisk 63 degrees this time! The kids spent all day Tuesday and Thursday jumping the waves, body boarding and building sand castles. And on Wednesday, we spent the day at the San Diego Zoo. Those are the highlights of the trip. Now I will fill you in on the details. Monday was pretty much a wash as it was a travel day and we definitely took our time getting there! We pretty much arrived just in time to crash out and call it a night! Then on Tuesday the kids took their wetsuits for a spin for the first time.
The boys jumped into the water immediately and had a blast! Clara, on the other hand...had to warm up to the idea a bit.

After all...that water was pretty chilly! She wasn't at all sure that that wet suit was going to do her one bit of good! After debating it for a good while, she too joined in the fun and a blast was had by all! On Tuesday night, my sister, Donna and her charming hubby, Grady, came over and joined us for a steak dinner and some wonderful sunset watching.
We had such a good time with them. And then, we all went the next day, to visit the San Diego Zoo. The hippos, flamingos and polar bears were my favorite subjects to photograph this go round!



WHAT is with this poor hippo's tail? I mean....geez?! Did God make it that way? Or did it get stuck in an electrical outlet somewhere?!
Then on Thursday, we were back out on the beach. Chris did some boogie boarding with the kids. I kicked back in a chair to take it all in. I had put my camera away when this nagging little voice started telling me to pick it back up again. I watched Chris and the kids and decided I had enough pictures of this excitement. But the voice refused to go away. Eventually, I decided it must be the voice of God. After all....I had JUST prayed for something dazzling to photograph, because, to this point...nothing had really moved me or gotten me too excited. It was just the same old, same old. I needed something dazzling. So I kind of challenged God on it. You know...come on...make my day, etc., etc. Well...the "voice" was very persistent, and so I finally picked up my camera and headed back down into the freezing water. My family wasn't doing anything too exciting, so I proceeded to take some pics of this bird and his reflection there on the beach.
When suddenly, I swung my viewfinder back over to my family in the water...just in time to capture.....THIS!
WOW! Talk about cool! Apparently God was up to my little challenge! And my three boys were swimming with the dolphins! Better the dolphins, than the sharks, if you know what I mean! It was so cool to see the dolphin swimming so close to them! The day ended all too soon and before we knew it Friday was upon us. We had a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs and pancakes and then proceeded to break camp. I asked Chris if he had gas in the truck. He said no...but assured me we had PLENTY. And so we set off. Chris is famous for wanting to get "out of town" before he stops for either food or gas. The unfortunate thing about this habit is that often, when you get "out of town" there is NEITHER food NOR gas! I have been on the disappointment end of this logic of his many a time before. And today was yet another adventure in the land of "I told you so!" . As we both watched the gas tank fall lower and lower, closer and closer to the big "E" as in EMPTY...Chris kept assuring me that we had plenty of gas and were absolutely going to make it to the destination that he had in mind. In the meantime, we are passing MANY gas stations. We were by NO MEANS in a desolate land, void of gas. No...we simply sailed right by them. And I just sat back and said "Fine...do it your way." Well. It wasn't very long before I caught the worried glances and heard Chris telling me that the gas station was "just over that hill by the big windmills". I said that that was all fine and good, but I didn't think for a second he was going to MAKE it to the windmills...that they were a good bit farther away than our gas tank indicated we could make it. (of course, by now...there are NO gas stations anywhere and we are traveling SO uphill. Of course!) No sooner does he tell me not to worry, than the truck begins to sputter and shake and buck and we come to a grinding hault along I-8. (Go ahead! Click on this picture to get the full picture of our gas guage! It's fantastic!)
Nice, high, noonday sun beating down on us. And there we are. Totally and completely out of gas. Just sitting there on the interstate. With a nice huge "I told you so" just teetering on the edge of my lips. After a call to roadside assistance, it was only a short hour and 10 minutes until we were on the road again. It was just delightful. The kids in particular loved the whole "out of gas", stranded on the side of the road thing. Big fun it was! Oh yes. It's quite sad when the hero of your day is no longer your husband, but a guy named Dennis in a blue Ace Tow truck uniform bearing a giant can of diesel gas!

Needless to say....after that whole experience, Chris seemed to have a lot less trouble just pulling the stupid truck into NORMAL, populated exits and gassing up. I think he knew better than to risk that whole experience twice! He kept telling me that at least now, the trip wasn't boring. That we now had a story to tell! And sooo...consider it told! We FINALLY rolled back into Tucson a bit after 8:00 p.m. on Friday night. Totally exhausted. Kids in full melt down mode! It was a week to remember for sure! And so...that's a wrap on Fall Break 2008!